"They don't know they don't know what to do or how to because they didn't grow up the same way.

They haven't had to deal with being black in America. They haven't had to deal with being Hispanic in America. They they don't know what that's like, but they want to be helpful. ."  -   Fatima Bey

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. In today's episode, we are we have a special guest. We are gonna be talking about challenges for minority teens in the school systems, and it's a much bigger issue than most people probably even think about.

And so today's guest here is Erica Bess. She is a licensed hello, Erica. She's a licensed therapist. She has, eleven plus years of experience, as a social worker and a therapist. And the majority of her work has actually been working with teens in the school setting, which is why she's here.

And she's the owner of Empower Therapy. So how are you doing today, Erica? I'm doing well. How are you? I am awesome.

I'm really excited to talk to you about this because I think it's something that most people don't think about. And, hopefully, today, we can plant some seeds that'll grow into something profitable later. Definitely. So with let's dive right in as I always like to do. With all of your years of experience, what would you say is the biggest issues that needs to be addressed for our teens?

Biggest issue that needs to be addressed for our teens is for them to have a safe place or a safe space to go and to talk with people who are not gonna judge them. Let me back up there. You said safe space. People use that term a lot. Mhmm.

¿Qué significa eso en realidad? Cuando lo digo, no sé qué quieren decir los demás. Pero cuando lo digo, es como cuando me hablas, estás en un lugar donde puedes decir lo que necesites sin ser juzgado. Puedes maldecir. Puedes gritar.

Puedes zapatear, y no te juzgaré mientras hablas conmigo. Así que cuando digo espacio seguro, mientras conversamos, no tiene que ser un lugar específico. Claro. Pero, ya sabes, estás en un lugar seguro para hablar conmigo de lo que sea. ¿Eso significa que no vas a corregirlos políticamente?

No. No. No. I wanna point out that a safe space really does not include political correction. Mhmm.

Not when it comes to to, you know, figuring things out. Right. So safe space. What is another big issue? Another big issue for teens, especially, I think, minority teens is that they're in school systems where it's predominantly run by, white systems.

And I don't think a lot of the minority teams have the comfort level to be able to go reach out to these, people who are put in the schools for their counseling needs. They don't feel comfortable. Mhmm. So I think that's a big issue too. So getting more people involved who are of the same culture or of the same, background so that the teens have somebody to identify with.

I would say relatable. Relatable for sure. So I and I do agree. Just I don't have all of the many years of experience as you do. But in the years of experience that I do have, I have seen what you were talking about.

En general, ya sabes, no tener personas con autoridad con las que podamos identificarnos. Es muy cierto. Eso no solo ocurre en el sistema escolar, sino que creo que es más fácil verlo y señalarlo en el sistema escolar. Sí. Definitivamente.

So so the one of the biggest one of the biggest issues is not being able to not have anybody to relate to. So what do you think are the repercussions of that when when they don't have anybody to When they don't have anybody to relate to? They start trying to, I guess, find it in their friends and peers, and then they start giving into peer pressure, finding out from people on the streets or maybe older relatives who are not quite adults. Like, I know I used to ask my cousin, my older cousin, all types of stuff about boys that I didn't feel that my mother was gonna answer, but I didn't necessarily get a good good guidance necessarily because sometimes we're asking the wrong people, some people who don't even know. Mhmm.

Sí. Muy cierto. Quiero señalar, y me gusta ser directo, directo y honesto, que en los sistemas escolares hay minorías que ocupan predominantemente puestos de autoridad con los que pueden dialogar, o que son predominantemente blancas. Cierto.

Eso es cierto en muchos lugares. No es cierto en todas partes, pero definitivamente lo es, y diría que en la mayoría de los lugares. Pero ¿hay a veces algunos de esos ancianos blancos con los que uno se identifica? A veces tenemos un público adolescente. Tenemos un público adolescente.

And sometimes there there are. And I Yeah. You know, I think it's important to point that out as well. I'm talking to teens in particular right now. Just because he looks like a old white man or she looks like a out of touch old white lady Mhmm.

Doesn't mean Doesn't mean that they might not be able to relate. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I'm gonna have been through some same stuff that that you're going through, and you just you you don't know if you haven't sat down and talked with them. And give them that chance.

Exactamente. Así que sí, tenemos que superar eso, el juicio cuando vemos a alguien y asumimos que es de cierta manera, pero conversar con él y ver. ¿Sabes? Creo que los niños podrán ver, ya sabes, en los primeros cinco minutos si pueden conversar con él o no. ¿Sabes?

Kids can I mean, teens especially could feel the vibes? You know? What would you say? Let's say, let's talk it to a different part of the audience because we this show is for teens, and, primarily, we talk to teens. But there's times we talk to the adults involved with teens as well, which is Right.

Something I'd say in the, you know, the podcast description. What do you say to these older white folks that can't relate to, you know, our black and brown students, but they want to? What do you say to them? They want to, but they just can't? They don't know they don't know what to do or how to because they didn't grow up the same way.

No han tenido que lidiar con ser negros en Estados Unidos. No han tenido que lidiar con ser hispanos en Estados Unidos. No saben cómo es eso, pero quieren ayudar. Y sé que conozco a mucha gente así, y por eso pregunté, porque sé que hay mucha gente así, más de la que creemos. Bueno, creamos un grupo en nuestra escuela para acortar distancias, y creo que ayudó mucho porque teníamos juegos y actividades para romper el hielo para que los adolescentes pudieran acercarse un poco más a algunos profesores varones que, casualmente, son blancos y están un poco desconectados.

Pensamos que sería una buena oportunidad para que se conectaran y se conocieran. Y creo que esa es la manera de empezar: iniciar conversaciones, que tengan la mente abierta y escuchen lo que estos niños están viviendo. Así, aunque nunca lo hayan vivido o no lo entiendan, podrán empezar a dialogar con ellos, creando un vínculo y, con suerte, confianza para que se sientan cómodos hablando con ellos. En otras palabras, lo que oigo es que hay que encontrar la manera de que vean que se identifican contigo.

And even if you didn't grow up in the same city in the same way, you can be relatable. Right. Like, I feel like a lot of people wanna know if you're relatable because I've had women, right, that will say to me, oh, you look really young. I don't know if I can relate to you or if you could relate to me. And I said, well, give it a try and see.

Y luego muchas mujeres me preguntan sin pensarlo dos veces: "¿Eres madre?". Y cuando empecé como médica, les decía que sí. Tengo una hija. Y luego, al crecer, les preguntaba: "¿Por qué?". ¿Por qué querrías saberlo?

Because and I asked them, and they say, well, I just wanna know if you can relate to the struggles that I'm going through as being a mother. And I was like, oh, okay. I do understand now. You know? But just because I let's say I I didn't have a kid at the time, and I was still doing therapy.

I would still be able to relate, but it would be harder for them to accept the fact that I could relate or even give me a chance to relate with certain people because they wanna know that you have that common bond at first. So you have to, like, connect on some level. You know? And sometimes I think, to add to that, kinda still answering the same question I just asked. It's it really is about relatability.

I used to work at Job Corps, and I've talked about that before. Mhmm. It's something that I did see with some of the the teachers there. And when I worked at the Job Corps that the particular one I worked at, almost all of the staff in the education wing were white. Wow.

Y casi el 80% de la población estudiantil era negra y morena. Cierto. Y eso sí representaba un problema a veces. Pero también vi profesores que no crecieron en algunos de los barrios donde crecieron algunos de estos chicos, pero aun así lograron conectar con ellos. Ahora tenían que esforzarse un poco para que los estudiantes lo comprendieran.

And I think and, again, talking to teachers and administrators and and counselors, guidance counselors, any position that you're in in the school system and you're dealing with teens, I think it's important to to point that out. You can find a way to relate, but be honest about it. Just say no. I don't know what it's like to be black and and be judged everywhere I go. I don't know what that's like, but I know it's like to be poor.

Sé lo que es ser diferente a la gente. Sé lo que es que se burlen de ti. Sé lo que es ser lo que sea, ya sabes, cualquiera que sea su situación, o que la gente asuma que tienes dinero, que eres esto o aquello, porque eso también es un problema. Mmm. A veces, al hablar con adolescentes, he notado que a veces asocian ser blanco con tener dinero, y no siempre es así.

Oh my god. That's so not the case. Yeah. And Yeah. This and that's that segues into what I was what I was about to say, actually.

Mmm. A veces he visto gente que parece una persona blanca promedio de los suburbios, pero crecieron en la pobreza. O sea, sí. Poed. Ni siquiera podían permitirse el lujo de...

Poed. Poed. And so when it comes to poverty, color really sits in the background. And you don't know that unless you start working with enough people to see it. I will say that that's something I learned at Job Corps.

Whether they're they're white and they live out in the sticks or they're they're they're black or brown and they live in the inner city, the mentalities are very, very close Yes. When it comes to poverty thinking. And that's just an example because poverty is not the only way. But Right. That's the first one that comes to mind.

And it's like, there are more ways to relate. So find those ways. Don't try to pretend. Right. Definitely don't try to pretend because they could tell in two seconds.

Like, oh my god. He's so fake. She's so fake. I'm out of my mouth. Have you don't and here's the thing for for the adults listening.

You don't have to fake it. You don't have to fake relating. There is something you can relate. You might have to discover what that is. Right.

Which means you might need to get to know your students better and find out what you identify with and relate on that level. Because I could promise you, I don't care where you grew up and what you grew up with, you can find a way to relate to somebody. Yeah. Definitely. Find a way to relate.

It might take a little time. Too. Yeah. It might take a little homework, but that's okay. That's how we learn each other.

And for the students listening who are black or for the the students, the teens who are listening, who are black and brown, if someone's trying, meet them halfway. Yeah. Maybe you might want a black counselor, but you ain't got one. Okay? So So you have to deal with what you have.

Tienes que lidiar con lo que tienes. Y si hay alguien a tu alrededor dispuesto a encontrar un punto medio e intentarlo... Sí. Yo diría que tú también deberías intentarlo, porque es la única manera de unirnos y resolver los problemas. Idealmente, me encantaría que hubiera un consejero negro en cada escuela de Estados Unidos, pero eso no es real ahora mismo. Cuando eso se haga realidad, lo celebraré.

Right. I'll do backflips and everything. And one and one that speaks Spanish too because that's a huge need as well. Yeah. Yes.

Sí. Muchísimo. Sí. Sí. Muchísimo.

Bien. Sabía que iba a vivir esta conversación. ¿Por qué crees que los adolescentes necesitan terapia? Bueno, necesitan terapia porque son jóvenes adultos en el umbral de la adultez. Y cuando se acomoden en su lugar, probablemente podrán, no puedo decir todos, pero sí podrán hacer la transición a la edad adulta sin muchos de los traumas infantiles que nos afectan a todos, de cierta manera, como adultos que no hemos recibido terapia.

So Yes. You get you you get childhood trauma, and that obviously goes with you into teenhood. And then if you don't get therapy, then it goes with you into adulthood. And then your relationships with adults and whatever you decide to do in life, everything will be difficult because you never healed that inner childhood trauma that you experienced. But I think that that range from 13 to 18 to focus on that target audience to get their therapy at that time, I think it'll have a smoother transition for them going into adulthood for sure.

¿Y si no tienen ningún trauma infantil, o al menos creen que no? Interesante. Sabes, no creo que nadie salga de la vida sin traumas. Pero no creo haber conocido a nadie que nunca haya tenido algún tipo de trauma infantil. Me gustaría conocerlos.

Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't. Like you said, they don't know. Listen. Listen.

Sí existen. Solo tenemos que cerrar los ojos y aparecerán porque... Estaba a punto de decir: ¿es una pregunta capciosa? Todos hemos sufrido traumas, ¿verdad?

We all been traumatized. We all have issues. I always like to say we all have issues, just different ones. Yeah. And the truth is whatever issues you're avoiding and not dealing with, they are already dealing with you because they go through you.

Te acompañan en el trabajo. Te acompañan en tu próxima relación, y te preguntas por qué sigues eligiendo a los mismos idiotas una y otra vez, porque no has abordado la razón por la que los elegiste. O te acompañan en el trabajo, y te siguen despidiendo constantemente porque no has abordado el problema que te lleva a hacer lo que siempre te hace despedir. Exactamente. Es como si todos tuviéramos nuestros propios problemas.

Se manifiestan de diferentes maneras en cada uno de nosotros. Claro. Acéptalo ahora para que puedas superarlo, seguir adelante y estar más sano. Cuanto más lo hagas, mejor. Sí.

Yeah. Because things that I had wished I had dealt with when I was younger that I didn't deal with until I was an adult because I just I didn't have that understanding back then. You know? Yeah. It's amazing when you can realize, like, your own personal growth, and you're like, oh, I woulda handled this different, and I didn't accept it at this time, but now I'm ready to receive it.

You know? Yes. Yes. So that's so important. Mhmm.

Let's talk about the stigma around therapy. Does that still exist? Very much so. Yeah. I've, dealt with many different cultures when it comes to therapy, and I've had people just say to me, oh, my family is from let's pick a random country.

El Salvador. ¿Verdad? Mmm. Mi padre es de El Salvador. No cree en la terapia.

He escuchado a italianos decir: «Ay, mi padre no cree en la terapia». Musulmanes, hombres negros caribeños. Mi padre no cree en la terapia. Y es curioso porque dicen que es así en cada cultura, pero es como si fuera una cultura en general. No importa la nacionalidad o etnia de la que provengas.

Mucha gente cree que ir a terapia significa que uno está automáticamente loco, que no puede con su vida y que necesita hablar con alguien más o que le está contando sus problemas a un desconocido. ¿Sabes? Así que el estigma sigue muy presente. Creo que la sociedad está empezando a aceptarlo más y que la salud mental se está volviendo más consciente y la acepta más, pero creo que el estigma sigue muy presente. Estoy de acuerdo.

¿Cómo podemos ayudar a erradicar el estigma? Normalizar la terapia y tener conversaciones honestas sobre ella. ¿Qué estamos haciendo ahora mismo? Estamos ayudando ahora mismo. Sí.

You're right. You're right. Right? Yeah. I wasn't looking for that phrase, but it's but it's it is it's true.

Yeah. And it's something that we're gonna talk about on the show quite a bit. Yeah. And, you know, something I've already talked about in in many of the episodes is is therapy. And the fact that it's it's healthy and it's good is just a matter of running the right kind.

Right. Right? And somebody that meshes with you, and you can be like, okay. Be honest and open and really show up as yourself in therapy because, otherwise, you're not gonna get the full benefits of therapy if you're you're in there faking and acting like somebody you're not. You know?

Oh my god. Yeah. And I know for me, if, when it comes to therapists, I I I do need that relatability. For me, I if you just talk about ideals and there's you don't understand anything I'm going through or dealing with and you talk about it only as concepts, I've already left the room before you did. Like, I'm done.

Ah, sí. No te hablo porque no puedes ayudarme. No puedes ayudarme. Ideas. Quiero algo con propósito, práctico, real. Me ayudaste a comprender, y luego puedes encontrar algo práctico, algo de realidad.

And you could be a old white man and do that. It it doesn't that's not what matters to me. What matters is to me is that you can I can be honest and real with you? And, and that's so important. And so if you're listening, every therapist isn't going to be for you, and that's okay.

Si encontraste un terapeuta que vive en un mundo remoto y no te conecta para nada, busca otro. No pasa nada. Y ahora hay tantas opciones en línea que puedes... bueno, hay tantas maneras de conseguir terapia en línea, así que no tienes que quedarte con lo que hay en tu pueblo. ¿Sabes? Es cierto.

¿Qué hay en tu escuela? Si tienes seguro médico, probablemente puedas ir a terapia. Claro. ¿Qué le dirías a una joven negra, por ejemplo, que solo tiene gente blanca desconectada a su alrededor? Gente blanca desconectada a la que acudir.

For a black girl? Jeez. Oh, no. Now you let me also say, you could have some out of touch black folks in positions too. So it's not just about, the race, but it's about, what would you say to someone who's who's only got out of touch people around them?

I would tell them that they gotta talk to them and try to bring them up to date and bring them up to speed. Like, try to engage them in a conversation and then try to let them know, like, what the issues are for her demographic, age wise, race, and kinda, like, explain to them that the struggles of her, like, individual and as a group, of people, not necessarily, you know, just her as an individual, but, like, other black people who might be attending the school as well. Maybe she could get some some of them together and have, like, a a meeting where she could explain that they need more support from the school, you know, and get some people on board who might be out of touch, but, like, kinda bring them up to speed a little bit. You know? Tell them about the new lingo, about issues, style, all kinds of things that they could connect on.

What what if okay. Let's say they try that. And what if they still feel like, oh my god. This woman don't have a clue. This man don't have a clue.

No puedo hablar con ellos. No lo entienden. ¿Adónde se fueron? Tendrían que llamarme. Ding, ding, ding.

Para nada. De verdad que sí. Erica es terapeuta colegiada, como mencioné al principio del episodio, pero también ofrece terapia en línea. Por eso lo mencioné hace un momento. Si buscas a alguien con quien conectar, te aseguro que es muy sencilla.

You can keep it real. You can say whatever you want. She will listen. She will laugh with you. She just and she will listen.

Ella estará ahí para ti. Pero incluso si no puedes ir con Erica, hay otras opciones en línea si no encuentras a nadie en tu pueblo, ciudad o cerca. Claro. Y lo digo porque no quiero que te quedes ahí sentado sin recibir la ayuda que necesitas por no tener a nadie cerca con quien identificarte. Y sé que eso detiene a mucha gente.

It genuinely does. And as far as the stigma goes, I did wanna speak to that too. That stigma, I know, is still there. Mhmm. But keep in mind, a lot of people who talk that talk about not needing therapy, you could see their issues.

Do you want that to be you too? I just wanted to plant that seed Yeah. In in some of your heads. That's right. That to be you too.

They might be great people. They might be nice. They might be caring, but you could see how messed up they are Yeah. When it comes to certain things. Do you wanna be that too?

Sometimes you just need somebody. And so there's a therapist isn't necessarily about, so a a therapist isn't necessarily always gonna be just let's dig up let's dig up everything you passed and talk about everything that was the most hurtful ever, and that's all we're where we're gonna stay. Because sometimes people think that that's what therapy is. Right. Now it's growth.

Hay algo de eso, pero no se trata de quedarse ahí. Así que hay que lidiar con ello y salir de ello. ¿Correcto? Correcto. Correcto.

And using coping skills to maintain it. Yes. I teach when I, you know, as a coach, I I'm not a therapist. But as I always like to say, but I do therapize. You do therapize.

So so there's there's there's times where I'm giving people coping mechanisms for the issues that are getting in their way, but then I will send them to a therapist to to take a deeper dive. Right. And the truth is you need a little bit of both. Right. At coaching for that motivation and then the therapy for processing the trauma and getting over that trauma and learning how to deal with it and not messing up the relationships that you have to cultivate as an adult.

Yes. Big time. Yep. Goes hand in hand. What would you say to the adults Mhmm.

Who are listening right now? And I'm gonna be very particular. The adults who are listening right now that, I I said something to them earlier from myself, but I would like something to come from you. What would you say to the adults who are listening who do work in the school systems? They got, like, three black people in the school.

So it's an all white system, and they, you know, they wanna be able to reach out to them, and they wanna be able to help them. They don't know how. I would say that wait. The adults in the school, you mean? Yes.

The adults were in in in our school systems, and I'm speaking in very general terms Okay. Across the nation because we always have these, quote, unquote, systems that are typically made for one type of student, and they're not always now that's not true for every single person in the nation. There are people that have that have a clue, and they've made some changes. But overwhelmingly, we still have a lot of traditional settings in a lot of our school systems in America, which exclude a good portion of the population. Right.

So what would you say to them? What what could they do to make their systems better? To be more inclusive, have, like, a parents night where the parents come too and they get involved and meet the faculty and maybe try to bridge the gap between them not knowing the community that they're serving and just kinda get familiarized with it. I'm gonna add on to that. I agree.

I think one of the biggest, biggest, biggest pieces to that is how you come across. If you come across as condescending, you've already killed everything you're trying to do. Yeah. If you come across as lady. You people or those folks Oh, gosh.

Y no me refiero solo a la raza. O sea, en ningún sentido. La mentalidad de ustedes... Sí. Acabará con cualquier oportunidad de que alguien los tome en serio. Sí.

Yeah. Very true. And I I just wanted to add that piece there because that's just, like Uh-huh. So critical. Alright.

Well, our it's it's I really wanna keep talking, but we're gonna, talk more episodes. And by the way, you're going to hear a lot more from Erica. She's gonna be on a few upcoming episodes. You know, as a therapist who's worked with teens, we're gonna talk about a lot of different things. Some of those episodes will actually include teens as well.

Yes. Now, Erica, you own Empower Therapy. Yes. So you do online therapy sessions with people? Yes.

Online therapy sessions. Hope to one day maybe do some in person as well. But for now, I'm online, doing sessions, either individual sessions or, a couple of groups too. I'm thinking about some trauma groups for older women and also trauma groups for, teen resiliency. Awesome.

So how can people find you? The empoweredtherapy.com is the name of the website. Alright. Well, thank you for coming on today, Erica Best. It has been awesome talking to you.

Gracias por invitarme, señorita Fitzma. No hay problema. Espero de verdad que alguno de los oyentes haya encontrado ideas importantes para reflexionar hoy. ¡Sin duda! Que esas semillas que sembraron hoy den fruto mañana. ¡Sin duda!

Y siempre lo haces, y creo que eres una gran inspiración para la comunidad y para las chicas que te verán y se inspirarán en ti, porque yo también me inspiro en ti. Ah, gracias. De nada. Bienvenida. Sí, señora.

And now for a mind shifting moment. I want to plant a thought seed in your head today. We can go on and on talking about the problems all day long. We could be here for a whole week talking about the problems in our school systems, the problems when you're a person of color within our school systems. But let's take a step back and focus on the solution.

Where there's a will, there's a way. And if the solutions that you seek are not around you, find them. If you are one of the teenagers we're talking about in this episode, find your solution and don't stop seeking it until you find it. Find that person you can talk to because there's plenty of us around that actually care and you can talk to. You just have to find us.

And if you're one of the school administrators or teacher or staff that we're talking about, you too can find a solution. You can find a way to reach those who need to be reached if you really want to. Just try. I want to I wanna I want you all to take a moment and think differently. Shift your thinking towards solutions instead of just focusing on the problems.

That's the bigger picture I want you to get out of today. Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power Podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.