Pero he sentido que cuando piensas en los recuerdos que has creado con ese padre, al mirar sus fotos y reírte de las cosas que hiciste, de las cosas tontas que hiciste con él, también ayuda mucho a sanar. - Sunny Lamba

Bienvenidos al podcast Mindshift Power, un programa para adolescentes y los adultos que trabajan con ellos, donde tenemos conversaciones sinceras y sinceras. Soy su anfitriona, Fátima Bey, la experta en cambio de mentalidad. Bienvenidos. Hoy nos acompaña... bueno, hoy hablaremos sobre la pérdida de un padre en la adolescencia, un tema muy importante. Y nos acompaña Sunny Lamba.

She is in Toronto, Canada. She's the host of Floodhentic Me podcast. She's a mindset and self love coach and the owner of Authentic Me Coaching. How are you how are you today, Sunny? I am doing well.

And thank you so much for having me. Well, thank you for coming on. I I appreciate your you responding to the reach out. Well, I like to just dive right in. So I will let you tell us what happened when you were 14.

In short, I was 14, and I lost my mom to cancer. She struggled for almost three years and tried everything, everything that she could because she really wanted to be there for her kids. But, yeah, that's what happened when I was 14, and things just I I believe life just changed from that moment. It was never the same. Mhmm.

I had to suddenly grow up. I had to suddenly be a parent to my two younger siblings. I had suddenly had no one to braid my hair. I had really long hair. Like, I'm talking about small things that I always think of because literally two days later, I had to go to school and I who's going to braid my hair?

Mi hermana mayor me hizo unas trenzas muy graciosas. Fui a la escuela y la mitad del pelo se me salía. Pero sí, eso fue lo que pasó cuando tenía 14 años. Y tenemos una hermana mayor, una hermana menor y un hermano menor, así que éramos cuatro. Y simplemente teníamos que encontrar la manera de resolver las cosas, de entender la vida.

Okay. Our sorry. Go ahead. No. Go ahead.

Termina lo que vas a decir. Mi papá era... iba a hablar un poco de mi papá. Mi papá era un hombre típico, como hace treinta y cinco o treinta años, que no participaba en la crianza de los hijos. También era un padre muy ausente. Era un poco alcohólico.

Mhmm. He he we dealt with that a lot. So he wasn't the one who was gonna get us ready for school. He still continued life as it was. He would wake up at 6AM, go to work, expected that food would be cooked, expected that we would be the partner that he lost in terms of taking care of the household and taking care of the kids and everything.

Creo que nunca se le ocurrió que esperaba que mi hermana mayor tuviera 16 años cuando falleció mi madre, y que esperaba que una joven de 16 y otra de 14 tuvieran la cena lista cuando llegara a casa, servida exactamente como antes, comida caliente, lista para llevar. Y ni siquiera la tuvo. No conozco su versión, pero nunca pensó en cómo manejaríamos esa casa, cómo sería el día cuando él no estuviera. Salía de casa a las 6 de la mañana. Era dueño de un negocio, así que tenía jornadas muy largas.

Y llegaba a casa a las 8 de la tarde esperando que todo fuera igual. Vaya. Sí. Así que sí. Sí.

Well, let's talk about you said everything changed from there. Let's talk about what those changes felt like or what those changes were like. I think, I want people to hear, you know, what's going through the mind of a 14 year old. And I do wanna point out something right now as people are listening so that they can listen, more clearly, I would say. Sunny's from India, so she grew up in India.

So when she was 14, she was in India, which may be a different culture than America or Canada, you know, where some where our listeners primarily are. But I want you to listen to what she's saying because so much of what she's saying applies across cultures, whether you're in the island, whether you're in Guatemala, China, Nigeria, wherever. A lot of what she's going to say applies across cultures. So I want you to listen beyond that. So, Sunny, what are some of those changes?

How did that affect different areas of your life? For example, how did it affect your relationship with your siblings? I think it really changed us at a very, very deep level. So I want you to imagine my older sister who was just two years older than me, and then my sister who's younger than me is six years younger than me. So me and my older sister were closer because we were just two years apart.

We were, like, the best friends. We would play together. We would play dolls, and we would play you know, we would marry our dolls to get you know, marry them. You know, play play play home. Play house.

Right. Right? And then beef I'm gonna rewind a bit. And before mom passed away, she was in and out of the hospital a lot for three years. So my older sister had already taken on a big responsibility of running the household while she while mom was still alive.

And so she kind of that it started shifting even before mom passed away. My older sister was always a very mature one. Like, she would hang out with adults. She was one of those. And I think it's that eldest daughter syndrome that she was the responsible one.

And I was I was the quiet one. And even though I was the quiet one, I was one of those who would watch everything, notice everything. What's happening? What are they hiding from me? So I was the quiet one, but who was always observing things around her, noticing things but not saying anything.

So a week before mom passed away, my older sister already knew that this was going to happen. And I had no idea because they didn't take us to the hospital, the rest of the family. My grandmother who lived in Canada at that time flew back four days before mom passed away because everyone knew that this is this is it. So she flew back, and we were not taken to the hospital because they didn't want us little kids to see how mom was. And then a day before she came to the the the a day before she was discharged, not a day before she passed away, but a day before she was discharged, we were taken to the hospital.

And I still remember when I saw her, she was just not that same person. Like, I I just could tell that, oh my god. There's something really, really, really wrong with her. And I remember just seeing her on a wheelchair, and I'm first thought was, why is she not walking? Why is she in a wheelchair?

And I just started crying, and then there's so much stigma around crying. And everyone said, don't cry. Mom is gonna feel bad. Just smile with her, laugh with her, talk to her. Mhmm.

Pero para entonces ya había perdido la voz. ¡Guau! Así que intentaba hablar, pero cuando ella intentaba emitir algún sonido, no hablaba. Solo salía un sonido. Y sin querer llegar a ese punto, quiero mostrar la diferencia que ya existía entre mi relación con mi hermana antes de su fallecimiento, porque ella ya estaba asumiendo responsabilidades, y yo era la persona que no estaba expuesta a lo que se avecinaba.

So once mom passed away, my sister right away took on the role of the mother. And I think I felt that day that I lost a friend. I lost my sister. Now I have this new mother because she suddenly she was so good. She was so good at the taking on that role, and I just had to now play with my younger sister who was six years younger than me.

But I somehow had to play with her and my brother more because my sister never played after that day with us. She was always just, oh, you know, you gotta finish your food. You gotta do your homework. In the morning, she's small things. I remember, I think three or four days after mom passed away, finally, the kids were sent to school.

Y mi hermana mayor estaba sentada allí. Pensé: "¿Quién me va a hacer las trenzas?". Tenía el pelo largo. Y mi hermana mayor dijo: "Yo lo haré". Hablé un poco sobre eso, y simplemente ella tenía que asumir ese papel.

So I think with my siblings, it changed a lot. While she became my mother, I ended up becoming the mother to the younger two. I kind of took on that role. So it's like this this hierarchy kind of came in. Instead of us being siblings, we ended up parenting, not just ourselves, but also our younger siblings.

Now my my youngest brother, till today, calls me the mother. He still today till today, he says, you are my mom. He comes to me for everything, anything in life, any challenges. He reaches out to me. But he was only six years old when mom passed away.

Wow. And you know how universe just knows what's happening? So the day he was born, we were three sisters, and I always used to say, I need a brother. I need a brother. So when mom came back from the hospital, she gave this little baby to me.

She's like, here you go. You know? Here you go. You wanted a brother, here's a brother. And the universe probably just knew that that I will be his mother from day one.

Y, bueno, es curioso, pero terminamos asumiendo un rol mucho más paternal. Y nunca nos hicimos hermanos hasta hace poco, de hecho. ¡Vaya! Lo que oigo es que, aunque sus títulos seguían siendo hermanos, sus roles eran una jerarquía de crianza. Totalmente.

Y eso, y su... ...

Así que tú y tu hermana asumen esos roles de diferentes maneras. En personas con diferentes dinámicas familiares y culturales, los roles pueden cambiar de forma diferente. Por supuesto. Y creo que es importante señalar que esto es algo natural. El cambio de roles, a veces no lo reconocemos cuando ocurre.

I mean, would you agree? I totally I don't think I recognized it at that time. I did recognize my older sister taking on the role of a parent. I did recognize that, but I didn't recognize that I did that as well. Mhmm.

Until recently, me and my younger sister were talking, and I said, I'm so grateful for my the elder one that she took on that role. But she said she said, no. For me, you were the mom. And I never realized that when my younger sister said that to me. She said no.

You did my hair. You packed my lunch. You were the mom. And I said, but no. It was the older one who used to do it.

And then we realized so there's a little bit of, something that happened, eighteen months after mom passed away, my elder sister ended up coming to Canada, actually. And that's when I took on that mother role. And my younger sister only remembers that part. She's like, no. But you were the one who was doing everything.

Y, claro, era muy pequeña, y solo recuerda esa parte porque pasamos mucho tiempo juntas después. Después de que mi hermana mayor se vino a Canadá, las tres pasamos mucho tiempo en India, ¿sabes?, averiguando cosas. Mmm. Así que es curioso que no me diera cuenta de que estaba haciendo eso. Y ahora, cuando me veo a mí misma, y esto se refleja en todos los aspectos de mi vida, incluso en mí como pareja de mi esposo, siento que esa maternidad entra en juego.

Yeah. And I have to step back and tell myself, hold on. I'm not his mother. Can I interject one one thing there? Yeah.

No para ti, sino para el público. Lo que acabas de decir, creo que es clave. Estabas en desarrollo porque tienes 14 años. Sigues en desarrollo a los 14. Estás mucho más desarrollado.

You know, you're you're really coming into who you are and figuring out your identity, all of us, you know, at 14. I don't care where you're from. At 14 years old, you develop this motheringness as I like to call it because you had to because something traumatic happened to you at 14. Yeah. And many many of the listeners that right out there right now, if you are a teenager and something traumatic is happening to you while you're developing, don't think that that's not affecting you.

It definitely and it could be good ways. It could be bad ways, but it's definitely having an effect on you. I did wanna ask you something else. We talked about how it affected your relationship with your siblings, and I think that was an important point to to bring up. How did it affect your self esteem and your self worth?

Oh, gosh. Again, I didn't even realize until, like, I became a coach how much it had affected me. Mhmm. Because number one, first of all, my mother is gone. I'm not worthy of love.

So you're blaming yourself at that age. It's it's like you're you're blaming yourself that this happened because I wasn't worthy of that love, or this happened because maybe I did something bad. God took my mother away because I was not a good child. So there's all that stuff. And on top of that, as soon as your mother passes away, you become the center of attention of everyone in terms of the relations, the relatives.

My grandma, who moved back to India after that because someone had to take care of the kids, but she was so old that we ended up taking care of her most of the time. Wow. But my grandma, that everyone expects you to be this perfect child. And this is my experience I'm talking about. It was like you cannot mess up.

Porque si te equivocas, alguien dirá: «Ay, no lo saben. No tienen madre». Y no quiero que nadie diga eso. Mmm. No quiero que nadie diga que sus notas no son buenas porque no tiene madre.

Así que me impuse una enorme exigencia: que tenía que ser buena en la escuela, que tenía que mantener el mismo nivel que antes. Y cosas pequeñas como que mi casa no está limpia y alguien viene de visita y comenta sin darse cuenta de que no hay madre en casa. Y simplemente comentan algo como: "Oh, ya sabes, la casa no está limpia". Recuerdo que una de mis tías venía a ayudarnos. Todos los fines de semana, venía a ayudarnos a cocinar un par de cosas para que pudiéramos pasar la semana.

But she would make this remark all the time, oh, the house is so dirty. And I know she said it from the point of that, oh, you know, my sister is not here anymore in this house and the house is dirty. She was coming from that place. Yeah. But I took it upon myself as I am not good enough that I'm not able to fulfill all these roles, that my house is not clean.

No soy lo suficientemente buena. Así que tengo que hacerlo. Y eso me impactó tanto que, incluso hoy, lucho contra el perfeccionismo por eso. Mmm. Porque sentía que todo tenía que ser perfecto porque nadie podía decir que no lo estaba haciendo bien por no tener una madre en casa.

I don't want this to hear this. I don't want people to think that. And it's so interesting how that plays because the truth is, yes, I don't have a mother. I don't have anyone to show me how things are done, but I didn't want to hear that. And a couple of times, I still remember someone said that that, oh, poor kids.

No tienen madre. No saben hacer ciertas cosas. Y eso no te hace sentir bien contigo mismo. No. Para nada.

And it affects your self esteem so much. So here you are thinking I'm not worthy of love because I lost my mother, but I do need to make sure that no one ever points that out that I'm not good enough. So you're, you know, you're setting really high expectations on yourself. You don't wanna fail, so now you're scared of failure. You want to be perfect.

But because you wanna be perfect, you are questioning yourself the whole time because no one is perfect. And then there was other kids who had their moms who could mess up. They were okay. They messed up. No one said anything or maybe they did, but me as a 14 year old thought that, oh, they're allowed to date.

They're allowed to go out on dates. They're allowed to go clubbing, but I can't because I gotta be home for my six year old brother. So I can't go out clubbing. I can't go out, and I'm talking not at 14, but once I started going to college at 16 and 17. I I never ever remember going out for a late night movie when my college friends were going or going clubbing because I have to be home.

What I'm hearing from you, and I'm I'm again, I'm saying this really for the audience. What I'm hearing out of a lot of what you're saying is the importance of community around all of us. Whether that community is family, whether it's neighbors, whether it's friend, because all of us have different communities. It's important that we all try to help when we see someone is, you know, hurting. But when you do help, don't be condescending about it.

That's something it's something that I see a lot. And, again, as you stated earlier, I don't think it's always meant with ill intention. I think people are often, you know, well intended, but sometimes they say things that make people who are going through something make they make us feel worse Yeah. When you're already struggling. You know?

Así que creo que es para el público que escucha, simplemente usen sabiduría al abordar el tema. Y si no saben cómo, intenten prestar atención a la reacción. Simplemente presten atención. No intentarlo es peor, pero al menos inténtenlo. ¿Saben?

And and and you might make a mistake. It's just that's just a fact. You're human. But at least try because it it matters. I can only imagine how much worse it could have been if you didn't have family to help step in.

Oh, yes. Yeah. I had family. I had community. As I'm saying this, I don't want anyone to think that there was no one there.

My grandmother lived with us after that. She was there, but I think it was the lack of knowing how to talk to a 14 year old or a eight year old, number one. Number two, there is the stigma around talking about death. And I feel it still today. Still today even.

Well, talking about deep emotions, period. Talking exactly. Yeah. Talking about any deep emotion because people think that if I bring this up, I'm going to make her feel sad. But the truth is that talking actually helps you heal.

It does. So I remember no one ever would mention that. No one would mention that your mother is not here anymore. And my brother was having night terrors where he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and pointing to mom's picture. And because no one had the knowledge or no one knew what to how to handle that or what to do, they just removed her picture from there.

Dijeron: «Oh, creo que solo está señalando la foto, así que no la dejemos aquí». Así que estás reprimiendo ese dolor tanto, tan profundo, tan profundo, porque no hablas de él, y nadie habla de él. Punto clave: reprimir no es igual a sanar. No.

No. And a lot of times when it comes to not just death, but any other traumatic issue, they think if we don't talk about it and we suppress it, it'll it'll go away. It'll it'll heal. Time will heal it. No.

Time doesn't heal anything. No. It really doesn't. It's just deep deep inside you and it's then starts manifesting in different ways in your life, in your relationships. And the day you become a mother, it starts showing.

Todavía tengo un hijo de 11 años, y a veces siento que lo educo como a un niño de 14. Ah, sí. Sí. Tuve que sanar mucho durante los últimos seis o siete años para dejar de hacerlo porque me aferraba a él. Y sé por qué, porque perdí a mi madre, así que nunca quise que sintiera que tu madre no está contigo.

Yeah. And I had to work on that. I had to go to therapy, and I had to work on that as an adult because it wasn't done back then. And you mentioned suppression, and that brought me one another. It actually brought a memory.

I never cried in front of my younger brother and sister. Oh, wow. When I felt overwhelmed as a 14 year old maintaining my school grade, cooking and packing lunches and doing hair, everything, when I felt overwhelmed or when I missed mom, I would go in the bathroom, lock myself, and cry. Because I saw around me that no one is crying. No one is talking about it.

Yes. They cried when she passed away for the first three, four days, and then no one cried about it. No one really sat with their tears and just with their emotions. So I learned that I gotta suppress it because I can't show that this to my younger brother and sister. Right.

Y hoy, cuando trabajo con otras mujeres, quiero aclarar que no trabajo con el duelo, sino con cualquier cosa. Por ejemplo, cuando trabajo con otras mujeres, les digo que está bien llorar. Está bien sentir tus emociones y llorar si es necesario. Sí. Y eso es lo que me gustaría que dijera quien me escuche: si tienes ganas de llorar, está bien.

Crying is not bad. It's a part of your body process. Exactly. And it's it's your body trying to get back into balance. I you you just brought up the exact thing I was gonna say.

Trauma very often produces imbalance. So I'm gonna use what you just said as an example because the balance is something I teach and talk about a lot. You your trauma caused you to parent, and then you recognize that you were overparenting. I'm rewording what you said, and I'm choosing to say overparenting just to simplify it. But that caused an imbalance.

And then you recognize, wait a minute. I'm being imbalanced. I'm overparenting. So let me try to draw back and be balanced because everything in life that works has balance. And everything that's not working, something's out of balance, something's out of whack.

Y creo que es importante señalar eso a todos los que nos escuchan, y no solo hablar de la muerte. Ahora quiero que le cuentes al público cómo superaste esto. ¿Cómo has podido, como estás hablando de ello ahora? Puedo entender tu emoción, pero no la tienes. No te tiene a ti.

¿Cómo pasaste de tenerte a tenerlo? Si hubieras hablado conmigo y hubiéramos grabado este podcast hace cinco años, habría sido un desastre. Bueno, en primer lugar, ni siquiera lo habría dicho. Sí, puedo hablar de ello porque no pude. Mmm. Cierto.

I would have cried through the whole conversation or totally avoided it and just pretend to be this happy person. And I realized, as I said, when I started over parenting, I realized that I need to heal. And it started with something small. I got a book. It's called motherless daughters.

No recuerdo el nombre de la autora, pero es un libro famosísimo. Se ha traducido a varios idiomas y se han vendido millones de ejemplares. Hijas sin madre. Y yo aún no estaba lista para ir a terapia. Así que conseguí este libro y empecé a leerlo.

And that's when I saw all these stories of little girls who lost their mother or girls at my age, 14, when they lost their mother and how things were happening and how how they were going through it, how they were taking on the role. And I realized that I'm not alone. Yeah. I'm not alone at all, and everyone goes through the same thing. That book made me realize, okay.

I really need to heal myself. The second thing I did is I started crying. I started crying in front of my son. I remember till today, he was five. He came back from school.

Era verano, el último día antes de las vacaciones, y él dijo: «Ay, mi amigo está haciendo esto. Mi amigo es esto». Y luego añadió: «Ay, mi amigo va a casa de la abuela. ¿Por qué nunca voy a casa de la abuela?». Y ni siquiera pude responder.

Me puse a llorar. No pude responder a esa pregunta y lo estaba acostando. Mi esposo me oyó, entró y me preguntó: "¿Qué pasó?". Le dije: "Tienes que hablar con él". Y yo estaba llorando.

Like, I was crying. I could not talk. Mhmm. I left the room, and my husband talked to him and explained it to him that you don't have a grandma. And my husband also doesn't have his mother, actually.

So Oh, wow. Both grandmas are not there. But he was able to talk to him. Being a man, I think he still has a lot of suppressed trauma from that, but let's not go there. And You're probably right.

Yeah. And that day, I actually realized, okay. I really need to heal this. And I started talking about my mother more, which I never used to talk about. Mhmm.

Before that, I started celebrating her birthday. This is one thing we have started doing in our household. We used to always remember on her death anniversary, and we would go to a soup kitchen or food bank, and we would donate on her death anniversary. And I came to this realization, why am I celebrating that day, and why am I not celebrating her birthday? And we started celebrating her birthday.

So now we get a cake, and we do everything that she used to love. We cook her favorite food. We listen to her favorite music. She used to love singing and dancing. So we do that.

And my son has through that, my son has connected to his grandmother a lot. And he started asking me questions then. What did grandma used to do? Like, what did she do? What was her favorite?

Antes de eso, creía que ni siquiera conocía la palabra abuela porque nunca había hablado de ella. Creo que, como dije antes, hablar de ello realmente ayuda a sanar. Y después de eso, otra cosa que empecé a hacer fue escribirle cartas. Eso me ha ayudado mucho a sanar. En fin.

Así que le escribo una carta para su cumpleaños. Le escribo una carta para el Día de la Madre. Le escribo una carta para mi cumpleaños, y las escribo. La mayoría las guardo. Al principio, algunas las quemé solo para liberar ese trauma.

Y todo eso, incluido en la terapia que he recibido, me ha ayudado y me ha permitido hablar de ello sin desmoronarme. Sí. Y creo que, quiero señalar, escribir tu carta y hablar de ello, incluso fuera de la terapia, también fue parte de tu terapia. Siempre hablo de terapia en el programa porque creo que es fundamental. Pero también quiero que la gente entienda que ir a un terapeuta es solo un tipo de terapia. Es necesario, pero no puedes ver a alguien solo una hora a la semana y pensar que todo va a ir bien.

You've got to do other stuff beyond that. They their their conversation can help you, but you've gotta do stuff beyond that. And some people, it might be running. Some people, it might be dancing while expressing yourself. It could be painting.

And for you, it was letter writing, but you've gotta do something to get it out and express it and and get therapized. That's what I'm saying. Get therapized. Absolutely. And as I said, that's why when I was explaining, like, I did all these things.

And then at the end, I said, okay. Now maybe I need to talk to someone a little bit more to get deeper. But before that and when I had that realization that I'm I need to heal, I just consumed everything I could get my hands on. I was listening to TED Talks about grief, and I was reading books on that. And I because I really felt like this is holding me back as a parent Yes.

As a wife, as a coach, and as a person. And I think after I healed, my relationship with my siblings has changed so much as well. I had to make a very tough call of not being my brother's mother anymore. I felt I had made him dependent on me, not knowing Mhmm. What I was doing.

And any small thing happened, I've jumped in to help. Right. So that so he didn't grow. So I had to make a very harsh decision of stepping out, and I had to tell him, you gotta figure this out yourself. If you wanna talk to someone, I'm here for you.

But you gotta do the actual work yourself. And that is that's powerful. Yeah. I was gonna ask you what advice you have for for those who are going through it, but I think you've really just already said it. And the advice that I was gonna ask you for those who are around people who are dealing with stuff, I think that has already been said, unless there's anything else you wanna add because I think you said a lot already.

Yes. I think we covered mostly. And you said that as well that be there to support them, but not in a condescending way. And if you don't know, it's okay. You can we can learn, but just say that I'm here for you.

And talk about the person who's gone. Talk about that parent. Don't just imagine that parent is suddenly vanished from the face of this earth, and you're never gonna talk about them. Yeah. Talk about them.

Mom used to do this. Remember mom used to do that? Another thing, actually, I really wanna say is one thing that helped me heal was laughter. I agree. I feel that laughter and especially laughing with my siblings has helped me heal a lot.

We laugh about things we did when we were trying to figure things out after mom, and we laugh about it so much that remember how my hair was so stupid, how I went to school, and remember when we burnt the food, and remember this happened, and we just laugh about it today. And but that's today. After so many years of that suppressed pain, we didn't talk about these things for so many years. But someone who's going through it right now, and if it's something really new, you might not laugh. But I have felt that when you think of the memories that you have created with that parent, looking at their pictures and just laughing about things that you did, silly things that you did with that with your parent, it really helps to heal as well.

I I do wanna say one more thing before we go. Talking to and I'm specifically talking to teenagers right now who are going through this. They just lost a a a parent within the past year, I would say. Please please please please make sure you get the you get the help that you need. If you you need you need therapy.

I don't care who you are, and you don't have to get therapy from, you know, the typical way, but just get some kind of therapy. Because if you don't, what you're gonna end up doing is you're gonna try to therapy get yourself some therapy with drugs, get yourself some therapy with alcohol, get yourself some therapy with having sex with everybody, dating everybody under the sun who you don't need to be dating. And I could go on with a whole list of other stuff that people do to try to Yeah. Deal with it. And all you're doing is throwing dirt on a wound.

No lo estás sanando. Así que afronta tu problema. Como siempre digo, afronta el problema o el problema te afrontará a ti. Porque si no lo afrontas, ya se está manifestando en tu vida. Aunque aún no lo veas.

As Sunny just said with give us examples of her own, but please make sure you deal with it. Sunny, I really, really thank you for coming on and being willing to be to be open and honest on the air with us. I know that that's that's a lot, and I I I'm very grateful that you made the choice, and it was a choice to decide to grow, to decide to heal, to decide to do whatever you gotta do so you can get over it instead of it being on instead of being under it. Yes. Absolutely.

Thank you so much. And and, again, thank you. So tell the audience, how a little bit about your your coaching, and there will just so you know, you guys, there will be a link in the show notes or the, podcast description, a link where you can find everything that she does because she does quite a few little things. So I actually work with women. I help, mostly high achieving women who have all these big dreams, but they're not taking action on those dreams.

And it starts with maybe trauma from childhood or self esteem, limiting beliefs, which comes from conditioning, decades and decades of conditioning from their upbringing or the society or the state or the culture that they are in. So I help them overcome those limiting beliefs and really start seeing themselves as this powerful person that they actually are, but they're questioning that. And I help them achieve those dreams that they have by changing their mind, basically. And I strongly, strongly, strongly, strongly believe in what you do. Another thing I wanted to point out about Sunny is I'm not sure if we said it earlier, but she does focus on, helping south Asian women in particular.

Es una gran pasión. Y me encanta que lo haga. Y realmente, solo porque he escuchado su mentalidad y veo cómo piensa, y he visto su corazón. La recomiendo ampliamente, no solo para las mujeres del sur de Asia, sino también para las sudamericanas, porque todas son iguales y aún no lo saben. Sí.

If you are if you are if you really need someone who can understand your particular needs from another culture where misogyny is an issue and feeling like you aren't worth anything as a woman, she understands that. And so, you know, this show is for teens, but for any adults who are listening, because I know a lot of my listeners are adults and you know that that's you or you know someone like that, you might wanna check her out. So her information will be in my show notes. And, again, thank you, Sunny, for for coming on. Thank you so much, Fatima.

Fue un placer. Y ahora, un momento que te hará cambiar de opinión. Si me estás escuchando y has perdido a uno de tus padres en los últimos años o en tu adolescencia, quiero que sepas que no estás solo. Hay muchos otros adolescentes como tú. Y, por favor, busca terapia.

Busca ayuda. No todos lloramos de la misma manera. No todos lidiamos con las cosas de la misma manera, y está bien que lo hagas de forma diferente a mí. Pero no recurras a las drogas. No te acerques a la persona equivocada por intentar reprimir el dolor y las cosas con las que tienes que lidiar.

Unfortunately, that's what a lot of people do, and it harms their life greatly. Therapy comes in many forms because I promise you, if you don't get some therapy for it now, it will haunt you. It will affect every area of your life. It might take a long time before you see the effects, before I should say, you recognize the effects, but please get the help that you need. If you are looking for help and you don't know where to go, if you go to FatimaBay.com and you go to the other help page, at the bottom of the page, you'll see a little, a big black box with a link in it that'll take you to Unite Us platform where you can find us where you can find someone around you who is a counselor, grief counselor, or therapist, whatever you need.

But please don't just sit there and try to suppress it and say, I'm a deal with this myself because you're not. It's gonna harm you more than anything else. I hope that you got something out of today's message. And if you're around those who've lost a parent, just understand there's a lot going on with them. Just try to be mindful of that.

Help as much as you can, and you know how to. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast, please like, and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topics, suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimobay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.