Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us Rashida Williams, and she is out of Detroit, Michigan. She is an award winning mentor, a speaker, an author, and she's the owner of Empowered Flower Girl.

另外，我想說一下，一月是全國導師月。拉希達，你今天好嗎？我感覺非常好。你呢？我很好。

I am feeling very invigorated, and I hope that this is a very powerful episode for our listeners. Yes. Likewise. I like to dive right in. So let start off by telling us what is Empowered Flower Girl?

So thank you again. Thank you for the opportunity and, to be able to connect with you and and your audience and hopefully the young people who are listening today. When I get asked what is Empower Flower Girl, what you're all about, it's interesting because people will often ask, well, do you sell flowers? I kid you not. Did you ask that?

這不重要。我的花呢？我還沒收到玫瑰。對了。趁著人還在，總得送花給他們。

So they're they're in the mail, honey. But empowered flower girl, what we work to do is to help young people overcome challenges they may be facing, in and out of the classroom, whether that's, cyberbullying or societal pressures that they're facing. We know that oftentimes young people will come to school and they've been really having struggles at home. They may have struggles with friendships as well as academics. So what we want to do is to give them the encouragement so that they can overcome those challenges, live above them, and ultimately make a powerful difference in the world.

我們所做的許多工作都圍繞著表彰和展示那些能夠帶來改變的年輕人，那些運用自己的天賦和才能，為社區乃至更廣闊的世界做出貢獻的年輕人。所以，「賦能花童」計畫的真正意義在於幫助年輕人，讓他們能為社會做出貢獻，但更重要的是，讓他們彼此建立正面的關係。而最重要的關係，是他們與自己的關係。絕對是如此。這千真萬確。

And I'm so grateful and glad that you do this work. I think it's it is extremely important. And so I'm glad you started a group to do it. So let's start off with what a mentor is because sometimes people have different definitions or understandings of what that word is. So when you say mentor, what do you mean?

When I say mentor, I mean someone who offers support and guidance, and it's not necessarily based on age. A lot of people may think it's always an older person mentoring someone younger, but there's opportunities for peer mentoring as well. And young people can actually mentor adults. So it's kind of the each one, teach one mentality or type of community, I would say, where you are imparting your knowledge and and filling someone else's cup, whether they're older than you, younger than you or the same age. So I always like to just remind people that even as a mentor, your mentees can also be mentoring you at the same time.

你知道，這體現了代際理解和同理心。所以我們有機會互相學習。但我認為，指導的關鍵在於，你去幫助別人，讓他們意識到自己的力量，而不是對他們說教，告訴他們該做什麼不該做什麼，而是作為一個積極的傾聽者，一個不帶評判的人。對吧？因為我們不會帶著評斷的眼光去傾聽別人。

不，對。我覺得這才是最重要的，對吧？還有就是要真誠。導師真的需要真誠、務實。

他們不必完美。人們常常想，如果我是導師，就必須完美。我必須擁有一個裝滿獎項、榮譽和學位的珍藏櫃。對。不。

Right. You don't even have to be employed, right, to be a mentor. You could have previously been incarcerated and be a powerful mentor to young people in your community. So I always like to make sure that people understand that it's it's not about perfection, it's not about your age or your profession. Right?

Right. So mentoring, in short, I'm gonna paraphrase it, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. It's basically teaching and guiding together regardless of age and other, you know, factors, regardless of age. And the details are gonna be different with each each person. But, would that be a very short, short, short general summary?

Yes. Obviously, there's more to it than that. Notes version. Yep. Yeah.

Cliff Notes。我總是試著把我們討論的內容寫成Cliff Notes版本，因為我知道有些人會用CliffNotes來聽。所以我這樣做。所以，好吧。我可以成為青少年的導師，而且一直以來都是這樣，但你真的幫了大忙。

You do you do a a good heavy focus on helping teens to mentor other teens. Why do you think why is it important to have teens mentor other teens? Why does that matter? That is an excellent question, and it's not something that people typically think about, but I think it's vitally important to have teens mentoring other teens because, of course, they have a better understanding of one another. It's kind of more credibility, if you will.

Yes. They can have an adult in their life who adult in their life who is showing them the way, guiding them, saying, you know, I've been through that. I've I know what you're going through. I've been I've been there. But they have another young person who is actually going through similar things.

And that young person may have had an opportunity to be exposed or have more access to resources than another team. Right? For instance, I'll give you an example. When I was younger in middle school, there was an exchange program. Now these students, they were still teens, but they were a little older than us.

So I was in middle school. I was in eighth grade. I was 13. And the students that were part of the exchange program were high school students, and they were sophomores in high school, sophomores through seniors who we would come to their school in the suburbs. It was a posh suburb just outside of Detroit, Grosse Pointe.

想想格羅斯波因特（Grosse Pointe）這個名字的意思吧？你知道，就是豪華社區。所以我們和底特律市中心的學生可以去格羅斯波因特的學校上學，反之亦然。他們會來我們學校交流，這樣我們就能真正了解學校裡發生的事情。

One, I think they wanted to show the disparities, but, two, I think they also wanted to show us that, you know, there are opportunities. Right? There are opportunities, for us to have a positive exchange between these students regardless of their economic background, their status Mhmm. That sort of thing. So the young lady that I was paired with, she became a mentor to me because she was talking about going to college and, you know, trying to decide on what she was gonna figure out as a major and all of these things that in eighth grade, I wasn't necessarily thinking about.

I was thinking about college. Right? That was on in the back of my mind. Okay. Someday, I wanna go to college.

But, this young lady was telling me, oh, yeah. I've been applying to U of M and Michigan State, and I've been applying to all these colleges. So that's a lot that's on my mind right now. And so she was telling me about those experiences she was having as a high school student who was about to transition into college. And so that got me thinking a little bit earlier as a as a teenager about, okay.

Maybe these are some things that I should start thinking about. And just her having resources, talking about the SAT and having to do SAT prep work and all of all of these things that were somewhat foreign to me. It was great to hear another young person talk about these things to me as opposed to, you know, always the school counselor or someone. But to hear someone who was actually going through the process and to know some of the challenges even she faced and how she was able to overcome those. I thought that really was even more impactful.

並不是說成年導師沒有幫助，而是說找一個年齡與你相近的人來認真傾聽，分享他們的經驗。雖然你們的經驗可能有所不同，但也很相似，因為你們都在努力應對。對吧？你們都在努力應對從青春期到成年期的轉變。那是一段難忘的經歷，我至今仍記憶猶新。

那是三十多年前的事了。哇哦。稍微補充一下你剛才說的，我其實在好幾期節目裡都討論過這個問題。其中一期是和一位治療師一起，討論青春期女孩們感到得不到支持。得不到支持。

Yes. Yep. And then, there was another episode. I think it might have been the same episode, actually, but, you know, just that the relatability factor, which is is the way I would summarize a lot of what you said. That relatability factor is not a minor detail.

Yes. An adult can mentor a youth, but it was not the same thing as getting that same value from another peer. You know? It's just like, I have an episode that I think it will have aired by the time this one comes out, but I have an episode of, you know, a a a a man who came on as a guest. And we're he's we're specifically that whole episode is only talking to young men boys.

Okay. And I had him come on because he should be the one talking to them, not me. I'm just another mother figure. You know? I teens do listen to me, but I still would say that I'm not the same thing as a peer.

You know, I'm not the same thing as somebody who's like, yeah. I've been through that. You know? I totally agree with you, and I think it's so important. If we all would take the time to lend a hand and teach even if it's so little thing to someone else.

You know? Each one that we teach goes out and helps others. You know? It makes them better to help society. So I think we all should be doing some form of it.

所以你知道嗎？我完全同意你的觀點。這很有意思，因為成年人也會做同樣的事情，對吧？成年人在職場上總是互相指導。就像你提到的，這就是親和力的因素。

So having teens to mentor and coach and guide one another in a way as, it is almost like workplace workplace mentoring, you know, if adults think about it that way. Mhmm. What would you say to a teen who thinks that they have nothing to mentor anyone about? Another excellent question. You know, I believe that young people who have opportunities to really share who they are.

我所說的分享自我，是指如果他們有機會展現自己的才華，分享自己面臨的挑戰，就會發現他們有很多東西可以提供。其中之一就是知識。他們有很多知識可以互相傳授。所以我想當面告訴你，如果你認為自己沒有這些技能或經驗，那你可能就真的沒有了。對吧？

但你確實擁有的是傾聽的耳朵，因為這是指導的重要組成部分，傾聽，不帶評判的傾聽，正如我之前提到的，可以挽救一個人的生命。指導不是提供治療之類的。對吧？那些正在掙扎、有心理健康問題、創傷之類的人。你知道，他們需要時間和地點去尋求專業協助。

But having a friend to listen to be there when when there are so many young people stating how they they don't have anyone, No one in their home listens to them. But if they have a friend, someone at their school, maybe if they're in the after school program or, if they go to a church or a mosque or anywhere that they go and there there's other young people who are involved, they potentially have, some additional allies. Right? Because oftentimes they don't have anyone in their homes who's listening to them. Mhmm.

I remember when I was younger, I didn't really have anyone in my family say this too much, but there were adults in our community who would say children should be seen and not heard. Yeah, I'm aging myself a little bit, but, I I think many of us have heard that children should be seen and not heard. And I always thought that that was the most absurd thing. I even wrote about that even wrote about that in my book that I think young people need to be heard even more. We need to listen and allow them and give them a platform to to speak their minds, to, make sure that we're including them, that they have a seat at the table.

Right? And that they're actually creating their own tables. But I'll get off that soapbox for a moment. I get back to this. I definitely think I definitely think that they have so much power that they don't even realize it.

我們有責任幫助引導他們認識這種力量，這也是我為「賦能花童」所做的工作中的目標之一。但是，在座的年輕人，你們絕對可以為世界、為彼此提供一些東西。我認為，他們越是互動、越是彼此聯繫，越是真正地在更深層次、更真實的層面上相互了解，就越有幫助，就越能打破一些障礙，這些障礙會導致年輕人做出一些可能有害的行為，導致他們欺凌、孤立自己、參與幫派活動等等，因為他們覺得無處可去。嗯，他們沒有人可以求助。

Right. I I think you said such a key thing, the listening piece. And I asked that question because I know that there are a lot of teenagers out there listening right now who really truly believe they have nothing to offer the world. They have nothing to offer anything anyone else. Why would I mentor anyone else?

我並非一無所知。但事實上，你確實知道。你知道，如果你停下來，別再想那些你不知道的事情，就像拉希達說的，專注於你所知道的事情。有時候，傾聽你的心聲至關重要，因為那至關重要。有太多人走到了自殺的邊緣，走到了自殘的邊緣，走到了為了尋找愛情而四處留情的邊緣，等等等等。

I can go on and on and on because they don't know what else to do, and they need someone to listen to to them. And, you know, telling somebody off and telling what they what they should be, should, and shouldn't be doing is not a way to solve a problem for the most part. You know, sometimes you you you need to listen first. But if you're out there, just be willing to listen to your peers. If you don't if you can't do anything else, you can do that, and you might be saving a life.

You might be helping someone at a pivotal point who doesn't go down a drain that they were about to climb down. You know? Would you agree? Yes. For sure.

I I definitely agree with that because when when we look at when we look at some of these, headlines, when we look at headlines of young people who didn't have that type of support, one of the key things that I noticed with young people who may have taken their lives or the lives of other people, what we see in these articles is that that person, young person felt isolated. They felt, they did they felt like they didn't belong. Right. They didn't have a particular space or a place in their school and classroom. They felt kind of like the outcast even in some of their families.

So a lot of it is having a sense of belonging and being in spaces where they're included and their voices are heard. So, yeah, I definitely agree that having having someone to to listen, and being able to be fully self expressed when they do have issues and challenges. Yeah. I wanna add something to that I think is critical. You're absolutely right.

Feeling included and feeling like they're a part of something. But on top of that, I wanna add a little seasoning to that because I I think sometimes people are well intended and say, we're gonna be all inclusive, but the inclusivity needs to be genuine, not forced. That those are not the same thing. Forced inclusivity makes people actually sometimes feel worse because now their their oddness is being pointed out even more. And so it needs to be genuine.

We need to start trying to find ways to get along with and understand people instead of finding ways to separate ourselves and, you know, seek that out. And I think that that is critical. The genuineness the genuineness, it absolutely needs to be there, because it it does matter when people feel like there's people that care even if it's a little bit. And with that, I wanna segue into we talk we we want to see other team mentors. For those who are considering a way of finding to be a mentor, what are some of the benefits to the person doing the mentoring?

我絕對認為，做導師有很多好處。對我來說，當導師很有意思，因為我當時想，哦，我要去幫助別人。我要去幫助這些年輕女士們，她們需要幫助。而實際上，我……保持現實，成為導師拯救了我的生命。我認為，拯救我生命的就是傾注心血在這些年輕女士身上，並賦予她們目標。因為我當時正經歷著悲傷和失落，這令我感到無比悲傷和沮喪。

I was actually a senior in college when I became a mentor and started my mentoring journey as a young person. So, I was around 20 years old. That's awesome. Yeah. 20 years old when I found out I had to become a mentor.

And I had experienced the loss of my aunt and my uncle was, having some challenges, me being a caregiver to him. And I I found that mentoring is what really helped me take the focus off of myself and all the problems that I was having having. So it gave me purpose, and it helped fuel my passion to to give back, something I knew I always wanted to give back in a way, but becoming a mentor just ignited that in all sorts of other areas. Right? And it's the same is true for teens as well.

They may find that once they start becoming a mentor, they're invested in someone, and a conversation that a lot of a lot of adults will have is that, oh, these kids, they're always, you know, posting selfies, they're so self centered, they're a selfish generation, the me me me generation. However, generation z and generation alpha, these young people are so actively involved in their communities. They if we really look at what they're doing, getting involved in causes like climate change research and equal education, they're they're doing so much in their communities. They're they're young activists. So we do find that when they're out and they're engaging in their communities and they're helping other people, it really transforms, how they feel about themselves.

這能賦予他們自尊和目標，並激勵他們做得更好。因為，比如說，如果有一個十年級的學生在指導即將入學的新生，我實際上參與過志願者的同儕輔導項目，也為一個提供同儕輔導的輔導機構做過一些諮詢工作。他們讓十年級的學生指導即將入學的新生。其中一位年輕女士說的話非常深刻。她說，你知道嗎，即使在我大二的時候，我也遇到了一些挑戰。

I was having some challenges still adjusting and I was you know focused a lot on how tough things were for me right she said you know it just wasn't going so well but then when I got a mentee I started being so invested in helping her and helping see her through that encouraged me to do better for me to stand up and say you know what I got this you know put on my big girl panties if I got this I can move through this And when I heard her say that when I heard this young lady say that, I thought, yeah, you're right. Because it does encourage you. Like, I have to do better, not just for me, but for someone else as well. You know, I I'm this person is looking up to me, looking at me to be a positive role model. It gives me some accountability to make sure that I achieve my goals and do what I said I'm going to do and and have a different level of integrity that I'm operating in.

And, you know, once young people become mentors in this way, yeah, they step their game up. I agree. It just being able to deposit in someone else's life. I know for me, it it's it's not really well, it's not the same subject, but it's very much related. Doing wedding gowns for as long as I've been, and, you know, having one on one appointments with my brides and then getting the feedback from my brides.

我做這件事已經很久了，但我記得第一次收到新娘們的回饋時，她們說我讓她們在婚禮當天感覺自己很美。這增強了我的自尊心，當時我幾乎沒有自信。多年來，我一直有這種感覺，並且逐漸意識到這一點，我的天哪。我所做的一切都很重要，而且我所做的一切都帶來了改變。你知道嗎？

如果你現在正在聽，是個青少年，那就試著做些指導吧。即使你不通過任何項目，也請嘗試。你會驚訝地發現，光是嘗試，你就能擁有多大的價值，並能為他人帶來多大的價值。明白嗎？而且我可以告訴你，能夠為他人的生活帶來哪怕是微不足道的改變，也會讓你感到非常非常非常有成就感。

Help them to feel better, help them make a better decision, whatever it is. Even if it's, you know, small like that, it's it's such a big deal. So mentoring, yes, it could be fulfilling for you as the the mentor as well. Definitely. Now I'm gonna ask you, do you offer virtual sessions for, the what you do?

So for me and the work that I do, so a lot a lot of the work that Empowered Flower Girl does, in addition to our work with youth, we work with a lot of adults who are working with youth because we find that sometimes there's some disconnects there, why they're not able to relate, why they're not able to relate to young people or maybe something's missing in their programing that may have young people feel like, well, this program isn't for me. Maybe they're not doing the right marketing of the program. Maybe some things about the curriculum need to change. So I've been working a lot coaching and mentoring adults who are in the space of, mentoring youth, whether they have a formal mentoring organization or a girls club in the school or some sort of initiative that's aimed at helping uplift and support young people. So, yes, I offer virtual sessions with that, as well as for some schools.

We offer virtual programing for for the schools. And one thing that's been a huge trend, of course, since the onset of COVID is virtual mentoring sessions. So some people would think, okay, I don't I don't have time to go out to a school every day to mentor young people. I don't have time to good point to be able to meet with them every weekend. But the great thing is you can do mentoring via Zoom.

You got a phone. You can run or a phone, communications, just checking in. You can meet if you have the ability to meet in person, that's always great. But there are people who are in The US that are mentoring, children in South Africa and Zambia. You know, you you could mentor youth around the world.

If you're in New York, you can mentor youth in, Louisiana. So it it's it's possible. You know, there's virtual virtual mentoring opportunities for sure, and it opens up a huge, it well, it gives us opportunities. Right? And it opens us up to to the world, basically, that we could make a difference in.

是的。這太棒了。我很高興你能在學校裡做到這一點，我希望現在學校裡有人在聽你講，能和你聯繫，能和你建立聯繫，你知道，能把這種理念推廣到他們自己的學校。因為我可以告訴你，在美國，總的來說，這非常非常非常需要。我們這一代需要感受到他們有目標，因為他們中的許多人沒有，這讓我很困擾。

所以我很高興你能幫忙。現在，你能告訴觀眾，如果他們有興趣的話，怎麼找到你嗎？當然可以，我很樂意。你可以在 empoweredflowergirl.com 上找到 Empowered Flower Girl。

We're also on various social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook at Empowered Flower Girl, also on LinkedIn. That's how I really connect with a lot of the educators and after school program providers, as well as parents. But, yeah, we're we're on social media. You can go to our website, and I would definitely love to to connect. Young people we offer a program called She's Empowered if you are a female identifying change maker or gender expense expansive change maker, someone who is using your gifts and talents to make a difference for others, entrepreneurs or authors, who are, encouraging others and, just using your personal power for good.

We like to feature you in our She's Empowered program, and all you have to do is just submit some information about yourself or your nominee because sometimes we get parents or teachers to nominate the young people in their lives, or we've even had youth nominate their friends, to be featured as part of She's Empowered. But we definitely love showcasing, young people who are making a positive difference. So And what's the reach out about that. What's the age, what's the age cap on that? The ages we feature are five to 25.

Oh, damn. I missed it. Okay. Probably by a year or two. Wait.

I'm a pretend I'm in high school. Can I do it? No. No. That's great.

So I hope that that, you you get some some more applications from us. And I thank you for coming on today and and talking about this. And, again, ladies and gentlemen, this is National Mentor Month. So see what you can do even if it's a little bit, even if it's just by phone to make a difference. It'll make a difference for you too.

Definitely. I I appreciate you so much, and I just love what you're doing here with the Mindshift Power podcast. I have, enjoyed this conversation and definitely look forward to connecting with the young people out there as well as parents and educators who may be listening. Thank you. And now for a mind shifting moment.

Something that was said repeatedly in today's episode that I really want you to hone in and focus on. You have value. Your experiences, how insignificant you think they are, are not. So if you think that what you've been through in life and your experiences don't matter, you're wrong. You could be the most boring person in the world who's never been through anything, or so you think.

你也可以和其他無聊的人交流，激勵他們。你有價值。你的經驗也有價值。你只需要找到能夠接受你的聽眾。

一定要傾訴衷腸。一定要分享你的經驗。你會驚訝地發現，你人生最細微的細節，竟然能激勵他人。你很重要，你有價值。開始和別人交流，你會發現這是多麼真實。

Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.