Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome, everyone. Today, we have with us Kim Keen, and she's from Pennsylvania. She's a holistic life coach.

但今天，我們來這裡，實際上是想聊聊她作為家庭暴力受害者的故事，以及她如何在青少年時期成為倖存者。金，你今天好嗎？我很好。你呢？我很好。

我非常期待這次談話。所以我喜歡直接開始。那就說說你的故事吧。一切都始於我十年級的時候。我的第一個男朋友不太好，之後又有一個男生熱烈追求我，而他的第一個男朋友是個廢物。

And this boy who was, you know, obsessively pursuing me was also a loser, and I would tell him that frequently and, you know, tell him I was repulsed by him. And I wanted him to leave me alone, and I didn't like him. But, man, he was persistent. So we had a flower shop in the high school, and he would buy me a rose every day with his lunch money instead of eating lunch and have it delivered last period math class. And then the math teacher started making math problems about Kim's roses, and I was mortified but, like, secretly loving it.

嗯。他陪我去上所有的課，最後把我累垮了。我一個女朋友說，天哪。你要是不約他，我就要……我要親自約他出去。我說，好吧。

Fine. Like, I'll do it. Jeez. And that was in, March of ninety eight. So I was a sophomore in high school and not 16 yet, not until that summer.

於是，我們開始約會了，當時我感覺就像，我不太了解你，但，我們在一起了。然後，我們開始，例如，送我甜蜜的玫瑰，送我上數學課，然後又送我去珠寶店。他給我買了一條項鍊，上面寫著“我愛你”，還陪我一起搭公車。早上我到學校的時候，他會在學校門口等我，你知道，他會把所有的愛和關懷都傾注在我身上，我真的覺得自己就是他宇宙的中心。

But that really quickly changed from Mhmm. Like, the sunshine and rainbows and the unicorns farting pink puffy clouds to, thinking like, oh my god. Who is this person? Because he switched his classes to be in mine. And at first, I thought that was really sweet and endearing.

Like, oh my gosh. He just wants to be with me so much. Mhmm. But then I realized, like, no. It's so he can keep an eye on me.

Mhmm. And then it was the jealousy tendency. So I was on swim team, and he didn't like that there was the boys' swim team and that I was wearing a one piece bathing suit in front of the boys even though I wasn't the only girl wearing a one piece. Like, it's a swim team. Everybody's in a bathing suit.

No one's each other like that. But in his mind, all of the boys were looking at me, and I was looking at them. And so, you know, he it just the insecurity was just unreal, and it started showing so fast. And then it was, you know, wanting to be on the phone with me every night until I literally would fall asleep with a phone in my hand. And, you know, then it was accusing me of, you know, if I wasn't on the phone with him, well, then who are you talking to?

你和誰在一起？為什麼不能跟我一起打電話？因為我爸媽說，『我得掛了』。所以我們的父母很不一樣。他十年級的時候就開始抽煙了。

I was, you know, the straight a student who had to be inside when the street lights were on. He had a car and was driving himself all over. I did not have a car. His parents, basically, it was like no rules. It was like, do whatever you want.

My parents, my dad, and my stepmom were super strict. It was, like, the thumb suppressive, like, helicopter parent. So he just was allowed to do whatever he wanted, and I wasn't. And he really couldn't understand that. And so then it was just constant fighting with each other because it was accusing me of cheating, accusing me of this, accusing me of that.

And then he would break up with me, and then he would start telling everybody at school that I was sleeping with people and that I was cheating on him and that it was you know, I was the problem, not him. And then people would stop talking to me, and they'd be giving me dirty looks in the hallway. And it was just this crazy out of control thing that I didn't even know what I had gotten myself into. I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know how to handle it.

But then fall of junior year, my parents confronted me with tapes. So my parents literally tapped my dad tapped the phone line like an FBI Wow. And was listening in on to conversations of all the things that I was doing at 15 that I should not have been doing. And then, mind you, my parents divorced when I was very young and didn't really get along. But, man, in this moment, they became a united force.

So there's my mom and my dad together, and I was like, oh, something big is going down, and it's not good. And it was them confronting me with the tapes of the fighting, of him accusing me of cheating on him, just like the verbal, the mental abuse, the emotional abuse. And, of course, I'm 16 at that point. So I'm like, I'm an adult, and you can't tell me what to do. And I was like, I'm going to live with my mom.

And in the heat of the moment, I swear my dad said, yes. Fine. Go. So that night, I went upstairs, and I packed my whole bedroom. Well, the next day my dad saw it.

And he was like, well, what's all this? I was like, I told you I'm moving in with my mom. And he was like, you wanna go live with your mom? Get your and he said effing. Get your effing shit and get out.

我把所有東西都裝上車，飛馳到我媽家，真的把東西丟在車道上，然後要了車鑰匙，然後飛馳而去。所以，我和爸爸在一起的五年半里，我和他真的沒說過話。哦，哇。所以，一開始，像是搬去跟媽媽住的時候，爸爸總是強迫我每隔一個週末來，就像小時候和媽媽一起長大那樣。但那隻是沒完沒了的爭吵，因為我父母不信任我，因為我撒謊，偷偷溜出去，這一切都是為了和那個不友善的男朋友保持距離。

And so when they confronted me, they're like, you can't see him anymore. And I really didn't wanna be with him anymore. But I knew it wasn't just that plain and simple of, like, okay. My parents said I can't see you anymore, so I can't see you anymore. Like, I wasn't escaping him that easily because we were at school all day, and my parents couldn't protect me Mhmm.

在學校。我爸打電話給校長，基本上就是請老師和校長在學校監視我，還說他們被告知，你知道，如果你看到她和他在一起，就得立刻打電話給我上班的地方。這樣我放學回家就會被大聲呵斥，你知道，還會被禁足，情況真的很糟。就這樣，我一直待到21歲，因為我不知道怎麼離開。但他也讓我相信，沒人會想跟我在一起。

你知道，他們說的典型事情就是你的身材很噁心。你長得醜。沒人會愛你。嗯。你知道嗎？

沒有我，你什麼都不是。我就是這麼相信的。比如，我高中畢業後沒上大學。我失去了特拉華大學的錄取通知書，因為我的成績在高三、高四都下降了。所以我在雜貨店打工。

I was working at the mall, barely making a minimum wage, not really having enough money to survive. And then on top of it, he developed a really bad drug addiction. So then I was trying to support his drug addiction and stay alive, because at around 18 was when the physical abuse started. So then on top of it was the emotional, the mental, the verbal, and then the physical abuse came. And so that lasted until I left.

But when I was about 20, he actually went to jail for violation of probation. And I stayed with him on the promise of, you know, when I get out, things are gonna be better. They're gonna be different. I promise I'll never put my hands on you again. But the whole time he was in jail, he was talking to other girls and having them send you know, they were sending him money and things for commissary and all of this stuff.

So nothing was changing while he was in jail, but I was still naively thinking that it was gonna change. And so I said yes to the jailhouse proposal. He got out. And then a couple months after he got out, his cousin told me that he had gotten a girl pregnant. And I was like, okay.

這終於成了壓垮駱駝的最後一根稻草。我徹底完了，因為你讓我看起來像個傻瓜。為了你，我放棄了我的家庭。我放棄了學業。我等你出獄已經一年多了。

And, really, this is this is it. All done. And that was really what it took for me to leave, at 21. And I basically had to start all over again with rebuilding my self esteem and, you know, the belief in myself that I was enough without him. And, ironically enough, it was probably about five years ago when the Eagles won the Super Bowl.

He actually reached out to me on Facebook. I and that was, like, my biggest, biggest, biggest fear ever because now I'm married. I have young girls. Like, I don't want him to know where I am. I don't want him to be able to find me.

And he found me, and he reached out on Facebook with his most pathetic apology ever. And I wanted so badly to give him a piece of my mind, but my girlfriend was like, don't open Pandora's box. Do not give him the time of day. Let it lie him because you ignoring him is gonna eat at him more than you will give him the satisfaction of responding to that message. So I did.

I ignored it. I blocked it, and that was it. So yeah. So even after all those years I mean, almost twenty years had gone by, and he was reaching out to me on Facebook. Like, dude, enough already.

So, yeah. So that was really it. It was kind of this relationship that I didn't really want, but there really wasn't anyone else knocking on my door. And I was kinda like, well, this must be as good as it gets. So okay.

I'll go out with them. Little did I know what I was signing up for. Let me ask you this. For the sake of the other young women, specifically, who are listening, tell us what did the domestic violence look like when it started? Yeah.

So it was a lot of verbal and mental manipulation. So it was a lot of verbal abuse. Oh, you don't love me because you wore makeup. You you oh, you I see you looking at him. You think oh, I I know you like him.

哦，你想和他在一起？你不想再跟我在一起了？我知道你會離開我。所以一直都是這樣，好像他一直是受害者，而我一直是加害者。然後很快，你知道，我就會開始為自己辯護。

Like, I'm not looking at anyone. I wore makeup today because I wanted to wear makeup. It has nothing to do with anyone else but my own self. Right. Yeah.

And then it would turn into this huge fight about how I was lying, and he knows, and I should just be honest and tell the truth, and that would make the argument end. And so that was really how it started. It was just a lot of questioning me about my decisions, about my choices, making things up, saying that other people told him, oh, well, so and so saw you talking to him, and they told me that you were talking to him. I don't even know that kid's name. What are you talking about?

So then I would go ask that person, did you say that I was talking to this person? And they're like, no. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, he seems to think you told him that. So it was just, like, all these mind games and and following, like, switching his class to be in my classes.

So wanting to be with me all the time. And if he couldn't actually have eyes on me, then he needed to be talking to me. And so that was where the phone conversations came in because this is in the nineties, so we didn't have smartphones. Right. Right.

智慧型手機.我們有傳呼機。所以他還會做另一件事，就是傳呼訊息。這有點像短信出現之前的短信，你必須在傳呼機上輸入一串數字，然後它會顯示在小小的屏幕上，你得拿筆和紙，把所有數字都記下來，然後找出它們對應手機按鍵上的哪個字母。所以他會把我撕成碎片，我的傳呼機上就會出現長長的、數不清的頁面，上面寫著這些瘋狂的事情。

Like, why are you telling people that we're not together? I never said that. If you don't wanna be with me, then why don't you just tell me? Oh my gosh. What are you talking about?

But that was for him to get reassurance from me. Like, I do wanna be with you. I do love you. I don't know what you're talking about. I will never leave you.

我會一直陪著你。嗯。就是這種操縱，總是想佔上風，讓我感覺如履薄冰，因為我不知道什麼會讓他發火。我也不知道他會說出什麼。所以我總是保持高度警戒。

So that was a nice precursor to the physical Oh, yeah. Physical part. So the first time he I don't know if he hit, punched, or slapped you, or pushed. But the first time Right in the mouth. Say it again?

A closed fist right in the mouth. Almost knocked my front tooth out. And did he apologize afterwards? Oh, yes. Perfusely.

Always do. Not not initially. So he had an argument with me. I couldn't even tell you what the argument was about. Something so stupid punched me in the mouth, then took my car and went out for the night to leave me home, icing my busted lip, thinking like, oh my god.

What in the world am I gonna do if my tooth falls out? So then I, like, put my retainers in and just kept icing and praying, like, please don't let my tooth fall out. Please don't let my tooth fall out because it was loose, and it hurt so bad. So then after the fact, when he was done gallivanting in my car, god knows where he was, probably cheating on me with another girl. Then it was the, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened. I just can't live without you. I promise you I will never hit you again. That was a onetime thing. Please don't leave me.

我需要你。沒有你我什麼都不是。是的。那絕對不是最後一次。是的。

And, unfortunately, that's quite common. Mhmm. That's usually how it starts. So I wanna summarize a little bit, pull out some principles of what you just said, and I'm doing this for the listeners. So what I hear is the mental manipulation first, which starts with planting seeds of doubt about yourself, with the conversation.

誣告。我聽到這些故事的時候，感覺我從未聽過哪個時候不是從誣告開始的。從誣告開始，然後讓你懷疑自己。嗯。然後是不斷的侮辱，侮辱，讓你做好準備。

它能讓你做好準備。就像在烹飪之前把肉嫩化一樣。是的。所以它能讓你做好準備，為下一階段的虐待做好準備。是的。

And That's what happened with you. Oh, a %. It was, like, classic classic signs of abusive relationship straight from the gate. But I think I I in the beginning, I didn't see it as much because, the boyfriend the first boyfriend that I had, he was two years older than me. So he was 17.

他也坐過牢，其實就是利用我，想跟我玩的時候就把我帶到他身邊。不想玩的時候，他就說，你真煩人。離我遠點。我不想，我不想你跟我在一起。所以，我很容易就找到了第二個男朋友。

嗯。因為我當時就想，哦，他想跟我在一起。他真的愛我。他想要我。我能換個說法嗎？

是的。他想擁有你。是的。這就是他想要的。一開始，這看起來就像，哦，他，我們稱之為愛情轟炸。

Yes. Oh my god. Look at all the teddy bears, the roses, the chocolate, the compliments, the attention, attention, attention. I need to feel love. So And I was the talk of the school.

我是說，我上的高中大概有3000個學生，所以我算不上是學校裡的熱門話題。但我在大多數年級都是學校裡的熱門話題，因為他送花的消息傳得很快。沒錯。他送了我花，每個人都會看到。我當時就想，天哪。他又送了我一朵花。

哦天哪。他又送了一支玫瑰。然後他們會看到項鍊，然後是手鐲。哦天哪。你真幸運。

Oh my god. He's I wish I had a boyfriend like that. So at first, I was like, thought I was hot to trot. I was like, yep. I got it.

But then afterwards, I wanted to be like, oh my god. Do you want them? Because I surely don't. Because this isn't all that this is cracked up to be. You can gladly take him off my hands.

我問你個問題。你遇到這種狀況的時候，有沒有找過人？沒有。為什麼？嗯，因為我不想惹他生氣。

嗯。就像我父母天真地唱著歌說的那樣，如果你說，哦，你不能再和他在一起了。那就完了。一切都會結束。我根本無法逃離他。

We were in the same school together all day. He was more popular than I was, so to speak, and he had switched his schedule to be in all my classes. So we were literally together all day every day, and I didn't want someone confronting him about what he was doing because I knew that there would be some serious hell to pay. I knew, at that point, it wasn't even a it wasn't even physical abuse. I just knew the verbal and mental abuse that was gonna follow.

I didn't want that. Plus, I didn't have physical bruises. I didn't have really any proof to say he's abusing me. So I wanna backtrack a little bit to your parents. I know that your parents weren't perfect, but it does sound like they tried to to do something.

Maybe not the right thing, but Yeah. They tried to do something. Yes. If you could go back and we can't go back. But if you could go back That's it.

What should your parents what would have been effective, more effective for your parents to do that they didn't know to do at the time? Yeah. So here's the thing is they have been asking me questions about him. Mhmm. And they knew see, in my mind, they didn't think I was lying, but I guess they thought I was lying because they heard the fighting on the tapes.

And then I would say, oh, can we you know, can he come over? And they'd be like, no. Then that would cause a fight with us. Like, well, why can't he come over? I mean, that was because I don't like him.

他是個失敗者。一點兒也不。所以我覺得我爸好像在保護他的小女兒，不想讓我長大。所以我就在家裡和父母吵個不停，因為我超級固執。如果你拒絕我，那我很可能還是會照做，尤其是在我和父母之間。

So even the joke now is that my husband says, I would rather you not. And I'm like, okay. I'll listen. Don't tell me no because that means yes. Yeah.

Which is really not a great way to do things sometimes. Sometimes it gets you into more trouble than it's worth. And so, so, honestly, I don't know that there was a whole lot more they could have done because they were asking questions, but I didn't have the greatest relationship with my stepmom, and that was also part of it. That's bingo. That's the point I really wanna I kinda wanna hone in on.

首先，你沒有可以真正坦誠交談的父母，如果我說錯了，請糾正我。是的，百分之百。我這麼說是因為我們有時是在跟觀眾說話，但其實我在這裡是在跟兩類觀眾說話。一類是那些孩子正在經歷這一切的父母，你知道的。

You may not have the proof, but you it doesn't matter if you have proof or not. You know that this is what's happening with your daughter or your son. And having this is why having a relationship where your kids can talk to you without you jumping down their throat or trying to beat them to death with a speech is critical because when they need to talk to you about something important, they know they can come to you. But if they know they're just gonna get a speech or told what to do or told how to think instead of actually listen to, they they ain't talking to you. I mean, as adults, do we do that?

We don't. So I just wanted to point that out because it's not just true in your situation. It's true for a lot. Yes. And so, and so I did have a more open relationship with my mom, but it was kind of the same thing where I my mom probably wasn't gonna lecture me, but I still didn't want her reaction Mhmm.

To the situation. And so and kind of and I'll back up a little bit too. So, one of the things that sort of propelled me into this relationship is that, I felt like no one would ever wanna be with me or get or marry me, and I had that feeling since I was really, really small. And I can never articulate why I had that feeling. But, I mean, little.

Like, four years old, I had that feeling. And so my parents divorced when I was really young. My mom remarried, and, there are three stepbrothers in in that family from my stepdad. And then my mom and my stepdad had a son, and then my dad and my stepmom have two boys who are 13 years and 16 years younger than me. So I kind of always just felt like I really didn't belong in each household.

I knew my parents loved me, but I kinda felt like I was in this purgatory state. Like, almost like my dad and my stepmom had started a life, and I was kinda just there, but I didn't necessarily really fit in. Even though, like, we went on vacations and from the outside looking out, people thought it was perfect. So I had posted an Instagram post a couple years ago on my childhood friend that I have had been friends with since I was in first grade. She messaged me on Instagram.

I was like, how could you save those things? Your father loved you, and you had a great childhood. I was like, yeah. From the outside looking in, it's I hate when people say, oh, you had a great child. You weren't living it.

Shut up. Right. Like Shut up. You saw the purse like, that was your perception, but you didn't really know what went on behind closed doors. My parents weren't abusive to me.

It was more of like a, like so in therapy, it was childhood emotional neglect. So was that, like because my parents were dealing with divorce and then new marriages and new kids, they weren't always available for me. I wanna reword some of what you said, not for you, but for some of the audience who I know listens differently. What I heard you just explaining was the fact that four years old you remember at four years old, basically feeling unwanted. Yes.

And that's when the divorce happened, and that left you feeling unwanted. Yeah. That wasn't the whole that moment or that season of your life. It's not your whole life, but it snowballed into more. Yes.

Yes. And that left you vulnerable Mhmm. To to the you know, to to be to be abused. And abusers, whether we're talking about domestic violence, whether we're talking about sexual abusers, whether we're talking about traffickers, they all look for the same thing in in terms of this context anyway, and they look for those who don't, don't have enough self value. Mhmm.

不管你的理由是什麼，離婚就是一切的開端。這不是全部原因，因為我覺得它不是由單一因素造成的。不。我覺得把責任歸咎於某一刻很愚蠢，但你知道，事情可能就是從那時開始滾雪球式增長的。是的。

每個人的理由都不會和你一樣，但和你的情況相同的是，我覺得自己不值得，你知道，我不配，所以我最好去尋找我能得到的愛。嗯。我完全理解，因為我人生中大部分的時間也都是這樣想的。是的。所以我真的非常理解。

And and so now I can look back and recognize that, you know, he you know, as my dad calls him a loser, he behaved that way because he was also insecure. So it was a recipe for disaster of us getting together because I was insecure with low self esteem. He was insecure with low self esteem, and so he really was so afraid of losing me because he thought there would be no one else, which is ironic in a way because he had a notebook that I found of, like, 30 girls that he cheated on me with. So it was just this constant need for him as well to feel Mhmm. Loved and accepted.

And so it was really a a bad combination with the two of us getting together. And I would if I had to guess, I would say things probably have not changed in his world. That's and it's that's sad. That is really sad. The sad part it's sad for him, but it's worse because people like that run around damaging everybody else around them.

Yes. And and they're just you know, they just never learned how to be men, and so there's still little boys running around Yes. Damaging whom they whom they can. Yes. And the signs were there from his childhood, because of his parents' marriage was dysfunctional.

嗯。你知道，他們講故事的時候都會笑。但他六歲上一年級的時候戴了眼鏡，有個小男孩因為戴眼鏡而取笑他。從小學就能看到他家。他跑過田野回家。

第二天，他說，我要回家。結果第二天他回學校的時候，發現書包裡有一把把刀。所以，他才一年級。所以，他們就拿這件事開玩笑。你知道嗎？

Like, oh, he stomped the glasses in the backpack and ran home, and then the next day, he brought a knife or tried to bring not funny. It's not funny. But so, like because that would end up on six o'clock news today. Today at his age, that would end up on Well, he really could've done he really could've hurt somebody for real. And so also shows you where his mindset was back then.

Yes. At six years old in first grade. So the the red flags were there from the get go. I just and I saw them. I felt them, but I just I was almost like I was too far in, and I didn't know how to get back out.

There was an I was in the swimming pool, and I was just treading water, and I couldn't get to the ladder to climb out and to catch my breath. And so it was really hard because there was one teacher at school who I had a relationship with, where I felt like, okay. Maybe I could talk to her, but my dad got to her first. So then she became an ally for my dad. Yeah.

And then then I lost that ally in her. And she would lecture me all the time, you know, because I was still involved in acts in after school things. And so one of the activities she was driving me to the thing, it was that off campus. And, you know, she was saying to me that, you know, he's a loser. He has nothing going for him.

He doesn't get good grades. He, you know, is not motivated. He's not ambitious. I'm deserving of someone who is. Yada yada yada.

是的，我知道她跟我說這些話的時候，我內心深處是明白的。我完全同意她的說法。但在那次談話中，我還是沒法對她說：“你說得對。他根本不是那樣的人，我活該被那樣對待，但我不知道該如何阻止這一切。高三之後，他還是被學校開除了，因為他在停車場外面抽煙，還朝一位學校管理人員的臉吐煙圈。”

He wasn't supposed to be. Right. Even still, that whole senior year, he was not at school, and I still could not find the strength to leave because all of his friends were still at school, still spying on me and reporting back to him. And sometimes he would show up at school, to meet me in the parking lot at the end of the day, or he would show up at school in the morning to get me off the bus. So I still even though he wasn't at school for that last first senior year, I still couldn't escape him.

Because he was obsessed with controlling you. Yeah. Let me ask you this. For the young women who are listening right now, who are where you were, and, hopefully, they recognize it through this conversation. But to to the young Kims who are out there right now, she's 16 years old with someone who's maybe only in the controlling verbal controlling state right now because it usually escalates to violence after that.

Mhmm. What what can you say to that young woman right now? So you absolutely do not have to stay. You can leave. You can talk to someone.

Maybe it isn't your parent, but maybe there is that teacher at school, the guidance counselor, the principal, it is possible to leave. You deserve way better than that, and I promise you, he will survive without you. He will make you think that he won't, but he will. And that was one of the reasons I stayed too. I was like, he's gonna kill himself if I leave.

就像，如果我離開他，他真的會自殺，我不想為此負責。不。他說他不會。他已經……但如果他是我唯一的愛，因為我真的不覺得自己被愛過，那該怎麼辦？不。

你還年輕。你的人生還很長，而且世上還有很多好男人會珍惜你、欣賞你，但我可以告訴你，這些痛苦和折磨不值得，因為他或許不會殺了你，但壓力、痛苦和傷痛一定會要你的命。我喜歡你剛才說的壓力。是的，百分之百。

Now, very quick, because we're running out of time, but very quick, has what you went through, during that time period, has that played a role in you being a coach now? Yes. Because I left my teaching career thinking that I was having an identity crisis, after six years of teaching. And when I was in therapy, I went naively thinking like, okay. She's gonna help me get over leaving my career.

但她卻提起了我童年和青少年時期所遭受的情感忽視、相互依賴以及各種功能障礙。這些真的就像一個巨大的、未癒合的傷口。她只是希望我吃藥，我並不反對吃藥，但我自己知道，我必須戒掉所有這些對我有害的行為，包括限制性信念、負面的自我對話、相互依賴和焦慮。這些都是我不斷處於戰鬥、逃跑或僵住模式，總是活在創傷壓力反應中習得的行為。直到我真正了解這些，我才開始諮詢人生導師。

然後我意識到，我的天哪。焦慮、負面的自我對話、限制信念，所有這些我經歷過的，不僅僅是童年時期，還有青少年時期和那個失敗的男朋友，二十年後，我成年後，它們仍然醜陋地存在著。它就像撥開雲霧，讓我看到一片清晰的白板，就像，好吧。這就是我改變的方式。這就是我前進的方式。

This is how I leave all that gunk, all that yucky stuff in the past and actually take the lessons from it and move forward rather than holding on to it. And it was bad. It was gonna get a yes, but, I was able to turn it into something positive. So that way now I have two daughters, I can do things differently for them so that we're not repeating that cycle. Right.

所以，告訴觀眾如何找到你。我在Instagram上，不是TikTok，而是Instagram和Facebook。我有一個網站，是KimKean.com。這些是找到我最簡單的方法。

她的訊息會在節目筆記裡。我還想告訴各位觀眾，如果你現在在外面，我們正在談論你，或者你是一位正在遭受虐待的青少年的父母，如果你不知道該去哪裡，我們可以幫助你。我不在乎你在美國哪裡，因為這個播客是針對美國和加拿大的。所以我只了解美國的體系。如果你造訪 Fatima Bay Dot.com，他們有一個名為「其他幫助」的頁面。

At the bottom of that page, you can click on there's a little black box you can click on. It'll take you to all the resources where you are that can help you. I put it there in case people need it. Just another resource for you. So, please, if this is you, listen to what Kim is saying because she has been where you are, and, try to get some help.

Because if you get it now, you can get out, and you too can be healed, And some of you can go on to also be the healer such as Kim has done. Thank you, Kim, so so so much for coming on and and sharing your story. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure.

現在，讓我們換個角度思考。年輕的女士，你知道嗎，你對她這集說的很多話都感同身受。你現在和一個控制欲很強的人在一起。你不想承認，你試圖找藉口。

You try to paint the red flags pink, but you know it's true. Just know mental manipulation and violence is coming next. They soon follow. Kim was able to get out of her situation. I'm so grateful she was.

If you don't get out of that situation, you will be one of those women walking around like a zombie, dead on the inside, scared all the time. That's no way to live. Some women only get out by death. Don't be either one of those. Get out now while you can.

And if you don't know how to get out, there are so many of us who care and want to help you get out. You don't have to be so afraid to get out. And you might not know us yet, but we'll be willing to help you if you just let us know. Go to FatimaBay.com. Go to the other help page.

Scroll to the bottom. Click on the black box, and find your local people who care because we're all around, and we will do whatever we can to help you get out. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast.

記住，轉變思維會帶來力量。請關注下週節目。