歡迎收聽《心靈轉換力量》播客，這是一檔面向青少年及其相關成年人的節目，我們將在這裡進行坦誠而直接的對話。我是主持人法蒂瑪貝，心靈轉換專家。歡迎大家。今天，我們邀請到的是回歸嘉賓——創傷大師艾莉卡貝斯。她是一名持證治療師。

She has twelve plus years of experience as a social worker and therapist, and she owns Empower Therapy. She can help you master your trauma instead of your trauma mastering you. How are you today, Erica? I'm doing well. How are you, Fatima?

I'm good. I'm really looking forward to this conversation, and I hope that it's really helpful for someone. So as you know, in my normal fashion, I like to dive right in. Yes. What Please explain to us.

什麼是創傷？創傷是對令人痛苦的事件產生的情緒反應，它會使人感到不安全、受到威脅或處於危險之中。它可能是一些小事，例如暴力行為。嗯，那不可能，雖然沒有那麼小，但可以是像暴力行為這樣的事情。它可能是小到你的腳趾撞到桌子上，然後你每次靠近桌子都會有反應，每次靠近桌子你都會因為腳趾受傷而感到害怕。

或者可能是災難性的，例如你的房子著火了，或是遭遇家庭暴力。創傷有很多種類型，但它們都會以某種方式影響你，讓你感到不安全。哦，好的。說了這麼多，我希望你真正意識到，即使你剛剛定義了「創傷」這個詞，它在人們聽到時仍然顯得過於籠統。那麼，人們在真正指創傷時還會使用哪些其他字詞呢？

Oh, a good one is, triggered. Or if you hear, I've got issues and they don't really wanna say the word trauma. Maybe they don't even know the word trauma exists. Right. But a lot of the language has developed around it, but it means trauma.

還有什麼詞？我想想。我覺得「triggered」這個詞我經常聽到，而且我覺得它被過度使用了。哦，它確實被過度使用了。幾週前我在一期節目裡討論過這個詞。

Mhmm. I did an episode called mental, mental fashion and how people overuse that word like like it's a new clothing item. Yeah. And they do. And, yeah, that's one of the words people use, but there are many, many different words that people use.

And I wanna say that to the audience, the word trauma has its definition as she just read, but as she just stated, but just know that sometimes people don't recognize that that's what they're dealing with and talking about. Mhmm. So why do you specialize in trauma? I specialize in trauma because I've had my own experience with trauma, and I feel like I have done personal work as an individual and as a clinician to help me get over and through my trauma. And I feel like the things that I have learned, I've always wanted to help implement with other people who I'm working with to help them overcome their trauma as well.

So that's always been my space of, working with with therapy and social work. How does someone know that they have trauma? I think the biggest thing that somebody could know that they have trauma is that they have difficulty in their relationships with other people, and they might keep hitting a brick wall. And when I say brick wall, keep finding themselves in situations where they're not getting along with people, not able to relate to others, and find themselves isolated because the way that they react to certain situations might push other people away from them, and they'll find themselves lonely. Oh, that's a big one.

他們在感情中如何反應，這很重要。是的。因為很多人在一段感情中奔波，糾結於細節，糾結於分手的原因或出了什麼問題，而事實上，他們內心的創傷一次又一次地被觸發，無法處理。絕對是如此。他們總是責怪對方，而實際上，這正是你一直背負的。

是的。無論對方如何努力讓對方感到安全，最終都會碰壁。所以對方肯定需要尋求一些專業的協助。這樣他們才能知道自己有安全感。我打個比方。

Just thought of an analogy just now. Mhmm. And I'm gonna say it to the audience. Trauma is like a, carrying around a snake. You don't realize the snake is in your bag and your clothes.

It just keeps running around all over you. And the second you get close to somebody, that snake bites somebody. And then you look at that person like, why are you jumping back? Right. What's wrong with you?

你怎麼了？你不喜歡我的寵物蛇？對。事實上，那條蛇一直在咬你靠近的每個人，因為你還沒處理好那條蛇。對。

你和那條蛇已經如此親近，以至於你甚至沒有意識到它正在咬你，你中毒了，並且一直與體內的毒液共存。哦，就是這樣。我的知識又上了一個階梯。更上一層樓了，姑娘。這絕對是真的。

我想透過視覺化的呈現讓人們真正理解創傷的危害。創傷會影響工作嗎？當然會影響。我所說的關係，不只是指男女朋友、夫妻關係。我指的是與家人的關係、與同事的關係、與老闆的關係、與孩子的關係，以及你與他人之間任何類型的關係。

And if you have undealt trauma, it could affect any relationship that you have. Right. For example, I'm gonna give make make this up. Make it's made up, but it's not really made up. I know someone that was raped by drunk men.

嗯。所以當他們聞到濃烈的酒味時，會受到精神創傷，並讓他們回想起那一刻。絕對是如此。所以去酒吧對他們來說不是個好主意。對。

Because it triggers it. It elicits a response that makes them kinda spiral out. Now everybody's gonna do something different when they spiral out. We're not all the same. But Absolutely.

這句話很深刻，很殘酷，也很敏感，但確實存在，而且我親眼見過。絕對是如此。你知道，我們被騙過。所以，是的。現在我們覺得每個約會的人都是騙子。

Is a cheater. Yeah. We got trust issues. We've been traumatized in that particular area. Mhmm.

Just giving people more examples. We've been traumatized in that particular area. So now every time we get into a relationship, we give the person we're with the undue burden of constantly proving themselves Absolutely. And affirming you. And what you really need to deal with is is the trauma that that trust issue came from.

Most of the time when people have trust issues, it didn't just come from somebody cheating on them. Nine times out of 10, I find it actually came from something deeper. It you know, what I found out with being a therapist, I found out that it comes from either your parental figures or your biological parents, whoever raised you. And, especially, I noticed when you are not raised by your biological mother, like, if you've been adopted, if you've been in foster care, if you were raised by a grandparent, there's always seems to be some kind of void that I've noticed as a therapist in those types of people. So they might need a if you are one of those people, I would suggest that you definitely get a consultation with a therapist just to see if there's anything there that you don't even realize that you're traumatized by.

It's a snake running around biting everything around you. Right. You're so immune to the snake. Yeah. You're so immune to the snake.

You don't even know. So just go get a consultation to see because I think those people are definitely at a higher risk of trauma and not having those initial relationships established. So then it makes every relationship that they have going forward difficult. You know? Right.

And I I would say going back to what, Erica said, I'm talking to the audience again. I would I just wanna kinda reiterate what Erica said earlier A lot, and I do mean I I I'm making up my own number, but I believe 90% of relationship issues come from undealt with trauma in one form or another. Yep. Either be your mother or your father. Yeah.

Or Or whoever raised you or yeah. I'm never experienced that. Yeah. Whatever it is. And then there's multiple traumas on top of traumas.

通常情況下。這可能是你的首字母。是的。然後砰的一聲。但沒有人能不經歷某種創傷就走完這一生。

That is very true. You've said that before. And the more I deal with people, the more I recognize that that is true. Mhmm. And you think you haven't dealt with trauma, that what that tells me is that you don't recognize your snake.

Yeah. That's what that tells me. Some people walk around with boa constrictors and pythons. Yep. They got a whole Anaconda festival going on.

對。對。我包包裡有條小樹蛇。我沒事。對。

Right. No. It's it's true. I'll use that analogy from now on. So once we recognize we have trauma, what do we do?

I think once we recognize it, it's time for us to take some steps as individuals to say, okay. What is my trauma? Where did it come from? Let me speak to a professional and have a cons consultation with a professional to really get it analyzed by somebody who's in the field and is qualified to tell you, you know, what what you've experienced is definitely a traumatic event for you. And then they might be able to also diagnose you with a post traumatic stress disorder, which is a byproduct of trauma, which is basically a disorder that you develop when you are traumatized by something that really affects you deeply.

And you might have symptoms such as hypervigilance, anger, moodiness, anxiety, and this comes from I I hate to use the word trigger, but let's say you like you said, the, like, you have a car accident. Right? And every time you come to the same spot where you had that car accident Oh, yeah. You start to get the emotional feelings of what happened right before it, and then your body might respond physically. Your hands might start getting sweaty.

You start having chest pains and rapid heartbeat, and then you start to get shaky again around the same area that you had that same car accident. So something like that. That's that's Yeah. Considered PTSD as well. Flashbacks, nightmares.

Let's say it's like somebody got raped. They're more likely to have trauma, nightmares and flashbacks and coming back or, like you said, the smell of the beer as a an example, that's a trauma response, a flashback, to the event that happened. So anytime she smells that or any type of sound could trigger it as well. She she's taken back into that moment, and she's suffering from the PTSD that came from that actual trauma traumatic event. I can tell you that when you talked about the car accident, I was like, yeah.

I was just talking about that with a a young woman who got into a car accident. And just talking about the trauma that came from that for me. It was many years ago now, but I got into a a bad car accident where there was one witness, and he was shocked that I was alive. And in that area where the car accident happened, I would not travel. And any area that looked like that area, I would not get on that road.

我花了一段時間才能夠再次在那種沒有路肩的鄉村地區行駛。嗯。我記得當時我和一位朋友，當時我坐在他的車裡，他開車的時候，我差點喘不過氣來。他住在鄉下，開的也是這種路。

Oh my goodness. And I just was almost freaking out because I was traumatized from that accident. Took me a while to get alert, but I eventually, I did. But but it it can be. There's so many different kinds of trauma.

So is everybody's trauma is everybody's trauma the same? Absolutely not. Just like we all have different fingerprints, we all have different traumas, we all have different upbringing, and we all have different responses to to the traumas. Yeah. But your trauma is not as bad as mine, so it can't be that bad.

Right? You can't tell anybody how bad their trauma is because they're the ones who are experiencing it. You know? Right. So it's every individual for their own, and and each therapist will deal with it as it comes, but nobody's is the same for sure.

Even if we experience the same thing. Like, let's say we both That's true. That's true. Got raped. I might experience it this way, and you could have experienced it this way.

你知道嗎？但我們經歷過同樣的創傷。嗯。順便提一下，我知道我在不同的節目裡說過好幾次了。如果你曾經遭受性侵犯或強姦，你一定有創傷。

嗯。如果你以為你不用任何幫助就能輕鬆度過人生，那你就大錯特錯了。絕對錯。說你經歷過那種事就不需要某種心理幫助，這絕對是錯的。沒錯。

I have never seen it. I've counseled way too many people to believe otherwise. Absolutely. When you were talking about, going back and what certain things brought up for you for the, car accident. I was thinking about what you just said about the trauma with the sexual assault and things like that and what my own sexual abuse, I would refuse to go down the street that it happened on for years.

I would avoid the street, mhmm, because it would bring up the memories. And if I saw the house, it was just like, oh, boy. So I would make my way to go all the way around the corner so I didn't have to go down that block. I wanna add to that to the I'm talking to listeners right now. If you haven't been through some of the stuff we're talking about, whether you have or not, actually, when you see poop people acting, quote, unquote, weird about things, I want you to think about this episode.

Mhmm. 90% of the time when people are acting, quote, unquote, weird, they're not freaking weird. They're reacting to trauma and sometimes don't know what else to do. Mhmm. Think about that.

The next time you think that someone's acting weird or funny, dig a little deeper because nine times out of 10, they reacted to some sort of trauma, and they're not weird. Absolutely. I used to flinch sometimes after I was in a domestic violence relationship years later and being in a new relationship. And my boyfriend would maybe try to go reach for something or try to give me a hug, and I would flinch. And he would ask me, why do you do that?

I'm I'm never gonna hit you. And I was like, oh, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but that's because I had been in a relationship prior to that with so much physical abuse that I was afraid when I would see a hand go up. And that was my trauma response. Yeah. And there's a lot of people out there who are like that now.

And by the way, we're not just talking about women because this happens to men a lot, and they just don't talk about it. Mhmm. So if you are a man listening and we're we're talking about you too. Absolutely. You guys need the more support than than anybody because nobody believes you guys when you speak up and say, hey.

Yeah. This girl is hitting on me and stuff. And it's the men that have the respect for women not to hit them back who are getting beat up at home and tortured. Yeah. And it it does happen, you guys.

是的，這是真的。只是這種事比你想像的多很多。然後有人打電話報警，警察根本不把他們當一回事。是的。

That's gotta change in our culture. Absolutely. In our culture. Absolutely. Does anyone completely get over their trauma?

I would say if it's a real extensive trauma, I don't think that they completely get over it. I think they have to go through some things and do their own personal work so that they can function at a higher level. But when it comes to completely getting over it, I don't think you're ever gonna forget what you've gone through unless you've had a lobotomy. And I feel like the memory is gonna always be there. There may be something that might always bring that memory to the forefront of your mind.

But when you do the therapy that you need to do and the personal work that comes with the therapy, I think that you can get yourself into a much healthier place and develop a lot of balance so that your relationships can also reflect that, and you can function at a healthy level in everything that you do once you get the help that you need and address the trauma for what it is. And check yourself. You basically have to check yourself when when you're dealing with trauma because it's like, well, how am I affecting other people with my trauma? So what I'm hearing is that you can you can get over your trauma instead of staying under it. Absolutely.

但你永遠無法完全將它拋諸腦後。是的。沒錯。是的。它的一部分會在你的內心，或在你的周圍，或圍繞著你。

當然。我們都有記憶。有些記憶就是會留下，無論你接受多少治療，有些記憶就是會刻在腦海裡。你懂嗎？對。

And you can talk to your therapist to process it. You can talk to your therapist about developing coping skills to help you deal with it. But a therapist doesn't have a magic wand or an eraser that can clear your mind. Right. You know?

And anyone that tells you that they that they do, please run. Yeah. Because they're lying and stealing your money. Liars. Now can you give us some examples of what it looks like when someone has is mastering, mastering their trauma?

Oh, when it what it looks like when you are mastering your your trauma. Okay. So you're gonna start to feel a lot more positive. You're gonna start to, take better care of yourself. Your self care is gonna go up.

You're gonna start doing things that make you happy. You're gonna start surrounding yourself with positive people and line yourself with opportunities. You might reconnect spiritually with God and, even volunteer, do something for your community. Like, you're gonna be very positive and have a mindset of doing good and thinking positive, and it's just going to reflect in all areas of your life. That's a really good those are some really great examples of Thank you.

How to tell when you can when you've begun to master your trauma. Mhmm. Because I think sometimes if we if we don't mention those things, people think, well, if I'm not at a I'm at a right now. If I'm not at z, well, then I didn't go anywhere. Right.

No. Progress is a process. Yeah. And all everything you just mentioned is part of that progress. Mhmm.

And you begin to say, wait a minute. You know what? I don't really care that much about being near the bar anymore. Right. That's an that's That's huge.

That's a huge, huge, huge, huge. Yeah. Yeah. I think communication as well. I forgot that.

Like, you'll be able to communicate more effectively once you're, you know, dealing with your trauma, and you'll be able to express to others rather than shutting down or rather than blowing up and getting an attitude or cursing somebody out who didn't deserve it because you didn't deal with your trauma. You know? I think when you start to respond better with those type of behaviors, I think that's when you know that you're starting to make progress for sure. Yep. Good good point.

So let me ask you this. What advice do you have for the listener right now that is just recognizing some of what you're talking about? If you are recognizing any of the things that we have spoken about today, I think that it would be wise for you to just do some research on a therapist and ask around and see if they are a good fit for you and just have a conversation with them. Do a free consultation and see if some of the things that we spoke about here, today are some of the things that are reflected in your life. And just kinda speak with somebody, connect with them, see if they match your vibe, and start doing therapy.

And stop carrying that snake around. Yeah. Get that snake get that snake out the bag. We don't need the snakes anymore. And if you get that which you can tame it.

馴服蛇，你就能馴服它。馴服蛇。真的。真的。一旦你開始認識它。

假設蛇沒了，但蛇是可以被馴服的。是的。沒錯。嗯。它可以被馴服，或者它的牙齒可以被拔掉。

是的。去毒化，是的。絕對的。去毒化，這樣它就不能再傷害你身邊的人或你自己了。透過治療來去毒化。

Yep. By therapizing. Speaking of of of, getting a good therapist who can help you, Erica is the trauma master. So she specifically specializes in helping people to get over their trauma instead of staying under it. Absolutely.

So, Erica, tell them what services you do offer. Well, I provide individual counseling, family counseling, with my Empower Therapy, and then I work with you with Bay and Best. And Bay and Best is basically groups for women, teenagers all the way up to grown women that we help get them through their trauma. I'm not gonna say over through their trauma by support. So I'm doing I have my hands in a lot of things, but I'm definitely doing individual counseling and group counseling.

And do you do them virtually? I do. My empowered therapy services are completely a % virtual. So that means that everybody listening Yeah. Can get ahold of you if they really want to, and they actually want to, as I like to say, get over what they've been under when it comes to trauma.

You are in New York state, I can treat you. Yes. Absolutely. We can help you master your trauma. And how can people find you?

Erica Best dot com. Could you spell that? Yes. I can. E r I c a b e s s dot c o m.

And it will be in the podcast description and the show notes for those of you if you wanna get a hold of her and see what else she's doing. And, yes, with, I just wanted to reiterate with BAE and BESS. That's something that we work on together, And we do group therapy sessions for teenage girls, women adult abuse survivors, and Spanish speaking women. But the, Resilient Roses, which is our our group for the women adult abuse survivors, we specialize in, helping women with their trauma. And we get them from all different walks of life and we absolutely love it.

And you couldn't pay us to not do it because it's wonderful to watch people get breakthroughs. So it's something that we're both very passionate about and, and enjoy helping people Absolutely. To move to their next level. We see where they start grow. Sorry.

Say it again. We see where they start when they first start working with us, and we watch their growth over time. Oh my god. Yeah. It's so amazing.

It's so exhilarating, really. Like, we get so freaking excited. Like, we just went to the biggest candy store in the world, and we're a kid after our sessions, you know, because we're like, oh my god. Did you see that? This is so awesome.

再說一次，艾莉卡，我是《創傷大師》。謝謝你再次來到這裡。謝謝你邀請我。現在，讓我們進入一個轉換思維的時刻。對於現在正在收聽節目的各位，我知道你們大多數人都經歷過尚未應對的創傷。

You can try to deny it. You can pretend it's not there, or you can sweep it under the rug and pretend like it's not a big deal. But I promise you, what you haven't dealt with is already dealing with you. What sort of thing have you been through or dealt with that has affected your mindset, your attitude, your fears, your beliefs, your feelings. What have you, what do you have in your treasure chest, in your closet that you just chose to put away?

I promise you it's already affecting you. I would admonish you today to try to start to do something about it. You'll never get over a thing. You'll never get through a thing overnight, but you can start today. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast.

請按讚並訂閱我的 YouTube 頻道「思維轉換者」。如果您有任何評論、主題建議，或想成為節目嘉賓，請造訪 FatimaBay.com/podcast。記住，轉變思維的力量是無窮的。請關注下週節目。