Siempre me encantó tener el pelo rizado, porque era tan bonito. Y deseaba tenerlo. Bueno, como pueden oír en la historia, he descubierto que siempre lo he tenido. Simplemente lo he reprimido. - Fatima Bey

My hair is a story. Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She didn't know who she was. She followed what everyone else says that she should be. She followed what society said.

La sociedad dijo: «Oye, chica negra, alísate el pelo. Ponte este relajante. Tu pelo natural no es lo suficientemente bonito. Mantenlo liso y suelto como las blancas. Al fin y al cabo, así es como se ve la belleza».

This girl continued to straighten her hair well into adulthood. All the meanwhile, she would admire the curly hair of others. She would look at girls with spirally curly hair with admiration and envy saying, I wish I had hair like that. One day, this little girl decided to stop putting relaxers in her hair. She decided to allow her natural hair to grow out and stop forcing it to be straight.

Once her hair grew out enough, she was shocked to learn that her natural hair had perfect spiral curls. Oh my God. The hair she always wanted was always right there. This woman began to appreciate the beauty that was within, the beauty that was always in her. Then that woman created this podcast.

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome to another episode. As you can tell, today's episode is gonna be a little bit different because today's special guest is me, as you can see on the front cover. Now for those listening who don't understand, I understand that my listeners are from everywhere and all kinds of backgrounds.

So if you don't know what a relaxer is, a relaxer is a chemical that black people put in their hair to make our hair permanently straight. So most of my life, since I was an adolescent, at least early teens, I've been putting a relaxer in my hair as with most black people in this country until recently. And it was the norm growing up. That was the norm. That's what we did started a long time ago.

But it does permanently straighten your hair. And a funny thing about that is even with the relaxer in my hair, I could still wear my hair curly. The curls still showed through. They didn't show through the way they do now, but they still they still came through. So all my life have been straightened in my hair.

Y como dije en la historia, siempre admiraba a las personas con el pelo perfectamente rizado. Y me refiero a personas de diferentes razas, ya fueran mitad negras, mitad blancas, blancas, latinas, lo que fueran. Siempre me encantó el pelo rizado, porque era tan bonito. Y solía desear tenerlo. Bueno, como pueden oír en la historia, he llegado a descubrir que siempre lo he tenido. Simplemente lo he reprimido.

I kept putting the fake on top of the reel, and it wasn't until I decided to take the fake off relaxer that I could finally see the reel and realize my hair is beautiful. I am beautiful. What God put in me is beautiful. The way he created me is beautiful. I now recognize that.

But see, this is a story because it's an analogy for life. So today's episode is for someone. I don't know who, but it's probably you. You see very often in life, we keep trying to suppress what's naturally within us, we're trying to suppress the fact that we think differently than those around us because we don't fit in. So we suppress it.

We put a relaxer on it and we keep back our natural curls. We keep back our natural talents because they don't fit in. And the truth is, if you're being yourself, your real self, you won't fit in because the average person is completely clueless as to who they actually are. I'll say that again. The average person is completely clueless as to who they were designed to be.

Some of you listening to me right now, you've been suppressing who you really are and you're seeking the approval of others. So you're trying to fit in. You're trying to fit in and be what everybody else says you should be. Society tells you you have to be this. You have to be that.

And that's not true. You're tall and you're black. You have to play basketball instead of maybe you need to be the next rocket scientist. But, no, we fall in line with the lies that our society tells us. Although my audience is American and Canadian, this is true for people around the world, no matter what culture you're from, because all of our cultures lie to us and tell us who we should be, who we should and shouldn't be.

Every single one. But I want you to know, just like my curly hair, your beauty can come out once you take off the fakeness. Once you start holding back your fakeness. So what I mean is stop holding back who you are. You know, I see it all the time.

And as you all know, I work with teens a lot, and this podcast is for teens. I go into high schools and I do workshops. And something I see a lot is people trying to fit in with their crowd. And in order to do that, they have to be fake. They have to be unauthentic.

And sometimes they don't realize that that's what they're doing. So I'm not saying that everybody's trying to be fake, but you really are because you're afraid that the real you won't be accepted. But the truth is the real you is a gift that we all need. I'm a say it again. The real you is a gift that we all need.

The reason my hair is a story, it's a story about recognizing who you are and gaining a confidence in the beauty that is within that's within you. So how many of you listening right now know that you're not happy right now? Can I tell you something? One of the number one reasons people there's many reasons why people aren't happy, but I say the biggest one is you're trying to fit where you don't fit. You're a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

You're trying to fit into what you don't fit into. And that's why you're unhappy. You will never be happy until you fulfill what you were meant to do. And what you were meant to do is already in you. Just like the curls were already in my hair, they are already in you.

Lo que necesitas para tu llamado en la vida, lo que se supone que debes hacer, donde reside tu felicidad, es cumplir ese propósito. Y si no sabes cuál es, quizás sea hora de descubrirlo. Pero la belleza que reside en ti ya está ahí. La belleza que deseas ya está ahí. Mira, muchas de ustedes intentan conseguirse un tatuaje de ginecomastia, las mejores extensiones de cabello, lo mejor de lo que sea, los mejores zapatos, el auto más atractivo.

You're trying so hard to impress everybody else, but you're not dealing with the fact that that's all surface. That's all crap on top that has nothing to do with what's within you. Until you decide to allow the real you out, you're not gonna be happy. Think about it. How many rich folks?

¿Cuántas personas conocemos que sean ricas y famosas? Lo tenían todo. Ah, eso parece. Aun así, terminan suicidándose. Terminan en rehabilitación.

They end up having some real serious issues just like the rest of us. You know why? All that money and fame doesn't solve their problems. Money and fame doesn't solve problems from within. So you can get a whole bunch of stuff.

You can have the nicest house. You can have the nicest position and the biggest title. It will not satisfy you because it's not it's not you letting it's not the real you coming out. And it's not that you can have those things. You can and in fact you should.

I wish that for everyone. Actually, I would I would love to see most of you become millionaires. Famous or not, I would I would just love to see that. But that's irrelevant. It really is irrelevant to you coming out to being you.

You see, every time we hold ourselves back, we keep telling ourselves, no. I can't say this because it won't be accepted. Maybe you need to say it because maybe we need to hear what you have to say because you have a unique perspective that the rest of us won't get unless you are you're carrying that perspective. We need to hear it. Maybe you have the cure for cancer and you're not finding it because you know that what you're thinking, your theory will be rejected by the scientific community.

So move on and do it anyway. If you think about the greatest discoveries that we've ever had have come from people thinking outside the box. Thinking outside the box is just that. It's outside the box that society wants to put you in, the box the box up your mind. And that's really not what you should do.

Verás, otra razón por la que mi cabello es tan importante es que crecí con una autoestima muy, muy, muy baja. No creía en mí misma para nada. Es increíble lo que he hecho con tan poca confianza. La mayoría de la gente, si supiera lo que me pasa por la cabeza, se sorprendería de algunas de las cosas que he hecho. Sabes, he dirigido dos negocios.

I've won multiple awards for both businesses nationally and internationally. I've been on the cover of magazines. I've been on TV. Just a whole bunch of different accolades I could, you know, spot out to you. But really, honestly, none of that means anything until I have confidence.

Y durante todo ese tiempo, diría que tenía muy poca confianza. Solo en los últimos años he podido recuperarla. Y para mí, mi cabello como historia es tan importante porque es importante para mí y para muchos de ustedes. Como dije, esto es para alguien. No sé quién, pero probablemente seas tú.

De niño, no tenía confianza en mí mismo. No tenía ninguna, ninguna, ninguna en absoluto. Así que seguí reprimiendo muchas cosas. Muchos de mis procesos de pensamiento, por los que ahora la gente busca mi consejo, los reprimí porque no encajaban con los demás. No encajaban con los pensamientos y teorías de quienes me rodeaban.

Así que empecé a reprimirlo. Y he aquí que era la magia lo que estaba reprimiendo. La gente me pregunta constantemente qué pienso y qué consejo doy, y quién soy yo. Pero ahora me doy cuenta de la belleza que estaba reprimiendo. Me di cuenta de que estaba reprimiendo lo que otros necesitan.

Mis procesos de pensamiento son útiles para los demás. Y no es que sea perfecto ni que siempre tenga razón, sino que tengo una perspectiva. Tengo una forma de expresar perspectivas o de hacer que la gente vea otras perspectivas que no veo en mucha gente capaz de hacer. ¿Sabes por qué? Es un don.

I recognize that it's a gift and I don't say that arrogantly. I say it confidently because once upon a time I couldn't say that. And for so many of you listening right now, I am not that special. I am not more gifted than you likely. I do have a lot of gifts.

Ya lo sé, pero sé que no soy la única. Muchos de ustedes me están escuchando ahora mismo y tienen dones que están reprimiendo porque no encajan. Por favor, por favor, por favor, dejen de intentar encajar. Dejen de intentar vivir a la altura de los demás. Seres humanos que solo tienen opiniones, y pueden equivocarse.

Human beings didn't create you. So why are you looking for our approval? We didn't give you purpose. You don't need my approval. My opinion doesn't matter in your life.

Nadie es responsable de tu vida, solo tú. Tú eres quien necesita vivirla plenamente. Tú eres quien necesita encontrar ese hermoso don que llevas dentro y dejar de reprimirlo y forzarlo a ser algo que no es. Quiero que escuches lo que te digo hoy y lo tomes en serio. Mi cabello es tu historia.

If you take this message and you apply it to your life and you begin to seek out and confront yourself and admit to the things you have been holding back, the beauty you'll discover that the beauty that you seek has always been there. You just have to let it out. Let her develop. You see, when I decided to stop relaxing my hair, I didn't just immediately press no change o. Now I have beautiful hair.

No. Tuve que dejarlo crecer durante un año y medio antes de que se vea lo que aparece en la portada. Tuve que dejarlo crecer durante casi un año y medio para conseguir el largo que se ve. Eso es solo un año y medio de crecimiento ahora que ya no tengo el pelo liso. Y, como con mi pelo, cuando decides dejar de reprimir lo que llevas dentro, puede que tarde un poco en desarrollarse porque lo has estado reprimiendo durante tanto tiempo.

I'm a say that again. It might take a while for you to develop what is already naturally there because you have been suppressing it for so long. But when you let it out, it will become beautiful and we'll actually be able to see the beauty that's within you. You just got to get past everybody else's opinions. And especially because this this podcast is for teenagers, especially teenagers.

As a teenager, we're under a lot of peer pressure. And by the way, that's not just a teenage things. Adults put themselves under a lot of peer pressure or succumb to peer pressure as well. It just looks different with us. We buy houses we can't afford and cars we can't afford and get surgeries we don't need.

That's our version of peer pressure. We just have more money to do things we shouldn't. So when you feel like you're under peer pressure and that's normal and you think people look around you looking at you like you're stupid telling you stupid because you're talking different than them. The fact that you're thinking different than than them is probably where your gift lies. That's probably where your beauty is.

Pursue it. You are under no obligation to impress anybody. You are not obligated to impress everybody else because everybody else you impression you're you're trying to impress at the end of the day, their opinions don't really matter. They're not living your life. You are.

When you go into a career, go into the one that really fulfills you, not the one that impresses others because that fulfillment will fill you better than any money. Now hopefully you can make money at what's fulfilling you because that's what I teach people to do. But don't allow everybody else's opinions, opinions to be that box that holds you in Those chains that hold you back from what you should be. I'm really hoping you're taking this message to heart today. And once again, I'm talking to somebody today.

No sé quién eres, pero probablemente seas tú. Gracias por escuchar el podcast Mindshift Power. Dale "me gusta" y suscríbete a mi canal de YouTube en the mind shifter. Si tienes algún comentario, sugerencia de tema o quieres ser invitado al programa, visita fatimabay.com/podcast. Recuerda: cambiar tu forma de pensar tiene poder.

Tune in for next week.