My hair is a story. Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She didn't know who she was. She followed what everyone else says that she should be. She followed what society said.

Society said, hey, black girl, straighten your hair. Put this relaxer in your hair. Your natural hair isn't beautiful enough. Keep it straight and flowing like white people. After all, that's what beautiful looks like.

This girl continued to straighten her hair well into adulthood. All the meanwhile, she would admire the curly hair of others. She would look at girls with spirally curly hair with admiration and envy saying, I wish I had hair like that. One day, this little girl decided to stop putting relaxers in her hair. She decided to allow her natural hair to grow out and stop forcing it to be straight.

Once her hair grew out enough, she was shocked to learn that her natural hair had perfect spiral curls. Oh my God. The hair she always wanted was always right there. This woman began to appreciate the beauty that was within, the beauty that was always in her. Then that woman created this podcast.

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome to another episode. As you can tell, today's episode is gonna be a little bit different because today's special guest is me, as you can see on the front cover. Now for those listening who don't understand, I understand that my listeners are from everywhere and all kinds of backgrounds.

So if you don't know what a relaxer is, a relaxer is a chemical that black people put in their hair to make our hair permanently straight. So most of my life, since I was an adolescent, at least early teens, I've been putting a relaxer in my hair as with most black people in this country until recently. And it was the norm growing up. That was the norm. That's what we did started a long time ago.

But it does permanently straighten your hair. And a funny thing about that is even with the relaxer in my hair, I could still wear my hair curly. The curls still showed through. They didn't show through the way they do now, but they still they still came through. So all my life have been straightened in my hair.

And like I said in the story, I always really did look at people with admiration who had perfectly curly hair And I mean of different races, whether they were half black, half white, whether they were white, whether they were Latino, whatever they were. I just always loved the curly hair that it was so pretty. And I used to wish I had it. Well, as you could hear in the story, I've come to find out I've always had it. I just kept suppressing it.

I kept putting the fake on top of the reel, and it wasn't until I decided to take the fake off relaxer that I could finally see the reel and realize my hair is beautiful. I am beautiful. What God put in me is beautiful. The way he created me is beautiful. I now recognize that.

But see, this is a story because it's an analogy for life. So today's episode is for someone. I don't know who, but it's probably you. You see very often in life, we keep trying to suppress what's naturally within us, we're trying to suppress the fact that we think differently than those around us because we don't fit in. So we suppress it.

We put a relaxer on it and we keep back our natural curls. We keep back our natural talents because they don't fit in. And the truth is, if you're being yourself, your real self, you won't fit in because the average person is completely clueless as to who they actually are. I'll say that again. The average person is completely clueless as to who they were designed to be.

Some of you listening to me right now, you've been suppressing who you really are and you're seeking the approval of others. So you're trying to fit in. You're trying to fit in and be what everybody else says you should be. Society tells you you have to be this. You have to be that.

And that's not true. You're tall and you're black. You have to play basketball instead of maybe you need to be the next rocket scientist. But, no, we fall in line with the lies that our society tells us. Although my audience is American and Canadian, this is true for people around the world, no matter what culture you're from, because all of our cultures lie to us and tell us who we should be, who we should and shouldn't be.

Every single one. But I want you to know, just like my curly hair, your beauty can come out once you take off the fakeness. Once you start holding back your fakeness. So what I mean is stop holding back who you are. You know, I see it all the time.

And as you all know, I work with teens a lot, and this podcast is for teens. I go into high schools and I do workshops. And something I see a lot is people trying to fit in with their crowd. And in order to do that, they have to be fake. They have to be unauthentic.

And sometimes they don't realize that that's what they're doing. So I'm not saying that everybody's trying to be fake, but you really are because you're afraid that the real you won't be accepted. But the truth is the real you is a gift that we all need. I'm a say it again. The real you is a gift that we all need.

The reason my hair is a story, it's a story about recognizing who you are and gaining a confidence in the beauty that is within that's within you. So how many of you listening right now know that you're not happy right now? Can I tell you something? One of the number one reasons people there's many reasons why people aren't happy, but I say the biggest one is you're trying to fit where you don't fit. You're a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

You're trying to fit into what you don't fit into. And that's why you're unhappy. You will never be happy until you fulfill what you were meant to do. And what you were meant to do is already in you. Just like the curls were already in my hair, they are already in you.

What you need for your calling on your life, what you're supposed to be doing, where your happiness lies is fulfilling that purpose. And if you don't know what that is, maybe it's time to find out. But the beauty that is in you is already there. The beauty you desire is already there. See, so many of you are trying to get BBLs and the best hair weave and the best whatever, the best shoes, the hottest car.

You're trying so hard to impress everybody else, but you're not dealing with the fact that that's all surface. That's all crap on top that has nothing to do with what's within you. Until you decide to allow the real you out, you're not gonna be happy. Think about it. How many rich folks?

How many people we know that are rich and famous? They had everything. Oh, so it seems. Yet they end up committing suicide. They end up in rehab.

They end up having some real serious issues just like the rest of us. You know why? All that money and fame doesn't solve their problems. Money and fame doesn't solve problems from within. So you can get a whole bunch of stuff.

You can have the nicest house. You can have the nicest position and the biggest title. It will not satisfy you because it's not it's not you letting it's not the real you coming out. And it's not that you can have those things. You can and in fact you should.

I wish that for everyone. Actually, I would I would love to see most of you become millionaires. Famous or not, I would I would just love to see that. But that's irrelevant. It really is irrelevant to you coming out to being you.

You see, every time we hold ourselves back, we keep telling ourselves, no. I can't say this because it won't be accepted. Maybe you need to say it because maybe we need to hear what you have to say because you have a unique perspective that the rest of us won't get unless you are you're carrying that perspective. We need to hear it. Maybe you have the cure for cancer and you're not finding it because you know that what you're thinking, your theory will be rejected by the scientific community.

So move on and do it anyway. If you think about the greatest discoveries that we've ever had have come from people thinking outside the box. Thinking outside the box is just that. It's outside the box that society wants to put you in, the box the box up your mind. And that's really not what you should do.

You see, another reason why my hair is a story is I grew up very with very, very, very low self esteem. I didn't believe in myself at all. It's amazing some of the things that I have done with very little confidence. Most people, if they really knew what was going on in my head, would be shocked at some of the things that I've done. You know, I I've I have run two businesses.

I've won multiple awards for both businesses nationally and internationally. I've been on the cover of magazines. I've been on TV. Just a whole bunch of different accolades I could, you know, spot out to you. But really, honestly, none of that means anything until I have confidence.

And through all of that, I had very little confidence through most of that, I would say. It's only in recent years that I've been able to build up my confidence more. And to me, my hair as a story is so significant because it's significant of me and many of you. Like I said, this is for somebody. I don't know who, but it's probably you.

I had no confidence growing up. I had no none, none, none at all. And so I kept suppressing a lot of stuff. A lot of my thought process, which people actually seek my advice for now, I used to suppress because it didn't fit in with everyone else. It didn't fit in with the the the thoughts and theories of the people around me.

So I began to suppress it. Lo and behold, it was the magic that I was holding back. People are asking what my thoughts and my advice all the time and who am I? But now I realize that the beauty I was holding back, I realized the beauty I was holding back. I realized that I was holding back what other people need.

The thought processes that I have are helpful to others. And it's not that I'm perfect or that I'm always right, but I have a perspective. I have a way of stating perspectives or getting people to see other perspectives that I don't see a lot of people having that capability to do. You know why? It's a gift.

I recognize that it's a gift and I don't say that arrogantly. I say it confidently because once upon a time I couldn't say that. And for so many of you listening right now, I am not that special. I am not more gifted than you likely. I do have a lot of gifts.

I know this now, but I know I'm not the only one. Many of you are listening to me right now and you have gifts that you're holding back because they don't fit in. Please, please, please stop trying to fit in. Stop trying to live up to other people's standards. Human beings who have nothing more than opinions, and they can be wrong.

Human beings didn't create you. So why are you looking for our approval? We didn't give you purpose. You don't need my approval. My opinion doesn't matter in your life.

Nobody's responsible for your life, but you. You are the one that needs to live out your life. You are the one that needs to find that beautiful gift that is within you and stop suppressing it and forcing it to be something it is not. I want you to listen to what I'm saying today and take it to heart. My hair is your story.

If you take this message and you apply it to your life and you begin to seek out and confront yourself and admit to the things you have been holding back, the beauty you'll discover that the beauty that you seek has always been there. You just have to let it out. Let her develop. You see, when I decided to stop relaxing my hair, I didn't just immediately press no change o. Now I have beautiful hair.

No. I had to grow it out for a year and a half before you see what's on the cover. I had to grow it out for almost a year and a half to get the length that you see. That's only a year and a half worth of growth now that all the straight stuff is gone. And like my hair, when you decide to stop holding back what's within you, it might take a while for it to to develop because you've been suppressing it for so long.

I'm a say that again. It might take a while for you to develop what is already naturally there because you have been suppressing it for so long. But when you let it out, it will become beautiful and we'll actually be able to see the beauty that's within you. You just got to get past everybody else's opinions. And especially because this this podcast is for teenagers, especially teenagers.

As a teenager, we're under a lot of peer pressure. And by the way, that's not just a teenage things. Adults put themselves under a lot of peer pressure or succumb to peer pressure as well. It just looks different with us. We buy houses we can't afford and cars we can't afford and get surgeries we don't need.

That's our version of peer pressure. We just have more money to do things we shouldn't. So when you feel like you're under peer pressure and that's normal and you think people look around you looking at you like you're stupid telling you stupid because you're talking different than them. The fact that you're thinking different than than them is probably where your gift lies. That's probably where your beauty is.

Pursue it. You are under no obligation to impress anybody. You are not obligated to impress everybody else because everybody else you impression you're you're trying to impress at the end of the day, their opinions don't really matter. They're not living your life. You are.

When you go into a career, go into the one that really fulfills you, not the one that impresses others because that fulfillment will fill you better than any money. Now hopefully you can make money at what's fulfilling you because that's what I teach people to do. But don't allow everybody else's opinions, opinions to be that box that holds you in Those chains that hold you back from what you should be. I'm really hoping you're taking this message to heart today. And once again, I'm talking to somebody today.

I don't know who, but it's probably you. Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.