In this inspiring guest appearance on Advancing with Amy, Fatima Bey The MindShifter opens up about overcoming fear, building self-worth, and shifting mindsets for true success. Drawing from her personal journey and extensive coaching experience, Fatima shares her raw, honest approach to helping both teens and adults discover their value and live with purpose. With powerful stories—including how one young girl’s life was transformed—she reveals why balance, authenticity, and faith are essential to growth. A conversation filled with courage, empowerment, and practical wisdom for anyone ready to change their thinking.

Original airdate: July 11, 2024

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welcome back to another episode of advancing with Amy mental health Warrior and neuros spicy Mama I'm your host Amy

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and today we have an extraordinary guest Fatima Bay who will be sharing her

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remarkable insights on overcoming fear recognizing selfworth and shifting

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mindsets for success as a personal coach speaker and Mind Shifter Fatima draws

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from her own journey and extend of experience to help both teens and adults

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find balance and purpose in their lives in this episode Fatima opens up about her own struggles with self-worth and

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confidence and how she transformed her life with the guidance of a higher power she explains her unique approach to mind

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shifting tailored to individual needs and the importance of addressing mental health issues honestly and openly Fatima

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also shares a powerful story about a young girl named Janiah whose life was transformed through her coaching join us

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as we delve into conversations about the impact of fear the importance of mental health and the necessity of having real

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sometimes uncomfortable discussions to Foster growth and resilience whether

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you're a teen an adult or someone looking to make a positive change in your life Fatima's wisdom is sure to

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inspire and Empower you so let's get started we're here with Fatima B today

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who is a Mind Shifter Fatima welcome well thank you for having me yeah we're

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glad to have you here so tell me a little bit about what a Mind Shifter is well I shift people's thinking for their

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own success so I came up with that name my sister helped me come up with that name actually because it is something I

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decided to put a title to something I've done my entire life so I help people to shift the way they think because our

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thinking is where all the answers lie and also where they die if we it's how we think that

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determines where we go where we don't go what we do what we don't do our thought patterns are everything and so I came to

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an understanding that a long time ago that it really doesn't matter what tools you give there's plenty of people out

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there that give you like lots of advice and tools and they're

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excellent but a hammer doesn't no good in the hand of a baby it can only do

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damage baby doesn't know what to do with it so I'm not saying that people are babies what well I'm just using that as

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an analogy but what I'm saying is that we have to shift our thinking if we want success so I like to start with your

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foundation I'm a foundation person so your foundation of how you think that's

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my focus the tips and tools once you have shifted your thinking I'll give you

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those to but I'm not giving them to you until we shift your thinking because I'm not wasting my

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time so and everybody most of us need mind shifts we don't all need to same kind because we're not all on the same

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level at the same time but we all need some sort of Mind shifting so that's why

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I do personal coaching now I do speaking engagements I do presentations I love

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doing workshops with presentation to high schools it's like my favorite out of everything I do and it's hard to shift the thinking of high school

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students Believe It or Not uh because they're very they big walls up um for

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many reasons some of them I don't blame them for actually in today's society but I'm able to typically anyway get past

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those walls and shift their thinking and they've told me so so um that's a

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beautiful thing but so when I do my one-on-one coaching one of the reasons I got into one-on-one coaching isn't just

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because okay you can make money with one-on-one coaching it's because oneone coaching is where I can be more specific

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to your needs I do not do I cannot stand allinone allpurpose messages that's like

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Bland plain rice was that you eat white rice but you eat it

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with a side of something flavorful whether it's a sauce whether it's veggies whether it's meat whatever stew

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chicken whatever it is I don't do allpurpose messages I really it's so

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important to individualize what you actually need and at your level I don't

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do cookie cutter I just don't believe in it so for me as a Mind Shifter that's

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just that's what I do I'm going to give you an example of what I did I used to be a math teacher and very briefly I did

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more math tutoring than teaching and I actually enjoyed the tutoring more than the teaching but I used mind shifting

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methods when I tutored math so here's what I would do as a ma as a person who thinks mathematically I think

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mathematically so the way algebra works is exactly the way way I think I break things down I see them in all their

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different phases but understand their summary and I see people that way so

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math to me was easy because it's very logical according to how I was already built to think but if you're not a

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mathematical thinker mat is really hard and I get that so unlike most math mathematicians I don't just say formula

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this and formula that and this those are all just empty words to them get them to understand the concepts

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first then let's talk about the formulas then let's give it labels and titles so I would do that so what I would do is I

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would talk I would in the within the first session I would find out how does this person think so I would use

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analogies whatever they could relate to I use analogies for sports for race for

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sex for vacuum cleaners cars those are just some of the things

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I've done to get them to understand the mathematical concept and then they're just like oh well that wasn't so hard

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it's like no want this explain to you the right way it's really you can get this and get them to really understand

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it they can't get it um and once I understood that I would help them to then we would take the the principle and

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we would apply the titles to that formula we'd apply okay this is the

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principle how do we work that principle within this equation within this whatever it is we're working on and a

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lot of what I did was algebra so that was kind of easy for me pre-cal is where I was like H you're

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boring that's where just like nah I don't want to take anymore well I which

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i' had you around when I was in Algebra I was just using that as an example of you know how mind shifting

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works right is mind shifting something you develop yeah absolutely it's something

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that came natural to me so it's not like I I went to school went to the mind the masters of the Mind shifters you know

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many of us there I'm not the only person out there that shifts people thinking but there's not a lot that focus on it

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the way I do and I call myself the Mind Shifter because that's literally what I

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do I have I am known for making statements to people quick two sentences

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and blowing your mind it just shifting your perspective that's really is is Shifting your perspective to get you to

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see something so that you can do whatever it is you need to do one of the biggest ways I absolutely love to do

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this Amy is with people who don't see their own self value who don't see their own value who

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do not realize how valuable they actually are people with those self-esteem that's

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what we used to call it but now we call it self-worth and there's like 25 other

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whatever words you want bu words you want to call for it that boil down to the same thing but selfworth is what it

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is but you know there's many different titles you could get it I absolutely love to

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take and I especially do this with young women because I was a young woman I can

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relate and get them to see that they have value because there's so many especially teenagers when I go into

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these high schools I see it all over them and I'll address it in the middle of the classroom

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too so many of them think they're stupid simply put as much as we say you

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have worth yay everybody's worth something blah blah blah none of that matters if we don't believe

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you if you say the same thing to everybody I don't believe you either I mean let's be real everybody

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has everybody is when you start making statements like that nobody's listening nobody's taking you seriously I wouldn't

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say nobody most of us are not taking you seriously when you make blanket statements like that just sound like you're an airhead and I'm just gonna be

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BL just sound like an airhead and and I say and and I know that everybody who's saying stuff like that is not an airhead

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and I'm not saying everybody is or that they're not well intended what I'm say what I'm talking about is how it's

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received right and so you have these people that unless you

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individualize their value to them they don't get it it doesn't apply

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to them so why are you saying it to me right you know well and here it's such a pivotal point with these teenagers

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because they're embarking on a new life soon and they're finding out who they

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are and so you're getting them at a really good time what interest you about

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teens like how did you get into working with teens I've always worked with Children

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of different ages throughout my entire life even when I was a children I

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worked with ch I did even when I was 10 years old I

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was working at my Lizzy's uh daycare well not technically working cuz I was

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10 and 12 or no yeah I think it was 10 at that time but I was helping out with

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at at the daycare with the kids because first of all if you're in lizes and you're around

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her you working so it doesn't matter if you're the queen of England you working

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too that's how she was um but she was so respected that she could do that but even then I used to help the the little

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kids like the two-year-old learn how to learn their ABCs to two to 5year olds learn their ABCs learn how to count to

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10 in English and Spanish we did did have two-year-olds at the daycare that could count to 10 in English and Spanish

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for real most of the kids that came out of her daycare were overprepared for kindergarten by the time I got there

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because we taught them from babies and I realized that and then I used to teach uh Sunday school at my old church and I

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that's something I still value highly to this day it was a wonderful experience and I taught different age groups when I

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was there but not teens and then fast forward to many years later I ended up being a dorm supervisor at job cor and

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job cor students are between the ages of 16 to 24 so I had a dorm full of about

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75 females at first and then I switched over to 100

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males teenage boys being the head chick in charge and

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there was only one female on my staff every everything else was testosterone oh but and you got to be

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tough to handle that but I can tell you teenage boys are far more respectful

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they really are that is true well you know as females are just more emotional but I mean that's what it boils down to

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really but with the working with the teenagers there it really opened up my eyes of what I was capable of in dealing

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with them because I always had a natural Talent you know for dealing with them but they really kind of helped me to

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understand more I I would say they they really helped me to

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understand how to work with them more there's so much I learned um from working with them well

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honest you're obviously a very honest and open person and I think they the

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teens respect that that is the number one reason why I can reach them I don't

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think I can reach them because I have special powers or because I'm better than anyone else I'm just honest and

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real with them and I don't treat them like they're 5 years old right I don't talk at them I talk with them I get

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their input I look for what they

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think you know I ask their opinions all the time and I mean it and I'm just really raw I'm really raw and I know not

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everybody can handle that because some people can only handle cotton candy because that's all they've ever dealt

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with and but you can't if you want to deal with real issues you got to be real and honest about them and that's not

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always pretty and not always comfortable I'm just willing to have the UN comfortable

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conversations and um I have a podcast as well and so part of that is my podcast

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is for teens and the adults work with them so on my podcast I am really raw

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and let me also include in that statement I'm Raw but not obnoxious there is a difference and yes I do

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understand the difference and I say that because a lot of times people like I keep it 100 I'm real and you just real

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rude and obnoxious and get country as hell whatever title you want to give it

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it's like no I'm not I'm not that I'm just real I have those conversations I I

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have a podcast for teens it's called Mind shift power podcast and it's a podcast for teens and the adults who

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work with them so on my podcast I'm very very raw open and honest uh every guest

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I have on there is open and honest as well if I feel people can't be real I

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just don't have them on my show I don't care how famous they are how what how much of an expert they are if you can't

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be honest and real and have raw conversations then leave me alone so um not necessarily leave me alone but

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just I'm not interested because I I my podcast is there to help people so we talk about issues that are

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relevant to the teen years or to the adults who work with teens so and that

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is everything from careers to child molestation and rape you couldn't be have a more

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varied topic than that but I and I'm unafraid to talk about the things that we need to deal with because something I

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else have learned in life and I'm talking to you audience right now everything you trying to avoid

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is the very thing you need to be talking about so you can deal with it and get over it instead of staying under

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it wow did ADV tell me for your podcast

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do you ever talk about mental health and that kind of thing oh absolutely I talk

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about it from different perspectives intentionally so I will talk about uh

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domestic violence and human trafficking is something that has come up is coming up and I will continue to talk about

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because those are things that are near and dear to my heart I'm very passionate about but I will not talk I have the

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same conversation with every guest I'll have many guests on and the conversations will be very different with different focuses so when it comes

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to mental health I think mental health is a big deal and mental health I want

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to make sure I clarify this to the audience when I say mental health I literally mean your mental

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wellbe because mental health doesn't just mean crazy folks because that's what some people think they think oh

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mental health okay so you're just talking about people who are schizophrenic or bipolar or personality disorder blah blah blah blah

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no it means your mental well-being those disorders are a part of the conversation

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too but they're not the entire conversation your mental well-being means that you're dealing with the stuff

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that you have't been ignoring for years I had an episode on I think it came out a couple weeks ago was

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recent it was called the title of the episode is my children were molested

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right under my nose like this even my sister what she

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went tell she went whoa yeah like oh yeah I went there this woman who

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is I think she's 71 she's said her she's at her age on the show but she her this happened to her

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children and it did happen right under her nose we talked about it you know why I thought it was important to talk about

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I think it's important to talk about being you know uh sexual molestation and sexual abuse

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um physical abuse I think it's important to talk about all of those things but sexual abuse is a different category

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it's not it just it has more elements to it than physical and mental it's it

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encompasses more it's a bit it's has some Nuance needs and I understand that it's important to talk about the things

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that make us uncomfortable and that's a topic that nobody wants to talk about

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because we do talk about people that were sexually abused and I'm glad that we do and I don't think we should stop

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no however the conversation I don't hear happening what about the parents of the

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molested children they go through a lot too oh

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yeah and some parents freaking deserve it because it was their fault I'm gonna be real and honest but some don't and

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some just were genuinely ignorant and they nobody can beat them up more than

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they do and I don't know that people understand that and I think it's important that they could that they talk

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to each other and maybe hear someone else like them they're not going to go to a group session but they might listen

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to my podcast so I can help them in that way well I think that's that's great because not only are they healing

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themselves but hopefully other parents are listening and hearing signs maybe

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they could look for or things that they could watch for yeah I think that's so

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important we talked about that but when it comes to mental health I think it's an extremely important subject that's

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why want to come on here I don't guest with everyone I'll be honest with you and I don't have

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everybody guessing on my show either I'm very particular one thing I like about your show and I said this to you in the

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chat but you talk you're willing with your show you talk about the stuff that other people try to scr around and I

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love that about you I respect it because we need to have these conversations I think it's so important there needs to

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be more podcasts like yours and less of the fluffy crap sorry fluffy crap people

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but I there needs to be more I mean those The Fluffy crap has a place too

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because if you're dealing with heavy stuff all day you need to listen to fluffy crap to kind of balance yourself out and I understand that but we need

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more people like you that are willing to go there and talk about the stuff that

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most people aren't now most people wouldn't dare have a have an episode like I did and title it just

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that but you know the conversation was

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was gentle and just real and raw you know and I came up with that episode

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after having a conversation with her because we actually talked about it at length and I was like would you be

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willing to do an episode about it and she's like yeah and even the woman is 70 something years old this happened 30

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years ago she still got choked up during the episode I would too yeah yes because

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it's still there my point is with mental health the issues you're not dealing

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with and I'm not talking to Amy I'm talking to you the issue you are not dealing with is already dealing with you

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you already having messed up relationships you already putting and

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stealing crap into your kids that was instilled into you and you know it's crap you are already messing up at work

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because of the patterns that you have and those patterns developed because of the crap you're not dealing with oh you

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gave me chills it well it's just the truth our mental health is not just about I want

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people to stop thinking of mental health as crazy folks with disorders no mental

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health just like physical health it means Health right means all aspects of it

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that's why I'm fine I ain't got no problems I yeah had that happened to I got M Lista when I was 10 I never talked

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about it but I'm fine no you're not unless you're dealing with it it's already dealing with you I promise you

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yeah you're right on yeah I respect that and I've listened to your podcast and I was blown away by the

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change in one of the young ladies that I heard about yes yeah you want to talk

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about that a little bit sure if you guys are listening M shift power podcast episode number two is what I'm

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specifically talking about there's a young girl her name is Jania and because we say her name in the

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episode a local young girl and when she first met me at a community center I was

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volunteering doing some mind shifting I was actually doing a girls

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group Just For Girls stressed out girls to come in and talk well that's how I met her and it just kind of blossomed

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from there but when I first met her she had no self value she did not know that

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she was smart she's beautiful she's very intelligent she's actually more mature

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than a lot of people in my age I'm not joking like you can hear it she's also

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episode 5 getting out of a toxic relationship at 17 coming from a 17y old that's pretty

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it was a pretty powerful episode but you can hear her maturity in in episode five as well so this girl had no clue who she

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was what she was going to do with her life she wasn't even thinking about college she wasn't even sure she was going to finish High School like she

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just she was in a really bad toxic relationship with a guy who was me he

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wasn't physically abusive but he was mentally verbally abusive and I basically coached her into I mind

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shifted her into seeing herself I gave her some specific methods but I was able to customize them to to her and one

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thing I didn't do was girl you need to get rid of that negro I didn't tell her get rid of your boyfriend right away but

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it happened yeah it happened but not because I I forced it down her

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throat you love yourself it's hard to put up with crap it is but if you don't

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love yourself because you don't realize you're worth loving and that you're not dumb and that you're smart if you don't

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understand all of that you put up with more than you should and for her I was

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able to get her to see herself so fast forward to the future by the time we

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recorded the episode she now was not only going to

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finish high school but she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life and what she was put on this Earth to do and

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she need to go to college do it she's going to be a family lawyer oh wow a family attorney so yeah I heard her

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saying she likes to argue so that would be perfect yes but here's the thing I'm really good with analogies but sometimes

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she blows my mind with some of her analogies like for real wow they're really really good she and I'll be

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explaining something to her and she goes you know what that makes me think of blah blah blah and I'm like wow can I

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steal that because I'm G steal don't worry I'll give you credit but that's a good one but but my point

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is that I I use my mind shifting methods to get this young girl to see her see herself because I as a

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coach it's our job is to get you to the finish line and get you to win that's

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what coaches do coaches do it in sports they get it get you to do it physically I get you to do it mentally so that you

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can do it business-wise personally whatever other Branch you want to go off into but I start with the core I start

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with the root and then we can Branch off into these other areas is because you

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have to deal with because you know as the saying goes everywhere you go there you are yeah I love that saying I don't

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remember where it originated but I when I heard it I was like that's awesome I love it you know everywhere everything

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that we do we are in it so if you are messed up in the head messed up in your

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thinking messed up somehow messed up in your emotions whatever it is all that messed upness I like to make up person

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all that mess upness it branches out and it affects your job it affects your career career it affects what you do and

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don't try it affects your relationships it affects how you raise your children it affects your family relationships as

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well all your relationships friendship romantic family all of them because it's who you are and if you're a person for

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example Who Walks In Fear all the time that fear will play itself out because you'll never go for the chances that you

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need to go for that are going to take you over the top you will never try XYZ

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you'll just there's just you'll cut yourself off from good relationships

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because you're afraid of getting hurt that fear will just like completely take over so let's deal with that fear

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because if we deal with that fear all these other areas can begin to grow now that's just W well I really love

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listening to you and I enjoyed your podcast the episode I listened to that you were talking about she really by the

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end of it like when she was talking she really likes herself now and I loveed

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seeing that and hearing that yeah that's beautiful I was sharing this with her

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just the other day because I didn't tell her this part before I said you know why I was able to understand you and why I

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was so determined the moment I met you to get you to at least to the best of my

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ability to realize who you are and what you have and the gifting that you have

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and the intelligence you have Etc because I was you I understand I know

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what it's like to feel like I'm dumb I'm just fat ugly stupid I'm crap I used to

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believe that about myself and I now real you know people look at me like what CU

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I always came across as confident because I'm very strong I have a very strong personality God created me that

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way that doesn't mean that I believed in myself and I didn't I really really

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didn't took me a very long time I'm a very confident person now people see me as strong and confident and I am but it

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took a long time to build that I wasn't just born I'll be real raw and honest

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um my relationship with God okay understanding not just who I am

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but whose I am and who made me and why he made me and how he made me and how every way he made me is a gift and how

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he intelligently designed me and all of my personality traits not the ones I

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developed with an attitude I mean innate personality trait not all my choices but

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innate personality traits that he put them there I was born to be the Mind Shifter and I always have people have

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always been drawn to me to tell me stuff that sometimes I want to know but they

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feel comfortable telling me like all their business of the deep stuff that they don't tell anybody right and

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there's a reason for that because God designed me that way and I'm always like I'm just a natural counselor and the

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thing is I'm not a therapist and I don't want to be a therapist actually but I do

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therapy yes as I like to say it goes with the territory honestly in dealing with

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people because if you are going to talk to me about an issue I don't compartmentalize and say well we can only talk about XYZ now if we only have

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30 minutes then I might do that but I'll say let's talk about this later but I don't compartmentalized as far as I want

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you to be a whole person I want you to be a whole functioning person and do well in your career and go for it but I

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know that this is holding you back so I'm going to address it so if you're not willing to address stuff don't come to

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me cuz cuz we ain't going to work powerful I love your energy and it

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really is your confidence shines through which makes you very attractive and you

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want to talk to you I can see how people want to do that I I hope so because I

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see it as a tool that I can use to draw you in and

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help you yeah because at the end of the day nothing invigorates me more than really just helping people but it's not

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just helping giving you food or giving you some kind of training I want to help you live not just exist not survive but

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live and then Thrive because you don't go from Sur surviving to thriving you

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got to live first and then you can Thrive that you got to you know go progression progress is the process you

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know so I really I love being able to do that for people so when I have audience

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with people if I have a chance to change your mind I will and I don't care your title is I don't care if you're rich and

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famous or a bum on the street you are not different to me when it comes to that right so you know that's my mindset

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mentality is if I'm if if I come in contact with you and I find a way to help you I I will I do read people

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really well and sometimes I it's not always appropriate to address what I see

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and so sometimes I do have to kind of turn it off well you can't turn it off but I just turned the volume

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down and where sometimes I might pull a person as side and say look I know this might seem strange and weird and you

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don't know me but XYZ blah blah blah and I just get a gut feeling of whether or

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not I can approach that person with whatever it is and some I'll take the chance and if I think I can I will take

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the chance because you never know because sometimes people could look like I'm tough what you talking about and but

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you don't know what's going on inside them and if you touch them in the right spot they'll open right up and be like

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well actually I been going through this D and I'm not everybody's counselor but

30:31

if I can help I will I just I care about people and I care about people's wellbeing so I try to do whatever I can

30:37

from where I am and that's something audience all of you can do you can do something from where you are you're not

30:43

you might not have the gifts that I have you probably have some gifts I don't have but whatever wherever you are in

30:49

life you can help the people around you the worst Society in the world in human existence

30:55

is one where everybody only cares about themselves uh amen so so tell oh sorry no go ahead

31:03

go ahead so tell me where can people find you if they're interested in coaching with you and do you only coach

31:10

teens no so teens is a focus for my podcast and going to high schools I do

31:17

work with adults here's a seg i here's a sidebar I want to I meant to add earlier so I'm

31:23

glad you asked that because forgot to say this yes yes my podcast is for teens and

31:29

I work with teens a lot I also work with the grown teens oh

31:35

we call them adults because a lot of us are still teens on the

31:43

inside so a lot of what I talk about with teens and explain to teens still

31:48

applies to us I'll phrase it the only difference most of the time is the way

31:54

I'll phrase it when I'm talking to teens and the examples that I use from talking to a room room full of women that are 50

32:00

plus my examples will be different than if I'm talk to a teenager the principles will be exactly the same that's inter my

32:07

wording will be different that's interesting you said that the stories still apply because when I listen to

32:13

your podcast at first I was like well this is for teens I don't know if I'm going to really get into this and then I

32:19

was like this is really good and this totally applies to me too I could do

32:25

that like you were talking about spreading the lotion on and saying you know I'm beautiful and I'm worthy and

32:32

those kind of things and I thought I could be teaching my daughter that I could be doing that so I just yeah I

32:40

appreciate the work that you're doing that is one of my mind shifting methods actually that's just one yeah and and

32:48

here's the thing and if y'all don't know what we're talking about go listen to episode two and you will

32:54

so that method with the lotion I used that on her and I've used it on others

33:00

but I don't use the same method with every person I use the same principle with

33:06

everybody right but the methods I will change from person to person depending

33:11

on what's going to work for them how did you come up with your methods I just came up with them that's

33:18

just incredible so is it's the same principles that you learned when you're going through life coaching training or

33:24

even when you go when you learn when you get your degree for therapy some of the stuff that they teach you it's stuff that I'm already doing I just understand

33:31

that application matters yes so I apply them in different ways with different

33:38

people so what I might say to you as an individual would be different than what I'll say to a whole crowd because with a

33:44

whole crowd I'm dealing with multip you know multiple kinds of people but for you individually I might bring out

33:51

something that has to do with dogs because you like dogs or whatever it is but I think it's important to apply

33:58

things correctly so with that being said back to your question for I do coach adults a lot as well my podcast is for

34:07

is for teens because those are the people I'm trying to reach with that particular platform because I saw a

34:12

problem that I could solve and but with adults I still take the same principles and apply them so

34:19

with adults what I do is help people to find their purpose because the one of the reasons we make most of the mistakes

34:25

we make in life is because we don't know why we're here in the first place we

34:31

don't understand our gifts and we and this is not just true for Americans it doesn't matter what Society grow up when

34:36

we all have cultural normal norms and things that we're taught and sometimes

34:41

we're taught that you can only be this or you have to we we're all taught to fit in some kind of box usually and I

34:47

teach people to crawl out of that box and think differently you

34:52

do so you can find me on Fatima bay.com as a t i m a b

34:59

y.com my pod there's a podcast page there all of my coaching Services I

35:04

offer are there so I do want to tell your audience what my focuses are because I I coach people but I know I'm

35:10

not a general orp purpose person I have very particular focuses because those are things that I'm just really good at

35:15

and I have a bigger passion about so number one is to find your purpose number two is to take that purpose once

35:21

you know what your purpose is you take that purpose and you turn it into a business or a career I'm a firm believer

35:27

that nobody should be working to pay bills what the hell are you on this Earth for no bad so you should be making

35:34

money off of that gift and talent so that as many wise business people have said you won't work a day in your life

35:41

if you're living out your passion that is so true but that's how you do but you need to find out what that is first and so once you do that get turn into a

35:48

career business and then teens as we know but one of my biggest ones you're going to see me over the next couple

35:54

years talk about a lot is balance now now the thing about balance

35:59

is it seems like a very simple topic and people talk about it but I never in my life heard of When anybody talk about it

36:04

as deeply as I do and have an understanding of everything in life that works has

36:10

balance everything in life that's not working something is out of balance

36:16

simply put it doesn't matter what example you give me the what's in balance or out of

36:22

balance it's in the details so politics is a great example of that

36:30

because we have people who are just so extremely to the left extremely to the right and both you are freaking nuts the

36:35

truth is in the middle right the truth is in the middle but anyway I help

36:41

people to find balance in their life so if you're in an area that's not

36:47

working but you do have some of the right answers you just they're out of balance so let's figure out what that is

36:54

you know it's kind of like well she talks too much tells every out of your business well that's

36:59

bad and and then so she went from that to never opening up to anybody ever that's also bad right they're both out

37:06

of balance because they're both extremes balance is knowing how and when to let it out but

37:15

being wise enough to not let it all out right that's such great advice yes thank

37:22

you so much Fatima I really enjoyed talking with you today me I enjoyed talking with you too yeah thank you I

37:29

will go ahead and put all your information in the show notes so that people can find you and and seek you out

37:35

if they want to and is there anything you want to leave our listeners with today I think I already left you a few

37:42

nuggets yeah you did I do specifically talking about you had a free coaching

37:49

session oh yes thank you shame on me because I was supposed to remember

37:54

that I get so excited that I kind of forget so I do offer a free 30 minute

38:00

consultation for anybody who's who wants to make sure that we're a match I do not want you to become my client if I'm not

38:07

good for you and I'm not gonna be a match for everybody and that's okay but if you think that I might be able to

38:13

help you then absolutely let's have a chat and find out and I'm really honest so if I think I can't help you I will

38:20

send you where I think you can be helped I'm I'm like that I think that's how all

38:25

therapist should be I think I you're not a therapist but I'm saying anybody in this field yeah think that they should

38:31

all give that 30 minute kind of get to know your thing and see if you're a good fit absolutely I don't want somebody to

38:38

sign up for me that I I know I can't help the only people I can't help honestly are those who are unwilling

38:45

yeah somebody who just wants a coach because they want them to powder the booty that's not me go sit on the street

38:51

to pot your booty coaches are us that's I want to get actual results and

38:58

not just make you feel comfortable and pet you you know I'm not I I I want you

39:03

to be comfortable obviously but I want you to be uncomfortable enough in the parts that need to change well thank you very much I I want

39:10

to thank you again for coming on the show and everybody this was advancing

39:16

with Amy with Fatima Bay and I'll put all her information in the show notes for you and that wraps up another

39:22

enlightening episode of advancing with Amy mental health Warrior and neuros spicy mama I want to extend a heartfelt

39:30

thank you to our incredible guest Fatima Bay for sharing her profound insights on Mental Health overcoming fear and the

39:36

importance of selfworth Fatima your passion for helping individuals whether teens or adults is truly inspiring your

39:45

work in mind shifting your dedication to honest and raw conversations and your

39:50

commitment to aiding others and finding balance in their lives are commendable listeners if you found today's

39:56

discussion as impactful as I did I encourage you to take advantage of Fatima's generous offer of a free 30

40:03

minute consultation session it's an excellent opportunity to see if her coaching methods align with your

40:09

personal growth Journey you can find the link to schedule your session in our episode description additionally if you

40:16

enjoyed today's episode please take a moment to rate review and share it with your friends and family your feedback

40:23

helps us continue to bring you valuable content and remarkable guests like Fatima let's spread the message of

40:30

mental wellness and support as many people as we can thank you for tuning in to advancing with Amy mental health

40:36

Warrior and neuros spicy Mama until next time keep advancing Warriors

40:42

[Music]

40:57

[Music]

41:04

[Music]

41:31

[Music]

On The Unscripted Podcast, dual entrepreneur Fatima Bey—The MindShifter—shares how she helps clients shift their thinking first to unlock purpose, build balanced lives, and turn gifts into careers. She breaks down her four pillars (balance, purpose, career, teens), explains her custom coaching approach, and offers practical prompts: revisit childhood dreams, identify “righteous anger,” and name true talents—then look for patterns. Fatima also talks balancing two businesses, why money can’t replace meaning, and what real change looks like. A clear, candid conversation packed with mindset tools and next steps for anyone ready to grow.

Original airdate: June 06, 2024

0:00

Welcome to the unscripted podcast. I am your host Aayita, founder of unlimited brands in lifestyle clothing line. And

0:08

I'm your co-host Simone, a content creator and founder of Meal Prep Venus. Every Thursday we talk about something

0:14

new, something fun, something flexible or inspiring. We like to keep it real, relatable, relevant, and above all

0:21

unscripted. So turn up the volume on your drive to work or grab your glass of wine. Sit back and enjoy the show.

0:29

[Music] All right, folks. Welcome back to another episode of the Unscripted

Introducing Special Guest, Fatima Bey The Mind Shifter

0:35

Podcast. I am your host, Aayita Oman, and I do have a special guest with us today, Fatima Bay. Thank you so much for

0:42

coming on the show. How are you today? I'm great. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. All right, girl. So, I I

0:49

have read through your summary, but just like we like to do with every guest, tell us a bit about yourself. What makes

0:55

you this incredible businesswoman and coach and teacher? Um, we want to know

1:02

from you who you are. Share with us. Well, um, to give you kind of a brief

My Journey: From Seamstress to International MindShift Coach

1:07

summary, I am a dual entrepreneur first of all. That means that I I have two businesses. Um, the first business that

1:13

I started many years ago at this point, um, is called My Abashai. And I am a professional seamstress, dress maker,

1:20

designer, and sewing teacher. So, I specialize in wedding gowns. I make and design wedding gowns and we're heading

1:25

into wedding and prom season right now. So, woohoo. Um, I actually look look forward to it. Um, it's a different kind

1:32

of busy, but I look forward to it because I like it. Um, and uh, also I am a mind shift coach. Okay. So, um, that

1:41

means especially niched life coach in short for those who don't understand what that means. My focus is to shift

1:47

your thinking. Like I don't just give you tips and tell you what to do. I literally shift your thinking before I

1:54

do anything else. Then we can talk about tips and everything else. So that that's that's my methodology. But my areas of

2:00

focus as far as coaching goes um are balance because everything in life that

The 4 Pillars of My Coaching: Balance, Purpose, Career & Teens

2:06

works has balance and all of us are in balance somewhere. So I help people to find their balance in whatever

2:12

particular area they need balance in. Um and I don't mean chemical mental that

2:17

kind of balance. I mean, you go too far in one direction when it comes to relationships and you just need to be

2:23

balanced. So, I'm I you go too far at work, which causes problems. You just need some balance and then you'll

2:30

work. Um, and one of my other focuses is

2:35

um helping you to find your purpose and your in your specific individual

2:41

purpose. And I am unafraid to dive in there and be really specific. Sometimes people are general because it's the

2:47

safety zone. I don't believe in safety zones. I I believe in in being real and

2:52

effective. So, I help you to find your individual purpose. I don't just tell it to you. I help you to find it yourself.

2:58

And then um I also help you once you find your purpose. I'm a firm believer

3:03

that you should take your purpose and make money with it. So helping you to take your purpose, passion, gifts, and

3:11

talents, which really at the end of the day, they're all part of the same thing,

3:16

and turn that into a career or business, you know. Um, and then my other focus,

3:22

my other fourth focus is teenagers. And I have a so I'm also a host of Mind

3:28

Shift Power podcast. It's a podcast for teens and the adults who work with them. I also do speak in engagements, um,

3:36

public speaking, a lot of online stuff nowadays. Um, and I also go to high schools and do workshops. Um, I do

3:43

online workshops as well. So, all of that is wrapped up into my mind shifting business. Yes. I mean, absolutely. I

3:50

mean, there was no way that I was going to be able to share all of that. And that's why I love giving the space for a

3:56

guest to just, you know, tell us a bit about who they are because you you don't want to uh take away from all the

4:01

experiences that led you to where you are today and and being able to build the business that you have and go to the

4:07

speaking events and really work with people that are ready to shift their mindset, you know, maybe from a fix to

4:13

growth or even just finding their passion. I feel that that's like what's your purpose is such a big question that

4:20

it's it's it's it does require work, right? And absolutely a lot of the times

4:25

it's something that you can't do it on your own unless you really have a lot of time for you to dive into what that will

4:31

really look like. But it's nice to have someone that can actually that has the experience um in helping you, you know,

4:39

um shift that mindset, right? Uh it's nice to have someone that has done the work themselves and that have ultimately

4:46

built a framework that has worked with other people that you're using over and over again. Obviously, it's customized,

4:53

right? You know, it's not it's not like one sizefits all, right? No, absolutely not. Yeah. So, I I love that you have

5:01

you have found that passion for yourself where you want to help people be the best of themselves by finding their true

5:07

passion in life. The big question that I have because finding your purpose or

The BIG Question: How Do You Help People Find Their Purpose?

5:14

knowing what what is your why is so hard. How do you do that with your

5:19

clients? I know you said you will ask the tough questions. You will you will help them get there. But what does that

5:27

exactly look like? If I were to want to work with you, what does that look like?

5:33

Well, without giving away all my secrets, um I I'll give you the the generalities

5:40

um without and not all the details because the generalities, you know, the principles by which I work. Um and then

5:46

the details are going to change per person because everybody, you know, as you said, doesn't operate the same. So, actually, I don't approach everybody the

5:53

same. I don't even use the same verbiage with everyone because I assess who I'm talking to first and then I approach

5:59

them with the words that are going to be effective for them. I'm not interested in being in in being impressive as much

6:07

as I'm interested in being impactful. So that mindset is my mindset as a leader,

6:13

as a speaker, as a teacher, as a podcast host. So with that mindset is how I dive

6:18

into um you know coaching or working with someone. One of the first things that we

6:27

need to think about and there's what I'm going to say you've heard other people say um in different places but I don't

6:35

usually hear people say this all in one place. Um, so one of the first things

Question 1: What Did You Dream of as a Child?

6:40

you want to look at when it comes to finding your purpose is what did you dream of when you were a

6:47

child? Because let's back up a little bit. Let's go a little deeper into just

6:52

the surface conversations people typically have. Let's back up a little bit. If I want you to sweep the floor,

7:00

what do I need to give you? The tools to be able to sweep the floor. So the broom. Um, exactly. Exactly. I

7:08

need to give you a broom. Mhm. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I do and that's where I come from. So

7:14

that's where I'm going to talk from. Yeah. When God created you, when he created me, he had a purpose in mind. He

7:21

said, I need XYZ done. I'm going to create Adah. I'm going to create

7:27

Fatima. And then now that I need her to do this, I need to give

7:33

her the setup for it. We call those gifts and talents. So when we those

7:40

dreams that we were literally born with, we need to go back to them and revisit

7:45

them. What did I dream of as a child? Now, in most cases, unfortunately, and

7:53

and this is not just an American thing. I don't care what culture you come from. Most of our cultures beat it out of

8:00

us. When I was little, I used to dream of being a lawyer.

8:05

And you've been told how stupid you are most of your life. You've been told what a loser you are. You've been shown that

8:11

you're from the ghetto. You're from the sticks. You're poor. You can't do nothing. Blah blah blah. Whatever the

8:16

details are, you don't speak English well enough. You're stupid. Whatever the details are, you've been it's been

8:22

beaten out of you. So now you no longer believe in that dream you were born to do. So then you start working a job and

8:28

you're miserable. You're doing drugs. You're having sex with everybody. You're doing this. You're doing that. trying to find it in relationships, but you're not

8:34

finding the happiness that you're meant to have because you're still not fulfilling your purpose because you're running from it because you believe the

8:41

you were sold. I know. So, that's a part of it. Let's go

8:48

back to your childhood. I'm just explaining why. What did you dream when you were a child? The second thing um

Question 2: What Makes You Righteously Angry?

8:55

that you want to look at is what pisses you off. Now, let me be more specific when I say that. I don't just mean it

9:01

pisses me off when people leave the milk on the counter when it should go in the fridge. No, I mean what gets you

9:07

righteously angry. What gets you so upset it is so wrong that things are out

9:12

of order. And some people like seriously get upset about that. Sometimes there's a reason for that. They're not weird.

9:18

They're not strange. That's actually where they're gifted. So, okay. Okay. What makes you

9:26

mad? Children being abused. That's my example because that's me. People who

9:32

misuse and and abuse young women and children. Nothing gets me more angry and

9:37

makes me just want to see red and wish the purge was real. Let's just say

9:42

that, you know, nothing makes me more angry and but those are the things that I I and because those are the things

9:48

that I'm meant to work on and focus on and that is what I do. I do tend to work with young women um a lot and and women

9:54

uh those tend to be my focuses and children. I I used to teach Sunday school. I've worked with children all my life. I used to be youth coordinator. I

10:01

just in different capacities. I I I you know I've done a lot with children. But

10:06

so what you are meant I what the thing that angers you the most, the thing that

10:12

with righteous indignation, it's probably the thing you're meant to change. There's a reason why certain

10:18

things piss me off that don't bother you that much. And I'm not talking about irritations. I mean righteous

10:24

indignation because that's a different level of of what makes you angry. Yeah,

10:29

that's number two. Number three, what are your gifts and talents?

Question 3: What Are Your True Gifts & Talents?

10:35

Well, that's a tough question. Number one was your dream. Number three is what are your gifts and talents? And that is a tough one. And the reason it's a tough

10:41

one because again, it's beaten out of us through our society, through our family, through our culture, through whatever

10:48

because the details are going to be different for each of us. We're told what we're supposed to be and what we're not supposed to be and what's

10:53

what we're good enough for and what we're not good enough for, etc., etc., etc. So, we we are or we're just never

10:59

told that we have any talent. We're just raised to breathe and eat and fart and

11:04

watch TV and that's it. You know what I'm saying? We're not we're not told anything. No, nobody points out to us

11:12

what our gifts and talents are. That's not true for everyone, but that's true for a lot of people or the people around

11:18

them just don't recognize it and so they don't know to say, you know, it's not that everybody around them a jerk, a

11:23

jerk or something. It's just that sometimes they don't know. I don't know what your gifts and talents are, so I don't know what to say to you. So, you

11:29

have to go on a journey of self-discovery for yourself. You cannot expect anybody to walk up to you and hand you your life's book and say, "Here

11:37

you go. Here's all the answers for you." Life is about you finding it. That's how you build yourself. That's how you build strength. That's how you develop. It's

11:44

not supposed to be easy. Duh. Everything is an easy purpose. So, but if you take

11:50

those three things and you marry them together, that's when you could find the

How to Marry Your Answers to Find Your Perfect Career

11:58

right career. Yeah. So, you know, you go from purpose to my purpose is to help

12:05

children. Okay. There's about 40 different positions in which you can do

12:10

that. So take the let's take those three

12:16

things and marry them and you'll be able to narrow down narrow down what positions are going to work for you and

12:22

then you'll be fulfilled. You know what's not fulfilling? Money. Money can

12:27

buy you stuff, but it can't fulfill you. And that's the problem. Because if it could fulfill you, there would be no

12:34

rich people killing themselves. There'll be no rich people depressed. There'll be no rich people in in in rehab. And we

12:40

have all of that. Mhm. Because money isn't the answer. Money answers things. It answers stuff and money is great and

12:46

we should we should definitely have some. There's nothing wrong with going after it. Absolutely nothing wrong with going after it. But when we try to to

12:55

put a square peg in a round hole, which is what we're doing when we seek after money as the top priority, it doesn't

13:02

fit and then we actually end up more miserable. So it's what? Go ahead. No,

13:08

no, no, no, no. I'll let you finish because I have a couple questions here to hit you with. It's why I'm so It's

Why True Fulfillment Comes from Purpose, Not Money

13:14

part of the reason I'm I'm sure you can hear my passion. I'm so passionate about people finding that because when you

13:19

find that your happiness isn't in a one, two, three step. Your happiness isn't fulfilling your purpose. A dog is

13:25

happiest being a dog. A dog is not happy trying to fly because he doesn't have damn

13:31

wings, you know. And so often we are trying we're, you know, we're a parakeet trying to be a giraffe. Yeah. It doesn't

13:38

work. Yeah. You're not. Yes. Yes. And and because we don't know who we

13:44

are, we try to we we we just believe whatever we're sold.

13:50

Which sidebar is one of the reason why

13:55

um women who get into prostitution, um sexual exploitation of and of all of

14:03

its kinds, because there's there's many different kinds. Mhm. 99% of the reason

14:08

they didn't know who they were and some little pimp told them who they were and they believed it and they took

14:13

it because they had no other answer. Mhm. And I'm not just saying that off of a concept at the top of my head. I'm

14:19

saying that because I've actually worked um intimately with people in that industry and victims as well.

14:26

Well, here is a couple questions for you because I mean you make a very good point because um you see that every day

14:33

where people end up doing things that you wonder why. Do you want you end up wondering why they became a drug dealer?

14:40

You wonder why they ended up being part of it, you know, a gang, you know, you you wonder why, you know, they they

14:48

started a certain way. Like maybe it's just they started being successful for a reason. Maybe they were chasing money and then all of a sudden they lost it

14:54

all and they're unhappy. You know, you wonder like why people went into certain directions in our lives. But I

15:00

absolutely agree when you say that um when we don't know who we are, we end

15:08

up taking any path that comes to us because there are opportunities every single day. There are opportunities

15:13

every single day. There are different paths we can take every single day. But some can look very attractive. But you

15:20

have to know the reason why you're pursuing pursuing those opportunities. Because if you don't know what why you're pursuing them, you will end to

15:27

that you will get to that finish line and you'll say, "Wow, this finish line was not what I expected. I actually

15:32

wanted something else. I wanted something more." So, one of the things that I want to say

15:37

that really that I feel like we don't talk enough about and actually we get shut down a lot is when when someone is

15:44

angry and the word that's usually used is passionate about something, you know,

15:49

like I feel like when you say someone is passionate about something, it kind of has like like I'll take for example in

15:56

corporate America where it says um oh, she's too passionate. It has a negative

16:03

connotation. So then we then internalize that and do not think about why we're so

16:11

passionate about certain things. Again, like being shut down by society's, you know, expectations of you and what you

16:18

should look like, what you should be. And so when you hear passionate, you're like, "Okay, well, I guess I'm not

16:23

supposed to be passionate." But you're right. When you're so passionate about something, there is a message. There is

16:29

a whisper there. Why are you so passionate about this? Why are you so angry about something that you feel

16:36

isn't right and what can you actually do about it? Right? So, I I love how you

16:41

put that. Think about how angry you are at certain situation. Not not every daytoday things, right? Um like the

16:49

clock um well the daylight saving, you know, I I get upset at it every every

16:55

spring. I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm losing an hour." You know, like

17:01

I know. I hate that. Yes. And so how do you get so obviously

The Power of Psychology in Coaching & Finding Patterns

17:07

when you're you're uh having these conversations with people and you're getting them to be more vulnerable about

17:12

you know the things that get them upset. How do you help them judge what is that

17:19

angry passionate thing? Because we can be angry about so many things. Right. Right. How do you how do you

17:25

differentiate different differentiate something that yes, you can be angry about because you're human versus you're

17:32

angry about this because this could be your life's purpose. How how do you help

17:37

them make that that difference between the two? I usually can see it right away. Um like literally I can see it

17:44

right away, but I don't tell them because as a coach I'm I don't want to

17:49

just give you information. that doesn't help you be telling you, "Oh, here you're meant to be such and such and

17:56

then now go on that path." That's that's that's not an anchor for you to continue

18:01

on that just because I said so. You need to discover it for yourself. So, I will ask very specific questions in the midst

18:08

of conversation. So, it depends on the details they give me. Um, and I'll ask them, "Okay, what do you think that is?" And they'll start to list things off.

18:15

And then I'll say, "Okay." And we'll we'll talk about each one and I'll break it down. Are you you angry when people

18:21

stub your toe? Okay, we all are. It's big deal. You angry when someone jumps in front of you. Okay, that's normal.

18:29

Are you angry when someone jumps in front of you, but also equally angry

18:35

when someone jumps in front of you in line? Are you also equally angry when someone else does the same thing with a

18:41

different look to it? Okay, now let's talk about what the root of that is. So, it is there's a lot of psychology

18:47

involved. So sometimes it's because of what was done to you, but sometimes it's

18:53

because basically in short, look for patterns. What I look for is patterns. Patterns. Yes, there are many details

19:00

that I can't say here cuz this is not long enough, but there are details that go along with that. But in short, what I

19:08

look for and listen for is patterns. And what I get them to see is patterns. And

19:14

then we talk about the explanation of them because then they can see, ah, so what really bothers me is when an

19:21

underdog is mistreated. The girl who always stuck

19:26

up, the boy who always stuck up for somebody at school that they didn't even freaking

19:31

know. There's a reason for that. They're usually the youth advocate. They're

19:36

usually the one who's meant to be a family lawyer or, you know, whatever. There are many different positions in

19:42

which you can take that talent. So what people have to recognize is transferable skills. That's the term we use in

19:48

corporate America. But um it's really your gifts and talents and okay, where can you

19:54

apply them? Because there's so many different ways and in order, you know, basically to get people to recognize it

20:00

is I I get them to see it through a series of questions and and a discussion with their details, not just generalized

20:07

allpurpose. I don't do allpurpose messages. Even my podcast episodes, I'm not talking to everybody and I don't

20:13

plan on ever talking to everybody. I'm talking to very specific people because I don't believe in water down messages

20:18

because a watered down medication doesn't work, does it? Nope. Absolutely not. Did I answer that well? You

20:25

certainly did. You certainly did. I love that. Love that. Now, okay. So, what is

What Does Coaching with Fatima Bey Look Like?

20:31

what does coaching or Yeah. What does coaching look like with you? So, like let's say someone is listening to the

20:37

show right now and they're like, "You know what? I like Fatima's vibe. I like how she's just like really speaking to me and I feel like I really need to talk

20:43

to someone like her and try to dive into like who I want to be and really try to understand what my person my my passion

20:50

in life or my purpose in life is. Where did I start? Like okay, where do they

20:55

reach out to you and then do you have like a program and is there like a length of that program that you can

21:01

share with us? Yes. So what I do is I do customized packages. Um, I I don't do I

21:07

I did used to have preset packages, but I found that they don't work with most

21:12

people. So, you know, I don't I I don't just sit there and go, "Oh, you know, oh, well, 6 weeks and we're done." So,

21:20

some people 6 weeks and we are done because they're far enough ahead that that's all they need. Some people need two years. Some people need, you know,

21:26

so we all need different we all need different things. So, I customize the package, but everything is communicated up front. It's not like a surprise later

21:32

or something. So, it's a discussion uh between the two of us and an agreement before we get anything started. Um, but

21:38

with me, um, I really like to get to know the person and find out what the real needs are. And they need to be

21:43

ready to for change. Cuz some people, I'll tell you, I'll be real honest with you. Those who are looking to to come to

21:49

a coach because you want somebody to powder your booty, please pass me by. I don't want you. I don't want to be

21:54

bothered with you. I don't waste my time with you. I want real results. I really get a thrill out of watching people

22:01

change for real and be better. So, I get fulfillment out of it, too. And I will

22:07

be very disappointed if I can't make change. You can't make change with somebody who's not willing to change. So, number one, be really be willing for

22:15

change for real. And I'll walk you through it. I will and you can go through at your own pace. You don't have to go at my pace because everybody's

22:21

pace isn't the same. And I do understand that. I customize everything. So, but in order to for people to find me, you just

22:27

go to my name, Fatima Bay.com, f- a tim.com. Um, and all of my information

22:37

is there. Um, yeah, and even if you Google my name, you'll just you'll find

22:42

a lot and it's all me. Okay. So, it's customizable. You're obviously very

22:48

relatable. Um, we got the website. We'll make sure that we add that in the show notes so folk so so folks can just click

22:54

on it and you know go straight to your website. You know one thing that really stood out to me real quick before we

23:00

wrap up today is I'm actually curious how do you find balance between coaching and being a seamstress? I love wedding

23:06

dresses by the way. I wish I could wear wear wedding dresses every single day but how do you find balance between the

23:12

two? I won't lie. It's hard. It it it is very hard. The good thing about the

A Tough Question: Balancing Two Passionate Businesses

23:19

bridal business is it's seasonal. That's also the bad thing about the bridal business. Um, I'm extremely

23:26

extremely extremely extremely organized. I have to be and I'm very stingy with my

23:33

time. I have to be. So, I try to be as efficient as possible and automate everything that I can. Some things can't

23:40

be automated, but I try to automate everything I can. Um, and I always am

23:46

learning more. Like I will never stop learning. I never think I know everything. Even as a I'm a master

23:51

seamstress, literally that's my title. I will never stop learning. Try to learn more. I watch other YouTube videos

23:58

because there might be something else I could learn. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. We we all learn something. I mean, we learn

24:03

something new every single day. Absolutely agree with that. For me, um, I will not lie. It has not been easy

24:10

trying to balance the two. But what my initial intent was by doing both was to

24:15

use the you know my already established sewing business to to make make sure

24:20

that I'm paying the bills while building the mind shifting business while building the coach coaching business. I

24:26

am still in that process. So that is how I'm doing it is is I you know I'm

24:32

shifting over to uh I have been and like I said still in the process of shifting over um to primarily focusing on the

24:41

mind shifting. Yes. So um it's not easy. I love I love the fact that you're

24:48

actually in two businesses that kind of work hand in hand because I think about

A Client's Life-Changing Story: How Coaching Made a Real-World Impact

24:54

when I was getting married last year and you know wedding planning and trying to find the right dress and you know making

25:01

sure that I was happy with it and um I would have appreciated if the person

25:07

that was helping me figure out my dress that they had inspirational things to

25:13

say or like they had ways to help me calm down as you know a bride to be and

25:20

just you know make that whole experience a little bit more exciting. I mean it was exciting because family was there and all those things but you know there

25:26

were moments where I was doubting okay does the dress look right or maybe I'm overthinking it you know or okay yes I

25:33

mean it's going to be like a wedding in Mexico so it's going to be hot you know like am I thinking too much into this

25:39

you know like I'm spending like a whole hour or so trying to figure this out and I think sometimes it's nice to have

25:44

someone just say those very key words you're not you wouldn't be telling me this is the dress you need because this

25:50

is and that you would be most likely asking me questions that help me get to that. Oh yes, this is the dress I want

25:57

or you know what, maybe let's do more tweaks or maybe let me look at other dresses, you know. So I I absolutely

26:03

love that you you have actually paired those two together. So that's awesome. It's interesting that you say that

26:09

because most people actually don't don't connect those dots, but you're absolutely you're absolutely right. Um,

26:16

and that's one of the reason why I have been doing it for so long because and

26:21

and I work by appointment only. I do not have a storefront. I all of each

26:27

location that I've had my business in the past to have been in business buildings, office buildings that you

26:34

don't suspect me to be in. Okay? And then I'll convert it into a shop. And I do that on purpose because I don't want

26:39

walk-ins. I don't want people disturbing my time with with my customer. And I

26:44

give people that one-on-one service and I absolutely love it because it is an opportunity. I I can tell you so many so

26:52

often. It's not like this happens every single time with every customer. You know, I'm not superwoman,

26:57

but very often with customers, you know, a wedding is a stressful time and they

27:02

will start talking to me about this what they've been going through with their family and what they're dealing with and

27:08

what's stressing them out and because I'm I'm I'm an objective listener. So, it's easy to talk to me

27:15

and I'm not going to run around tell the newspaper or anything, you know what I mean? So, people do and sometimes they

27:22

need that that stress relief, you know, and sometimes I can tell that they're stressed when they come in and um by the

27:29

time they see me, they're they're not as stressed, but once in a while, you know, I see somebody, they're very stressed

27:34

and I could tell. So, I start cracking stupid jokes that you can't help but to laugh at because they're just too dumb

27:40

not to laugh at, right? I do that a lot. I use humor as a tool quite often because people need it. You

27:48

know, I see that people need it. So, marrying the two, I also want to say

27:53

doing the two together, yes, I'm a dual entrepreneur and yes, parts of it is working, but there's also parts that

27:59

haven't worked. There's also some failures that I've made. And I'm not going to lie about that cuz I don't want

28:05

people to think that, oh, well, she just has superpowers, that's why she can do it. No, I'm just as human as the rest of

28:10

y'all. and and I haven't made some mistakes in trying to figure out how to balance all of that out. Um, but those

28:17

mistakes make you better, you know, and and I'm going to use those mistakes to teach others. Love it. Oh my gosh, you

28:23

couldn't have said that any better. Oh my gosh, this is this is so so good, guys. I mean, I absolutely encourage

28:30

folks listening right now, reach out to reach out to Fatima. I feel that in just

28:35

a little bit that I've been able to talk to you right now, I can really see that you care about really the person that

28:40

you're talking to. You're not about necessarily like the oh my gosh, you know, I have a new client, you know, and

28:46

you know, I get to, you know, help them, you know, see their purpose, but then you're really not helping with the

28:53

process, right? You're just there for just because you're a coach, right? You care about the people that you work

28:59

with. That's at least that I get. and you're really trying to really make an impact in those lives and hopefully

29:05

those are like, you know, it's it's like a ripple effect, right? You impact that person's life and then they can also

29:11

impact the life of the the lives of people around them. And I honestly think

29:17

that because you have something that helps touch so many different lives. I

29:22

mean, if you work with a mom, I'm sure that by her aligning on the things that

29:27

she wants to improve on or her finding what that purpose is in her life, she will pass that on to her kid and maybe

29:33

that kid will end up working with you, right? Because again, you you work with kids as well. I just feel like it's a

29:39

beautiful circle where we end up like having some support um in this journey called life. Um,

29:47

there's no better journey than that of self-development and to have someone as

29:52

a coach like yourself be able to support us in that process. I mean, what what more can you ask for, right? Every

29:59

single day is different. Every single day you wake up, life will feel different, but what if you were able to

30:05

have like a set of tools, right? Just like you said, you know, uh, when God created us, he said, "Okay, here here's

30:12

what you'll need to go through the motions of life, right?" So, if you have a coach that allows you to have in your

30:18

toolbox things that will help you manage how you feel, how you think, and

30:24

ultimately get into that big why that we all want to know. I mean, this is this is pretty awesome. I I love this.

30:32

I I want to say one more thing. I I also believe

30:37

um I don't focus on only your personal goals, only your business goals. You are

30:44

one person doing both. So I focus on you and if you are in the right mindset

30:49

because everything we do comes from in our brains first before we act on it. So everything if your mindset is correct

30:56

yes we will start to see it manifest itself in your career in your business

31:02

in your home with your friends at your parties because you are in all those

31:08

places and the good you and the messed up you is in all those places too. So,

31:14

you know, dealing with your mentality and dealing with your mindset is is important and it's important to shift

31:20

your thinking so that you can be successful because sometimes we keep walking on a broken leg and wondering why we can't run. Duh. Let's fix the

31:27

leg. Yes. I love that. There is one thing I

31:32

do have to ask you real quick. So, I love that you called yourself the mind

31:38

shifter um or the mind shift coach. Um, it looks like in the notes that you

31:43

shared, which I feel like we should we should definitely mention it here. I mean, you you won best of Albany 2022 in

31:49

a category, right? She also has YouTube channel, folks. I mean, you'll see that

31:55

on her website. Um, and obviously like you, like she said, she's the host of her podcast, Mind Mind Shift

32:02

Powerodcast. So, I don't know. I just wanted to just highlight this because I was looking at your summary real quick

32:08

because I was really imp impressed by your um the bio that you sent to us. So

32:13

again, I want to add something. I I didn't put this in the bio, so you didn't even know this, but I want

32:19

everybody listening to go to Mind Shift Power podcast and listen to episode number two. Okay, episode number two is

32:27

a 17-year-old girl. It's called Real Change. a 17-year-old girl that when I

32:34

met her, she had no self- she had very low self-esteem. She had no idea that

32:40

she was gifted, that she's intelligent, and that she has a purpose. She now

32:46

knows what that purpose is. She was just accepted into a a good college. She's going to become a family lawyer, and

32:51

she's literally on the track to do that. When I met her, she wasn't even sure she was going to finish high school. Wow.

32:57

And she was in a toxic relationship. That's amazing. So she if you want to hear what my

33:03

coaching actually looks like, listen to her. Listen to her. You You heard it, folks. Episode two. Go check it out

33:10

right now. Fatima, if there was something of an advice that you could give to

33:15

somebody right now listening to the show, what would that be? Or what was the best advice that you've ever given

33:21

to somebody or that you've ever received? What would that be? Oh, those are different questions. Um or both, I guess.

The Single Most Important Question You Can Ask Yourself

33:30

I would say start to question how you view yourself and why.

33:39

Why do I think XYZ about myself, good or bad? Good or bad. Why do I think?

33:46

Because if we start to examine that, it'll take us down a rabbit hole that will lead to other things. Okay? And

33:53

when you start to do that, self-discovery becomes a lot easier. But you got to be open to it first.

33:58

Absolutely. If you want to be comfortable, then you're not looking to grow, you should probably move on.

34:04

Go have a party and sit down and go nowhere. But if you're looking to grow, I would start I would start there with

34:10

some introspection and asking why is the first part. There's so many things I

34:16

could say but I know that a lot of introspection true real in real and deep

34:22

not shallow not surface but real deep introspection is actually what is needed

34:27

for most people who are looking for a quick fix and introspection is not a quick fix sorry it's not y um and I know

34:35

that that is the great one of the greater needs so that's why I'm saying that as as advice when I could say many other things one of the greatest needs I

34:42

see is the willingness to do that I love that might be uncomfortable, but you got

34:47

to get uncomfortable if you want to grow. Yeah. All right, folks. You have two homework. Answer that question, good

34:54

or bad, whatever comes up to you. Do the work. And two, go listen to episode two

34:59

of her podcast. Fatima, it's been a pleasure having you on the show. Thank you so much for making the time. I

35:05

absolutely enjoy talking to you. Simone jealous that she couldn't be here and enjoy this combo with you. But yes,

35:13

thank you again. And I do hope that we talk to you very soon. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Yay.

35:19

Bye. Bye-bye. And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for

35:25

making us a part of your day. We really hope you enjoyed today's show. We release new episodes every Thursday, so

35:30

make sure to subscribe to the show and never miss an episode. You can find us on all the major platforms. While you're

35:36

at it, help us spread the word, tell a friend, and leave us a rating on iTunes. Oh, and let's be Instagram besties, too.

35:42

Follow us at theunscripted podcast and let's connect. Until next time.

35:48

[Music]

Why is today's youth the loneliest generation in history? What is the critical disconnect between teens and the adults who are meant to guide them? In this powerful guest interview, International MindShift Coach and youth advocate Fatima Bey reveals why our culture of "safe," politically correct conversation is crippling our next generation's ability to solve problems and find their purpose. This is a must-listen for every parent, teacher, and mentor.

Original airdate: October 20, 2023

0:00

Jaclyn Gee (00:02.382)

Hello and welcome to another episode of Doom to Bloom podcast. Today we have a special guest Fatima who is going to talk to us about mental health as it pertains to youth and teenagers. Hello. Hello. How are you?

I'm great. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for being a guest. And just before we dive deep into this topic, I always like to ask where my guest is logging in from.

I am in New York State, upstate New York.

Which one is that?

Fatima Bey (00:34.252)

New York, which is in the capital region of New York. Not New York City.

There's a little geography lesson for us. So I alluded to a very general topic that we're gonna talk about with mental health, youth and teenagers. And so you are often known as the mindshifter in your work. So can you start by telling us first if there was a reason if you're comfortable sharing

Yes.

Jaclyn Gee (01:08.554)

if and what the reason was that you decided to start being very passionate about youth and teenagers.

Well, I have been passionate about youth in general my entire life. Even when I was a kid, I was concerned about other kids. When I worked at a daycare, I was concerned about other kids and foster care and their parents. I just was always focused on youth. I used to teach Sunday school and my old church as well for a while. And then I drove a school bus. I worked in schools in different capacities. I've taught math. I was at Job Corps.

a lot of things that I've done in my life that have been youth centered. But in recent times, I've come to recognize that this generation is in trouble and they need a lot of help and they don't necessarily recognize how bad things are for them because they didn't grow up before to see helping to have a contrast.

and see the difference and see the trajectory of where they're headed. And so I decided that I can do something from where I am. I can't change the world all by myself, although I wish I could, but I can do something from where I am. And where I am is I created my own platforms of a podcast so that I could have the discussions that they need to hear any adults who work with them, because believe it or not, there's a large disconnect.

between youth, teenagers and the adult who work with them. So I wanna make a difference in the world. I was put on this earth to do that, I know that, and that's a fact, unapologetically. The biggest difference I can make is to make a difference in those who are gonna be running this world very soon.

Jaclyn Gee (02:59.446)

And when you say that there's a disconnect, what exactly are you referring to between the adult that works with them and the youth?

That's a good question. So very often as adults, we're coming up with programming and ideas that are just not connected to where they are. We come up with programs and ideas that are connected to concepts and ideas of where we think they are or where we think they should be. But they're very often not involved in those decisions, in those conversations. So we don't actually know where they are. The truth is,

The youth today are growing up in a completely different world than what we did. They are dealing with things that we didn't have to grow up with. And some of the stuff we had to deal with growing up, they're accelerated. They're so accelerated now that it does matter. So it's almost like we grew up on earth and they're growing up on Mars. The difference is so tremendous. And also we're not really hearing from the youth and it's not always because

There are adults out there who aren't trying to listen to you. They are. But the problem is we create these situations that don't allow them to be honest. They have to be politically correct in how they say everything. And we can't just let them talk and be politically incorrect and listen. We have to correct them in every, you can't say this that way. You can't say that. you gotta be careful because this is gonna come back at you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's horrible. That doesn't create a situation where anybody wants to open up.

So, and I know this because I actually hear this from youth. They don't feel comfortable speaking up because they know they're gonna be corrected. They're gonna be stopped mid-set and saying, you shouldn't say this, you shouldn't think that. They're gonna be told, talked at instead of spoken with. And those are two different things. And this is, again, I'm speaking in general terms. This isn't true for everyone, but it is true for the majority, I think, or the greater portion rather.

Jaclyn Gee (05:04.134)

And so I really enjoyed the fact, not necessarily that there is the disconnect, but I really enjoyed that that's what you're working to reduce and eliminate. And I guess I can relate in a similar sense. So I'm not in my youth, I guess, anymore. I'm in my late 20s, but I still have adults.

family, parents, whatever, I still have a lot of them that will say, you know, back in my day, had, you know, when I was your age, when I was 28, 40 years ago, I already had a house, I already had a husband, I already had three kids and I, you know, financially stable and this and that and this and that. And then I go kind of through the motions and I say, okay, well, how much was the house back then? How much was groceries back then?

you didn't have to go to education to get a decent paying job. So it's like all of these questions, I can still relate to that disconnect in terms of the comparison between the adults that are supposed to be supporting these youth and teenagers, what their expectations are on the population that it is today, because it's totally different than how it was 20 years ago, 40 years ago, right?

Yes, and I think it's, need, we need, not just want or hope for, but we need for the adults to understand that. And many of them don't. They keep comparing themselves, they keep comparing our youth to the way they grew up, and that is a mistake. Compare them to your humanness, yes, but don't compare anything else because it's not the same. They didn't, they're not growing up in the same culture. They're not.

Growing up, they're growing up with more confusion than we ever did. They're growing up with more fears than any of us ever did. I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, I did not have to worry about school shootings. I didn't have to worry about any time I freaking farted that would end up on social media. I didn't have a fear of every breath that it would get turned into something else.

Jaclyn Gee (07:06.54)

Nope.

Fatima Bey (07:21.954)

That's the world they're living in. You don't think that affects their mental health. You don't think that affects how they behave. You don't think that affects how they see their future or how they act. Hell yeah, it does. Big time. And I think most adults, they downplay it. They minimize it. It is not a minor detail. It is a gigantic King Kong size detail.

Amen.

And as you can tell I'm a little passionate about it.

I like it though, we need more people to be passionate about it in the way that you are. So when you have these conversations with the youth, can you tell us a bit about what the work you do with them is versus what they confide in you about?

Well, I've always been the type of person that people confide in. So what you hear on air is about 10 % of the conversation, honestly. The very long conversations that I have with them on and off the air and some that haven't been on the air yet that you'll hear from, they confide a lot in me. I think I'm like, I like to, someone else put it this way, I'm like that auntie.

Fatima Bey (08:40.802)

that favorite auntie, you might not be able to talk to your mom, but you can talk to that auntie. That's me. I am that for a lot of people, for youth, and I always have been. So they can talk to me about their sex life, just anything. And sometimes stuff I only want to know, but they're comfortable talking to me about it. So the conversations that I have with them are usually in depth. And I'm a seed planter.

Let me just say that the reason I'm part of how I'm the mindshifter is I'm a seed planter. That is who I am. That is who I'm created to be on this farm. I am a seed planter. So what I do is I plant mental seeds. I have conversations with people all the time and I plant seeds. Someone else may come along and water them. Someone else may come along and be the sunshine. And someone else may reap the harvest, but I'm still going to plant the seed.

So when people have conversations with me, adults or not, I often plant seeds and then they'll come back and tell me about it later. And sometimes they don't say anything in the moment because they're still, you know, processing what I said. But when I do talk to youth, I plant seeds all the time. But again, part of the reason I came up with my podcast, which is MindShift Power podcast, by the way, part of the reason I came up with the podcast was because of listening to them.

and hearing what they have to say and noticing the difference. And I used to be a youth coordinator as well and just listening to them. That's the key thing. When we're working with kids, I don't care how old they are, we should, well, people in general, really, it's so important to listen and not just talk at them and think about concepts and ideas without even considering them. That's where we make a mistake.

And this is true with youth. It's also true in running a business.

Jaclyn Gee (10:41.078)

I think it's also true just in conversations with people in general. We kind of assume or set these expectations that you you're an adult, you're to do A, B, and C, you're a youthster, you're going to do this different version of A, B, and C, right? And it just, there's that, that's why I said I really loved how you said that there was a disconnect because that was the perfect word for it all around.

Yeah. the thing is, I know because I've worked with them, I know that there's so many adults out there who really, their heart is in the right place. Their intentions are right and they really want to help this youth, but they don't know how to. They don't know how to connect. And honestly, some of them, it's their positions that don't allow them to do that. Explain what I mean by that. Any school system,

most school system. And again, I'm speaking in general terms because in America, all school systems are not the same, that's for sure. But in general terms, in most school system, real honest conversations are not allowed. You cannot solve a damn thing without real conversation, period in life. So the schools are so bogged down with bureaucratic bullshit and,

political correctness that nothing is getting actually accomplished. Do you know how many kids are going through our system right now and coming out illiterate, freaking illiterate with a high school diploma? That's more common than you think. It's way too common. And we're pushing kids through school that shouldn't be pushed through because they're not learning anything. And guess what they come out to be? Unproductive adults in society. The likelihood of them being an unproductive adult.

is about 90%. That's all my own made up term. think my own made up numbers. I think the numbers are actually higher, but.

Jaclyn Gee (12:45.218)

But then that in turn, that number of quote unquote, unproductive adults of society then turns into what my podcast is about where there's mental health struggles and substance use and housing crisis and right system failure after system failure after system failure. And it's a cycle.

It is. And that's something I really wanted to talk about too, is the fact that mental health is like this broad term that we all use, right? And it used to just only refer to those with mental illness, but now the term has become far more broad to include anything dealing with your mental, right? Yeah. and really it should be because mental health, when you say physical health, it has to do with anything with the physical body, right?

and not just ailments and not just obesity and not just anorexia and not just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all the physicals. Exercise everything. So mental health has to do with a lot of, a lot of different aspects of the mind. And I think mental health is your mental health is really, I would say pivoting. Not on medications, not on mental conditions, that you can be diagnosed with.

but your actual self-value and self-esteem. Because everything's on a teeter totter in life, and I mean everything. Everything in life is on a, everything in life is on a teeter totter. So when you are more inclined to the negative about yourself, you put more weight on that end of the teeter totter, and you're more likely...

to fall over to the end of a state of bad mental health on the teeter-totter of life because you already got so much weight on the negative. You already feel like you're stupid. You're a piece of shit. You're dumb. You're worthless. You don't have any talents. You're not intelligent. Whatever other words you want to use because they're all in the same bowl. They're all in the same basket. You're already feeling that way about yourself.

Fatima Bey (15:01.184)

So then when something else comes along and you add it to that teeter totter and life happens, so stuff's gonna get added to the teeter totter, the weight on the side of that teeter totter becomes so heavy and so bad that it flips off the good stuff on the other side. Does that make sense?

.

Jaclyn Gee (15:20.45)

That makes total sense.

Like a Tinder chatter.

Unfortunately, but maybe sometimes fortunately. so what within your role of

of supporting and connecting with youth, what is your role in trying to enhance that self-esteem?

Great question. It's one of my favorite things to do. I get so, I am so fulfilled when I've made a difference in someone's life by making a difference in how they see themselves. So I do it through different ways. You're going to find a lot of episodes of my podcast. And let me back up a little bit. So my podcast is for teens and adults.

Fatima Bey (16:11.99)

Any adults that have to work with teens, that's what the podcast is about. But I deal a lot with career choices, finance, and what I'm going to say is mental stuff. So if you listen to some of the episodes, you're going to hear, actually the episode that's coming out tomorrow, is a woman who grew up with no self value, was in special ed, et cetera, never thought that she would...

make anything of her life or even live to adulthood. And now she's working on a master's and it's it's freaking awesome. By the time this airs that episode will be out. so I'm back to your question. I am making a difference using the platform to put the messages out there that I know people need to hear. Not the messages that are politically correct, not the messages that have buzzwords.

I don't give a crap about that. I don't care about being impressive. I care about being impactful. Impressive, yeah, I'm not impressed by people that are impressive, to be honest with you. It's like, yeah, you're being impressive, but are you impactful? If you're not impactful, you can get out my face. I don't care.

And there is a really big difference.

is a big difference. And some people are both impressive and impactful, and that's beautiful. And there are people like that. That is absolutely beautiful. But if you're not being impactful, then you're not saying anything. And I need to move on and ignore you. And I will. I will absolutely dismiss you. I will not put my energy towards, you know, waste. And the thing is, some of those people that are trying to be impressive instead of impactful could be impactful if they stop trying to be so impressive.

Fatima Bey (17:57.978)

But anyway, making a difference through my podcast is what I'm all about. So you'll find if you listen to enough episodes, I will talk to targeted audiences all the time. I have one episode that's specifically talking just to parents. I have another episode coming up that's specifically talking only to teenage girls. Then I have episodes that are talking to people that are looking to get into technology. You know, I very often, not with every episode, but often I'll have a targeted market, targeted

Sorry targeted audience because that's that's the people I'm talking to because I want to be make an impact on that particular Sect of people right now. So if you listen to the episodes enough Everyone will hear a piece of themselves somewhere even the adults because I have a lot of adults who comment who comment and give me feedback on some of the episodes they're hearing because they could identify with what we're talking about even though we're talking to teens

Because human issues are human issues, regardless of your age. They just look different when you're a teenager. They aren't that different.

I think you should say that one more time.

Humans are humans. I don't remember how I just said it. Humans are humans, regardless of age. Some of those issues just look different when you're a teenager. They really aren't that different.

Jaclyn Gee (19:22.99)

Yay! Snaps and claps for that one.

Well, some of us adults are just physically grown up teenagers. Notice I said physically.

So that actually leads me into this question and maybe it's a bit of a loaded one, but what do you find with your experience? I know you're working to be impactful to youth, but when you're making episodes or you're just connecting and networking with adults who work with youth, what does it look like when that adult, whether they're related or just connected to a youth, what does that look like

if they still have their own childhood trauma or youth trauma, but they're trying to support other youth now. Does that, do you know what I mean? Like how does that impact the youth?

is a very loaded question. it is, but that's okay. I'll dissect it. So there are youth out there. I mean, sorry. There are adults out there who are working with youth with undelt with trauma. That's a fact. And it will always be a fact. Why will it be a fact? Because they may not recognize that it's undelt with. And sometimes dealing with the youth, it will bring up the issues.

Fatima Bey (20:50.43)

Some people are gonna recognize it and deal with it. Some people won't. They'll sweep it under a rug, deny it, pretend it's not there, explain it away in another way, which is unhealthy. And those people who refuse to deal with it or don't acknowledge it will end up hurting themselves or others, which is bad. And they shouldn't be working with you. I'll be honest with you, until they're ready to deal with it.

None. Then you have the other ones. The other ones who have undealt with issues, but they don't recognize it until things pop up and they realize that it's stirring things up in them that if they were settled, wouldn't get so stirred. But then they say, you know what, I need to deal with this. And they find a way to deal with it. And those people just keep working with youth because they're going to do good for them.

Unfortunately, I can't go through and sift through everybody's programs and find them. But those are the facts. But I know on my show, when I interview anybody, adult or teenagers, because teenagers are guests on my show half the time, I make it a point to include them. I ask every single guest if they have any trauma points that I shouldn't bring up. I'm a very blunt and direct person.

My podcast is all about being straightforward and unfiltered. But that doesn't mean going to the extreme of being obnoxious and stupid. Because unfortunately, when people say that sometimes that's what they hear. They're like, unfiltered, you're just going to be obnoxious and a shock jock. No, I'm just going to be real, period end. So that is something that I do ask people because I'm aware that if someone's not really ready,

you can re-traumatize them by putting them on the spot and on the air. And I'm not trying to do that. I'm trying to make things better, not worse. So even if it would be the greatest show ever, if it's gonna break them down instead of build them up, I won't do it.

Jaclyn Gee (23:00.62)

What are some examples of how, if you've seen this, which I'm sure you probably have, but what are some examples of how adults actually cause more harm than good when they're working with youth?

great question. So one of the ways, there's several ways, but just to give an example.

All right, this is a good one because it's very accurate and it's a very, very common one. You have a woman that was abused by a man or men.

So she starts mistreating all the boys as if they are her abuser because she hasn't gotten over the fact. She hasn't gotten over some of her abuse issues because there's always the issues that come with it. Nobody is ever okay or normal after abuse. No one. I don't care what you say. I'm fine. No, you're not. We all need help after abuse. Well, now that help looks different for each of us and we have varying degrees of it. Some of us need more help than others, but

And some of us just need a little bit and we're okay, but we all need something, some kind of counseling, some kind of place to heal something. But I have seen that happen where you get these women, and this goes into another subject, but I think it's very relevant and it's something I like to talk about. You get these women who have watched men abuse women, whether it's through domestic violence, whether it's sexually, but they've watched some kind of a manipulation, some kind of abuse towards

Fatima Bey (24:39.786)

young women with men. And that does happen, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean that every single man is an abuser. And it doesn't mean that we should treat every man as if he's the abuser. That's unhealthy, it's imbalanced. It's a mental imbalance when you do that. And if you haven't dealt with your own issues and you see the male species as your enemy, you're still in an unhealthy place. And therefore you're going to start misusing

or another word for that is abusing the men, your coworkers or the male students or whatever your situation is where the males are. And that's just one example. And the opposite example is a man who's been just really let down by women or really just been maybe tricked by a woman or something, cause that happens too a lot more than we think. And so now they start acting like every woman is this bitch that's after him.

So then he starts treating his students that way. He starts treating the youth at the community center. these women are after you. Or worse, worse, is he starts teaching that same mentality to the young boys under him, which just exacerbates the problem. Does that make sense?

It makes total sense. I feel like, unfortunately, definitely, unfortunately, I feel like that happens more often than we even think of for both situations and also just teachings, teachings by adults, again, related or not to the youth, they're teaching things that the adults learned, whether it was accurate or not into the youth.

Yes, I want to add on to that. I think it's so important to point this out. We all teach people around us, period. Good or bad, right or wrong, we all teach people around us. We spread our mentality to everybody around us. And this is why it is so important that we get healed from our trauma, from our issues.

Fatima Bey (26:57.698)

because if we're not healed, hurt people hurt people. And sometimes that hurt isn't intentional, but it still happens. You are hurting people when you are teaching them the wrong things. You are hurting the people around you when you're mistreating them because of your own undealt with issues. You are hurting other people when you're causing them to do actions that are hurtful to themselves. Hurt people hurt people. It's so important.

that we deal with our issues and that we get healed from whatever they are. And if you don't know what they are, you need to see somebody about it. It is really okay to see somebody about it. And some people are not willing to walk into a therapist's office. So go to your honor uncle who's like the person known for wisdom. Talk to them. They might be the person you can go to if you're not willing to go to a therapist, but get there pies one way or the other because we all.

Need it. I don't care who you are and how strong you think you are and how you think you got this. No, you don't. You might have, you might got this after you deal with your issues, but you need to deal with them first because I promise you, I promise you, I promise you, promise you, if you have any issues that you have not dealt with, they are dealing with you. I'm going to say that again. If you have any issues you have not dealt with, they are dealing with you. They are already infiltrating your life.

They are already affecting how you deal with people. They are already affecting your conversations. They are already affecting your relationships. They are already affecting your job.

Fatima Bey (28:38.38)

I just had to say that.

It's like.

Unfortunately, the reality though, it really is. Do you find, again, this may be a loaded question, but it's not intended to be, do you find that a lot of adults, male, female, or otherwise identified?

work with youth because they want to make an impact such as yourself, but on a whole other level they want to want to or think that working with the youth or the teenagers as the adult version of themselves will heal some of their inner child, inner youth wounds or concerns.

Absolutely, absolutely. I think that's probably true for like 90 % of people.

Jaclyn Gee (29:29.772)

And do you that actually helps heal anything or do you think that just exacerbates the problem?

That's not a black or white answer. I think both. It depends on where they are in life. So I think for the greater portion, it does. And I think, I don't know if I say the greater portion, I think maybe half. It does. The other half, it doesn't because that's not the issue. But they're still well-intended and they still work well with youth and they still need to help outside themselves to fix the problem. And just being a better mental.

mentally healthy spot. but yeah, and then there are those, like I said, who don't, you know, as I said earlier, who don't, haven't dealt with their issues. And then they, end up spraying, you know, spraying their shit everywhere, all around them, because they haven't, you know, they haven't, they haven't fixed. You know what? It's like this. They're mentally constipated.

So since they won't go to a therapist and get the help they need, which is where they should take a dump, right? This is a gross analogy, but y'all gonna get it. So instead all the shit comes out their mouth.

It's, yeah, it's true. It's one that nobody will forget hearing.

Fatima Bey (30:57.952)

Yeah, I'm known for crazy analogies.

So.

What are some ways that

I guess ideally healed adults, but, or healing adults, but what are some ways that adults in general can help support youth?

is the present.

Fatima Bey (31:22.424)

I think it's important to number one, listen to them and don't listen to rebut and don't listen and say you're listening, but cut them off mid-sentence. That's not listening. Even if what they're saying is completely jacked up and stupid, listen anyway. Because when you show them that you're listening, that opens the door for them to feel like they can actually talk to you. And if they can talk to you,

Then and only then do you have an opportunity to plant some seeds and make a difference in their lives. So if you really want to make a difference in their lives, stop talking at them and start listening. Now you might give some advice afterwards and you might say, this is what you should be doing. And, but don't just tell them what they should be doing and leave it at that. Throw in some understanding there. Cause nobody wants to talk to somebody that talks at them.

As adults, do you want somebody sitting there pointing their finger at you, talking at you? No, we leave the room. We might physically be there, but mentally we already left the room.

Or we'll tell you where to go and how quick to get there.

Where you shove that, Right, or we're just like, get out of my face, shut up, blah, blah. You know, and we do that as adults. Why would it be any different when you're a teenager? When you're still discovering and you're still learning. By the way, that doesn't ever stop. But it's not just teenagers, it's all of us. But it's important to listen to them first. And even if what they're saying is crazy and stupid, everything they didn't say, everything they said couldn't be crazy or stupid.

Fatima Bey (33:04.866)

reaffirm the parts that are true before you go into what they should do and telling them off and give them, you know, or give them your advice. Sometimes you're not telling them off, you're just giving advice, but, or give them your opinion on things or telling them what you think they should do and da da da. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't let that be the only thing you spew out. Listen first, identify or relate to the parts that they said that you can understand. And if you don't understand, be honest and real about that.

Real, you know, as they always say, real, recognize real. Nobody wants to talk to somebody who doesn't understand them and just talks at them. That's like the best way to get them to completely tune you out. If you want to be supportive, start by listening. There's other things you can do after that, but I would say that's the biggest start.

And what are those other things after to actually start listing?

After you start listening, number two, reaffirm or relate to the parts that they said that are true. Don't lie, don't overfluff. So if they said they were feeling bad about X, Y, Z, say, understand why you're feeling bad, but here's the way you could think about it instead. There's nothing wrong with that. And they might actually listen. And even if they don't act like they're listening in that moment, which teens often won't, they might go back.

and meditate on it later. And actually you might change your mind. I've had that happen to me a lot where teenagers kind of look at me like I'm crazy when I'm telling them something. But then later on they come back to me and say, you know, you were right. And I told so-and-so XYZ because you told me this. And so that tells me that it was working. Don't look at reaction as much as you look at results.

Jaclyn Gee (34:55.158)

It's almost like they need that processing time to be able to sit with what they've been told, reflect on it, and then make their decision on how they feel about it.

Remember how human you are, not as a teenager, but just as a human being. Do you accept everything everybody tells you all at once? No. Nope. Not unless you're an airhead and most of us are not airheads. So we don't, we have to process it first. As teens, they are no different than an adult in that they need to process it first. Give them that space to process. Don't shove it down their throat and then be mad that they didn't.

didn't come out the other end already. It's not going to. They need to process it first.

Jaclyn Gee (35:42.466)

What are some ways that I think you've honed in on how adults can connect and support youth in a meaningful way? Do you have any tips or tricks on how fellow youth or teens themselves can support other youth and teens in a positive, meaningful way?

Yes.

Get this with it.

There's so many ways, but I think one of the biggest ways that teens just don't think about it, be honest. So often we're putting on a mask and we're being fake as hell because we think we need to be. And I'm talking as if I'm a teenager right now. We're being fake as hell.

So we can Everybody as a human does that though. It's not just teens.

Fatima Bey (36:38.134)

No, you're right. You're right. But in this generation, that looks different because it plays out on social media more than anything else. And that's different than the way we grew up. be real instead of being fake. And I'll tell you why. So many of the teenagers out there think that they are the only ones who are going through what they're going through. And when we are honest and we are transparent,

Very true.

Fatima Bey (37:08.608)

It makes other people feel better about themselves because they know they're not the only one. And that can be a self-esteem builder. So that matters. You're just being transparent and you don't know who's looking at you. You don't know how many eyes are on you. You don't know how many people are noticing that you are standing strong through what you're going through and that you are still moving forward even though everybody's making fun of you and you're gonna go do what you wanna do.

I think that's so crucial as a teenager, in any youth.

Yes. Well peer pressure is there. Peer pressure doesn't stop when you're a teen. It just feels stronger when you're a teen, I think. I think it feels stronger when you're a teen. But the peer pressure doesn't stop because look how many dummies are on social media now doing stupid stuff that they wouldn't be doing if they didn't feel pressure to do it. We all thinking about somebody and something right now because it's true. know, that peer pressure is, it matters. And I think if more of them are just honest with each other.

they'll find that they have more support than they realize.

And support doesn't necessarily have to mean professionals.

Fatima Bey (38:19.214)

No, some of the best support doesn't come from professionals, actually. And I'll tell you why. There's a lot of professionals that act like clinically trained robots, and that doesn't help anybody. The professionals that I see who are the best at what they do, they're human in their approach to things. They're still professional, but they're also human. And if you have that combination, then you're great. But everybody doesn't have that around them. You know, I do, I actually have a whole episode about that.

about the fact that some youth don't have any adults that they can really talk to within systems. And a lot of our systems don't work. Some do, but a lot of them don't. So your support could be your mom's friend. Your support could be your friend's mom. Your support could be aunt or uncle. Your support could be somebody at church, your synagogue, your mosque.

could be somebody at a community center. There's so many different ways of getting support. And most of the time we have to actually seek it out because it won't usually come to us.

Can I throw in my two cents on how I, a professional in the mental health and social science field, make that connection? So it's a little different for me only in the sense that I work specifically only with adults. So it's 18 plus, but the large majority of those that I work with are.

Probably 30 to 70 ish. So the reason I to give my two cents on this is because like you've been saying this entire session is everybody is human and everybody has their own ways. But at the end of the day, everybody is human. So what might work for building rapport and the connection with adults might also be the same thing. And it more than likely is for youth.

Jaclyn Gee (40:24.12)

So my perspective on it, when I say I get a new client on my caseload and I'm trying to house them, but they're also struggling with addiction or mental health or legal involvement, I, how do I say this? I don't take off my professional hat per se, but I just get down on their level. Like many professionals that I see in my field don't swear, they don't,

dress necessarily to blend in. don't use humor or sarcasm. They're just very by the book, very, as you said, rigid and robotic, right?

E-trained robots, yes.

Yes. I, I mean, I'm not a clinical person by any means, but I wear jeans and a t-shirt to work. I wear jeans and a hoodie to work. I, you know, I wear leggings and a nice shirt. I, I don't stand out as a professional to them. I blend in with them. And the other piece that I would offer and feel free to correct me if this is off the beaten path, but

The other part that I use is I get down on their level with their language and their emotions and how they talk about things. I think with adults, it might be a little different in the sense of generation changes like you've noted, but with the adults, when they're coming onto my caseloader, they're doing an intake and might be assigned to me as their worker. I feel like with the population that I work with, given that they struggle with

Jaclyn Gee (42:05.132)

you know, legal involvement, addiction, mental health, I cuss, I don't do it often, but I do do it. And I do kind of use the slang in the terms that they use. Because that forms that report forms that therapeutic report and that connection and that relationship instead of being a robot as a professional. And I think, but I mean, you to it, you go.

well no, finish your statement.

I was just going to say, I think that might be a little different in terms of youth because there's, I think there's nowadays heavier expectations on youth than there was years ago, but also the generational changes between the adults I work with now versus the youth and what they're going through now. But those are just some tips and tricks that I use to build rapport as a professional that isn't a clinical robot or very, very by the book.

Yes, and those very by the book people.

most you if you are like that, please don't work with youth. Please stay far away from youth because they are not going to talk to you. And the thing is, because they just see you as a clinically trained robot and not a human they can relate to what we all look for when we want to confide in someone is related ability. And a lot of what you just said was relate ability in dealing with youth. I think it is important everything you just said about

Fatima Bey (43:38.028)

you know, being down on their level. What that, what I, the way I like to word that is relatability. Well, actually, relatability is a little bit different because if you're going to talk to me about an issue that you're dealing with, and it's also an issue that I dealt with, I'm going to talk to you about my issue. That doesn't mean I need to go to the extreme of telling you all my business. That's the reason why people are clinically trained to be robots.

Don't tell anybody anything personal, don't get personal. And basically what they're telling you is don't be human, but you're human. is the very thing that's going to help them open up to you so that you can take all that training that you did get that is correct and how to help them heal and actually have it work. It's not going to work if they don't open up to you and you just are acting like a robot or you're talking at them instead of being relatable. You tell me that you can relate to me. I am now listening.

I am now listening. That's how we are as human beings. you don't necessarily have to, and here's the thing, you don't always have to use their language to be relatable. You could have someone who grew up in the inner city, who's black and grew up in the ghetto. And someone who grew up in white suburbia, completely unrelated to each other, right? Different backgrounds, having a conversation. And that

old white lady who grew up in suburbia happened to go through the same thing that this black child in a ghetto grew up in. I'm saying those things because those are ideally what we think of as opposites, right, in our society. But that old white lady can find that one thing that she can relate to with that young black child and say, I went through this too, but be honest about all the parts that don't relate.

Like, I don't know what it's like to do this. I don't know, but I do know what it's like to this. And then focus on the part that you can relate to. That child might still listen and be like, okay, she's cool. I can talk to her. You don't have, and she won't have to say it. She could say it in her white suburban way. She doesn't have to use street lingo, so to speak. You know, it's focusing on what you can relate to and all the other stuff will fall in the background. If you really think about it, that's how we work as human beings.

Jaclyn Gee (45:59.712)

It's very true. The other kind of burning question, which I feel like

could be a whole episode on its own, but just the analogy that you use of the Black child and the old white woman connecting on whatever level it was that they both experienced, do you find in the work that you do and the experience and the connections that you make, do you find that there's...

Kind of a, I don't even know what the word would be, like a click or a.

Jaclyn Gee (46:39.692)

or like the youth will gravitate to.

Jaclyn Gee (46:45.964)

almost like their own culture or their own ethnic background or their own religious background versus anybody else.

Yes, I had a whole episode on this, my back podcast actually, with a therapist, because we discussed this. It is an issue specifically for Black and Brown children in our school systems to have literally nobody they can relate to in the the adult staff. And that is a huge problem, because most of time, they're just not going to open up to these people who are completely out of sync with them, or at least they think they are.

and who are most of these adult staff in the schools.

White folks who don't understand. You want an honest answer? That's it. Who don't understand because that's not been their experience. didn't grow up. You don't understand what it's like to grow up a person of color in this country and it is different. Whether people like to admit it or not, it is in fact different because of many reasons that are ingrained in our culture. But it matters. But again, I want to point out

Just because someone is white doesn't mean that they can't relate. They can, but they do have to prove that they can first if they want the people of color to actually see them as relatable. Because I've met people like that, and I know people like that who are very good at what they do. They happen to be white, but they do relate on many levels, and they're honest about what they can't relate to. People can deal with that if you're honest. But if you pretend, if you live in a world of...

Fatima Bey (48:26.338)

pretend and you pretend like we're all the same and we all grew up with the same experience. You're dumb. We just see you as dumb and we're not talking to you. Period. And that might hurt some people's feelings, but it's the truth.

Jaclyn Gee (48:42.388)

It's definitely the truth. And I kind of had a sneaking suspicion about that in the States. And that's exactly why I asked you what type of adults are supporting these youth because I assumed it was white individuals.

We need more, we need more people of color into our systems to be honest with you, but color is just one, detail. There are other things like if you are gay and you're dealing with things that are related to your homosexuality, you want to talk to someone who you feel can understand your struggles. If you are Asian and they do have a different experience than the rest of us, I am not Asian.

but I do understand that much. They do have a different experience than the rest of us. You might want to talk to somebody who can understand where you're coming from or not even just Asian, foreigners, because that's a big population who are first generation. Their parents are from some other country, Afghanistan, Guatemala, Sudan, wherever their parents are from. They have a strong, different life at home that is very different than what they're experiencing in school. There are nuances with that.

And there needs to be more people that understand that. I work a lot with foreigners and I have a big heart and passion for foreigners. when I say that, I'm not just talking out of my ass. I'm talking from experience. There are other elements to each one of us besides race. And we all wanna have somebody that identifies with us. And that's why people running around talking about inclusion, inclusion, inclusion. Some people go overboard with it.

But there is truth to it though. There is truth to it. We do need more representation within our systems. And some people are out there trying to get that representation and there's not enough of us with different kinds of representations applying and trying to be in these systems. And we're needed because people want to talk to somebody they can relate to.

Jaclyn Gee (50:48.248)

How do you think, I mean, if possible, I guess, how do you think that there could be that change to have different representations in all of the systems?

Listen to my podcast, Youth, and try new careers that you don't normally get into so that you can spread out and we can even out the playing field. Get more of these youth into the, get more the high school and college age youth to move on to new careers.

We have a lot of people going for nursing, which is a beautiful thing, nothing wrong with nursing, not enough people going for doctors. We got a lot of people going for real estate brokers, but not enough for other parts of real estate. Not enough home inspectors, not enough, you know, not enough diversity in other fields. And it's like, okay, you black in Utah. you have to play basketball. No, you don't. Why don't you own a team instead of playing on it?

There's different things that we can do. We need to think differently so that we do get that variety. Because what happens is these systems will keep directing the kids in the same directions. this school over here full of Black and Brown children, we're going to have you guys do all these. We're going to push you towards domesticated careers. But the white suburbia, we're going to push you towards corporate and ownership careers.

That's a real thing, y'all. That is a real freaking thing.

Jaclyn Gee (52:19.447)

It's systemic.

Absolutely. And there are people out there trying to change it. So I'm not saying that that's true everywhere anymore, but it's still true enough. And if you want to make a change, that's where we need to make the change at the high school and college level to start getting people to go into other careers, present other careers to them that they weren't thinking about. You know, it's still their choice at the end of the day, but don't think, don't make them think that they have these five choices and that's it. Point them towards ownership instead of

just being a worker. And everything's not gonna be in order, we can push more people towards that.

think that also can be spoken to genders. Yes. Right? Like the vast majority of females, at least up in Canada, not managers, not bosses, not CEOs, they're nurses, they're social workers, they're underpaid, like all of that. So that partnered with the colour is even more of a concern, right?

Yep, yep, and that's not good. And we need more, for example, the construction field. my God, we need more women in that. And I don't just mean construction workers. There are thousands of positions within the, when I say construction field, that's very generalized. That we need more women for men.

Jaclyn Gee (53:49.07)

Up in Canada, I can very accurately say this. Almost every single time I drive by road construction, how they have the stop and slow signs and they alternate them, I can almost without a doubt say almost all of them are females holding the sign rather than the ones operating equipment or doing any other position within that. They're almost always the sign holders.

You know what I would say? I think I believe you. I would say if you are looking to make a change, pay attention to the positions around you. Look for what's not being fulfilled and then try to fulfill it. So I always like to say, look, look for the holes in the Swiss cheese because they are everywhere. Everywhere you look at Swiss cheese, there's always some holes you can find.

So what's missing when you look at a room full of executive? What's missing? Women and people of color.

When you look in a room full of construction workers, what's missing? Black men. When you look in, I'm just making up examples, but when you look in a room full of this type of field, what do you see? What do you not see? Not just what do you see? What do you not see?

Men, people of color.

Fatima Bey (55:12.942)

Yeah. It depends on what fields you're talking about, but yeah. And it's like, look at that and then say, ah, we need more black and brown folks in this area. We need more women in this area. We need more this and that, whatever it is, we need more Asians over here. We need more foreigners over here. We need more, you know, we can talk, go on and on with different details, but whatever it is, take a look.

Take a look.

Usually I ask for like words of wisdom or support or encouragement, but I feel like this whole episode has been that. So I'm a bypass that because you hit on all of them. But I will ask you to continue these conversations, to listen to these conversations. Where can we find you?

Well, my website is Fatima Bay.com. That's my name. F-A-T-I-M-A B as in boy E-Y.com. On there you can find everything you need to know about me. I am, my podcast page is there as well. My podcast name is Mind Shift Power Podcast. I also have a YouTube channel. It's called Fatima Bay the Mind Shifter.

You can find that on YouTube as well. And honestly, you can Google my name. If you Google my name on the whole first page of Google usually. So.

Jaclyn Gee (56:49.646)

I love to see that.

Just Google my name, you'll find out everything you need to know. The other thing that we did not discuss that you will find on there, so I'm going to say it now, I'm a dual entrepreneur. So I do have another business, it's called My Abishai. I make and design wedding gowns. Yep, completely unrelated or so it seems. So you'll find a lot of stuff about that as well. I used to be on the radio. You could find those episodes on my YouTube channel.

and I write for a magazine called Blessings Magazine. You can find that online as well. And yeah, so go to FatimaBey.com and you basically find everything you need to see.

Maybe it sounds like set aside a couple hours to go through everything though.

I don't know, but yeah, you will. You'll click on one thing, you'll find other things, you'll click on more and find others, because people tell me they do that. And I'm on every social media platform too.

Jaclyn Gee (57:53.944)

Amazing. And is the social media platform just your name or is it?

It's Fatima Bey, the Mindshifter on Facebook. It's Fatima Bay on everything else.

Consistent I like it

Yeah, well, like, I think it's Fatima Bay underscore on Instagram. The links are all on my website. The links are on my website. But like even on Pinterest, it's Fatima Bay the Mindshifter. So it's either Fatima Bay or Fatima Bay the Mindshifter everywhere.

Amazing. Well, I wanted to thank you again, Fatima, for being a guest and having the conversation about youth and teenagers and mental health. I think it's obviously a much needed conversation and you're doing incredible, impactful, but also impressive work. And I think more people need to follow along in your shoes for the work that you do and the impact that you make.

Jaclyn Gee (58:55.118)

So thank you for guessing and thank you for doing what you do. And I believe I follow you on a lot of socials, so I'm gonna go double check, but I wanna stay connected if possible to see where your journey takes you and to see where your impact leads you.

I did want to ask, thank you. I did want to add one little thing for listeners. If you want to hear my impact, listen to episode two of my podcast. A young girl talks about my impact.

Okay, episode two. All right, let's make sure we note that so we can listen to it. And again, thank you so much for just being you, being a guest and for the work that you do. I do truly hope that we can stay connected.

Yes.

Fatima Bey (59:47.086)

Absolutely, and thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

Absolutely. This space is all things mental health, whatever population or gender or any other diversity, it's all welcome here. I'm just really honored that you opened up the doors of my podcast to be this specific population because it's not talked about enough.

Yes, I'm glad you allowed me the opportunity to plant some more seeds and some more brains.

You've planted lots of seeds. And to you Fatima and to the listeners, I'm sending you lots of love and lots of light.

What did you dream of as a child? What makes you righteously angry? In this powerful guest interview, International MindShift Coach Fatima Bey reveals the three essential questions you must answer to uncover your life's true purpose. Learn why she believes "political correctness" is choking our youth, why true happiness comes from purpose and not money, and how to start shifting your own thinking for a more balanced and successful life.

Original airdate: September 20, 2023

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foreign [Music]

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we have a special guest joining me today Fatima Bay she is a dual entrepreneur

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a master at crafting wedding dresses a life coach teacher

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many things master of many things you can introduce yourself further if you if you want

0:44

hello everyone um yes I'm Fatima the Mind Shifter I'm a mind shift coach um and I'm a dual entrepreneur so when

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he says that I am a master crafter I make and design wedding gowns um that's my first business and my second business

0:57

is being a mind shift coach and there's a whole lot that goes with that um I I do individual coaching I go to

1:04

high schools and do workshops I do group coaching and I have a podcast and in

1:09

public speaking yes fellow podcasts I've been listening to the podcast myself I can say I'm a

1:15

fan um and you know as far as the Mind shifting part

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from the from the time that uh we've been talking like in the inbox from the time that we started talking

1:28

you were already like challenging some some of my thoughts you know what you're right yeah I

1:37

noticed that earlier everybody around me if you try to think if you're a therapist and you try to have therapy

1:42

session with me I'm gonna therapize you and so it makes me I I was wondering is

1:50

that so so that's something that that's not just in the podcast content land that's like every like you always kind

1:57

of do that kind of I've been a Mind Shifter my entire life honestly and it's only in recent years things uh primarily

2:04

through convincing from my sister to turn it into a career

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um and as a mind shift coach I might as well segue into what I specialize in uh

2:15

one of the things that I specialize in is helping people to find their purpose their individual purpose not the

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all-in-one let me say what's politically correct we all you know your purpose is to whatever you feel like today now you

2:28

need your teacher right now and that's not what you need to be you know you're supposed to be a scientist finding the next cure for cancer so what you're doing like that's that's me your

2:36

individual purpose um I'm not going to tell you to you though I will I will Coach you into

2:42

discovering it for yourself but uh helping people find the individual purpose

2:47

um and then once you find your purpose we every single one of us should be

2:53

making money making some Bank while fulfilling our purpose

2:59

people think that you're going to find money that's going to make you happy it does it that's why there's so many Rich folks in in in rehab centers so many

3:08

Rich folks killing themselves and doing all this other stuff and doing all kinds of stuff because money doesn't make you

3:13

happy it buys you stuff and fake people but it doesn't make you happy what makes us happy is to

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is fulfilling what we were meant to fulfill so once you fulfill your purpose

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that's where your genuine happiness is and my goal is to help people to find that and again once you do that how can

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we turn that into a career or business because I'm big on entrepreneurship but

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I understand that everybody's going to be an entrepreneur so um turning that into a business or career so that you're not just working a

3:45

job right and the most miserable people have jobs that's all they have though they don't

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have a career it's just a job on and then my third piece is helping

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people to find balance that's probably a big Focus it's a big focal point for me

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um the reason is is balance everything life that works has balance people don't think about it that way

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everything in life that's not working everything that's wrong in the world it's because of an imbalance somewhere

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and I don't mean way up in the stars and as astrology imbalance that's a

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different subject I'm talking about Natural Balance and I'm not talking about the chemicals in your body either most of the imbalances are in our heads

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so I help people to find um balance Within

4:35

their life so most of us a lot of us we go way off the deep end

4:42

and in an area of life um and we need balance so that that area of Life can work and sometimes it's not

4:49

because you're doing uh something wrong it's because Richard it's because of what you're lacking

4:55

you're doing one thing right but you need about four things right to get that thing you know that area balanced and so

5:02

you're doing one thing right you're like well this ain't working so let me just grab that you don't need to scrap it you just need to back it up a little bit and

5:08

add these other two or three pieces so that you can be balanced so everybody's details are different when it comes to

5:13

what balance they need but I help people find balance and my fourth area of focus is teenagers which is what my podcast is

5:20

about yeah um so what did you what did you hear about my pod what did you think when you

5:26

were listening to the podcast I'm just curious well I like I listened to the full first episode which was with the

5:33

teacher it was about basically just keeping it real like with students and

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um when I heard it what I what I noticed was

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strong opinions it was it was strong opinions on

5:52

what it actually means to like keep it real like as far as like with the

5:57

students and when I got into the I kind of got into the second episode a little bit and that

6:03

was that seemed like more of um somebody you'd work with the young lady

6:09

that you would work with and like I said I didn't finish it but it seems like on there she was confident

6:15

and I because I I you know I didn't meet her the way you met her and you were

6:21

like you know you gave her like you know you showed her how to gain her confidence and things like that but it

6:26

just sounded like she was beyond her years because I think y'all said she was 17 or

6:32

18 I'm like this sounds like somebody my age up here talking that's what I that's

6:37

what I told her and she doesn't get it so I mean she I think she's starting to see it now I don't think she fully gets

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she's just how uh Advanced her mind actually is you know I think she will

6:49

when she starts impacting other people exactly that'll probably do it for her

6:55

yes and that's that's exactly where I'm pushing her next now you just took my put my secret out there

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she she doesn't know that that's that's the next that's really the next step for

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her to see more so for those of you who are watching who haven't listened to my episode you need to go listen so you

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know what we're talking about yeah it's episode two called Real Change uh and

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just a short synopsis um it's a teenage girl that I've worked with I've been coaching her

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um and just a matter of six months ago she had zero confidence

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um she felt like she was worthless in short um she's definitely not but that's the

7:34

way she felt about herself and within a matter of months I got her to a point where now she understands that she has

7:41

gifts she has value she is precious um I told her that when I met her but

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now she actually believes it and now she knows exactly what she wants to do with her career she's going to be graduating

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this year I got her looking up scholarships so she ain't coming out with a million dollars in debt

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um I'm just like you are not going out without this debt so we looking up some scholarships so um you know she she but

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she's she she's confident in a way that I wish I had been when I was younger you

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know um I grew up with very low self-esteem very very low self-esteem as well so um

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I love being able to help especially young women but and sometimes I've done it for for

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older women too but especially for young women love being able to help them to know who they really are and not the

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fake confidence that's often taught um unfortunately I would say a lot of

8:35

fake confidence because it's on the surface but the confidence isn't real because it's not believed

8:42

within them it doesn't matter if I tell you you are a handsome man right but if

8:48

you think you're ugly it doesn't matter how much I say it you don't believe it so to you you're

8:54

not and you're going to behave as if you're ugly and this is what a lot of young women are running around doing

8:59

right now and and it's it hurts my heart to see and you know I I want to be able

9:05

to make a difference on a bigger scale what I've done with her I want to be able to do that for for other young women on a bigger scale and even if I

9:12

don't meet them if I could just do it over the air on a podcast I'll do it you know

9:17

so have you have you done like um like public speaking or like like I

9:23

guess like in front of a crowd of however many like you know hundreds or whatever like yeah yeah I I do public

9:30

speaking um I do assemblies at high schools I I enjoy public speaking but to be honest

9:37

with you my favorite place to public speak right now is high schools I love talking to kids who are sitting there

9:44

trying to be on their phones chewing gum looking over that way um I I get their attention

9:49

sometimes I say funny stuff or call call out their name or ask them their name in front of everybody and make a pay

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attention they don't realize that's what I'm doing but um it's hard to get their attention when

10:01

they're sitting in the school setting in their classroom all day you know so um but I love talking to high school

10:07

students and uh when they start asking questions back then you're engaging it's

10:13

working um and that's that's hard that's really hard to do with high school students especially nowadays because their

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attention spans are so short you know because we're what everybody has what I call Tick Tock brain it's like oh look

10:24

yep yep microwave era yeah yeah it's like really really quick I'm done you

10:30

know so it's it's hard to maintain their attention and so um I try to be as interactive as I can

10:35

but I really love talking to the high school students and I don't just I don't just talk to them I'm always

10:41

interactive with them I'm always asking them questions what they think

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um and and getting their feedback and I love that because I really like to hear you know where their minds are and and

10:54

be able to respond accordingly and I think it's important because when I'm talking to a crowd I'm always

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interactive with anybody even with adults as well I like to be interactive because

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I need to understand where your brain is I can better respond to you if I understand where your brain cells are

11:12

working yeah you know and so if I if I get responses from people that tells me

11:17

where to go because if you're over here I don't want to be talking over there because I can't reach you there that's

11:23

not where you are you're over here so I believe in reaching people where they are whether coaching whether I'm speaking to you what I used to you and

11:30

know this but I used to tutor math is to teach and tutor math and English as a second language

11:35

um and with both of those I would always especially math I would find out where my math students brain was like how does

11:42

your brain function how do you think how do you break things apart you know how does your brain process information once

11:48

I observe that and I understood how their brain process information I taught them math from where the brain was already working

11:54

and then got them to understand the mathematical Concepts then we'll bring in the formulas and all the names and

12:02

all the details that they try to shove in your down your throat because people hate math

12:07

I love math but I get it people who love math love it absolutely I do I do I love

12:13

it um you know I'm a I'm a trainer fitness trainer and so that's kind of how I

12:21

because that's kind of how I try to connect you know what I'm saying if I'm if I'm training someone during the

12:27

session then we'll talk you know I'm very open to listen to people people kind of pour their heart

12:33

out to their trainers like you know they in that in that moment and they working out between those sets they'll tell me

12:39

problems that they haven't or whatever and I'll try to give some kind of advice or whatever and I've trained like high

12:45

school kids and I consider being a teacher at one point but

12:52

the way my the what I don't know if I care enough unfortunately like you know what I'm saying it's like the kids who I

12:59

can't get to I don't know if I if I got an enemy to try to nurture that kid and get him to

13:06

understand what I'm saying I'm just gonna focus on the ones who want to learn and I don't know if that's the right way to do it with those with with

13:12

a group of kids like yeah well that's okay because we're not all

13:18

built for the same thing yeah I'm we're not all built for the same thing I couldn't be a personal trainer because I

13:23

would just be like throwing dumbbells around I'm good

13:29

yeah um uh I was gonna ask on your on your

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podcast you were talking about culture and I think you were saying

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you pull different parts of culture like into yourself kinda oh

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um well multiculturalism in a way um I think you're referring to the fact

13:56

that I love foreigners I probably said that well um

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I love learning from people who are not like me okay yeah so I I really do so one of the

14:09

reasons I love foreigners and I've said this in public speaking I like foreigners better than Americans

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but here's why it's not because I don't Americans it's nothing like that it's I love

14:22

foreigners because I have something to learn from them I you know as far as culture goes we're

14:29

I'm American I grew up in America okay yeah what what next

14:35

um but when it comes to foreigners I don't give you from Afghanistan Guatemala China Nigeria wherever you're

14:41

from I didn't grow up where you did so I have something to learn from you that's just

14:47

my personality I love I love people and I love learning about people so for that reason I love I love all I love learning

14:55

about other cultures um if there's a room full of foreigners or a room full of Americans

15:01

without a blink or without a blink I'm going in the room full of foreigners

15:06

because I have more interesting conversations you know I I I'll and it's not like I can't have interesting

15:12

conversations with you know the room full of Americans because they're all human at the end of the day and I like humans but but

15:19

um but yeah I love I love learning from other people and I really think that

15:25

more of us especially and I'm talking especially about Americans we are some of the most closed-minded people on

15:31

Earth and we don't even see it everybody else in the world sees it but we don't and I don't know that I would see it

15:37

either if I hadn't worked within the foreigners to understand it and also working you know teaching English as a

15:42

second language I learned a lot more about uh America than than being

15:47

American you know because I got to hear other people's perspectives and I think

15:53

it's so important if we want to have balanced Minds we have to be willing to

15:59

be around or at least listen to people who are not just like us because if you

16:05

got your 12 people that you hang out all talk about the same thing all the time with the same thoughts and same same

16:11

that is and that's that's just dead that's an area where there cannot be any

16:17

growth and I'm a very growth minded person I always have been a very focused

16:22

on girl so if I can't grow I can't stay there and I can't be around people who

16:29

are just like me even though I can be around people who are amazing and awesome but if they're all just like me that's boring I need to be around a

16:36

variety of people because I have something to learn from from people it don't just mean whether or not they're

16:41

foreigners I need someone who I don't know they're a janitor at a high school but man does he have some life

16:47

wisdom that I can hear from him when he's talking you know what I mean or this person who's over here and they're

16:53

multi-billionaire I can learn how do they how do they think what thinking LED them to be a

16:59

multi-billionaire I might want to hang out with them because I want to hear how they think you know what I mean there's just there's something that we can all

17:04

gather from somebody and I think especially when it comes to politics we're so polarized to this country and

17:10

very imbalanced um that's something I talk about a lot and I use it as a great example of imbalance because it's one of the most

17:16

obvious ones that we could see it you know as American citizens um we we go to the extremes and we're

17:22

like well if you're not a Democrat if you're a republican you're automatically a racist and blah blah blah blah

17:28

you know and and that's not true there are people who are Republican who are amazing people who are friends of mine

17:33

who are awesome and then there's the Other Extreme where if you're a Democrat well you're just an

17:39

airhead you're just the world is lives on a bubble woohoo you know that's the other uh stereotype

17:47

for um that you have you know about the Liberals of the Democrats and the truth is that there's some truth to that in

17:53

both parties absolutely but is that that's is that all of them I was it it's not even half the parties yeah it is

17:59

extremes on but there's extremes on both sides oh absolutely absolutely me when I

18:04

by the time I started voting which I voted in like

18:09

I think like three elections now like my first vote was uh uh after Obama after

18:15

his uh term and so when I started voting and I started like kind of researching

18:21

and stuff it made me kind of realize like okay I don't think I have a party like I don't if I decide that I'm

18:30

picking all the time like I don't support either one fully nope either

18:36

I'll tell you about myself I used to be a republican before little boy Trump got

18:41

on the stage yeah and that's what I referred to him as little boy Trump so when little boy Trump got on the stage I

18:47

it just brought out too much to light and I was like I can't associate with this party but I also can't be over

18:53

there with with the dingbat party so so I I'm just an independent now and I'm in

19:00

a state where I can't vote in primaries that was actually the only reason I went to Republican is because I wanted to

19:05

vote in primaries because I'm in New York state and you have to pick one or the other

19:10

um and so uh an independent uh party is not no longer recognized in New York state it was but it's not but I don't

19:17

care anymore I just don't want to be associated with either one and I know again I know Wonderful uh politicians

19:24

and people in both parties who are awesome they're not extremes they're not no jobs

19:30

but unfortunately it's the nut jobs who have been the mouthpieces of both parties in the recent years and so it's

19:37

it's become difficult to to associate with either one so um but I think that

19:42

more and more Americans are like us honestly from when it's just in talking to people what I see I think more and

19:49

more Americans are really tired of all the extraness now like you everything is social media

19:56

is like super heavy every time somebody say something it's posted a thousand

20:01

times so it's like you can't get away from it like when Joe Biden said they cured cancer the other day it's like

20:08

he said it and it's there and he just and it's all over the place 100 million

20:14

views on you we know if you if we're using our brains and watching we know what he meant yeah but but when we Flip

20:19

It Up everything is taken to the extremes and yeah that's part of a a

20:25

malfunctioning Society where you have mostly extremities and there's no

20:30

balance I told you everything in life that works has balance and everything that's not working something's out of

20:36

balance and until we gain balance in our in our society we're we're just gonna keep

20:41

malfunctioning like we are but gain balance as a society we can but only if

20:47

we decide to do it with intention and we decide to do it together I can't do it by myself you can't do it by yourself

20:53

none of us no and it's not the president's job either president's one person we don't have a system set up for

20:59

just one person to rule us this isn't a kingdom and that's what people don't get they're like oh the president the president is a very important position

21:05

but it is not the only position and there's some things that actually they don't have as much power he or she is

21:11

not going to have as much power so it's like yes it matters but there's so many other things that matter that we we're

21:16

not considering we need to take into perspective and I will keep preaching that word that you know we need to be we

21:22

need to stop being so polarized and start being balanced and actually be willing to listen to each other and you

21:28

know I don't have to agree with you um but I should at least give your give

21:34

your perspective a chance because even if I don't end up agreeing with you maybe 10 of what you said

21:41

it's something for me to think about it might be true and it could sway your thoughts so that you have balanced

21:47

thinking instead of the wacko thinking that we see now I know some people probably got upset

21:53

I'm talking about the party but hey the truth is truth when you said um you know you have to consider other people's

22:00

perspective and things like that it made me think of me and my me and one of my friends

22:07

the debate was stupid the debate doesn't matter but what he was talking about was he said he doesn't

22:14

take stances on things that involve opinion he's he he classified himself as a

22:21

chaotic neutral have you ever heard it is it's a way of avoiding

22:28

avoiding uh it's a way of avoiding he he did not he wouldn't pick a side in a

22:34

debate he said nobody is wrong it all depends on how you

22:40

look at things and I'm like okay I get that

22:46

but I'm a person who has to take a stance if it's if it's opinionated

22:54

I'll think about it this way and I'm not going to fight the other side but I am

22:59

going to stay on this side about whatever it is and that's the thing and that's okay it is okay that we don't

23:06

agree on everything right I mean I have some some one of my and I'll tell you one of my

23:13

favorite teachers since ancient times

23:19

that I'm aware of is my Dr Miles Monroe he died in 2014. he is phenomenal and he

23:28

has you know indirectly mentored me in many ways

23:33

um just he's very very deep he's a Christian preacher but he talked about more than just church stuff he was very

23:40

very deep um but even with him I agree with every single thing he said

23:47

yeah and that's okay I still agree with a good portion of what he said and I still

23:53

um have a lot of respect for him that doesn't mean we have to agree on everything you know it it really is okay

23:59

and like you said um yes we want to hear other people's perspective it doesn't mean that you

24:06

need to float over to their side just you know and it is okay yeah and I think

24:13

more people need to understand that um with my podcast um

24:18

I'm gonna have teenagers on who will tell their opinions about things what's different about my podcast though is I

24:25

don't bow down to political correctness I don't know if you were able to listen to my Prelude or not but no politically

24:30

correct on my show like I literally say that um because

24:36

and this is another topic I don't know if you already had it on your questions or not but I think we kind of talked

24:42

about it a little bit um I know what you're trying to say

24:48

that uh political correctness is has been choking it's choking our generation

24:55

of Youth that is one of the major motivations for me to start my podcast

25:00

okay our teenagers right now are growing up in a world that we have left them

25:07

that's just freaking messed up okay we have left them a bowl of and now we

25:15

want them to bake a cake with it what the hell yeah and I'll tell you what I mean by that

25:21

there's a lot of ways in which we've done that but the the part the piece that I'm talking about right now is the

25:27

the way that political correctness has become a Hitler of our society it is like a dictatorship and I do liken

25:34

it to Hitler in this way I will kill you if you don't bow down to my agenda I

25:41

will kill you if you don't disagree three I might not physically kill you but I'm gonna kill you on social media

25:46

I'm gonna kill you reputation I'm gonna kill your opportunity to be on TV I'm gonna kill kill kill I'm gonna murder

25:52

you if you don't agree with my agenda and that's where we are as a society

25:59

that's bad that's really really really bad and here's why it's so bad and why I'm so passionate about it because I see

26:06

the damage that it's doing to our youth you know I I love kids I love teenagers

26:12

it's why I work with them so much I love them I have a passion for them I see them all as my kids

26:19

and and I don't mean my kids in terms of ownership I mean my kids in terms of care and concern you know I see them all

26:26

as my kids and I care about them I care about their future because they're they are running this place they're going to

26:33

be running this country if not the world in a few years we need to get them ready

26:38

for that and we have it so political correctness is choking them because when we for the first time in

26:45

this country in the for the first time in this country in the way that it is right now

26:50

we have a generation growing up who does not know how to have productive

26:58

conversations I'm gonna say it again they do not and

27:03

this is generally I'm not talking about every teen of course but I mean as a culture they do not know

27:10

how to have productive conversations and what I mean by that is they're being

27:17

taught to focus on who they're offending instead of who

27:22

they're helping those are two different things uh the non-productive conversation is

27:29

well let me have a conversation where we won't offend anybody here you go

27:36

that was the whole conversation [Laughter] yeah right you you can't not be honest

27:42

and real and and not offend somebody that's not gonna happen so now you you

27:48

can be sensitive I'm not saying that we need to go to the Other Extreme either and just be rude and obnoxious

27:53

being racist and gay bashing and all that yeah we don't that's just there's you don't be obnoxious don't be rude

28:05

being aware of other people's sensitivities is a good thing and being aware of other people's sensitivities is

28:11

a smart thing because why offend a whole room if you don't have to now sometimes I will go out of my way to say something offensive to make a point

28:18

um but then I usually will bring it back um but it's it's all it's those extremities but

28:27

anyway when it comes to the political correctness it's choking them because now we have a generation that is being

28:32

told not always directly but through action because most of what we hear is

28:38

action not words you know most people don't realize that but it's true um they're you know they're being told

28:44

you know be careful what you say because you're going to get canceled kind of a thing

28:50

yeah and you can't have a productive conversation without uncomfortableness

28:55

without you just can't you know if there's a problem that we need to solve and the problem is that I'm rude to all

29:02

the customers and that's why you're losing business well that's a conversation we you know if I'm I'm working in your store I'm just making up

29:07

an example I'm working in your store and I'm a good worker but I'm rude to your customers and it's making you lose

29:13

business well that's a problem and that's a problem that you have to address with me there's no way to comfortably address that with me it has

29:20

it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation and that's the thing is that we have a generation of Youth that are being trained beat in their head be

29:28

politically correct be politically correct bow down to and worship my emotions people don't think about it

29:34

this way but I I put it that way because it's harsh and and to the point bow down to my emotions or I will cancel

29:41

you that is not that no that's not if there's an elephant in the room let's

29:47

talk about the damn elephant in the room before he tears up the damn house instead of pretending like it's not there we can't talk about the elephant

29:53

in the room because Sasha's gonna get sensitive because that's her emotional support elephant no let's get the

29:58

elephant out the room let's talk about how we're gonna do it let's get together have a conversation first let's recognize the elephants in a room and

30:05

then let's figure out together how we're going to solve the problem of the elephant in the room

30:11

but our youth today are not being they're not even being allowed to have that conversation because even when they

30:18

go to school or or any public forum you know it's like oh

30:23

don't say this don't say that don't say this and even when they go to school and they might have teachers that really listen to them or counselors or

30:29

principal whoever whatever staff's in the school and they really listen to the kids and they really care they're not

30:35

allowed to be real with them yeah how can they solve problems they're they're watching and I and I know because I go

30:42

into schools and I see and I hear the frustration from from school administrators from staff of all

30:49

kinds not just teachers who get very frustrated because they genuinely care about the kids they really want to help

30:55

them but they're not allowed to okay for many reasons primarily bureaucratic

31:03

and it's one of the reasons I don't work in the school I go to schools I work in

31:09

schools I work with schools I refuse to work for a school because you got to do you got to kind of go in a system you

31:15

gotta do it and their systems are what's screwing up our kids and why so much of the world are more advanced than we are

31:22

right now you know what I what I try to do um as far as like with my own kids I try

31:27

to do how my mom kind of did it where if I got something to say that could be

31:33

offensive like just tell her and like she told and I tell my kids like tell me like you

31:40

know even like and they're young so like it's small things like if we go somewhere and

31:46

somebody cooked and they don't like the food you don't spit it out and say oh my God

31:52

this is nasty yeah just just tell me you know yeah so they'll come they'll come

31:57

to me Daddy I'm like huh like I don't like this yeah well that you're right that's that's a good way to to

32:04

teach them to do that but yeah now because then when they get older they'll realize okay I can say what I want to

32:11

say but I know that this person might not like it yeah and

32:16

it's not necessarily to to be like your food sucks okay maybe

32:22

not necessary to say it because then that's just for what root now that comes to you and says what do you think of my food

32:27

and tell them the truth don't don't sugar coat it you know don't sugarcoat

32:33

and tell them it's chocolate tell them the truth because we get enough of that in our society but anyway

32:38

um as you can tell I'm very passionate that's a good thing um it could be as a as a Mind Shifter

32:45

and podcaster you know I mean I appreciate that absolutely

32:50

um and it kind of leads me to the next thing I was going to ask you and I was going to ask which I probably know the answer now are

32:57

you on the side of Truth all the time like I am no matter what like truth should be

33:03

told even when it's uncomfortable okay but here's the thing when it comes to my

33:08

coaching clients I right off the bat you can see I'm very

33:14

transparent I I make it a point to be very transparent when people are not

33:19

transparent it's easier to not trust them even if they're honest but the

33:24

appearance of you hiding something just it automatically perturbs people

33:30

um so I'm I try to be as transparent as I can because I think it's important and I need people to trust me

33:36

um but when I meet with people they already know they're not getting soft-spoken Sally

33:42

that that's not me actually that's not true it is me sometimes because sometimes it's necessary so there are

33:48

times where I'll hug you you can cry on my shoulder and I'll give you very soft-spoken counsel and I'll be that you

33:54

know loving mother loving friend whatever you need in that moment that's a part of me too

34:00

but you're you're going to get told like it is and if you can't handle that then

34:05

you can't handle me we're not a match and you should move on like I'm I'm not one of those people that's I'm very

34:11

direct about it um but I can you know but people usually come to me because I am a toe like it is

34:18

person they know that there's no people in your life at least no with me they know there's no my my

34:24

really close friend who I call my brother from another mother even he says that he's like that's why he he and I

34:31

can talk to each other we can tell each other what's real and give each other real opinions because we we know that

34:36

it's coming from a loving place and if he corrects me I listen because I know it's coming from a loving place and we

34:43

one thing we appreciate about it appreciate about each other is we just sound like it is you know if what you did was stupid I'm gonna tell you it was

34:49

stupid but then I'm gonna encourage you at the same time and I might not use the word stupid I might say it in a different way but you know I'm just oh

34:56

you know over generalizing it right now but if what you did was bad or not good we may say that I was like you know what

35:02

you you shouldn't have said that as a woman I would have kicked you in the teeth I've said that to my male friend so as a

35:09

woman you said it to me I would punch you in the head but but uh you know but then tell but then

35:15

I'll give the Inc but that's always followed by the encouraging words with me it's you can't just give them negative without giving them

35:21

but um but I do think it's very important to um to be honest all the time because

35:26

here's the thing and I'll tell you why and this is something that's a whole nother subject I'm going to make a whole video on it later but

35:33

it's very important uh to be honest when it especially when

35:38

it hurts and when it's inconvenient um and I say that because if you have

35:45

someone who's always oh I'm so nice and smiley to everybody and you're all

35:51

special in your own way everything's pretty and everybody's good all the time

35:57

yeah um when you when you have somebody who's like that all the time they never insult anyone they never ever

36:05

ever tell anyone the negative the problem is when that same person

36:10

has something important to say to you you're not going to receive it because

36:15

you're going to think it's more and that's the thing is when people are fake nice it's actually does more harm

36:23

than good and some people do it because they've been taught to do it or they're doing it with good intention and I do

36:30

think most of the time it does come from a good place they're like well I don't want to be hurtful or harmful so let me

36:35

just tell them it was good but I'll give you this example you're going to go on American Idol or American Got Talent or

36:40

whatever the next show is and you're going to go on there and You're Gonna Go sing and you sound

36:46

like a frog being murdered if I'm your friend I am not going to let

36:53

you go out there and embarrass you yeah yeah like if they're my friend they ain't going out like that because because I'm gonna stop them we're

37:00

getting you know and and it doesn't mean that they don't have talent because maybe they need voice lessons maybe they need to you know learn how to time their

37:06

breath there's a lot of different or maybe that maybe they don't have bad Talent yeah

37:12

um maybe they don't have that Talent nine times out of ten though it's just usually it's it's something like they need lessons they need more development

37:19

for talent that they already have and maybe that's the case but you need somebody to be honest with you and instead of letting you go out

37:24

embarrassed yourself yeah if I care about you I'm not gonna I'm not I'm not man but I like that yeah and now you

37:31

viral because you sounding like like you said a frog being a murderer like nah I also wanna I also want to give a little

37:37

side piece to that that I think is important to say um one of the reasons why we aren't honest

37:45

all the time um well first you don't need to be honest

37:51

100 of the time and what I mean by that is if you just said everything that came in your head

37:58

you wouldn't have any friends yeah if

38:05

you speak your mind or give your opinion on every single thing necessary uh to

38:10

say something all the time but if there's an issue it is 100 necessary to be honest if someone's asking your

38:16

opinion it's 100 necessary to be honest and if someone comes to you for coaching they're looking for your opinion your

38:22

input your guidance so you need to be 100 honest um but the other part that I was going

38:28

to say to that is um one of the reasons people aren't honest isn't because

38:35

they don't see what's wrong and they don't see or they don't know what they need to say it's because it's

38:41

uncomfortable to say it it's um I don't want to deal with your reaction to me

38:46

telling you that your drawing wasn't good enough

38:51

so I'm going to tell you that it's good if you go and submit that drawing to a contest and you lose and your hopes and

38:58

dreams are dashed I think that's not a good friend if I if I know that it's not as not your

39:06

best and it could be better I better tell you so that you because I want the best for you I'll be I'll tell you

39:11

something else I had a I have a friend who is uh a news anchor

39:18

I asked her opinions about my first episode about the podcast so far

39:25

she gave me her honest opinion and it wasn't all good but I appreciate it because her opinion because her feedback

39:32

will make my future podcasts better yeah and and I appreciate that you know but

39:39

that's also why I asked her because I knew that I would get a real I would get a real response from her and she even

39:44

said to me she's like girl I want to see you successful so here it is you know and we all need those kind of friends in

39:50

our life you know I've opened up a lot of my podcasts saying how grateful I am for the feedback and

39:57

things like that like I accept all feedback even if it's considered negative or whatever because I just want

40:03

to know what people think about it because that's why I'm putting it out right right and I mean I've had friends

40:09

comment on it family tell me what they think and it's not always like you said

40:14

like it's not always good you know but I just want to hear

40:20

the honesty about it if we want to progress we have to put ego aside and

40:25

unfortunately that does take a certain level of maturity to recognize that and implement it

40:31

and some people are still living under ego and when you're living under ego you

40:39

have put a ceiling on your success you can't get past that so the second somebody says something you don't like

40:45

you you well I don't need to be your friend anyway I won't hear what you think anyway you know you start just you know

40:51

acting silly about it and we can't not just as podcasters but leaders of

40:57

any kind um whether you're an entrepreneur a podcaster a politician whatever it is

41:02

we have to be able to take positive feedback I mean constructive criticism it's important that we get it because

41:08

you can't get better you know the person like I said going to American Idol it sounded like a frog being murdered

41:16

and you're gonna let them go out and embarrass himself like that you ain't no friend yeah

41:23

um you know I'm I'm actually kind of careful sometimes about what I call

41:30

exposing my spirit to like strangers or whatever but there

41:36

are times there's been times where there could be a conversation going on and I'm in the environment and people

41:43

will like ask me for my opinion on something that I really don't want to share on because I know my thoughts

41:48

already are like yep it's not going to be accepted like I know it's not and I hope they don't ask me and I'm and I'm

41:54

having thoughts I'm you know I could be doing some over here I'm listening I hear them talking and I and I know my family okay and I'm saying it in my head

42:00

though and it seemed like it always somehow like man let's ask Keon and then they

42:07

come ask me and then now I have to give my true thoughts on this thing and it's

42:13

just not at all on either side of what they talking about yeah I know and it could be uncomfortable because you're

42:19

like I really don't please don't ask me yeah but at the end of the day the honesty is still needed because even

42:25

though it might be uncomfortable to be honest and you know you might hurt some feelings obviously that's not the goal

42:31

you don't want to hurt people's feelings but if they're asking you your opinion You Gotta Give It Gotta Give it because

42:39

after a while they might even if they get upset at first

42:45

after a while they'll come back and be like you know what I respect you being honest with me you know and I've had people do that to

42:51

me I'm less concerned about reaction and

42:57

more concerned about results most people get stuck on the surface of reaction

43:04

and not in the longevity of results so sometimes I will say things that

43:10

might be offensive that might seem harsh I don't care I care about results I care about you getting what's best for you

43:17

and even if that means that you don't like me right now you'll get over it because you get over it when you realize

43:25

that I was that I was right or that what I said was was helpful if you implement it and if you don't want to realize that

43:31

you want to stay in your own ego then that's your problem and it'll continue to be your problem but not just with me

43:37

you know what I mean I recognize that something else I used to I used to um you you wouldn't know this but I used

43:43

to work at Job Corps do you know anything about Job Corps oh yeah yeah okay I used to run a whole dorm of females

43:50

imagine a whole dorm of 35 to 100 teenage girls no way you're strong

43:58

yeah I did that um and you know many of them are still friends with me to this day and it's

44:04

been many many years since I left I love them though I really did love my students but

44:09

working with them is an example of what I mean oh my God I'm like Miss Bay they would get so

44:16

pissed because I was a hard ass but at the same time the first person they run to when they need a shoulder to cry on

44:23

when they need to talk about something serious confess things that were pretty devastating

44:29

and you know many of them nowadays have come back to me in years since and they

44:35

appreciate it but at the time they were pissed off at me

44:40

because it's the same mentality their reaction was to be pissed off at me but

44:48

the results was that I was able to say and do things that changed their lives that I was able to plant seeds that

44:54

pissed them off at the time because it was uncomfortable but those seeds that were planted are still producing crops

45:00

today that's what matters too many of us are so worried about people's reaction

45:09

but not at all look not at all looking at what could be the final results of that what is the long-term result of

45:16

that something that God showed me about myself I'm a seed sewer that's what I'm built to do I am meant to be a seed

45:23

sewer I plant seeds so as a Mind Shifter I plant seeds in your brain I plant seeds in your mind and so my mentality

45:32

is goes with that because I naturally think that way because I meant to uh you

45:37

know a person a person who has a farm and they're planting seeds has to know

45:43

what crops they want before they plant their seeds they can't just look at the seed planting itself and say stay that

45:50

small-minded and look at a month from now that they don't see the crops that they want

45:55

that's that's that's small that's small um you gotta look at the bigger picture of okay what I want to plant corn so

46:03

this is the time of the year I need to do it I need to put the seeds in this way I need to water it blah blah blah all the details that come along with

46:09

whatever you're trying to plant um and sometimes we don't think of it that way when we're dealing with other

46:15

people um I think it's important to be honest as a friend I'm sorry but if you can't be honest with me as my

46:22

friend we don't need to be friends yeah you know what I mean if you have for the listeners out there

46:28

just want to give this little tidbit of advice if you have friends that make you walk on eggshells

46:34

you need to start walking on eggshells you need to find some new friends nobody should ever have to work I don't

46:40

mean that you don't have uncomfortable moments I don't mean that you don't have arguments or disagreements that's a natural part of being a human being but

46:46

I mean all the time you just can't say anything at all around them then what the hell you're friends with them for you you won't live your life walking on

46:53

eggshells I'm not you know you none of us should do that none of us should do that yeah

47:01

um there was something else I wanted to oh I was just going to say that um

47:06

like for me well that's okay with you you know I'm

47:12

saying finding your purpose there was a point not long ago where I was like I found

47:20

myself like okay what am I doing like you know I'm working you know I was

47:26

having kids and stuff and you know even I mean I got married everything and I was just like okay but

47:32

what I'm what am I what's my like purpose like what am I trying to do here because this is a life and you got one

47:39

to live and you got to do whatever it is in this life you gotta do it whatever it

47:44

is and I found myself trying to like figure it out and at a certain

47:50

point and I don't know if it's correct but I decided that

47:56

the purpose of my life was to live it like a gift

48:03

um and just you know there are things that I want to do and I and I said to myself whatever I want to do I'm going

48:10

to do it like whatever it is I'm just gonna do it and it's

48:16

it's a it's whatever I'm supposed to do I'm doing it to go towards my end goal

48:23

and I have goals in my life but whatever it is along the way I just got to do it so I can get there

48:29

you know we can sit there and look at a map of Florida but looking at a map ain't gonna help us get there

48:35

and so many people were looking at the map like I hope one day to get there

48:42

still sitting there you gotta get in the car or something you gotta get the car I gotta put a plan together you know and

48:48

and and plans are going to change as we as we travel around the road to to our our

48:54

goals it's okay that plans change it really is okay you just you know if a

49:00

boulder big giant rock falls and build a Road detour it doesn't mean you're not going to get there it just means you

49:06

decide a different route to get there and and that's really okay that's really what life is about and honestly if we

49:12

don't have those Boulders if we don't have the challenges how the hell are you going to grow yeah

49:19

there are so many people out there who have substance but they're hiding it because they don't think it'll be

49:25

accepted and I and I see it all the time and I'll point it out to people a point

49:31

you know I will point it out to people within reason because it's not always welcomed you

49:36

know but um if I feel like it's okay to say so I will I say stuff to strangers that most

49:42

people wouldn't dare say because I see things and I'll I will kind of gauge whether or not it'll be accepted or

49:49

utilized you know what I mean um some people still have walls up and so you can't say anything to them and

49:55

it's true um but sometimes I'll just like tell truth when it's like

50:00

with you know people I know or like if I'm on my podcast talking or whatever but

50:05

as I'm walking around like strangers people like people can do

50:11

things that is so like not right right in front of me um Turned another way like I don't

50:18

I don't talk to people out here's the thing about that

50:24

it's we want to be bold we want to be blunt we want to speak up and we want to be honest but we also have to use wisdom

50:34

balance in fact wisdom is based on balance wisdom is knowing what to do and

50:40

when and how to do it I'm shortening the definition of it and wisdom means you

50:48

know when to go ahead and speak up and when not and it's not an automatic thing that you

50:54

just you know light ball you know ball of light fell from the sky oh you're

51:00

magic now you're perfect it's learned it's learned a lot of the wisdom in life is learned and we have to learn

51:07

what battles the fight so I may disagree with something you just said but I don't need to sit here

51:13

and not have an argument with you I don't need to sit here and spend my energy

51:18

correcting you when I can already see you are not willing to be corrected you

51:23

are not willing you are where you are because you want to be you're not going to hear anything else I ain't wasting my energy

51:29

now if you ask me a question I'm gonna tell you the truth but I'm not going to interject because it's not necessary

51:35

here's a here's a quote that I have and I have hundreds of quotes I'm going to be making products with them soon but um

51:42

one of them is talking about lying and being dishonest

51:47

you might make a dollar you might make a penny today but you're gonna lose dollars tomorrow

51:54

that's just another nugget and people don't think about that Bernie Madoff we could think of what Trump's going

52:00

through right now you could think of a lot of people that have sold these bad

52:05

seeds of Deceit and wonder why they reap destruction hey well look running up on

52:12

my time uh about time we get up out of here I Really Wanna I I appreciate you coming

52:19

on I'm definitely I'm I think I followed you on Spotify I'm pretty sure I did I subscribe to your YouTube I'm listening

52:25

I'm tuned in most definitely

52:31

I appreciate you for uh coming on well thank you for having me most definitely

On Big Beautiful Badasses, Fatima Bey The MindShifter shares how she went from award-winning bridal designer to MindShift Coach—and why plus-size brides deserve more than “make it bigger” patterns. She breaks down real options for curvy wedding gowns, the difference a proper cut (and compassionate fitting) makes, and her mission to help women feel undeniably beautiful on their day. Beyond the aisle, Fatima talks youth empowerment, balance over extremes, and why her “lioness” heart fuels advocacy. A candid, uplifting conversation for anyone who’s been told to shrink. 

Original airdate: October 22, 2023

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[Music]

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[Music]

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hello hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Big Beautiful Bad Asses

0:31

I have such a fun guest on today but before we get to that y'all know I am

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obsessed with coffee it's one of my obsessions not gonna lie but if you want

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buy meac coffee.com thegirl Life check out what I have over there and help support your

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girl now I am so excited to welcome the

Meet Fatima Bey

1:54

Mind Shifter herself Miss Fatima Bay everybody y'all say hello

2:01

hello today I'm awesome good well before

2:07

we get started why don't you tell everybody just a little bit about yourself well I'm Fatima Bay the Mind

2:12

Shifter I am actually a dual entrepreneur so that means I have two businesses um my first business is my

2:20

abishai I make and design wedding gowns I've been uh I make a design wedding gowns I specialize in heirloom wedding

2:28

gowns um I do alter on them and I've been in the bridal industry for over 20 years now um and then my second business

2:35

is fating Bay the Mind Shifter so I'm a mind shift coach I have a podcast myself I write for a magazine I uh do public

2:43

speaking um I hold group I do individual coaching and group SE coaching sessions

2:49

and then I speak at uh high schools and do workshops as well nice very nice now

Bridal

2:57

one the key thing that you mentioned there especially for plus-sized women is

3:03

Bridal oh yeah so let's let's kind of go into that because it is hard enough to

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find clothing that fits right and is flattering and does what you want it to

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do as a plus-sized woman but then you go into the bridal industry and oh my God trying to walk

3:26

into a bridal store as a plus-size woman and find something that fits

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you is damn near impossible well you do have uh your

3:39

traditional there's your traditional uh wedding you know wedding uh store

3:44

wedding shop Bridle salon and then there is your places like Kleinfeld and

3:52

David's Bridle those are two different categories really um traditionally as a

3:58

plus-sized woman you could look look at some pretty dresses and try nothing on or put on something that only fits your

4:04

thigh and try to guess what it'll look like on you and then right put you know a thousand dollars down on it and uh

4:11

traditionally that's been the case I will say the good thing is that David's Bridal um has made a giant difference um

4:20

in the industry in that um and I'm not a spokesperson for David's Bridal I did work there for 10 years which is why I

4:27

work in the bridal industry now but um but but I but I was a part I was

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literally a part of the change that Davis BRD

4:37

started maybe 15 years ago at this point 10 15 years ago when they started having

4:42

uh plus-size enough plus-size uh wedding gowns in the shop you could actually try on and I I will give David's Bridal some

Davids Bridal

4:49

credit because I've actually been there I considered David's Bridal when I got

4:55

married um it was my second yes I'm on my third finally met the right guy but

5:03

marriage number two I went to David's Bridal to try on gowns

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and at that time I was a size 26

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28 and going in they had dresses that I

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could pull up but they couldn't close in the back so I wasn't able to get the true look

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look of how it was going to fit me and it was just I remember leaving just feeling so

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bad about myself I abely felt horrible I questioned if I should even

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wear a wedding dress because I thought I was just G to

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look hideous in anything I tried on and this is why I love what I do because I

5:56

get to make a difference in that so and I'm not a bridal shop I'm seious that you come to after you buy the dress so

6:03

I'm not there in the dress buying process but many of my Brides do actually come to me feeling that way

6:09

because they were made to feel that way in the shop and sometimes it's it's

6:15

because they there's many reasons sometimes it's how the they were treated but sometimes the the shop owners and

6:21

and the workers weren't treating them any different but you still send a message when you say you're not good

6:28

enough for us to have enough in the store for you to try on exactly that just makes you feel like it does

6:35

and um so I was a part of of when Davis BRD started bringing out the plus sizes

6:42

and they really did pioneer that for the industry I can I can definitely say that because I was a part of it I literally

6:48

did the measurements on people and was part of surveying women to uh to get the

6:55

the the cuts because part of the problem and it's still a problem in other parts of to the industry just because you make

7:01

a uh you know something that's built for Barbie bigger doesn't make it plus- siiz

7:06

right that that's just ridiculous so the cut has to be cut for a plus-sized woman

7:13

and not just cut for a Mrs unexpanded you will find that a lot in clothing um

7:18

and not just wedding Gos in clothing in general and that's why you have to pay attention if it says women's are not and

7:24

most women don't know what the W stands for so let me tell you what w stands for stands for women not why

7:30

because sometimes people really really believe that um well I think that honestly comes from shoes because I'm

W Stands For Women

7:39

gonna Adit I got fat yeah that's true yeah I I got fat feet and so I always had to buy wide shoes so you know you've

7:46

got your tens your 10 W so that is probably where that common misnomer

7:52

comes from is we've been programmed to buy you know for fat feet we had to buy

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wide shoes also programmed to see ourselves as less than

8:02

attractive traditionally speaking so wide makes more sense but the W stands

8:08

for women so if you're listening right now you see oh this is a size 18 but if if it's a size 18 without the

8:16

W it's an anorexic cut made bigger like that's what I call it because that's

8:21

what it's it's cut for skinny people but made bigger and I don't know about you but I ain't built like that so oh girl

8:29

you you've you've got to you you've you got to pay attention to stuff like that but um I will say though we still have a

8:36

ways to go within the industry I had a bride in the other day and she actually

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went to and I don't recall the name of the shop uh somewhere in New Jersey is a

8:47

is in in existence an actual shop that specifically targets plus- siiz Brides

8:54

so you can go in and try everything on so you might want to contact them to find out who they are I I I will give

8:59

you the information later because I don't recall the name I don't have it with me right now but I do have it in

9:04

the shop um and I loved I love that concept but I

9:10

can tell you as as a seamstress well first of all for my business I only handle customers one at

9:17

a time that's always been my business model and it always will be I work by appointment only I do I do not have a

9:23

storefront I'm in a professional building but you don't see my business and I that's intentional for me that's

9:31

very intentional I do not want the disruption of can you hem my pants while

9:36

I'm in the middle of dealing with a bride yeah so actually I think I found the

Young Something Brides

9:41

place that you are talking about is it young something Brides by Young okay that's it that's what it is that's what

9:47

it is proud be the largest size inclusive curvy Bridal Boutique in the

9:53

world yes and I learned about it from a bride I didn't know that uh they existed and I think it's a beautiful concept um

9:59

unfortunately they're nowhere near me loc huh they have three locations oh I didn't even know that they're in

10:06

Indianapolis um Rochelle Park New Jersey and shamberg Illinois okay so it was

10:12

Rochelle Park New Jersey which is where she got her from but I I'd heard about

10:17

them but didn't really know a lot about them but you know getting getting one from a bride made me pay a little bit

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more attention um but so that's great that we have that now we didn't have that years ago no and you know even now

10:29

if you go into your average bridal shop you're not going to get

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um you're you're not going to get more than two or three dresses that you can actually put on there'll be a hundred you can order from but only two or two

10:44

or three dresses you can put on which to me is foolish and I'll tell you why the average female size in America

10:50

regardless of race socioeconomic status part of the country again blah

10:56

blah blah blah blah all those de details regardless of all the other demographics the average female in

11:03

America is a size 16 to 18 say it pre so and I'm saying this not as a person who

11:10

just thinks it but as someone who works in the industry and know what I'm talking about the average woman is a

11:15

size 16 18 so if you are listening right now you have a boutique or a shop I'm sorry but you are not that smart if you

11:21

don't get those sizes in if you have a bunch of size sixes in you're leaving out half of society and you're leaving

11:27

out a whole bunch of money and that's just not smart no it really isn't and

Plus Size

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when it comes down to it that 1618 is plus size that is Plus siiz in

11:40

every standard yep so if the average female is plus

11:49

siiz then why are there so many Industries not

11:55

just clothing Industries travel restaurants

12:02

everything why are we shutting down plus-size customers because they're

12:08

still stuck in yesterday the unfortunate thing is um it

12:13

takes a while for Industries not just individual businesses but for an

12:20

industry to change that does not happen that doesn't happen overnight I will say

12:25

I will say as a plus-sized woman I'm happy to see some of the changes I've seen over the past 10

12:31

years um one of my first retail uh retail management was my background

12:36

before I worked at before I even worked at the bridal shop that real one of my first uh one of my first

12:45

jobs in in retail the first time I got promoted as a manager actually was in a plus siiz clothing store and it and I

12:53

was plus- eyes I've been plus-sized all my life and it really made me uh pay attention to the industry a little bit

13:00

more and I have paid attention to it ever since and when I was in the bridal shop I would get uh I sometimes would

13:07

get some of the other Bridal Consultants that would have their customers work with me because they were plus-sized and

13:14

I could say stuff to them that they're a little skinny behind couldn't say and I I'm a very matter of fact tell it like

13:19

it is keep it real transparent kind of person anyway so that always helped me in sales that helped me a lot in sales

13:26

um but I was I was for me as a as a you know as a business owner as a seam sh

13:32

and someone who works with Bri in particular regardless of size it's important to me to make my Brides feel

13:39

be beautiful I want them to walk down the aisle feeling like I damn I look

13:44

good you know what I mean um I'm not gonna you know that's not going to be victorious with every bride because everybody's not easily

13:52

convinced you know what I mean but but I do the best I can to to make um to make

13:59

my Brides feel like they really look good and and I don't just want them to feel like they look good I want to

14:04

actually look good and sometimes they can look freaking amazing like we'll all look at them like wow she looks

14:09

beautiful but she feels fat and ugly and stupid and her stomach's too big and her

14:14

hips aren't in the right place her breasts are too small they're too high blah blah blah blah blah because that's

14:20

what Society has told them that's what Society has told us and sometimes that's what family has told us yeah there's

14:27

many different reasons Society is a big part of it but sometimes people have individual struggles you know individual

14:34

um pressures and and influences and it's important to note that as well and so

14:41

when I work with my Brides I really I really want to make sure that they feel that way

14:47

and I remember this one bride she literally made me cry and she um she's

14:54

still she still like sings My Praises on social media to this day if I make a post right now she'll comment on it she

15:03

she's she was about a size 26 back then this was a few years ago um

15:08

and you know you could tell that she just kind of felt like an Umpa Lumpa

15:14

really sweet girl she's just a lot of fun um she's a smart ass like me so we

15:20

got on grade um but she you know I don't

15:26

remember what I was saying to her but at the end of the day she she gave me nice

15:31

like nice review but one of the things she said was that you know she really wasn't feeling that great about herself

15:39

and because of dealing with me she you know she really felt more comfortable in

15:44

her own skin on her wedding day that to me means everything that to me means everything because that's an important day it's a very emotional day for all of

15:51

us and so if if I can do anything to make that day amazing then hey I'm I'm happy happy to

15:58

do it you know and and my portion that I can do in that is mind shifting you

16:04

during your fitting because that's what I do I love that don't tell anybody it's a

16:10

secret but I I actually I actually do that and and I I enjoy doing that and if

16:16

you're out there right now and you're a plus-sized woman just know that you are

16:21

not alone you're not the only plus-sized woman there are plenty there really are because I I I I this is coming from an

16:28

expert who's done this for over 20 years there really are a lot of plus-sized women out there who look freaking

16:33

amazing on their wedding days you do not have to look like skinny Minnie on your

16:39

wedding day there's nothing wrong with skinny Minnie she's beautiful too but don't compare yourself to her because you ain't her and don't compare yourself

16:45

to her don't compare yourself to her when you're looking at how you look in your wedding gown because he or she

16:52

whoever's marrying you they ain't marrying a model they're marrying you yeah and that's the more important thing

16:58

than just what you look like and to be honest with you there's more guys that like us than don't

17:06

anyway I like to way I've had a couple of guys say this to me bones of her dogs

17:11

I like meat on my plate because that is so true

How to contact Fatima

17:17

oh we've got a little bit of freezing up going on don't know okay we're back so real quick

17:26

because I want other women to be able to get a hold of you if somebody needs help

17:34

with their wedding dress how can they reach you well I for for me in my

17:40

business I do need to physically have you in my presence okay so I don't do o

17:46

online over with Over The Air I don't do online with measurements because I believe in doing delivering quality I

17:53

will not do that I need to see you in person I need to fit you in person and make sure everything is good and see it for myself make sure it fits and we can

17:59

and if there's a problem we can fix it right away so I only do in-person appointments I will say though I do have

18:05

people that travel up to me from like three hour three or four hours away so if you're willing to drive to me I'm in

18:11

Gloverville New York uh which is in Upstate New York and my website is my abishai m is

18:18

in Mary Y A B is in boy i s is in Sam hai.com I'm assuming we'll add this to

18:25

the show notes correct I'm actually gonna have you spell that out again real quick because my typewriter froze uh m y

Fatimas website

18:35

a b i sh ai.com

18:41

and honestly if you Google my name you'll still find it too if you Google my name you actually

18:48

will find me um very easily so that's the name of uh my website and you I work

18:56

by appointment only um and I just just give me a call you can either email me or give me a call I I

19:03

don't allow people to make appointments um without talking to me online

19:08

completely understand that I I I very much believe in the inperson thing um

19:13

and in person customer service but also I like to have conversations with my brides and so to so they know what to

19:20

expect and I know what I'm getting at least to a certain degree um and make sure that communication is clear so I

19:27

don't do robot communic ations I I only do human Communications I love that I

Set an appointment

19:34

plan on changing that that is down at the bottom of the screen right now screenshot it write it down type it in

19:41

your phone or your computer that way you can set an appointment and go and see Fatima and

19:49

let her help you make your wedding day everything that you want it to be and

19:57

more because you deserve to feel

20:02

beautiful every day but especially on your yes yes because that is a day

20:10

that you will remember for the entirety of your marriage and Beyond I mean if and

20:17

pictures I'm pay myself there I'm on my third marriage but I remember all

20:23

three only one of them was good but I still remember all three

20:30

and that that's something that'll stick with you for the rest of your life and if I could add to that your pictures are

20:37

forever even if you don't come to me please don't go to a dry cleaner who doesn't know how to do who doesn't

20:43

usually do wedding gowns please do not do that to yourself I get the fixum all

20:49

the time because people went to somebody who isn't who doesn't specialize like I

20:54

do in specifically working on wedding gowns and special occasion dresses please don't do that to yourself your

21:01

your your wedding day is important your pictures are forever and you want to look good in them yes you do you do and

My wedding dress

21:08

I I was lucky I will say with my current marriage I had my

21:16

dress hand custom made I found the pattern that I

21:23

wanted my husband's best friend happened to be a

21:29

seamstress oh and pretty much said you pay for the material I will do the work as my

21:35

wedding gift to you oh that is a gift because that's a lot of work I I didn't go for a traditional gown okay I did um

21:45

charcoal gray okay my husband wore charcoal gray purple and black those

21:50

were our colors okay and so I had a charcoal gray floor link strapless gown

21:57

but then it had had this um attached belt that worked as a wrap to put on

22:06

your shoulders as well and I absolutely loved it I loved

22:11

how I looked in it I loved the pictures that's what matters I remember when she

22:17

brought it up because she lived about a hundred miles from me and so she was

22:23

coming into town brought it with me for me to try it on and make sure it fit everywhere

22:29

and oh when I tried it on because she had taken on my measurements before it

22:35

was a little loose in the top but I was like you know what that's why I have these little straps that I can hold it

22:41

up if I need to but what I also love about it is especially where I live now because back

22:49

in Colorado Springs there weren't a whole lot of opportunities to wear a floor length

22:56

gown but I now live in Las Vegas I can wear a floor L down to the

23:03

bagio in a heartbeat or to the grocery

23:09

store I've thought about you know for our anniversary going to the vagio

23:14

conservatory and having photo a photo session I get to do fun stuff like that

23:21

and I love that I like that we live in a society now that's gotten better with

23:27

dealing with with us as plus-sized women yeah um and the fact that we're not as

23:33

shunned like I said we haven't arrived there's still more work to do in that area but we but we have progressed we

23:40

have progressed we have gotten better and I'm grateful for that so I you know we can talk about the problems all day

23:46

long but I also like to focus on the positive too or at least point point it out the fact that we have gotten further

23:52

along than than we've gotten um and so I I am grateful for that and um

23:58

and I also want to mention if you are uh especially as a plus-sized woman if

24:03

you're looking to have your wedding gown customade I I do specialize in that I

Living in Vegas

24:09

love that I love that and I I totally agree there are so many areas where

24:15

there have been such vast improvements um you know and honestly living in Vegas

24:22

I see it more because when I lived in Colorado Springs there I still dealt

24:28

with a hell of a lot of stigmas yeah

24:34

whereas you know living here in Vegas and I think it's because there's

24:40

such an influx of people that come through here constantly right it's the city that really never sleeps I

24:48

mean but I can go

24:54

anywhere I have yet in Vegas to find a spot that is is not accommodating for

25:01

size or that I I could walk down Fremont Street or I'm I ain't walking down

25:08

Freemont Street and wearing oxygen I'm doing a motorized cart but even

25:16

that I'm not the only one there are so many places where you

25:22

have to use a Mobility device or whatever you know fat or skin doesn't

25:28

matter your size you're having to use a Mobility device but especially as a plus-sized person when you have to do

25:35

that there is shame that goes with that but I love here in

25:41

Vegas we out there having races where we' got like four plus-sized

25:49

people on those little scooters we're all like waving at each other you know it becomes a community and I'm here for

25:57

it I am so here for it well I'm I'm glad that that's like

26:04

that out there I had no idea because I haven't I haven't been to Vegas yet well girl if you come I will show you Vegas

26:12

or than the script because there's a whole another city aside from the strip oh I believe you I I I've heard that

26:19

there is so much out here but that's another talk that's another

26:25

conversation I do want to thank you though for coming on and having this conversation especially

Wedding Gown Options

26:32

about you know wedding gowns and plus-sized women I think it is so

26:38

incredibly important for women to know that there

26:44

is options for them when it comes to purchasing a wedding gwn having a

26:52

wedding gown altered or customized and

26:59

and I think it's important for women to know that regardless of their size it

27:05

doesn't matter if you are a size two a size 22 a size

27:11

32 you deserve to feel beautiful on your

27:17

wedding day yep every woman deserves that and if someone tells you that you

27:24

don't they're lying and they need to go no because they're not they're not

27:30

serving you that's just my personal take on

27:36

it not everybody will agree with that take but it's my

27:41

take absolutely I I agree everyone deserved to feel beautiful on their

27:46

wedding day and then and you know there are people around who will tell you that you don't deserve that they're not going

27:52

to say it in those words they may say it through action and you might want to

27:58

reconsider how much you need to have them around you just saying well I do have one final question

Spirit Animal

28:05

for you love before we close this for the day and it has absolutely nothing to do

28:11

with our conversation okay I didn't do

28:17

it it was somebody else who looked like

28:22

me if you could pick any animal as your spirit animal as the animal you most

28:30

identify with what animal is it and why lioness that's easy I'm a Leo I'm a lion

28:37

but the character of a lioness is she's the most fierce mother in the whole Animal Kingdom and that's me I am very

28:44

kind and very sweet very caring very loving I will hug you and cry with you I will give you the shirt off my back but

28:50

I will if you touch one of my kids I will rip your neck off so one of my

28:56

kids teenagers young women and children those are my kids and the people around me

29:03

that I love I'm very very protective of them which is why I'm an anti-human

29:10

trafficking Advocate we didn't plan on talking about that part but I'm really big into anti-human trafficking and

29:17

everything I do um I try to do what I can from where I am in an efforts to

29:24

combat it or help the victims so you know I'm also a business with a cause

29:29

since we brought it up um both of my businesses and any business I have in the future will be a business with a

29:35

cause so right now I donate to an organization that uh helps orphans and human trafficking victims around the

29:40

world I love and um and that's that's a big part of me so when you ask me that

29:45

immediately I'm like oh lioness because I got some teeth they don't come out unless is

29:51

necessary but if it's necessary I'm a fighter yeah that's kind of how I

Outro

29:58

am that would apply to certain areas in my life you you hurt my child a

30:04

grandbaby oh you you're just gonna go missing that's all I love my daughter

30:11

dearly you hurt my grandbaby nana will lose it yeah Nana

30:20

loves that little man good on her chest that's whose Footprints I have is

30:27

my little grandbaby love that little

30:32

man well paa I want to thank you so much for being a part of the show

30:39

today it has been such an honor having you on and I want to thank you for what

30:45

you do because what you do is so important you are helping to change the

30:53

way the bridal industry is and make it more welcoming and better for plus-sized

31:01

women and that's so important and I I'm just so grateful for what you

31:08

do and I wish that I had had that when I was a you know bride earlier on in my

31:15

life luckily for my last wedding the most important wedding I have I I did

31:22

have that yeah on a personal level and it made a huge difference so I know that

31:27

what you are doing is helping to change other women's lives thank you and I

31:34

think that's amazing so thank you for what you do thank you well no problem you're welcome you guys that is it for this

31:43

episode thank you so much for being a part of my world and letting me

31:50

share my world my thoughts my perspectives and the perspectives of the

31:57

amazing people that I connect with into your home again if you do want to

32:03

support what I'm doing if you want to keep this going go over to buy meac

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coffee.com this fatgirl life and I'll see you all next

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32:31

[Music]

32:37

go

On This Fat Girl Life, Fatima Bey The MindShifter dives into self-care without the fluff—drawing a sharp line between self-care and selfish, and exposing “crusty thinking” that keeps us stuck. With her $100-dreams/$1-budget analogy, she shows how mindset—not willpower—drives change. Expect straight talk on boundaries, balance (not extremes), and building new thought habits with targeted affirmations. If negative self-talk, guilt, or burnout are running your life, this conversation gives you practical language, perspective shifts, and the courage to choose yourself—so you can actually show up stronger for everyone else.

Original airdate: October 22, 2023

0:00

[Music]

0:24

oh hello hello and welcome to This Fat Girl Life I am the original fat girl

0:30

herself Kimberly pesia and I have such a fun guest today we are really focusing

0:38

on self-care this season because self-care is so important and there's

0:45

such a stigma around self-care but I am here to tell you self-care is not

0:50

selfish self-care is Health Care before we really get started though you guys

0:56

y'all know I am obsessed with coffee I drink it every day sometimes multiple times a day

1:04

but coffee keeps me out of jail it keeps me sane so if you want to help keep your girl sane keep me out of jail because I

1:10

do not look good in orange go over to buy meac copy.com factr life now there you can

1:17

make a donation in support or you could actually do a membership membership is

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$5 that is cheaper than Starbucks right now it is cheaper than eggs and gas for your car that you can help get this

1:30

message worldwide and everybody needs that so help your fat girl out at buy

1:36

meac coffee.com forward this fatgirl life now today I have the Mind Shifter

1:43

herself Fatima Bay with me today how are you love hello I'm

1:49

great so before we really get started why don't you tell everybody a little bit about yourself well I'm fatine Bay

1:56

the Mind Shifter I'm a dual entrepreneur um my first business is is I'm a uh

2:01

professional seamist dress maker and designer I specialize in wedding gowns so I'm making design wedding gowns I

2:07

alter them and I absolutely love it I've been doing that for a very long time

2:12

over 10 years probably over 14 years um and then I'm also a mind shift coach so

2:20

as a mind shift coach I uh focus on the areas of helping you

2:25

find your individual purpose um turning that turning your gifts and your purpose into

2:32

a career or business because we should all be making money at what we were born to do um helping you to find balance in

2:40

any area of your life that's imbalanced and then um I focus on teens

2:45

I I I so as a mind sh fa te Bay the Mind Shifter I have a podcast called Mind

2:51

shift power podcast and it's specifically for teenagers and the adults who work with them so it's bringing together two communities that

2:58

work together all the time but couldn't be couldn't be further apart um so I I

3:04

focus on that I go to high schools and do workshops and uh speaking engagements

3:10

at with both adults and teens um I have a I write for a magazine and um I do

3:18

group coaching as well so I do a lot do it all well you guys the reason that I am

3:26

so excited about having Fatima on the show today is because of a YouTube video

3:32

that I saw of hers now especially when it comes to

3:38

self-worth and self-care we all have some drafted up

3:44

thoughts we all go through we all go through that horrible selft talk well

3:51

her video y'all puts things into a somewhat different perspective and

3:58

really kind of targets some of those thoughts y'all she did a video it is part one and part two of crusty

4:06

thinking now I loved this I thought

4:13

a calling your thinking crusty my daughter tells me all the time

4:20

if I'm being crusty to her so it really that hit me right there I was like man

4:26

you know that is such a perfect analogy for so much of the negative selft talk

4:33

that we do it is crusty thinking y'all what hit me is when she brought

4:39

out that $100 bill and that $1 bill how many of us have $100

4:47

dreams on a$1 budget I know I am not the other

4:53

one I I do it and I know I am not the

4:59

only one so for how did you come up with that

5:05

well I'm an analogy Queen anybody who knows me will tell you and you can even look through my YouTube channel uh which

5:12

is Fatin Bay the Mind Shifter on YouTube you can even look through my YouTube channel and uh you could see that I'm

5:17

all about analogies I'm a I'm a natural born teacher that's really my first and foremost gift out of all the gifts and

5:24

talents that I have I would say that would be my strongest and as a teacher I I understand that analogies are the best

5:31

way that we learn and the reason I call myself the Mind Shifter is I try to put

5:36

things in a way that helps you to shift your thinking and like you said a perspective

5:42

that you I hadn't thought about it like that before so with the with the Crusty

5:48

thinking in particular I'll be honest with you I pray and I ask God and he gives me these brilliant ideas that even I'm like whoa

5:54

that was a good one so this was one of those um and so so I wanted to come up

6:01

with something that okay we can we can very often we hear people explain especially as coaches and people in this

6:08

industry we can explain Concepts that's easy it's not hard we can understand

6:13

Concepts not hard at all but do we really get it but are we really processing it and knowing how to apply

6:20

it to oursel uh I think very often people are afraid to include details in

6:27

their explanations because they're going to offend somebody I'm the opposite I am not out to offend

6:33

you but if I do oh well um I'm not going to hold back because you choose to be offended by whatever you want to be

6:39

offended by I'm just going to tell you the truth and those who it hits and it changes their lives great everybody else can go sit down somewhere that's my

6:46

attitude so because I have that attitude it leaves me free to be honest and real

6:51

in my exp in my explanations so with the Crusty thinking in particular obviously you'reall going

6:58

to go going to want going to want to go watch it on YouTube but with that um in

7:03

in particular I just I think it's so important I wanted to really convey the

7:09

importance that we pay attention and control our thoughts we can control our

7:14

thoughts it is not true that you have no control of your thoughts that's some you have absolute control of

7:20

your thoughts you don't have control of what comes at your thoughts all the time but you can control what you do with

7:26

them that's how you control your thoughts so when that so when that little comes up in your head

7:32

you're like you can't do that you're too stupid you're not good enough nobody's going to like it nobody's listening they

7:37

don't like you blah blah blah blah blah blah blah you need to punch her in the face you need to turn around like

7:44

that is a lie you need devil is a liar yes you

7:50

really you need you need to talk back to those thoughts and make a choice and it

7:56

is a choice it's not a feeling your feelings will follow the choice it is a choice to decide I am not going

8:03

to let that thought sit there I'm going to pick it up and throw it in the trash where it belongs and that does take

8:10

effort it takes a lot of work um on our part because I know for myself I I the

8:16

reason I came up with that video is because I know that has applied to me

8:21

and I know it's not just me and since we're on this fat girl life it especially applies to those of us who

8:27

are fat because we are although we are more advanced in the society than we've been when it comes to plus-sized women

8:34

we are still at a point where we feel bad about being our big selves we don't

8:40

look like the skinny mini models we don't look like the airbrushed fake ass

8:45

models that we put see on whatever and you can you can modify anything to look

8:51

like anything you want nowadays yeah so most half of what we see isn't really real um but

8:59

we tend to because we live in a in a very materialistic Society we tend to

9:06

value our looks honestly a lot more than we should it's not that we should run around looking crazy and not value them

9:12

at all I disagree with that but we give it far more value on a scale of zero to

9:18

100 it should matter at 50 but we're giving it 100 or 99 oh yeah that's a

9:23

problem you know I will totally agree with that and that thinking

9:30

is where it starts when it comes to self-care yes and self-care is a big

9:36

term right now somewhat overused agreed but it is

9:42

still important and for let me specify what I mean when I say self-care because

9:49

there's a whole lot of different meanings for self-care out there as well so when I say self-care I am talking

9:56

about making yourself a priority establishing and enforcing

10:04

boundaries within your life and taking care of yourself taking

10:12

time for yourself for every person it looks a little different for my husband

10:19

for example self-care for him you give him time alone in the

10:25

evenings that he can write or or he may want to build a Lego set because he

10:33

loves n blocks but that for him is

10:38

self-care for me time to sit and do

10:46

crossstitch or when my husband is gone that's when I watch my guilty

10:52

pleasure shows that is my self I am not gonna and

10:58

I'm I'm gonna totally put myself out there if I really want to get down and dirty with my self-care and relaxing

11:05

with a video I am putting on those pimple popping videos oh I don't know why those

11:12

are so interesting but they are oh my God I'll admit I I kind of like watching them too I don't know why

11:20

hours yeah and I I have the tools because I've seen them enough I I bought

11:25

myself a little toolkit of the tools to pop them anytime

11:31

my husband has one now I'm like honey I got tools let's go and this poor

11:38

man this poor poor this is how you know he loves me he will actually come up to

11:45

me and say okay honey I need you to take care of this for me can we can I back up for a second I want to back up to

11:52

something you you started talking about making sure we're taking care of selfcare and that's the series that you're doing right now and there's

11:58

something a piece of it that I want to speak to because I think that um it just needs to be explained and separated so

12:04

that people can better understand okay there is a difference between self-care

12:10

and selfish now there yet you jumped again

12:15

but that's where I going next here's the thing I want to break down what that means and what it doesn't mean because I

12:22

think sometimes people don't understand now again going back to what I said earlier one of my subjects that I that I

12:27

teach on um te and preach on and always talking about is balance and I think

12:32

this is an area where our society has become somewhat imbalanced in the

12:38

explanation of what self-care actually is self-care and selfish are two different things so self-care means that

12:46

I will make sure that I make myself a priority when necessary and I don't

12:51

don't go too far and overwork myself and give give give and never take care of myself that is a balanced view of

12:58

self-care selfish is when that goes to an

13:04

imbalanced level where my focus on myself is 80 to 100% that is selfish and

13:12

nobody wants to be around those people I can tell you that right now if people are backing away from you you might want to consider because that's that might be

13:19

partly why selfish is the percentage or the degree to which you are practicing

13:27

self-care you to do selfcare then you are being

13:32

selfish you know what that's an excellent way to put it honestly that's an excellent way to put it

13:39

um you want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself now I personally the self-care piece is something that

13:45

I've had to learn and I still don't think that I've perfected it but I've definitely gotten a lot better and I H

13:51

I've had to learn that I have to take care of myself because I want to take

13:57

care of everybody else but I'm no good de I am no good if I can't take you know if I if I can't function so I got to

14:03

make sure I get enough sleep I got to make sure I take care of myself and it's it could be a challenge because I'm like

14:09

I'm like the type of person where I'm like I got 25 things to get done I want to get them all done today but that's

14:15

not you know that's not always realistic so I've learned to Pace myself I still I would say I'm still learning to be

14:21

better and better at it you know every month but um but I think it's important

14:26

to to point out the difference between self selfish but here is why I think it's important to point that out I don't

14:32

just want to explain it but I want you to understand why sometimes you have a women who are

14:38

very very giving and and they feel like any kind of care is

14:45

selfish and for those women I want you to understand that you taking care of yourself is not selfish and I want you

14:52

to understand where that line is that line is when it's more than 50% if you want to give it a number let's say more

14:58

than than 50% that line is when it's more than 50% then you're starting to run into the selfish field you've

15:04

crossed over the fence or over the line to the selfish Arena because everybody's not going to be there's 50 numbers

15:10

between 50 and 100 I use number scill to explain to things a lot um so if you were taking care of

15:16

yourself everybody else 90% of the time there's absolutely nothing wrong with you taking that 10% and taking care of

15:22

yourself and this is especially true for those of us who are mothers yes uh if

15:28

you're mother it's so sometimes and especially if you're a good mother the the better the mother you are the harder

15:34

it is for self-care it's just true because you you're you're always constantly thinking about the what is

15:40

for your children you want to make sure you're taking care of them you're constantly wondering am I doing the best blah blah blah and those are all natural

15:47

parental thoughts they they really are and there are guys who think that too but we're talking to women right now

15:53

um it's it's okay to take care of yourself it it's not just okay you need

15:58

to you absolutely have to also I

16:05

really where I learned that how important it was to prioritize myself and you know make

16:13

sure that I was taken care of myself was when I worked in the corporate industry I worked for a car dealership for six

16:20

almost seven years and I Not only was working during

16:26

the day for them sometimes six days a week because they in Colorado they were not allowed to be

16:33

open on Sundays due to Colorado law otherwise I would have been there seven days a

16:39

week handled everything during the day also was scheduling and taking care of

16:45

stuff in the evening and on my days off at home to the point of while I was on my

16:54

honeymoon oh that's I had customers call me oh no and I that's when I was like

17:00

you know what no nope I'm on my honeymoon call the

17:05

dealership yeah exist

17:10

and I was getting to a point with burnout that was so severe it

17:17

was making me physically ill I would get sick I would lose my

17:25

voice nothing didn't have any you know doctor couldn't fix it there was

17:31

nothing you know I didn't have laryngitis or you know some sort of bacterial thing but it's like my body

17:39

would start just shutting down and I would lose my voice wouldn't be able to

17:44

speak no matter what I tried and as somebody who grew up singing I Knew

17:50

every trick in the book wouldn't work I would get so

17:59

drained that somebody could look at me wrong and i' burst into

18:06

tears yeah I was hitting that wall

18:11

hard and I finally had to you know start putting some boundaries in place and

18:19

really that was hard for me because especially coming out of

18:24

rehab I I had spent eight years as an attic prior had gone through rehab was

18:32

getting my life back on track and I had this up

18:39

thinking that in order to try to show everybody that I was better that I

18:47

wasn't the same person I was in addiction I had to succeed well I was

18:53

taking it to unhealthy extremes extremes yes

19:00

and that's the problem especially you know when you're working in a corporate industry or something like that is you

19:08

go to such unhealthy extremes to try to prove that you are just as good as a

19:16

counterpart that may be deemed societally better and I'm not going to

19:22

call out any specific counterparts right now that's not what this is about but

19:27

when you are competing with a counterpart or you want to show that hey I'm the

19:33

best you take it to such unhealthy levels and that's what I think a lot of that crusty thinking actually happens as

19:41

well because we are constantly trying to achieve something

19:47

that isn't going to serve us you really said it

19:55

um I would say for for people out there who are listening right now and you keep

20:03

trying to find a way to take care of yourself find a way to

20:10

be better balanced when it comes to self-care and you just keep ending up not doing it and you keep ending up in

20:16

the same uh situation over and over again and it's not happening your thinking needs to change

20:23

until it does you're not going to change that's where crusty thinking comes in

20:29

your thinking is crusty when it's the same thoughts over and over again it's

20:34

just like they say expecting doing the same thing expecting different results that's crusty thinking doing what your

20:41

the people before you and your family did but expecting it to come out better for you that's crusty thinking it

20:49

doesn't work and you we really need to examine

20:54

ourselves and ask okay what how is my thinking because how is my thinking

21:01

affecting my success or failure right now I promise you it's in your thinking

21:07

I promise you success or failure is 100% in your thinking because even if you

21:13

have opportunities to do this and that and you have the means to do this and that your thinking is what will help

21:19

help you your thinking is what will make you grab a hold of the right opportunities or to waste them

21:26

or example for crusty thinking that I just came up with if your thinking makes

21:33

you constantly feel bad about yourself that is crusty

21:40

thinking yes and sometimes I will call it stinking thinking but I use crusty

21:45

thinking in that video other times I've called it stinking thinking but I use crusty uh crusty thinking in that video

21:51

because of the the physical demonstration that I did in that video and how it was literally crusty um but

21:59

you're stinking thinking yes you're so you're so right if you find yourself constantly putting yourself

22:06

down that means you have a bad habit that needs to be broken your thinking is

22:15

is in a bad habit Loop and it needs to be broken your your mind is in behind

22:21

bars and in Chains and those chains need to be broken and I love that you brought up the word half it because and I've

22:30

said this before and I will say it again because there are people that need to hear

22:36

it it takes 21 days to create a

22:42

habit you have to do something every day for 21 days AB habit

22:50

that is scientifically proven this isn't just something I came up with science is behind that so when you are trying to

22:59

change some of that crusty thinking that negative selft

23:05

talk the best thing I ever was taught and I I actually just had a conversation

23:12

with somebody in a Facebook group the other day

23:18

take something positive about yourself write it on a sticky note or

23:24

for me I actually keep them on my phone I have a little widget and I'm actually

23:31

going to show part of my home screen if I can get it up it doesn't

23:37

want to come up properly because it's got a different widget on it right now

23:43

but where is it up on the top of my screen I've got these two

23:49

widgets and this one if it of course they're not going to come

23:54

up properly because I just messed up my phone but I actually keep affirmations on my phone because I

24:02

have my phone with me constantly so when I have that moment

24:09

of tearing myself down which we all do I don't care who you are if you say you

24:17

never do it you are lying I'm just gonna call that out real quick because we all have those moments

24:25

may not be as frequent for some as as others but it's there so when I have

24:31

that moment I will actually just have to look at my phone and see a little

24:36

message you are enough you look beautiful today I write

24:41

myself little love notes on my phone and I keep them playing in a loop so I get

24:47

that constantly I do think that um affirmations are important and when I do

24:54

individual coaching I customize uh I I have all any anybody I coach they I have

25:00

them do affirmations but I customize how they do the affirmations differently because everybody doesn't receive the

25:06

same way so um I do have people do affirmations and then I have them work up to a different affirmation once

25:13

they're secure in that one um but I also wanted to point out uh something you

25:18

said a minute ago when we when we're talking about

25:23

earlier well something I said earlier about telling that in your head to shut up

25:29

because you know in line with what you just said about H what you know we're just talking about with habits you have

25:36

to make it a habit to combat if you were 50 years

25:41

old and you have a habit for the past 49 years of putting yourself down and

25:49

receiving those thoughts and and taking them in that says you're not good enough you're not smart enough they're looking

25:55

at you whatever it is whatever the Nega it is you can even at 50 years old you

26:01

can change that but as as Kim just said in minute ago you need to develop a

26:07

habit of shutting them down don't just go oh man I had that thought and just sit there with it you need to shut it

26:15

down and combat it with what she was just saying with positive affirmations

26:21

if you do those two things in combination you can change any mindset yep and I'm I'm going to give an example

26:27

of that real world example and I started this what this has

26:34

become a running joke honestly but it's so accurate because again it's that you

26:40

know you've got that negative that you've had for 49 years we're gonna just

26:45

use 50 as our number you've had that habit 49 years of 49 years all you've

26:51

told yourself God I hate my chin my chin is ugly having a double chin is is ugly

26:59

and I freely ad I am not a fan of my chin

27:05

but here's where it goes to the positive I have a built-in pillow if I

27:12

fall [Laughter] asleep I got pillow how many other

27:18

people say that perspective my body gave me a built-in pillow buil-in pillow I've

27:25

got that negative I hate my double chck

27:30

but it does this for me true one way to

27:36

that negative that negative that I had for 49

27:41

years I am turning it into a positive so even with that negative thinking because

27:47

that negative thinking is not going to go away but you can combat it you have that

27:53

thought and then you add the butt and what what's the positive on it

27:59

what is the opposite what is the good thing about it and that I had to start doing that

28:06

with my body especially because with my history with being you

28:13

know a child a childhood sexual abuse Survivor going through eight years of

28:18

addiction and adulthood I spent a lot of years in

28:24

self-hate 36 Years hated myself hated my

28:29

body I couldn't tell you anything positive ex except for the fact that I could s that was the only positive I had

28:38

that and I gave birth to a beautiful daughter but I still didn't credit

28:43

myself for that you know she came out at me that was it my sister helped raise her I will put

28:51

that out there it's not something I talk about a whole lot but I was not I was not a good mother for from my

28:57

daughter's childhood now I am a good mother and I am a wonderful

29:04

grandmother and then again there's that butt what I'm saying is true I wasn't a

29:10

good mom when my daughter was little but I did the work I did the healing I

29:19

looked inside which is so hard to do it was not easy and it took years for

29:27

my daughter but after I got Cen it still took years for my daughter to forgive me

29:32

for the hell that I put her through and thank God that my mother and my aunt and

29:38

my sister were willing to raise my daughter because I didn't do it I

29:45

was I spent eight years in a drug induced Haze I was not a good

29:50

mom but I am now so what I'm hearing you say and I'm really kind of talking to

29:56

the audience right now even if you've been imperfect your

30:02

whole life and you've you've you've done some bad things even if it's not related to Parenting whatever it is everybody's

30:09

got different details none of us are perfect we've all lived a life and made

30:14

mistakes you can still come out of it and practice self-care with it

30:22

because I do believe that guilt warranted or not cuz sometimes it's not

30:27

warranted but sometimes it is warranted or not guilt is one of those things that

30:33

hold people down oh and keep them from attempting any sort of

30:39

self-love and you I want you to know you can come out of it because you don't

30:44

know my story but there's you know I I've lived under

30:50

a lot of negativity and negative selft talk most of my life I had very very low

30:55

self-esteem extremely and always had the little voice in my head telling me everything I

31:02

wasn't and I started combating it with understanding everything I am and

31:09

started talking back to her and and it doesn't mean that I'm perfect now I'm a very strong Confident Woman now and I'm

31:15

known for that but I wasn't always and I just want to give hope to

31:21

those of you who are out there who might be like I was or like she was there 's

31:27

hope for you you can you just have to make a decision and then put in the work it's not going to happen overnight and

31:33

it might not be easy and it might be a challenge but it's worth it because when you come on out on the other side of it

31:40

God you feel like you got out of jail oh yeah oh my God

31:45

yes it it is totally different I can say now I'm 47 years old

31:55

so when I say you that 49 years it's pretty accurate for me there you know

32:01

I've hit that age but I'm 47 years

32:07

old and I am probably the happiest I've ever

32:13

been the only thing that would make my life

32:18

better was if my daughter and grandbaby lived out here with me in Vegas instead

32:24

of being two states away but thank God for

32:29

FaceTime I talked to my grandbaby this morning I get to FaceTime with him every

32:36

day and I will say and my my daughter and I have had

32:41

this conversation I was not a good mom but I am very proud to say I am a wonderful

32:49

grandmother and that little boy loves his

32:55

nana and having my daughter call me because she has a question or she's

33:03

just frustrated in that moment needs a break and needs another adult to talk to I love that I am one of her first

33:10

calls now because 10 years ago I wouldn't have been and that's progress

33:16

and that's beautiful that that is putting in the work that is taking that

33:24

negative and finding the positive and I love that you talk about

33:33

that honestly this whole series and I know I explained this to you when we

33:39

talked the first time but I am the original fat girl this entire

33:45

show started because of a Blog that I wrote about myself this fat girl life I am the fat

33:53

girl that started it and the thing is I think the reason you have the followers you do is because

34:00

you're not the only one and there's a lot of other Kimberly out there um in fatimas yes and I'm hoping that this can

34:08

help them well you guys we are going to wrap this episode up Fatima I want to thank

34:15

you so much for coming on for

34:21

sharing the Crusty thinking with us you know telling us about you know help has learn about the

34:27

Crusty thinking that we all do and how we can change that and knock the crust

34:34

off of it and smooth some of those edges and find the beauty that's under

34:40

the crust yes yes because let's think about a

34:45

pearl an oyster is actually a really ugly animal but that Pearl inside that you

34:53

have to dig for is a thing of beauty Beauty yes it is and all of you out there in Internet

35:03

land that's what we're going to call it because that's how yall they're getting reached is through the internet

35:10

somehow you guys are all pearls you just may have to knock off some of the

35:15

crust I like that well I'm gonna ask one final

35:21

question because I do this every episode but now I got to switch it up because just as a heads up if y'all

35:28

don't follow big beautiful badasses one of my other podcasts but tea is on there

35:33

too check out big beautiful bad and I like the title big beautiful badass and there's my face I love

35:40

it but I gotta get up with a different question so that being

35:45

said what is the most inspirational thing somebody has ever said to

35:52

you see I got you on that one I think

35:58

somebody's ever said to me directly yep because that's a different answer than what I've heard

36:08

um when someone has told me and this happened

36:15

actually last month a girl that I used to work with basically told me that she

36:22

worked with me a long time ago when she was 18 years old she was just a kid

36:28

and I took her under my wing and taught her this was in the bridal shop taught her how to read people how to hear what

36:35

people are not saying and being able to to get people what they need and etc

36:42

etc and I also we worked on commission at the time I gave her I didn't even

36:47

remember this until she said it to me I gave her one of my sales so that she could make commission and it was the

36:53

first time she was ever making commission and that's a big deal when you're you know when you're newer so I

36:59

actually gave her one of my sales so that she could make commission cuz you had to make a certain a dollar amount

37:06

and um apparently I deposited a lot of a lot in her at 18 years old and she

37:13

recently she's in her 30s now and she recently told me that her time with me back then has

37:20

changed her life and it's molded and shaped her into who she is today I'm sure it's not just me but that I was a

37:26

piece of it that just literally brought tears to my eyes yeah and I it was humbling for me I

37:33

was like I didn't I I did not know and let me tell you why that's related to

37:40

this show right now at that time when I was doing all of this stuff to give to

37:45

her to deposit into her and to everybody around me I was feeling like about

37:52

myself I had no idea that I was planting good seeds that will continue to harvest

37:59

every year in the people around me I'm only recently finding out that it had

38:05

that effect not just from her but that's the most recent and that one just like hit me like a ton of bricks when she

38:10

said it and to me that was humbling it also tells me how important it is that I

38:16

continue to do what I do because if I'm planting those seeds and it's making a

38:22

difference that's it mission accomplished that's what it's all about yeah that is

38:30

beautiful well thank you so much for coming on the show and especially for sharing that

38:37

little that got me that almost made me cry and it did it was it made me cry

38:44

when she told me it literally did I was like oh wow well thank you so much for

38:49

sharing that and for coming on the show you guys go check out K crusty thinking

38:56

part one and part two on YouTube give your girl Fatima a follow because trust

39:02

me she got videos for everything for y'all she's it's gonna make a difference

39:07

in your mindset she is the Mind Set shifter let her help you shift that

39:13

mindset y'all go over to buy meac coffee.com thear Life make sure that you

39:20

are following me there so you get updates when I release new episodes and everything else you guys

39:27

I have enjoyed spending this time with you and I cannot wait for the next time I hope you all have a great

39:38

[Music]

39:52

day

In this inspiring guest appearance on the Life With Francy Podcast, Fatima Bey The MindShifter shares her journey from award-winning bridal designer to internationally recognized coach and host of the MindShift Power Podcast. With her signature blend of wit, honesty, and passion, she opens up about her mission to empower teens, help adults rediscover purpose, and spark real conversations beyond political correctness. From founding youth groups to coaching young women into confidence and clarity, Fatima reveals why authentic dialogue, balance, and purpose are essential for both generations. A powerful conversation about transformation, resilience, and creating real change.

Original ar date: 11/06/23

0:00

[Music]

0:12

okay everyone welcome back to the how podcast series I have okay you know those toys that you

0:18

see when you're a kid and you can wind them up and then they just go they just

0:23

go my guest today is one of those where you're going to we're just going to wind her up we're going to give her a topic

0:29

and we're going to get out of the way uh because you're going to be super

0:35

inspired listening to uh my guest co-host today she's got a great podcast she's got a heart for students and

0:43

telling your story and she's got so much Insight I'm so excited to have Fatima on

0:49

the podcast Fatima welcome thank you to how to podcast series I am thrilled to

0:55

have you here how are you I'm great and I I appreciate you having me on this is is going to be awesome so before we jump

1:03

into our content and what we're going to talk about talk about your podcast what it is who it's for where to get it do

My Podcast Journey & Why I Serve Teens

1:10

all the things let everybody know about your show all right so uh again as he

1:16

said my name is Fatima Bay I'm also known as Fatima Bay the Mind Shifter um

1:21

I'm a mind shift coach so um as a mind shift coach my focuses are on um helping

1:28

you to find your purpose and once you do find your purpose how to turn that into a business or career because we should

1:34

all be making money of what we're born to do instead of just working a job um how to find balance in in any area of

1:40

your life where you're imbalanced um and then teenagers so my podcast uh is on that fourth subject of

1:47

teenagers so my podcast is called Mind shift power podcast it could be found on

1:54

just about any platform in the world you listen to podcasts um and um it's for teens and

2:00

the adults who work with them so my goal with the podcast is to bridge the gap between teenagers and adults um in

2:07

America and Canada so my my target audience is Canadians and uh Americans

2:12

and and half my guests so far actually have been Canadian um so I I you know

2:18

our cultures are very similar so um I decided to bring us together and you can also thank Dave for that because he's

2:24

the one that he didn't know it but he's the one that talked me into uh including Canada in my initial

2:30

um because initially it was just going to be for America and I was like you know what there's a lot to gain from Canadians and I would love to learn more

2:35

about can Canadia as I like to say um and uh yeah so my podcast is for

2:43

teens and the adults work with them and I'm really enjoying my journey so far actually I'm I'm learning a lot um and I

2:50

love having the opportunity to meet and talk to people that I otherwise might not connect with and so it's been

2:57

beautiful I love it I love the whole premise of your show I love who you

3:03

serve um okay let's before we do this go into again to our content I I I always want to know a

3:10

podcaster why it's one thing to talk about what your podcast is about but why

3:16

are you doing this why is this so important to you there's got to be this kernel that just brings you back to the

The "WHY" Behind My Podcast: Being a Solution in a Troubled World

3:23

microphone and do each episode and to do what you do in life why is this so important to you oh that's a great

3:29

question it's full of passion so my why is Vision I see where our youth are

3:39

I see where this world is and I see where we're headed and it is not good I cannot change the world by myself but

3:46

I'm going to do what I can from where I am and what I have is attitude in a mouth and a microphone so I create a

3:54

platform where I can use it to help other people what I'm about is impact so what I I created my podcast not just so

4:00

I can have another Branch to my branding yeah honestly that of course that's a part of it but that wasn't the major

4:05

motivator that's more like secondarily for me it's more of a passion project that I'm combining with you know with

4:13

with my business I saw a problem and I want to be part of the

4:19

solution I am a solution oriented thinker that is how I think I'm not a person is just going to come up with all

4:24

the excuses for why something's wrong I'm going to say okay here's why it's wrong but hm can I do to fix it so I

4:32

can't go into everybody's home and and make them act right I can't go into school systems and make them all get rid

4:39

of their bureaucratic BS and start acting like humans but what I can do is speak to the minds of all of them and

4:46

try to bring them together the problem that I see is that our youth are being

4:51

raised in a way that is extremely unhealthy unproductive for them and unproductive for the future of our

4:58

countries okay okay they're being raised to not to think in terms of problem

5:04

solving or they're being raised not to think in terms of real solutions they're being raised to think in terms of be

5:12

careful what you say because everybody's going to be offended don't breathe we're going to get offended like we're just so

5:18

extreme with that that it's producing a generation of of of people who don't know how to communicate who don't know

5:24

how to think as a problem solver and the ones that do are the exception not the rule that's a problem for all of us

5:31

that's a problem for our future and so many of our youth are feeling so lonely that's object number one object

5:38

objective number two um so much of our youth even though we're all digitally

5:44

connected no other generation has felt more isolated than the teens today the

5:49

numbers show it it is it it is statistics everywhere but even for Forget About Numbers just talk to them

5:55

you can hear it and you can see it I go to schools I do workshops jobs um I I

6:01

I've done youth programming I just work with youth in different various ways and have for a while and it's what I see and

6:10

because I actually care about youth even when I was a child I cared about children and it just never changed as I

6:16

grew up I still cared about children and the children I care about right now that I'm focused on right now are teens and

6:22

young adults you know and and I care about their play and I care about what's best for them and I want to make a

6:27

difference for them I may not be able to change it all but I can do something so I created a platform instead of waiting

6:34

for anybody else to make the change I really truly believe in being the change that you want to see yeah so I want to

6:39

see a change for them I want to see these teens that feel isolated feel alone and feel stupid and feel dumb and

6:45

feel like they're the only ones going through what they're going through to know you're not the only one suffering the way you are you're not the only one

6:51

having your these thoughts you're not the only one dealing with these issues you're not the only one with stupid

6:56

parents you're not the only one with nobody to talk to go on and on and on with many different subjects I want them

7:03

to know that they're not alone yeah and having a podcast where they can hear other teens like themselves say hey I'm

7:09

going through this this is what's real in an it helps it's very helpful but one

7:15

of the reasons why that's helpful is because I don't bow down to political correctness political correctness can

The Three B's of Podcasting: My Core Philosophy

7:22

kiss my butt like that's that's my attitude you know because and it's not

7:27

because I and when I say that don't mean that we need to be obnoxious and go to the other end of the spectrum and be you

7:33

know be obnoxious and rude and say whatever you want and just have no cth and no no common sense and no no

7:39

sensitivity that's the Other Extreme that's bad too I want to see I want to

7:45

be the balance that I want to see which is be honest and real have those uncomfortable

7:50

conversations but we can do it without being rude and obnoxious yeah you know and that's on my show you can come on

7:55

and say what you want but every guest knows and I have this conversation with literally every single guest you can

8:01

curse you can say what you want just don't be rude and obnoxious because there's there's no point in that that's not solving any problems my goal with my

8:08

podcast in short is to create a solution nice not just to create a platform where

8:13

I could sell you stuff sure I'm g sell you stuff sure of course I'm a businesswoman but that's for me that's

8:19

secondarily first it was created to to be a solution to a problem that I see

8:24

and most people don't think about connecting those dots until I say it but almost every time I say it to an adult

8:30

they're like yeah you're right they're like I never thought about that but that's how I think I'm a DOT connector

8:36

where I I always like to say it like this where everybody else just sees dots I see the connection between them

8:43

I'm able to connect the dots so and if you listen to my podcast long enough if you watch my YouTube videos you can

8:49

definitely hear that that's how I think the way I summarize what other people say is usually me connecting the dots

8:57

because most people get lost in the dots I call those details most people get lost in details they hear your story

9:02

they hear what you're saying but they don't make the connection between the principles behind what you said you know what I mean when you when

9:09

we when we I love listening to other people's stories oh my God it turns me on so much to hear other people's

9:14

stories of becoming I don't care where you came from you C you you came from the most race racist white trash family

9:21

and now you're successful the worst ghetto and now you're successful blah blah blah whatever it is whatever terms

9:26

you want to use I don't care where you just like to hear people's stories because I love to hear people gaining

9:33

confidence and growing and becoming something meaningful I think that's beautiful and um anyway I will go on and

9:41

on I love it no that's what I meant remember I said in the beginning little toy you wind it up and let her go I'm

9:47

very as you can hear I'm very passionate about it um and I I again I started my podcast because you know we're also

9:53

talking to podcasters um and I want to talk to your audience for a moment there um if you are starting a podcast

10:00

or you're Miss of the podcast trying to figure out content make sure you're you have a

10:06

targeted not just audience but a targeted subject that everybody else is not focused on that you can focus on

10:13

that makes you different you know we have enough people talking fluff

10:18

quite frankly we have enough people talking about oh I'm gonna talk about the safe subjects okay everybody else is saying

10:25

the same thing how are you any different blah blah boring talk about you could talk about the same subject but talk

10:31

about it in a different way who's not being addressed within the niche you know what audience is not being reached

10:38

what what I always like to say this life is swe Swiss cheese there's holes

10:43

everywhere I don't care who you're talking about what you're talking about none of us have none of us are full

10:49

block of cheese we always have holes there's always something missing right I don't care what subject you're talking about yeah you could talk about a

10:57

subject but you're going to be narrowly focused on this or are leaning towards One Direction in this area of that said

11:03

subject yeah it's in find find the holes what's missing you know don't just look

11:09

at what everybody else is doing look at what everybody else is not doing flip your thinking around I haven't te be the

11:15

Mind Shifter so I'm always having people shifter thinking that's what I do but um but yeah for for podcasters who are out

11:22

there and especially if you're a team podcaster um shift your thinking instead of looking at what everybody else is

11:27

doing looking at what everybody else is doing what everyone else is doing is a good way to study what they're not doing

11:35

look at what's missing and address that because you might be the one that people are going to listen to because you're addressing the thing no one else is you

11:43

know see okay so I have three things I want to cover with you okay and I want

Principle #1: Why Podcasters Need to "BE EVERYWHERE"

11:51

you to again I'm going to wind you up and let you go and because I know we're

11:56

going to have some amazing conversation around the these three things okay it's all around

12:02

podcasting all right I want your response through the lens of podcasting

12:09

on why we as podcasters we need to be

12:15

everywhere oh go God that's a loaded question so on

12:21

because again you're everywhere with your podcast we can listen on 40 plus places you're everywhere so you're a

12:26

good example of this why why do we need to be everywhere what does that mean to

12:32

be everywhere as a podcaster why what's the reason to be everywhere go you're up I'm gonna put it

12:39

in a very simple way and then explain it okay

12:45

um Variety in informational source is going to give you a better balance thinking so

12:53

I told you that balance is one of the subjects that I focus on everything in life that works has balance everything

12:59

in life that's not working it's because something's out of balance yeah and if most of you think about it when I tell

13:05

people that they always take a minute to think and they're like actually yeah you're right um when it comes to media

13:12

and I when I say media I don't mean just CNN I mean any form of media we no

13:18

longer get our news from just mainstream media most of us anyway and I think that

13:24

that's a good thing the more information we hear from different ources the better balance we

13:30

can get if you're only hearing your information from one or two sources you're going to get their their

13:37

narrative on the subject and I don't care who you are if you're a human being you have a narrative because that's

13:43

human nature and really truly there's nothing wrong with that what's wrong is when you say my narrative is the only

13:49

one and only listen to me right then you're trying to start a cult and shut up I'm not listening to

13:54

you don't do that right but um I think it's important that why we need to be

14:00

everywhere is because we people need to hear a variety of information you know when I'm listening to news I don't just

14:06

listen to leftwing news or right-wing news I listen to a combination of different sources so that I get the the

14:12

the the real truth because the real truth is going to be a balance between all of them good and if you really want

14:17

to have balanced thinking don't just listen to people who think like you it's important that we don't only listen to

14:24

people who think like us you can't gain any balance that way you know when you look at a chatter if you put all the

14:30

weight on one end the other end is going to fly off and you're going to be imbalanced if you want to have balance

14:37

you have to have something relatively equal at either end so you need you need

14:43

variety of thought you need uh what's the word I'm looking for diversity

14:49

that's the word I'm looking for yeah diversity of thought is extremely extremely important for a balanced way

14:54

of thinking and the more balanced we are in our thinking the better we can serve our societies that we're in generally

15:02

speaking so I think we need to be everywhere so that we can have more balanced thinking and that people can

15:07

hear other perspectives you know I love foreigners and one of the foreigners so

15:13

much and when I say foreigners I'm American so I mean anybody comes from another country and they're not American except for Canadians you're not

15:19

forers you don't count but but from anywhere else I love

15:25

I I love foreigners and I love talking to foreigners the main reason I love it is because I have something to learn from them yeah you know I they're going

15:32

to teach me something I didn't know because I didn't grow up in their culture I don't have their experience yeah and so I value that I value that I

15:40

can learn from them so I I love talking to them just about anything I just love love love Foreigners for that reason

15:47

because I think that it helps me to have a healthier balanced way of thinking um I used to teach English as a second

15:53

language and um and I've just worked with foreigners in different Capac capacities throughout my life and let me

15:59

tell you I they have taught me a lot I really value my the fact that I've been around so many foreigners because they

16:04

have helped me as an American to have a much more balanced perspective than I otherwise might good y good I love it

16:13

okay so that's be everywhere the other thing is as a podcast host your voice can be everywhere there's no there's no

16:21

borders there's no restrictions but who can hear your voice yes that's number

16:27

right so for for for for you as a podcaster and I'm thinking of students

16:32

that are podcasting just imagine that somebody can hear your voice in

16:38

Germany in Africa Mexico your voice has no limits

16:44

your opinion how you see the world how you present yourself you're not limited to your small town to your classroom

16:52

right to your school you there's no limit your voice can go anywhere through a podcast and you can you the world is

17:00

your audience as a podcast and especially you have something important to say the more people can hear it and

17:06

they don't have to go through the filters like you said um I am my podcast as I said before I don't do political

17:12

correctness you can say what you want um and that allows people to be honest and have real conversations yeah um so that

17:20

you can come up with Solutions and you're right um one of my goals when I first started that I actually stated in

17:26

conversations about it was wanted teachers and counselors and adults who work with teens in any capacity to hear

17:34

what other people are doing in other states that they might not hear you know because they might be able to take it home you might hear something that

17:40

they're doing in New York and you're like wait a minute I'm in a small town in Oklahoma I might not be big city but I can take the principle of what they're

17:46

doing in in the Bronx and it'll work here or vice versa you know so yeah I

17:51

totally agree um so that was be everywhere okay so I got another one for

17:56

you mhm and then a little hint they all start with the word b so we have B everywhere how about

Principle #2: The Critical Importance of Being "BE REAL"

18:04

this one for podcasters we need to be real I think I already said it yeah

18:10

let's go a little bit more on that though little more being real is is extremely critical

18:18

because I think that Solutions are I'm a solution or to person so that is the way I think and I think um I think about

18:25

Solutions and so everything I do is about bu solutions to something

18:30

so you know you can't solve a problem

18:35

from feville if I'm in realville we live in realville feville is on the moon we need

18:42

to climb a spaceship to get there we can't solve a problem on fake

18:48

Ville we we you know realville is where we live so being real is important

18:53

because you can't number one you can't solve a problem from where you aren't you can always solve a problem for where

19:00

people are and I think it's very important to meet people where they are if you want to solve a problem number two being real is

19:08

critical and this is probably bigger I would say this probably should have been number one being real is critical

19:14

because it's important for people to hear that they're not alone and being real means that people

19:21

can identify with your struggles they can identify with your victories they can identify with your experiences they

19:28

can know oh wait a minute I'm not the only one with impostor syndrome wait a minute I'm not the only one that thinks

19:34

they're stupid and trying to fight those thoughts every day I'm not the only one that failed and trying to get back up

19:40

and look stupid but I keep doing it oh that is something Victorious wait a

19:45

minute I have fought through things oh my God I am strong these are the type of things that can make a difference in a

19:52

person's life and make a difference on how they see themselves so being real is important because people need to know

19:58

the real deal so that they can figure out Solutions but also so that they can know that they're not alone and that they're not stupid I know I keep saying

20:05

that but it's the number one thing I see in people people feel stupid and awkward and weird and they're not they're normal

20:13

but they feel like they're not normal because people want to portray images of perfection that just ain't freaking real

20:20

right you know I you know this this is related but so we're not talking about

20:26

my other business but I do have other another business bu because I'm a dual entrepreneur I'm making design wedding GS and the reason I'm bringing that up

20:32

is in this in this in the bridal industry and I've been in the bridal industry for over 20 years something

20:38

that I see in young women especially prom girls I deal with a lot of prom girls and I love them but one thing that

20:46

infuriates me about them and it gets me mad I don't get mad at them it just gets me mad that it's true yeah I get very

20:54

angry when I see all these young women who beat themselves up because they don't look like a stupid ass image in a

21:01

magazine or on Tik Tok or whatever and they don't realize that those that's not real they use filters whether it's

21:08

airbrushing if it's something printed U or a filter to to make their butt look bigger their hips look they they uterus

21:14

disappears so they don't have stomach and it's flat which ain't natural yeah you know just excuse me

21:21

just it it makes me angry because I I hate to see these young women put

21:27

themselves down down because they don't have an they don't fit into an image that they think yeah is perfection and

21:35

this is why being real is important being real lets people know I am not

21:42

perfect but I'm not bad I am not perfect but I'm good in

21:48

this way because Michelle Obama did it and she was from the south side of Chicago so maybe I'm not too bad being

21:55

real matters because it helps to build people up and that's what people don't see they're so worried about portraying

22:01

an image of perfection portraying an image that look at me and how great I am feed into my ego so I can build my

22:07

self-esteem falsely yeah too many people are thinking that way so they're not being real with you because they're

22:13

afraid to be vulnerable and we're afraid to show people our faults because we

22:18

don't want it thrown back in our in our faces and those are real concerns but sometimes we we don't have to tell all

22:24

your business but sometimes being real you don't realize who you're helping because you're helping to lift somebody

22:31

up else up to say I am not alone and that is so so so important and

The Real Deal on Being Real

22:39

impactful just tell your story I don't care how trashy you were I don't care how bad you were tell it you'd be

22:47

surprised how many people will come out in the Woodworks in social media if you make it a post and comment hey that was

22:53

me too they may not even comment they might be in your inbox I know because it's happened to me

22:59

yeah and um and as you can tell I'm very passionate about it I just think being real is a critical piece to solving the

23:06

world's problems I see too too many people students included that compare their day

23:14

daily everyday life to somebody's highlight reel right and that not even

23:19

that's not even don't do that because they only want to show you the best of

23:24

the best in their life they're not going to show you they're terrible Monday morning they're not going to show you

23:30

that they're going to show you the best they want to present and even I'm not going to do that I might tell you in in a story and to make a point but I'm not

23:37

going to go on on you know social media be like I want to punch somebody in the face today that man's lucky he's alive I

23:43

wanted to stab him right in the face you know I'm not gonna tell you I thought that no no you know I'm not gonna tell

23:48

you I'm gonna tell you hey look I I accomplished this here's the thing when you see people's accomplishments just

23:54

know you didn't see the road they travel to get there right I can show you the pictures to me arriving in California

24:01

but I didn't show you the hell I went through to drive there you go you know and and people yeah I think it's

24:06

important to be real because being real when you are real whether you realize it

24:11

or not and whether you see it immediately or not you are really helping to build other people so we need

24:17

to be everywhere we need to be real and I know you're going to hit this one out

24:22

of the park we need to be different yes be different let's go be

Principle #3: Why You MUST "BE DIFFERENT"

24:28

different come on being different is is critical and I had I had um said a little bit about it

24:34

earlier my podcast is different you heard the premise of it how many of you have heard a podcast like that I haven't

24:40

and everyone I talk to hasn't either so as far as I know I'm the only one with a podcast quite like mine I'm not the only

24:46

with a podcast for youth but I'm the only with a podcast with my objectives and my style and you uh yeah

24:54

he only holds me yeah um but I think it's important especially since we're talking about

25:00

podcasting to to be different you know as I said earlier if everybody else is

25:05

talking about the same subject and you want to talk about it too there's nothing wrong with that talk about it

25:11

differently don't just be the same sounding board that everyone else already is and you could be saying the

25:18

same stuff you already saying because honestly most of us coaches I hear a lot of coaches who who

25:24

talk talking about the same stuff I do but we don't do it the same way and that's what makes us different and it

25:29

helps to draw people in now for me I'll give you an example for myself when I

25:35

talk I intentionally especially when I'm giving speeches or coming on to you know

25:40

to do an interview like this you will very often not hear me use common

25:46

buzzwords and that is by Design I do that on purpose and I'll tell you why and I'm only saying this because we're

25:51

talking to a podcasting Community yeah when we hear buzzword and I'm specifically talking about about

25:57

buzzwords not all words just buzzword the words that are in today and you know they're very popular and they're

26:03

commonly used today yeah nine times out of 10 buzzword the meaning of those

26:09

buzzword gets watered down because they get overused and misused right so people

26:15

tend to have this attachment or Association is a better word to these buzzword that don't truly convey your

26:24

point and if I want to be impactful and instead of impressive I use different

26:29

words for example instead of saying triggered

26:35

because it's overused today it really is especially with the youth because I did with teenagers it is overused and nine

26:42

times and well maybe not nine times seven times out of 10 it is misused I don't say triggered unless

26:49

somebody else brings it up then I'm in a conversation with them and we need to be on the same page I will agree with the word but I don't usually say triggered I

26:55

ask about trauma points I find other synonyms around it to talk

27:01

about it so what I do is sometimes instead of saying the word I will use the descriptor instead because it makes

27:07

people think instead of associate now that's going a little deeper than most people think but that's

A Secret to Being Different: Re-wording and Buzzwords

27:14

that's an example of what I do to be different is instead of again using

27:19

trigger words I will explain the definition of that word in my question instead of using a a not trigger sorry I

27:28

instead of using a uh what's the word I just used a a a a typical word that

27:33

people use I forgot the word I just Ed this now um but a buzzword sorry that's

27:39

the word buz word yeah yeah instead of using a bu buzzword I will again I will

27:45

ask the question I will reword it in a way that makes you get the point of what

27:50

I'm saying instead of the instead of the association of that buzz word good so that's another that's a way of me being

27:56

different in my you know in my style and my talks and when I'm talking to people um and I don't use the same words with

28:03

everybody I talk to so if I'm talking to you one-on-one I may use different words talking to you then I will Sheila down

28:08

the street because you're different people you have different mindsets you receive differently and I recognize that

28:15

as a Mind Shifter you know it's what I do is I help people to shift their thinking but

28:20

that's part of how I do it I just gave youall my secrets so that's part of that's part of how I do it is I I modify

28:28

what I'm saying to the audience I'm talking to uh you know within reason as much as I can and if it's an audience of

28:33

one then I really um I really really uh customize

28:39

how I word things to that person to get the point across and the examples that I use you know so I you know a guy who

28:47

works for an airplane and is very standard typical masculine watches Sports and drinks beer is different than

28:54

the Barbie do girly right I talk to them different yeah you know I talk to them different because they're going to

28:59

relate to different things and I'll use different examples now what's the same is the principle so that's how I think

29:05

differently is I think I think in terms of principles and I talk in terms of principles so for me I talk principle

29:11

first detail second most people talk details first and then they get lost in the principles well the principles get

29:16

lost in the conversation rather if that does that make sense yeah I'm with you the whole way through I love it so

29:23

that's what those are the three that I definitely wanted to talk about again be everywhere be real and be different I

29:29

think as podcasters those are three things that we can even do in our next episode is how are we going to address

29:36

those three things in our content how we deal with our uh reaching out to our community Through social media for

29:42

example how can you be real how can you be everywhere and how can you be different one more thing I want to add

29:48

there one thing I want to add that I want to say to the audience because we're talking to podcasters in

29:53

particular one of the reasons why people are not as honest as I am is they're afraid

30:00

to be they're afraid of who they're going to offend because that's what our society teaches us to think a way our

30:05

society teach something I do not think that way switch your thinking around shift your thinking and switch your

A Final Challenge: Who Are You Reaching vs. Who Are You Offending?

30:14

focus to not to who you're trying not to offend but who are you

30:21

reaching focus on who you're making an impact on who are you making an impact

30:27

on everybody else can go sit down somewhere that if you make that your

30:33

mentality you will have a strong following it is better to have 25 strong

30:39

followers than a 100 flaky ones and if you think that way you will

30:44

be a stronger podcaster and you'll have a greater ability to grow your podcast because you'll have a stronger following

Collecting People & The Value of Your First Listener

30:52

audience because you're real with them and and you're you're impacting them and you're not not just talking on the

30:58

surface and being safe so focus on who you're reaching

31:03

instead of who you're trying not to offend my challenge to a student

31:10

listening is I think if if I could have sat in class beside me back in the day

31:18

and had a chance to talk to myself which would be weird but if I could one thing

31:24

I would tell myself is to value the art of collecting

31:33

people value the art of collecting people in relationship in

31:38

community don't be afraid to be yourself because as you put yourself out there

31:45

and you demonstrate the confidence of who you are which takes a long time to for some people to come to but when you

31:51

can get to the part where you feel confident in who you are that confidence brings people to you because they're

31:58

also looking for that in their lives so go collect those people go collect those

32:05

relationships we're all doing this life at the same time so nobody has an

32:12

advantage over you and no one has a disadvantage you're all we're all playing the same game so as many people

32:19

as you can bring into your life start early keep growing that Community cuz

32:25

you never know how you can serve that community in the future or how they can turn around and be there when you need

32:33

community so build it now and that goes also then to podcasters build it

32:39

now even with one episode and you have one listener don't don't think you failed

32:47

you have one listener and we go back to the apple seed thing we talked about there's potential in that one person

32:53

beyond anything you can measure so don't think think that you've wasted your time

32:59

with one person in your life when that one person could be the biggest change

33:06

in the world and your words could redirect their thoughts their path and give them light and hope yes just from

33:14

something you say so don't stop collecting people

33:20

to to that end and I like the way you put that I think that's an excellent way to to to word it

The Ultimate Measure of Impact: Getting Real Feedback

33:27

to that end H make an

33:33

impact whatever subject it is make an impact with your your uh podcast and how

33:38

you know that you're impacting people isn't the number of listeners as as Dave just said you know you're impacting

33:44

people when you get feedback right from the humans who listen to you right I

33:50

know that my podcast is making an impact because I get messages in my inbox and funny F enough some of the

33:57

impact some of the messages I get actually are some from some of my guests more so than just the listeners but but

34:04

I think that's a good thing you know um however I can touch your life I can touch your life you know um but yeah no

34:11

look at the difference that you're making it's better to make a difference in 25 than 100 flaky people because when

34:17

you have a call to action to your core audience of 25 you're going to get more from them than you're going to get from

34:23

the hundred flaky people for real and this whole thing about being an

34:29

influencer I think we need to re retake that that term and rethink of that term

34:36

it's it's not just being famous and somebody giving you a pair of shoes to wear so that you'll take your picture

34:42

with them it's about you have the opportunity to influence the life of a person and impact them so that kid that

34:51

sits in class across from you that never talks and nobody talks to

34:58

what if they're going to be the next big thing in life and come up with something that's going to change the world right

35:05

the next you want to be a part of that would you want to be a part of that I would love to be a part of that the next

35:11

Steve Jobs there's potential in all of us even if the world doesn't recognize it you can and as a podcaster that's our

35:20

job is to to create an atmosphere in a community where people feel loved

35:25

accepted they're part of this group they're part of this podcast and they feel like this

35:32

is home and people will come for the content but they're going to stay for you as a host because there's something

35:38

about you so make that clear and evident and when somebody reaches out to you you

35:44

reach back never leave that sitting in an email folder never leave that in an

35:51

unanswered DM when somebody takes the step to reach out to you be ready to

35:57

reach back to them yes so important you never know what impact that that'll have

36:02

and not only that when you don't reach back to them they might get on Reddit Facebook Tik Tok and start talking about

36:09

you like a dog so get back to them don't give him a reason to I love

36:16

it um so okay this is a good spot to stop because I think you know what we

36:23

need to have another conversation in the future and I could just talk to you all week and that'll be the longest podcast

36:29

ever but um we still do need to do other things but um we again talk about your

36:36

podcast and where to connect with you let's close off with a bang I want people to come fall in love with your

How to Connect with Fatima Bey & Her Business with a Cause

36:42

show and I want people to share it as well so people can share with their Community because there's somebody that

36:48

needs this show and I just want them to connect with you so tell us do all the details let's go so my name is Fatima

36:54

Bay and so is my website f t m a b as and

37:01

boy.com um and then SLP podcast if you want to look at my podcast but honestly

37:07

just Google my name I am not even exaggerating if you Google my name the whole first page is me um some of it

37:14

will be about my sewing business you'll see reviews down there for my wedding gowns um but it my podcast will be there

37:21

as well because I'm on 45 uh plus uh platforms uh

37:27

and so some of that will pop up uh but if you go to my website you can see a whole lot of things something else that

37:32

I want to mention what you didn't ask me about at all but I think it's important to mention I'm a business with a cause

37:37

so both of my businesses donate to an organization that helps human trafficking victims and orphans around

37:43

the world and I think that's something else that also makes me stand out and for you listening for your podcast and

37:50

your character your personality that can make you different too a social Justice cause make that a

37:58

part of your your you know if you really do care about something if you're selfish don't don't pretend but if

38:05

you're not and I think more people are not selfish so if you're not uh if you are a person that cares very

38:11

passionately about something um you know in an altruistic manner um find a way to

38:17

make that a part of your P podcast because that is probably one of the biggest ways to make yourself different

38:24

because people know that you're not just out there for fluff and to promote yourself but you're out there for a real

38:29

reason and that you care that can gain you a stronger following than anything else you got to

38:36

say there it is there it is right there I'm so glad you ended with that that is

38:41

brilliant and I knew that would happen with you and again go back to the beginning wind you up and let you go um

38:49

we want to make sure we're everywhere we're real and we're different and in

38:54

doing that I think we're going to reach a lot of people so thank you for so much for being part of the podcast and you

39:00

got to come back I I definitely will you just let me know and I'll come back on I really enjoyed talking to you and I really appreciate um you know this

39:07

opportunity but I also want to say I really appreciate publicly um I really want to say publicly rather I really

39:14

appreciate what you do because there's a lot of conversations that you have behind the scenes with people and you do genuinely help people that in ways that

39:21

the public doesn't even know and you've done it for me but I know it's not just me so on behalf of the hundreds and

39:28

probably thousands of people that you've helped thank you wow okay now I'm going

39:34

to go in the corner I love it um thank you no I really appreciate that um it's

39:40

I just want people to share their message and the only person who can do your show is you the only person who can

The Uniqueness of YOU: Why No One Else Can Do Your Show

39:46

do this show is me yep and you need to realize that in a world of busy and crowded and lots of noise and you're

39:53

afraid that your message is going to get buried remember the uniqueness of your podcast is you and nobody can do your

40:00

show and if you don't do your show nobody will so right do it get out there

40:05

and get beyond your your fear because there's an audience waiting to connect with you and you have a message for the

40:12

world so get out there share your share your heart share your message start a

40:17

podcast love it hey it's Dave jumping on here at the

40:24

end I hope you're doing well thank you for listening to the out of podcast series putting this out there for you

40:30

you're starting a podcast and you're like Dave the technology is giving me a headache this editing thing is I don't

40:37

know it's banana pants I can't figure it all out um and you're thinking if there was

40:44

somebody who could help me with my podcast I would pay them to do the editing for

40:50

me guess what I'm actually doing that I have clients now now past guests who've

40:58

been on the show on one of my other podcasts on this podcast I'm doing some podcast

41:05

Consulting I am doing podcast editing I'm helping with people launching their podcast getting it all the technology

41:13

stuff while getting your podcast and all the players helping you with your YouTube channel your

41:18

website oh it just goes on and on it goes on and on and I would love to help

41:24

you so instead of going to Fiverr or upw work I've I've been on there I keep

41:31

trying to get on for jobs and nobody's paying attention to me and I'm I need

41:37

attention I would rather work with you as a listener of the show so here's what

41:43

I'm say go to hadap

41:51

[Music] podcast.com through type service I'm

41:58

there for you I got you and if you like what you hear on any of my seven

42:03

podcasts I can do that for you I can and I'd love to work with you because you

42:10

are amazing and I'm there to help you whatever you need how to podcast.com

42:25

[Music]

IIn this inspiring guest appearance on the Life With Francy Podcast, Fatima Bey The MindShifter shares her journey from award-winning bridal designer to internationally recognized coach and host of the MindShift Power Podcast. With her signature blend of wit, honesty, and passion, she opens up about her mission to empower teens, help adults rediscover purpose, and spark real conversations beyond political correctness. From founding youth groups to coaching young women into confidence and clarity, Fatima reveals why authentic dialogue, balance, and purpose are essential for both generations. A powerful conversation about transformation, resilience, and creating real change.

Original ar date: 11/06/23

0:00

hello and welcome to Life Wih Francy Podcast a place where you can find all

0:07

kinds of conversation like mental health self-love self-care trauma hobbies and

0:12

more with this podcast I want to create a community where we support one another in business and personal life hope you

0:19

enjoyed this episode now let's get the show started on today's episode I have

0:24

the pleasure to talk to Fatima Bay who is a mind shift coach and the host of

0:31

the main shift power podcast she uses her inspirational passion and witty

0:37

personality to bring together teens and the adults who work with them with raw

0:43

honest and meaningful conversation this is an amazing collaboration happened because of the woman in podcasting

0:50

Community where Jennifer Hensel has created a great place where women support one another now let's welcome

0:58

Fatima to the show tell us what it's like with you yeah what is life with me

1:05

um not boring I'm always full of energy

1:10

um I am you know very deep and serious person um but at the same time I'm a giant kid

1:17

I'm a giant goofball so people who know me know that I am I'm really just crazy

1:22

in a fun good way um but I'm also very deep and serious when when it needs to be in both

1:28

personalities will come out you know in different situations um but life with me is very busy

1:35

uh first I'm actually a dual entrepreneur so what that means is I have two businesses the first business

1:41

which I started way back in 2010 is I'm a professional seamstress uh dressmaker and designer I specialize in wedding

1:48

gowns so I'm making design wedding gowns I won uh National and international

1:53

awards for it um several which is I'm I'm proud to say

1:59

I don't say it with arrogance I say it with a lot of Pride because I work my ass off can I say ass on here yeah

2:04

you're right I forgot to ask you that um I you know I worked my behind off to

2:10

be able to say those things so um I do that um and then I have then I started the

2:15

Mind Shifter uh just a couple years ago I have uh been a mind shift coach

2:21

honestly unofficially all my life because people have people naturally gravitate to me for advice people

2:28

naturally gravitate to me to confide in me about some pretty deep serious things

2:33

some pretty vulnerable things really um and I'm you know I'm fine with that I've always been that person and I find

2:40

myself giving people words of wisdom seeing situations angles I would say of a situation that uh or perspectives that

2:48

other people don't and you know after a while I learned that that's actually a gift and um you know something I know is that

2:55

none of our gifts are for us none of our none not a single one of us are gifted

3:01

to entertain ourselves all of our gifts are there for everyone else

3:07

and everything that we're enjoying in life is because of someone else's gift and so you know recognizing that and

3:14

understanding um my purpose uh my specific purpose I don't mean

3:20

General yeah I'm here to make everybody happy that's not your purpose my purpose is to make a difference in the world and

3:27

especially with youth um I don't only work with youth because a lot of adults gravitate towards me too

3:34

but my biggest passion is with youth and I know that my purpose is to make a difference for them and by making a

3:40

difference for the next generation and making a difference in the world because the difference I make in the youth will

3:47

go on and you know and we'll go on for decades and um so I think it's important

3:54

to sow my seeds where they're going to grow the most and that's in our youth

3:59

I love that and that's why I like my heart like what's attached to yours because I feel it's so small for

4:06

teenagers just because I was a hardcore teenager that my mom didn't understand

4:12

so she like pretty much gave me away you know in in a sense just to my biological

4:18

father and then he didn't know what to do with a teenager because he was like Hey here he's your daughter she's 15 now

4:25

do your thing so anyways but yeah how did your mission started and

4:31

um yeah tell us more about your mission well it's it started

4:36

um as far as being the mine shifter that's a different answer than the podcast but I'll tell you both as far as

4:42

being the Mind Shifter that really started as a push for my sister

4:47

um my sister is uh Monica Bay the Healer and heels if you Google her she's a big

4:53

deal um she has her own TV Network and she's a black woman in America with her own TV

4:58

Network ain't but a few of them her Oprah and just like one or two others that I could that I could find when I researched him so

5:05

um she you know she's not new to podcasting and public speaking and you

5:11

know networking and Etc et cetera she knows me and she knows how strong I am and my passions Etc and also knows my

5:20

giftings and she's like you really need to be you need to just you need to officially become a coach and I just

5:27

hadn't really considered it until she pushed me and when she pushed me I'm like yeah I've been holding back these

5:33

gifts and I need to just go forward and help more people with them so I always knew I wanted to do that one

5:39

day I just wasn't sure how but she pushed me with the how and and it just kind of

5:44

uh snowballs from there and so recently

5:50

I'll tell you I'll tell you this there was a group that I started in Amsterdam New York at a

5:56

at creative connection Clubhouse they are a community center um a really really really good Community

6:02

Center in Amsterdam and I say that because there's a lot of community centers um in the country and not all of them

6:08

are actually connected to their Community you know what I'm saying yeah so uh this one actually is and so I

6:15

started doing a girls group there as the Mind Shifter called blossoms and it was just simply a group for teenage girls to

6:22

come and uh talk have a place where they could talk but

6:27

it could be honest where nobody's gonna politically correct them they can just speak and then but not just sit there

6:34

and complain but also come up with their own Solutions because you're not gonna complain to me for an hour and not and

6:39

not and just leave it there no we're gonna come up with Solutions too the complaining is necessary yeah talk is

6:44

necessary but solution being solution oriented is also necessary so I started doing that and then I met a girl in that

6:51

group she was in the very first group uh the very first uh session of that group

6:56

and then she just stuck with the group and then she stuck with me um

7:02

she is going to be on my next episode this coming Tuesday and talk she's going

7:07

to talk about that Journey but working with her and and I you know ended up coaching her that wasn't the intention

7:13

but I just I ended up coaching her and within a few months she went from low

7:19

self-esteem to you know and know value in herself and no vision for her future to now

7:26

she's looking for scholarships for college she's going to be a lawyer she knows exactly what kind of lawyer she's

7:31

going to be uh she's very confident now she knows exactly who she is and

7:36

um you know if other people says say otherwise she's like oh well they're wrong she doesn't take it you know

7:43

um but being able to do that for her made me recognize that I want to be able to do that for more more girls like her

7:51

um on on a bigger scale and and in boys too if they're willing boys you have to operate with boys a little bit different

7:57

a girl so that's why I say girls because um that's just where my specialty is although I love young men

8:04

um but I uh I recognize that and then I

8:10

recognize that there because of that group I recognize there needs to be a

8:16

space where teenagers of all backgrounds I don't care where

8:22

rich poor white black blah blah blah blah all backgrounds there needs to be a space where they can

8:29

actually have real honest conversation without the of extreme

8:36

political correctness because that's a society they're growing up in right now and without real raw honest conversation

8:44

there's absolutely no solutions that can come that is 100 True in any part of

8:50

life not just with teenagers you cannot come up with Solutions if you don't have

8:56

honest conversation first and the honest conversation may look different for different people in

9:02

different places and different settings but the honest communication has to happen first well if you're constantly

9:08

told to focus on what you can't say instead of what you can that's a problem

9:13

and we have a generation right now that is growing up that doesn't know how to freaking have a conversation that's

9:20

productive they know how to have a conversation that's safe but not one

9:25

that's actually productive and that's a problem for this whole

9:31

country because they're the ones who are going to be running this place in a few years and if they can't have productive

9:37

conversations now what the hell is it going to look like in a few years yeah it's good it's scary though

9:43

really and I I wanted to create a space where they could actually talk

9:49

um and a lot of it is receiving encouragement because something I do notice and and you can research it on

9:56

Google and find that facts and figures will agree but even without looking at facts and figures I could just see around me

10:01

our teenagers this this generation are growing up

10:07

more lonely than any other generation that we've ever that's ever been here honestly even back before electricity

10:15

I'm sure those kids were not as lonely as they are now because there was a family to focus on

10:20

but now we're focused on self and self self self and self self self all the time and there's nothing wrong with

10:26

focusing on self if you do it with balance but we don't as a culture that's not what we teach

10:32

anyway there's people who do but as a culture we're taught um to be self-centered and and I mean as

10:39

an American culture specifically we're taught to be extremely self-centered it's very out of balance and it's very bad

10:44

um it produces a lot of bad things um and our generation is feeling very lonely you know our younger generation

10:51

they're all feeling very lonely they have all the they have all these digital connections

10:56

but not a whole lot of human connections and it really is true that a lot of these teenagers and I go and I teach at

11:02

high schools I do well I speak and like do workshops and such at high schools and so I I work a lot with high school

11:08

students and I see high school students all the time and it really is true that they don't know how to talk to each

11:14

other sometimes it also depends on how school they grow up in of course because some people do but generally speaking as as a

11:21

generation they don't know how to talk to each other and as adults we take we just kind of don't think it's

11:28

as big of a deal as it is but it's a really big deal because if they don't know how to talk to each other how are

11:33

they going to produce anything like what are they going to produce and it's not that they're incapable of

11:40

producing they're being taught to be robots instead of productive I'll say that again our generation is

11:47

being taught to be robots instead of being productive that's a problem

11:53

and I want to combat that problem I want to do something about it you know I can't solve every problem in the world but I can solve something yeah and so

12:00

I'm using my podcast to do that we can all do something from where we are and where I am is I have a mouth

12:06

I have an attitude and I have a strong personality so I'm taking all those three things [Laughter]

12:13

determination putting them together in a way you know so that

12:19

um we can I can help the World by helping the Next Generation that's going to run it

12:25

yeah I love it and that was a great segue to how the podcast started

12:31

um the the podcast is is I'm very passionate about anybody who has talked

12:37

to me about it is like I was like and I even say to them like you can hear my passion right you're like yeah

12:42

yeah I'm very passionate about it it's just it's because I I love I love children I have on my entire life I used

12:49

to teach Sunday school I used to work at Job Corps I ran the dorm sometimes I ran the whole Center sometimes

12:56

um there's a there's a lot of different capacities um I've done youth groups I've been

13:02

youth coordinator there's a lot of different capacities in which I have worked with youth

13:08

it's because I love Youth and they're so important to me um and I'm not going to talk about as

13:13

much but one of the things that I'm also known for by people that know me is I'm very very passionate about human

13:19

trafficking why because I'm passionate about Youth and it's the number one or it might be

13:25

number two number one and number two they switch up between hunger and trafficking for issues among young women

13:32

and children in the world yeah so I I'm very passionate about that I raise money for I have raised money for that I

13:38

donate to an organization it helps with that um for the same reason I care about youth so this podcast started because I care

13:45

about Youth and I and I and I care about the future and I see um the crap that are that adults that we

13:51

have left them we've left them with a bowl of and then expect them to make a cake with it like that's that's

13:57

how I feel yeah that we have in this country I I can only talk about America because that's where I am in different

14:03

parts of the world is different but in America um that's that's where we are and so I

14:09

want to do something to to really just be able to help them and another you

14:16

know another big part of it as I stated earlier is a lot of Youth are feeling lonely and they really think that their

14:23

issues are just theirs alone and they're not you know they think that

14:28

they're weird and they're not you know they think they're stupid and they're not because they don't fit into this

14:36

stupid little box that our society says you're supposed to fit in they think that there's something wrong with them

14:42

and ninety percent of the time there isn't sometimes yeah the right there is some room but most of the time

14:48

there isn't and they and and I want to be able to tell them that you know that you're you're not weird you are

14:55

different than your peers and you're designed that way go with what you're designed to do not

15:01

with the Box we try to put you in and so that's another objective um of my show as well

15:08

I love it so is it like just you or do you bring guests oh a guess

15:13

um I sometimes it will be just me but very rarely um I don't want people to just hear my

15:19

voice all the time because I'm sorry I don't care how much you might love me you don't get annoying after a while

15:24

I get the feeling you know what I mean so I um I will have guests most of the

15:31

time um and at least 60 of the time my guess will be

15:37

teenagers there will be a lot of episodes where I have a teenagers and adults discussing

15:43

things oh I love that I gotta check it out yeah yeah you do especially uh

15:49

this coming Tuesday is the young girl that I told you well this is gonna be posted in oh I forgot yeah so it's gonna

15:56

be already live

16:03

uh what did they title it real change episode yeah the name of the episode is

16:09

real change so uh you want to listen to her because she's the one that I've coached and she's just in a matter of

16:14

months become a completely different person in a good way um and and has a strong future ahead of

16:20

her and has a plan to maintain that strong future not just thinking about it and hoping for it but a plan

16:27

um and uh and then there's you know so so the episodes are a little bit different some episodes have just me and

16:34

an adult talking some are just me and a youth talking uh some are you know I'm the

16:40

host and I stay in the background and the the you know the adult who's in a particular position

16:46

will have a discussion with a youth and they can ask all the questions they want and and again on my show there's there's

16:52

I do not bow down to political correctness and this is something I say to every adult and every every youth on

16:57

my show you can say whatever you want as long as you're not rude and obnoxious that's the only thing I ask if you feel

17:02

I don't care if it's politically or correct or not if you feel like someone's then say they're yes this political incorrect to

17:09

say that but I want you to be free to say that now most people I know actually don't use that word but I'm just saying

17:14

yeah then I'm just saying they're free to say whatever they want as long as it's real and true

17:20

I love it and with your coaching do you do a one-on-one or do you go to a group

17:26

setting I do both um this coming fall I I will start doing

17:31

virtual group settings because I've done group settings but not uh not virtually uh so this fall they will be on my

17:38

website so I'm assuming the website will be on your your uh show notes yeah the show

17:45

notes so uh if you go to my website everything I have coming up will be on my events page but I do one-on-one

17:51

coaching and that's also on my website um they can contact me to find out what kind of coaching you need

17:58

um what I what I do that's different than other coaches I don't have uh

18:03

preset packages rigidly so I do have uh

18:08

categories that I focus on but I don't have preset packages like this much for that five weeks this one for this week's

18:14

because I've learned that that doesn't work for everyone and I want to work for everyone that I work with so for me I I

18:21

set up the packages according to what their needs are and the subjects that I focus on that I can help them with

18:28

um that we can find a way to because maybe I focus on you know three or four different things and maybe you need two

18:35

of those so this one package is not going to be enough and let's just put them together and let's go instead of

18:41

six weeks to school ten weeks or ten months you know whatever you need um and I work with people because I believe

18:47

you're customizing what I do just like when I do wedding nails I customize what I do with those two

18:53

um I love it I I think it's important cookie cutter and I gotta say this

18:58

cookie cutter mentality cookie cutterness works for cookies it

19:04

doesn't work for humans yeah so I don't take a cookie cutter or approach anything that I do

19:11

um you know but if people talk to me and they want specifics I'll give them specifics in that conversation um but I don't like do oh a five-week

19:17

package a six weeks package a six month package you know I just I find that that's not as useful for people

19:24

um because a lot of people don't fit into the the categories we want them to and I believe in meeting people where

19:30

they are so I meet you where you are and take you where you want to go that might be 10 weeks it might be 10 months you

19:37

know it depends on how far you want to go and where you are yeah I love that is there anything else that you would like

19:43

my listeners to know about you or your mission uh yes so I'm also a business with a

19:48

cause um I donate a portion of all of my

19:53

proceeds um to an organization called kinship United and I absolutely love them I've

19:59

been donating I've been donating to them since I started my my average eye my sewing business in 2010 so a long time

20:06

now um and what they do is they help orphans and um and human trafficking victims their

20:13

focus is not human trafficking but they do tend to um focus on areas where where children are

20:21

targeted for human trafficking so that's why I include that and when I describe it so they I love them though because

20:27

they help the whole child so they'll take them out of a bad

20:32

situation they'll take them off the streets where they're usually picked up and kidnapped um by traffickers and then they will

20:39

give them food and shelter that's just where they begin they're a Christian organizations so they help them

20:45

spiritually they give them counseling they help them with education they even help them with career choices and

20:51

advancement in some areas now that looks different in all the different countries that they're in but um

20:58

but they they really help so anyway I'm a business with a cause any business that I own and I mean any business I own

21:04

have owned or will own um that's a part of my my business model is that I donate a portion to help

21:11

children around the world and I always will what's the point of having status money and anything else if you don't do

21:17

something with it yeah you can buy fancy cars and and and have everybody like you yay put you on a pedestal blah blah blah

21:23

but then what else so what like what so that's my business model so as I grow so

21:29

do my donations um and that's that's really how I keep it uh the other thing that I want people

21:35

to know is that I mentioned that I coach but I didn't say what my focuses are so my focuses are to help people to find

21:41

their individual purpose uh which I did with that young girl um the real change uh episode you'll

21:48

hear about help people to find their individual purpose um

21:53

to once you find your purpose turn that purpose into a business or career not

22:00

you know I'm big on entrepreneur you know entrepreneurship but everybody's not going to be an entrepreneur and I

22:06

know that but you still can take your your gifts and your purpose and make money with them while you're enjoying

22:12

being fulfilled why in the world are you just working a job to pay bills that's why so many

22:19

people are are just miserable because they're doing that um we got to pay bills and we need money

22:24

but you also need to feel fulfilled and why not have it an all-in-one package so

22:29

I do that and then helping people to find balance balance is a huge subject of mine

22:35

um and I don't mean in the way that people normally teach it balance is not 50 50. balance is something that works

22:41

everything in life that works has balance and everything that doesn't is because something's out of balance most

22:47

people don't think about it that way but it's true and I help people to find their balance in an area of their life

22:54

where they're going too far so people that are what I call mental extremists

23:00

um they go way off the deep end you know in in one area

23:07

um those are people who need balance something that needs balance right now for example in our society is politics

23:13

biggest freaking example Ever every you know it's like most it's like a lot of people if they're a Democrat they're way

23:20

off the deep end air-headed and everything's free including the air in my head and then you have the other

23:27

extremists on um on the Republican side who are just like we're not racist we just hate everybody who's not like us

23:34

um you know and you have these extremities in both parties that have taken them over when in fact there are a

23:41

lot of people in both parties who are not extremists like that but they're out of balance they're way off the deep end

23:47

and people think that because if you're not at zero you have to be a hundred no

23:53

there are 99 freaking numbers in between maybe you should be a 67 or 42.3 you

24:00

know it's like do you want to go from one extreme to another because they don't understand balance so I help

24:06

people to understand balance first of all and then understand how they can find balance in their personal life

24:13

because most of us have are imbalanced in our lives in different places in different

24:19

ways and sometimes it's just not a matter of okay you talk too much for example that doesn't mean that you should shut

24:24

up it means that you need to learn when to talk too much

24:30

oh my God that's a hard one for me I feel

24:38

me as they say I'm very friendly I'm very outgoing I talk a lot um that's my personality but if when

24:46

when people don't understand that that's a natural part of who you are and they're not like that they want you to

24:52

shut up you know you don't need to shut up you just need to learn when it's appropriate to use your gift there's a

24:58

difference and that's that's part of the balances that I teach people how to do I love that any advice for any quick uh

25:07

mind shift um I'm pretty sure I just did some mind shifting during this this interview but

25:14

but because I can't help it I do it all the time um but number one if you really want your

25:20

mind to be shifted um go to my YouTube channel I have a YouTube channel it's the mindset I'll

25:26

send that to you as well um it's the Mind Shifter and I have a I

25:32

have over 70 videos on there um and a lot of them are I used to be on the radio local radio and I had uh My

25:38

Mind Shifter segment and um I would just give advice and just talk about things

25:44

of life that we all deal with uh and can you know a lot of people can relate to and

25:50

um there's a lot of good lessons on there so I would suggest that you go to my

25:55

um my my YouTube channel to see what I have to say and obviously subscribe to my my podcast duh yeah yeah

26:03

I'm a listener even though it's important I'm sorry go ahead no yeah uh

26:09

the uh to start giving the links of website podcasts anything that you want

26:14

to promo okay um for for the for the podcast if you go

26:19

to Fatima Bay f-a-t-i-m-a-b-e-y.com slash podcast

26:26

um everything you need to know about the show is on that page all the links related to so if you have any topics

26:32

that you think should be talked about submit so you can submit them right on that page if you have any comments about the podcast you can submit them right on

26:38

that page if you want to be a guest on the podcast you can click on a little button on that page

26:44

um and go right to a form to fill out that gets them they put you in front of my face

26:50

um there's also my website fatimabay.com all of my coaching information

26:57

um I also go to high schools and do workshops if anybody's interested in me doing those I have a few workshops

27:03

coming up this uh this fall about that focuses on helping teens to find their

27:09

careers um something I've noticed is that schools are usually very good at giving

27:14

them tools but not always so good at preparing them for those tools that's where I come in and help to prepare the

27:21

teams for the tools that the schools are already giving them so that when they're making those career choices which are

27:27

really pivotal points in their lives uh they're going to college they're going to a gap year program they're going to a

27:33

trade school they're going right into an entrepreneurship whatever that teen is doing that decision needs to be made

27:40

um from the heart not just from information and schools are very good at giving them

27:46

information and giving them tools but not always making sure they're prepared to make the right decision

27:51

I come in and do that because I don't work for the school so I can come in and say what I want and be honest and be

27:57

real um well say what I want within reason I don't do anything crazy but

28:02

sometimes people take things to extreme so that's why I feel the need to to balance that out when I say it

28:08

um so I I go in and because I'm not on the restrictions that the teachers are on and that the staff is on I can come

28:15

in and be real and honest with the students and be productive with them so that when the teacher and staff and counselors and and those who work very

28:21

hard at schools are are able to you know give them the tools um and show them what websites to go to

28:28

or just all these different tools that they give them those tools are far more useful because now you have a student

28:33

who's prepared to use them properly and the problem is a lot of them are given these students tools who are not

28:41

prepared to use them properly because they still have no clue what they want to do and it doesn't mean that they're going to have a there doesn't mean that

28:47

they're going to be perfectly on point after talking to me but I could at least give them the guidance on how to find

28:53

that point I love that well thank you so much for coming on my show oh I forgot to say IG

29:01

I'm Fatima dot Bay underscore I believe I will have all the links in the show

29:07

notes sorry your podcast and your website it

29:13

will all be on the show notes I promise oh and one more thing um even though the the podcast is for teens

29:21

I'm finding that a lot of adults are going to get something out of it too even though this discussion is for teens

29:28

there's a whole lot of adults who are just grown up teens yeah some you know that they're not like

29:34

some uh that are not self-aware so like when they hear something talking to a

29:40

kid you're like oh man I wish somebody would have talked to me like that yes oh

29:45

my God they can relate and stuff like that because there's a lot of I'm one of them I'm like I'm working on my healing

29:51

it's one day at a time and that's why I love um taking care of the youth kids and

29:59

teenagers but teenagers have like a slow spot because once again I was a hard teenager that was misunderstood and I

30:07

wish I just had the tools and resources to be able to express myself on all the

30:13

big emotions that you're feeling you know yeah so when I have somebody that has that passion as well it's like yes

30:21

girl do your thing your world needs you know the world needs you so thank you

30:27

for what you do thank you for having me

30:32

well thank you so much for listening to another episode you can find uh my show

30:38

and all major podcast platforms as well as my YouTube channel if you enjoyed

30:43

this kind of content don't forget to like And subscribe on YouTube and follow on your favorite podcast app uh you can

30:51

leave a review to help others find the show it sure helps and is truly appreciated hope you have a blessed day

30:58

bye bye