[Music] Fatima Bey. The MindShifter 

[Music] Shifting minds all over the world. oh..

Hi everyone. I am so so excited to have today Fatima Bay. I want to welcome you

my friend and I would like you to share with my audience a little bit about you. But I want to also say that sometimes I

have guests who had a pivotal moment and they share their story and it's empowering for my audience and sometimes

I have experts that give tools and guidance. But today people we got a

twoin one. Double excited to have you here and to share this space with you

because I know it's going to be such a juicy episode. So welcome. Well thank you first of all Claudia.

Thank you so much for having me on. So, I'm Fatima Bay, the mind shifter. I reside in upstate New York. I'm an

international mind shift coach. So, what that means is I am a coach that focuses

to help you shift your thinking. Now, this could be in business or personal, but the truth is they're connected and I

treat them as such. So, I do this through several mediums. I do individual coaching. I do group coaching. One of my

favorite things actually is to do seminars and workshops. I really just love doing them. I get energized by

them. I also have a podcast myself for which Claudia has been a guest on my podcast as well. Really powerful

episode. And I have an audio blog which is my written blog but with an audio

experience. Uh just you got to listen to hear it. And then I have Fatima Bay the

mind shifter guesting podcast which this show will be on. So every time a guest I'm a guest on another show I turn into

a podcast so that they're just all in one place cuz sometimes people want to hear what I sound like. And then I do mind shift Mondays. U I do a live every

Monday on LinkedIn and and YouTube and I talk about different things. I just finished a leadership series a little

bit ago and now I'm on a series called you already know this and it's talking I take all the well not all of them. I

just take some of the cliches that are over said and overused and incorrectly

used and I break them down. But I'm all about shifting thinking. I do have a focus a heavy focus on teens. So my

podcast is about teens. I do coaching for teens. They are my favorite people. I am not going to lie. Some of y'all

adults are boring. I like teenagers. I love But that is true because I mean that's

why you and I work together so well because I work with the moms and you work with the teens. Together they can

better the relationship. And that is so so important nowadays. It really is. And so I mind shift. And

you go to my homepage you'll see that I mind shift in many different ways. and uh I only named a few, but they're all

on my website. Thank you for for saying all that because I think it's important that my audience listen to everything that you

do, get to know you a little bit and then learn from you and and understand that you're not saying something because

you have an an opinion, but because you have walked the walk and you have had the experience to coach and to teach and

to give the tools that many of us need to find that purpose, right? And one of

the things that you do and that's why you are a mind shifter coach is help people shift their mind. What would you

say is the most biggest obstacle in your clients? When you get somebody, what is

that limiting belief that is holding them back from shifting? I would say if I have to pick one that's the biggest

thing is usually confidence. Confidence is something that we are taught or

taught out of. It depends on our environment. Depends on how you're raised, what was said to you over and over again. What was spoken over your

life by your parents, by peers, by whoever's around you the most. But confidence or the lack thereof is where

a lot comes from. But I would say the biggest thing for most people is to

unlearn. It's not just what you do learn, is to unlearn. And one of the ways I help people to unlearn is by

teaching them a new thing to learn that overrides what they've learned. helping people to build confidence is something

I'm very strong in. It's the number one I would say the number one thing that I help people with my mind shift coaching

and this especially works with teenagers and even though I tend to focus on girls and but I I seem to keep getting teenage

boys especially boys that play sports. They love me. I love them too though. I for some reason understand them. They

know they can say whatever they want to me. I'm not going to flip out and act like a parent and or try to correct them and go you can't say that. We got to be

politically correct. No, that's crap. Let them say what they want and then let's deal with the issues one at a time

without having this overly parent reaction. They know they're going to get that from me and I'm really raw and real

with them. That's one of the ways that I'm able to coach people is and one of

the reason people come to me. I don't sugarcoat crap and tell you it's chocolate. I'm going to tell you this is

crap and this is how we need to scoop it out of here because it stinks. We're gonna deal with it. I love that. But it's so true and I

think that what you're talking about is really the condition that we inherit. Like when we are kids, we take whatever

our parents, our teachers, our friends even tell us that we're good at and we

run with that and we don't get curious. When I work with moms, I help them unbecome, which is what you're talking

about, creating new beliefs and get rid of the beliefs that they had

about themselves and stop having those bumpers like when you go and play

bowling. These are the bumpers that you're going to have so you don't get out of the line. Sometimes you have to

color out of the lines. Find out what is the shape that you really want to create. And I'm very

analogous. I imagine things and then I speak. So I think it's so important and and it's great that you work with

teenagers because that is kind of like the bridge between being a child and

being an adult. And in that bridge is when the conditioning really comes up

and I'm supposed to be this, I'm supposed to be that. I mean, how many young girls decide that they are going

to take a path that is not ideal for them just because somebody with more

confidence came to them and say you will be good at this and they just go with it

because nobody told them that they will be good at something else or they don't believe that they could be good at

something else. Absolutely. Let me ask you this, Claudia. What's something that you believe right now? Just name anything.

I believe I can empower women. Okay, stop believing that. Did it work?

No. But see, this is what we do to people all the time. Look for evidence though because that's

part of the belief and this is the crazy thing about the human mind. Like if we want to look for evidence, we're going

to find it. But the same way we can do it for yes, we can do it for no. Yes. My my point in saying that is the

mind shifting aspect. Just because I tell you to stop believing something doesn't mean that

you're going to stop believing it. But we we take that silly idea and we try to

implement it in life, especially with teens. Well, don't believe. Well, that doesn't work because did it work on you

just now? It's not going to work on you. But it would work on you if I conditioned you to believe it. If I constantly told you that you're nothing

but a woman that should be silent. You should sit back and be quiet and let everyone else take control. If I tell

you that enough times, you're going to begin to believe it. And here's the thing. All of us are conditioned. I

don't care who you are, what country you you're in, what color you are, how old you are, your economic status, all of us

are conditioned by our cultures. Whether you're from China, whether you're from Peru or the US or Nigeria, you're

conditioned by your culture. And especially when I'm dealing with Americans, constantly have to teach them

to unlearn some of the crap we've been taught. It's not just it's not unique to the US, though. All cultures have crap that they teach. I don't care who you're

talking about. And you know, every culture has good and bad. That's just a fact. But that conditioning that you're speaking of, it

goes very deep. Most of us, Here's a prime example. I'm going to fry up some pig ear. Are you going to eat it?

No, I don't eat meat. If you did eat meat, would you eat the pig ear? Maybe because I'm a curious person.

I'm just using as an example. Most Americans would not eat that pig ear. There's some who would try it,

but most Americans would not eat that pig ear because we're conditioned to only eat certain select parts of meat,

right? For example, cow tongue. All over the world, people eat cow tongue and it's a normal meat like tacos de lengua. One of

my favorite kind of tacos. They have that in Peru too and they sell it in the street as well. I remember the

first time I give it to my children, didn't tell them what they were eating and then they eat it and then they said, "This is pretty good." And I go, "It's

the tongue of the cow." And they look at me, they almost went and puke and I said, "How crazy it is that

your brain override your feeling and your experience because now you have

data." Well, yes, data that you've been conditioned with through repetition. And here's the thing, we are conditioned to

eat certain selective parts of meat. So, the average American, there are plenty of Americans that will eat the the

tongue, but I love tarot deua. The meat is juicy, it's tender, it's delicious. Uh, it's my favorite, but the first time

I had it was at a Mexican restaurant. I never had it before cuz I'm American. We're conditioned to not eat that. We're

conditioned to eat ribs and certain things. But my point in bringing that up is that we don't eat certain parts of

animals not because they're not nutritious and not because they're not worth anything, but we've been

conditioned to believe that they're not worth anything. And so I wouldn't say we waste the food. We do

other things with it, but we don't get everything that we can out of it. You go to most other countries, man, they ain't leaving no part of the animal undone.

All of it goes into the soup, the stew, it gets fried, whatever. But my point is

that what you bring up about conditioning is critical and I think most people don't realize how deep that

goes. Now here let's talk about purpose with conditioning because I don't think people realize how intricately connected

they are. So your purpose is to run around healing people. I'm just making this up right now. Let's back it up a

little bit because this is my view on purpose and the angle from which I teach. So when God created you, he

didn't just create you and go, "What is I going to do with this thing here?" He had a purpose and then he's like, "Let

me create Sally, Claudia, Fatima, whoever. Let me create this person." He

is smarter than that. He's smarter than us. So, he didn't just make it and go, "What am I going to do with this thing I

made?" He had a purpose and he made you for it. He gave you the bag of gifts that came with it.

That's what I was going to say next. Our gifts are the equipment that we need to carry out that purpose. If I want you to

sweep the floor, I need to give you a broom. I'm not just gonna say, "You have a tongue. Look it up. No, I have to give you a broom and a dustpan. Or maybe you

create a dustpan, but I have to at least give you a broom so you sweep the floor. So, all of us have gifts towards whatever that purpose is,

right? No, we have I'm going to make up an example of Sally. Sally was born to sing. Her voice will carry It's not just

about the note she carry, but the spirit behind it. Her voice is meant to heal. Her voice is meant to evoke so strong of

a spiritual connection and emotion that it causes people to do things in a moment that will help them. That is

Sally's purpose. But Sally, when she was little, they kept telling her to shut up. You're making too much noise. She's

conditioned to shut the hell up. So Sally never reaches the maximum of her

gift. She never uses that gift, but she really just wants to sing. And when she sings, she feels like her soul's on

fire. When she starts to sing, she feels like nothing else can explain that feeling. She feels like she's where

she's supposed to be, like better than an angel. She just feels amazing because that's her purpose. She's supposed to

feel that way. But she's a fish out of water because she's been told, "No, you're supposed to be a maid. Go sweep a

floor and clean a room." She's unhappy. She's a fish out of water. She's been conditioned to think that her value is

nothing but her vagina and whatever else her hands can do. And this happens to a lot of women around the world and a lot

a lot a lot a lot of different cultures. Used to be in the US as well. This happens to a lot of women around the

world. They're conditioned to believe that their worth is what I tell you it is because that worth is more valuable

to me. You singing doesn't help me cuz you're not making me babies and making me dinner or whatever else. So, this is

what happens with us. We have these gifts and those gifts will tell you what your purpose is because they're those

things that you can't I can't explain how this makes me feel. I can't explain how Let me tell you what happened to me

once. I I'm a bridal seamstress. For those of you that don't know, I make and design wedding gowns. I've been doing it for She does everything. She's being modest

right now. But if you go into her website, you see that this woman is seven women in one. Yeah. Go ahead.

Don't Don't tell them about all my personalities. Now listen. No, those ones we keep them quiet. So I do with mine.

You only know about seven. I really have 15 now. But so there was this one time. This is a few years ago. I was at a

bridal show and I was debuting a black wedding gown. And no, it wasn't a goth wedding gown. It was a beautiful,

gorgeous wedding gown you'd want to get married in. It just happened to be black. I designed it that way on purpose. So, I was debuting myself as a

designer at a big one of the area's biggest bridal shows. And I was tired

because I kept changing my design ideas. You know how that goes. And working on at the last minute cuz I kept changing

my mind cuz you know it was important. So, I had literally stayed up all night with no sleep. I was drinking Red Bull.

And don't ask me. Yeah. Thank God I had a friend there who was helping me, volunteering to work the

table for me so that he could be my brain. He was awesome. So, I was there debuting. I was so tired, but I was

determined. So, I'm going to get through it. And I do have a personality. But when I

got on that stage, was talking about my gout, I was dead tired, hoping that I would last through it without fumbling.

I was a little nervous. And I was surprised I was nervous because I'm not a person that gets on stage and gets nervous typically. But I was because it

was wasn't just about being stage, it's about my craft. Soon as I started talking, all of a sudden, I got this

caffeine energy. I wasn't anything else. All of a sudden, I woke up and just this

personality came out of me. The same thing happened when I MCEd for the first time. It was a dating auction for a

charity. It was an animal local animal shelter. And a friend, it was my friend's thing, not really mine, but he

asked me to do it and I said, "Sure." Now, I had never MCed before in my life, but I'll do it because I'm sure I can.

So, I did it. I did it. Same thing that day. As soon as the mic went on my hand,

as soon as the mic got in my hand and I went on stage, this person took over. I recognized the day that I did the MC

thing that that's built into me. It's natural to me. And I loved it. And I was

funny and energetic, cracking jokes cuz it's a dating auction. You got to crack jokes, right? One guy acting like he's

going to strip and take his shirt off. He was just playing around, but still I played it off and introducing people in

funny ways and it was just natural to me. And um I didn't know I had that gifting in me. I didn't know that I had

that desire in me. I'm telling you, it felt more natural than almost anything else I've ever done.

I think Fatima, one of the things that you're talking about, and I can relate

so much with it, is when we get curious, when we stop receiving the opinion of

everybody else, and we really go within between God and you. What's my purpose?

What makes me happy? What lights me up? We start seeing our talents without

conditioning, without being embarrassed, without justifying, without trying to please anyone, but really what makes me

happy, what fills my soul. And that's what I was telling you earlier in my

book, Brighter Days. One of my lessons, and we have talked about this before, when you know your value, you stop

giving discounts. And I love that quote and that is something that I have in my book because that was an aha moment for

me. I live my life pleasing. I was a people pleaser. I pleased my mom. I

pleased my friends. I pleased my producers. I pleased my whatever was around me and telling me you're good at

this, you should do this and then I would do this and you're good at that and you should do that. So then I get to

a point in my life that I had 10 careers because I was good at everything and if I was not excellent at it, I was good.

So, I would run with whatever people would tell me I was good at, but I was never feeling like I had a purpose, like

I was fulfilled, that I felt like, "Oh my gosh, this is my high. I wake up in the morning and I can't wait to do

this." Because none of those things that I was told I was good at, was my calling, was my purpose. And when I

learn it, when I accept it, embrace it, and run with it, when I really believed

my value, I stopped giving discounts. I stopped agreeing with anybody else

because I knew my truth. Absolutely. I always put it like this. One of the reasons why women are so

easily abusing around the world is because of that conditioning. If you don't know your value, you will take

anyone that's assigned to you. So, there are many different ways in which that takes place, but it's absolutely true.

If you don't know your purpose, you'll pick anything. You'll try and I think one of the worst things about this when

you don't know your purpose, then you try to be like someone else. That's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Because here here's the

breakdown of why. I'm going to dive deep into why that happens. When you are trying to be like someone else and

you're you're not being yourself because you don't know who you are yet. You don't know what your talents and purposes, what your talents and gifts

are, or your purpose. What happens is it will never work because you're an an elephant trying to fly like a bird and

you don't have wings. It's ridiculous. You're trying to be someone you're not. That always leads to misery. 100% of the

time it leads to misery, right? Yes. It it leads to disappointment. But here's the deeper dive part. When it

leads to disappointment, what ends up happening is you turn that disappointment on to yourself. Now, see,

I'm stupid. I'm really not worth anything. I was telling you before, we can look for the positive evidence and build

ourselves up or we can go to the negative evidence and make that person

right. Yes. And us wrong. Well, here's the other thing I want to mention and this is kind of a sidebar,

but I think important to mention. This is why ladies who are listening and men too, this is why it's so important that

we actually go out of our way to give legitimate compliments wherever we see we can. Here's why. Sometimes none of us

actually see ourselves truly objectively. We don't see sometimes the good things about us. We don't notice

how quickwitted we are. We don't notice how analytical we are to the point that we can fix things because we can see

every article, every single element of whatever. We don't see that we're quick

with conversation. We don't see that we're so giving and caring immediately without thinking. We don't see all these

different character traits that we have because they're so innate. We're so used to them that we don't see them. It's kind of like if you're wearing perfume,

you're everybody else might comment compliment you. Even the garbage, it doesn't stink anymore. Your nose got used to it, too,

right? So, you're like, "Okay, no, it doesn't stink." Yes. Yes, it does. But this is this is why

it's so important that we have to build each other up. I just mean as humans. So, I sometimes will go out of my way

and I don't really care who thinks it's weird. I will go out of my way sometimes like, "I really like your outfit. That was so nice that you let that person go

in front of you. Little things, whatever it is, you have absolutely no idea what people are going through, what's going through their head, because you don't

know what stupid little demon is lying to them in their head until they ain't worth crap. And then you come along and

say something positive that combats that or rebutts that. People need that. And this is why it's important, I think,

that we should make it a point to not only let negative things come out of our mouth, but sometimes go out of our way

to say positive things to people, especially strangers. Let me let me say this because I want to

talk to the moms that are listening to us. I actually made it a point to teach that

to my girls when they were little. My kids are right now 28, 29, and 32.

you will never be in the presence of my kids. And I got to brag about this because I love it. Like it's like when I

hear them, I feel like the mom in the Gilmore Girls, like I got a good kid. And because there is nothing more

fulfilling than seeing that your kids actually listen to you and are doing something that are going to make them better humans. And when I am in a place

and my girls come in and they see somebody and go, "Oh my god, I love your hair. I love that purse. Oh, you smell

so good." or whatever, they always have something nice to say about the other person and they do it in the in a random

place. They do it in the grocery store, they do it in a party, they do whatever. And it's not funny. They are wired to be

that way. So, how important it is to teach our kids since they are little to

model that behavior because you don't go to your kid and say, "Hey, when you see somebody, you make sure that you say

something nice." Because the barber lad the skin before he passes the knife. If you're going to say something, you don't

go through that training. You just become that billboard for them. You

start acting that way, behaving that way. The child is looking at you and is going to emulate that behavior. So

without you having to say anything, they're going to be that kind of human. That person that is going to go to a

place is going to see somebody and he's not going to see the flaws or defect or

what is missing in that person, but he's going to see the positive, the talent, the gift that that person has and

they're going to bring it up. I wanted to to say this because the moms that are listening, you always have that

opportunity to show up that way and inspire and motivate your kids to follow

that behavior. I want to give an analogy for what you just said because I I do think people need to think about it this way. Teach your kids to sew seeds. We

all We are all sewing seeds. Whether we like it or not, whether you believe it or not, doesn't matter. It's happening.

We're all running around. We're sewing seeds all over the ground everywhere we go. Do you want your kids to sew crap

seeds or beautiful flowers, right? Or oranges or orange trees, whatever. What comes out of your mouth? I'm asking

the audience right now. I want you to think about that. Everything that comes out of your mouth is sewing a seed. And I do mean everything. What are you

planting? And I'll just leave that right there. True. True. They're watching us all the

time. Sometimes I have clients that come and complain about how the kids act and

I just I'm quiet. I let them talk and complain about all the things that the kids are not doing right. And then I ask

them, "And how would you handle that situation?" And they stop and think,

"I probably would have done the same thing." Do you talk bad about your

friend or your neighbor or somebody on TV? Do you make fun? We are all guilty

of that at some point. We all have gossip. But catching yourself. And now

that my kids are adults, they will call me on my crap. Like if I go like, "Oh my god." My kids will go, "Mom, don't be a

hater." And a side of me feels like crap. But the

other side of me go like, "Wow, I raise a good kid." Because she can notice those things. She can recognize that

this is really low energy here. This is not the vibration we want to have. This

is not the frequency we want to live in. So good that she noticed, bad that I

said it. But yes, we are all guilty of that. The thing is to catch yourself before you open your mouth and say it.

Yes. And I I want to plant another thought seed for your audience. I said earlier that all of us are conditioned

and it doesn't matter where you are, how old you are, what country you're in, etc. We're all conditioned. My question

to the audience is what part of that conditioning are you participating in? Are you participating in someone else's

growth or their tear down? In your mouth is only one avenue of which to do that?

Do you reward people when they do good or you just see it and go that's nice and move on and not say a word, not do

any actions to reward? Sometimes that can be far more powerful than a lecture.

A lecture is one of the least powerful ways of influence and change. And like you were just saying Claudia, doing

that's what changes people. Seeing you do is what changes people. And and when it comes to conditioning, do we

participate in the narrative of telling our teenagers that they absolutely have

to go to college or they are an absolute loser? Are we conditioning them to think that their value isn't a piece of paper

in an education system that only works with one brain type and leaves at least 60 to 70% of the population outside of

those reigns? Are we telling them that if they don't follow if they don't fit into a particular box that they are

automatically worthless? Are we telling our kids that are participating in that narrative? You may not say those words

directly, but do you say it through repeated action? I want people to think about what is your repeated action

conditioning people around you to see themselves or to think. Let's take it a step further. Are you women are you

conditioning? Well, you are conditioning everyone around you of how to treat you. We teach people how we want to be

treated and it start within us. If I'm going to treat myself with respect, with

kindness, the way I speak to me, yes, then that's why I'm going going to allow

other people to do. But if I am mean to myself, if I say nasty things to me, if

I think low of myself, if I don't respect myself, if I don't love myself, how can I expect the world to be

different? Let me tell you something. You just reminded me of something I think is very relevant. So I mentioned earlier that I

have an audio blog and I think like the number three or four blog it's early it's one of my first blogs. It's called

fighting words. What prompted this was when you talk about selft talk that's what reminded me of it. I was very

guilty of that glia. I was so guilty of that. I would insult myself better than

nobody. You couldn't put me down cuz I already did it. And I didn't realize how

just ingrained that was in myself. And this was just a few years ago. And I thought I thought that was out of me.

Well, it wasn't. And I had a couple friends that pointed it out to me. And here's what happened. This is what the

blog is about. I was talking saying something negative about myself and a coworker basically was like, "What? You

better not talk about my Fatima like that. We going to fight." She said something like that and we laughed. But then I had to reflect and say, "She was

right. I shouldn't have automatically made that negative comment about myself. She did not like me talking about myself

like that." Right? And then I had another friend and this happened. The only reason I noticed it is because it happened like two

months apart, very close together. But that was a message that you God were

trying to to highlight. Absolutely. It happened. But here's the thing. It happened again. I was at a

friend's event and I don't know what negative thing I said about myself. This little skinny white girl got up in my

face like she was going to beat my ass. She said, "What did you say about my

friend?" She was talking about me in third person. She's like, "What did you say about my friend?" Rolling her head and everything. And I'm just like I was

just laughing. And she looked at me like, "I will beat you right now if you don't take that back." That's not what

she said, but she's like, "You better take that back." And but the way she said it was like she was really going to beat me up. And I did take it back. But

in that moment, I appreciated it because in that moment, I recognized, "Oh my god, I really need to fix this. This is

the second time in the past couple of months that someone who cares about me has said something. So, I need to fix

this. I no longer say those negative things. I might say something sarcastic out of humor because I am sarcastic, but

it's not the it's not the same self self-destructive. It's very that's not the word I'm looking for.

Leave it to the foreigner to give you the right word, right? And I used to teach English in second language. I I do know the

language speaking right now. But when I it made me realize that this ties back into conditioning.

Yeah. You we all should have people when I talk about participation in someone else's conditioning right

now. They could have participated in my negative conditioning by saying absolutely nothing and going about their

day. Yeah. What they did, what these two friends did was they participated in my

reconditioning by stopping those negative comments by not letting them slide and treating them as fighting

words, treating them as you are not going to talk about my Fatima like that because we going to have a problem.

And I appreciated that. And so I brought that up to say to your audience, how do

you participate in the conditioning of others around you? I just want you guys to think about that. It's for you to

answer because I don't know all of you. Comes back to the parenting. It's how we talk to our kids. You are so messy. You

are stupid. You are not that smart. You are so confrontational. Whatever is

coming after you are, you want to correct the behavior then correct the

behavior. But don't label the kid. Don't immediately pass down that conditioning

that you are this because we carry on and then our parents were saying that to

us or our teacher or our coach or whoever it is says something like that and now we're saying it in first person.

I am that. Yes, we believe it after a while because we're human. That's what humans do. We learn through repetition.

And so when you have a society that constantly tells you you're fat so you're worthless, you believe it. You

have a a society that constantly tells you you don't you speak English with an accent so you must be stupid. You begin

to believe it unless you have somebody else around you to recondition you to the proper truth.

And I I want people to think about that. How are you participating in the conditioning of the people around you?

Because most people don't think about that. But I promise you every single listener, you are participating in

someone else's conditioning right now. Whether you realize it or not, I want you to think about how that might be.

Could be good, could be bad. Hopefully good, more good than bad. But do do you see someone who constantly is negative

about themselves and you just let them go and not say nothing, right? It stops with you. Yeah,

it stops with you. But that's a decision and a commitment you have to make, not

only with yourself, but with the world around you. I'm no longer available for

that. And I am no longer going to endorse that behavior. It stops with me.

The next time that I see somebody talking bad about themsel, I'm going to interrupt them. And I am going to make

an effort not to say something negative about somebody so that person doesn't

get that belief reinforced because I'm sure that somebody else said it before. So me saying it is just reinforcing that

belief. I what you just said, I'm going to rephrase it with an analogy. Thought seeds. So I if you go to my social media

you'll see I have daily thought seats on every platform. So I post a a a thought every single day and sometimes some of

them are actually about parenting like about the fact that there's no such thing as a perfect parent because a lot of parents beat themselves up and they

shouldn't. There's things where I'm just like you don't know what someone else's struggle is. Just they're they're all my own quotes. Like I don't regurgitate

other people's quotes and if I I give credit to it and it'll say so. But everything else you see from me literally comes from me and I have

hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. So I I I plant daily thought seeds, but I want parents and just

general people, but especially since we're talking about parents, I want you to think about this. Every time you talk to your child, you are planting thought

seeds or you were watering the ones you planted when they were five. What are you planting? How are you surprised that

Sally grows up and becomes the biggest hoe on the block when you told her she wasn't worth anything and because she

was talking to a boy, she was being a That's a real stupid thing that some people do. It's a real stupid thing

that happens. I use that as an example, but you every time you talk to your

kids, you're planting thought seeds. I want you to think about that as a parent. What are you planting? And then

what actions are you doing that are watering that? Are you telling them that they aren't worth anything, but you say

it in different words? And then you reinforce that by not acknowledging the good and only acknowledging the bad.

that is watering that negative crap seed that you planted. We need to think about

how we react and how what we say and especially what comes out of our mouths.

Words matter. They absolutely matter. And words can punch somebody in the

face. Words can bruise you. I heard that when I was a teenager. I read it somewhere.

Says words can bruise you. And I feel so validated because

I was told a lot of ugly things when I was a kid and they were hurting me more

than emotionally. I don't know if I can explain this but it was like I I would

feel the weight of those words and those words were beliefs at some point and I

carry them and it was so hard. I always say that I'm for my daughters, the mom that I didn't have and not not I'm not

trying to do to talk bad about my mother. She did whatever she did the best she could, but I wanted to be

better and I wanted to be what I needed as a child. So, I made it's funny you

said about the quotes because I wake up my kids every day with a quote. Like, I send them a picture with a quote and I

go, I know you girls have a is, and you're going to laugh at this. is in parenthesis. But when I came to this

country, I didn't really speak English. So when I had my daughters, I thought that when you say I love you two means

two people. So when I three people, you're supposed to say I love you three. So I tell my girls all the time, I love

you three because I have three daughters. Right. Right. I write to them and and now I know

better, but I still say I love you three. Call me and they text back, I love you three because we are four of

us, right? my three girls and I, but I wake them up every day with a quote because I want to set the tone for

the day. And I always make a point to tell them that I love them and that I'm proud of

them and you are so talented and you are so beautiful and oh my gosh, I knew you

were going to get this job because you are so good at it. And rejection is God

redirection and God protection and it's okay. And it's always a positive thing

because that's what I needed when I was a kid. And this is what I needed when I was a young adult. And I know that a lot

of those conversations in my head is what hold me back to wanting more. So

now when I work with a woman, when I work with a client and and she's so low in herself and she doesn't see the light

at the end of the tunnel and she's just want to have a quick fix because she's

tired, but in the same token, she knows that those dreams that she once have are

never going to be possible and I just want peace at this point. I don't care about the love or the happiness. I just

want peace. I'm like, "No, we're gonna rewire this because you are meant for

more." And I want to know what that kid wanted. If you could go back to your

six, how would you tell that six-year-old, "I have a picture of my six-year-old in my

studio." And it's right there. And I see that little big chick kid and I know she was uncaged and I know she had dreams

and I know she wanted more and I I know that she knew she was deserving of more

and all that conditioning and all that bad mouthing and that all those labels

hold me back and created that cage that wasn't allowing me to shine and to share

my gifts. And it wasn't until I broke from that cage and started getting

curious and finding out who I was and changing the narrative in my head that I started to claim my light back, claim my

shine, claim my talent, claim what was available for me. And it breaks my heart

when I see sometimes even friends of my daughters not wanting more because they were already a conditioning to not want

more. So, it is so important to build that since they're little and give them

those other labels. You're smart, you're capable, you're talented, you're amazing,

proud of you. Every day fill that trunk of positivity. So then when they go to

an audition or interview for a job, you don't walk in that place like you want a

job. You go in that place like if you freaking own the join. That's you going

to walk in that place and you already got that job and you already see yourself there and you already

manifested in claiming everything that is available for you. And we feel the difference when you do. It's not about the word you use. It's

about the weight you carry. It's true what you were just saying Gladly about how we walk into a room. It goes back to

what I was saying earlier. We tell people we condition people how to treat

us. Conditioning happens through repetition. Conditioning is not something you do once. It is something

that happens through repetition. What are you another way of saying is is what are you reinforcing? Are you reinforcing

child doesn't feel good about themselves? Are you reinforcing that by doing things that help them to further

affirm their worthlessness? Are you doing things to combat that? It could be as simple as that girl next door is

ready for any guy that wants to abuse and use her body because she doesn't know her value. Why not say some

positive things to her? You may not your one comment. It might not change the whole life, but every little bit counts.

And that's your part. That's your part. Do your part. Don't worry about what other people are doing or not doing. You

have that possibility and that opportunity to plant that seed. That probably was the first time that

somebody's going to tell her, "You're so talented. You're so beautiful. I see you doing this, this, and that in a positive

way." Maybe it's the first time like that in a negative way. What happened to you? The first time that somebody said,

"You don't talk about my friend Fatima like that." And then the second time you were like, "Wait a minute. Now I can

hear it." Maybe you will be the first time that you give a compliment to somebody. But when somebody else come

and say it, perhaps that young girl is going to start shifting and say, "Wait,

these people see me like that, maybe there is something in here that I should really look into."

Yes. For I'm going to give this example, and this is I'm making up. So, Gladia, with you and I, let's pretend like you

and I live next door to each other, and there was a girl that lived right near us, and she was always around you and I

for whatever reason. and we're working on projects and she just happens to go back and forth between you and I. There

is no freaking way any human female on the planet would still feel bad about

themselves if they're around the two of us cuz we would absolutely condition her into feeling better about herself and

knowing who the hell she is. Am I right? Because we're we're intentional about it. That's who we are as people. You and

I are the one of the reasons we get along so well is we're kindred spirits. We absolutely love helping to build

people up, but especially women. Even though I get along with guys, boys like me, but my focus, even when I

was a child, was always women. And we both love to build up other women. We want to see other women sore. Which is

why you and I are not prone to jealousy. We're like the last people. Jealousy is too stupid for us. We just can't be

bothered. A waste of time and energy. I don't have time for that.

your your brightness does not blot out mine. So what we love, both of us, we

love to see people shine. My point in saying all of that is that for the listeners out there who are like, "This

person is too too far gone. They're too bad. They're too backwards for me to to

be able to help them at all." No, they're not. You can plant a seed because like I use the example of Clally

and I. She might plant the seed, I'll come along and water it and then the next day she'll water it again and next

day I'll give it some sunshine and between the two of us ain't no way that girl's walking out unchanged cuz we we

just wouldn't let it happen. She's decided that she doesn't want to change cuz you can't help that. All of us can

play a part on conditioning the people around us. You don't have to play the

whole part. You don't have to be the whole recipe. You just need to be one ingredient. Yes. 100. Amen. We are all a piece of a

masterpiece. That's another good quote. You don't have to be the whole recipe. You just have to be one ingredient.

My dad used to say stories to me all the time. And one time he said to me, "Do

you like cake?" And I said, "I like cake. I sometimes buy birthday cakes just for the heck of it because I like

it." And he says to me, "Okay, so if I gave you a cup of flour, would you eat

the cup of flour?" And I said, "No. If I gave you five raw eggs, would you eat

the five raw raw eggs?" And I go, "No." And he goes, "Exactly." Because life is

not one ingredient at the time. To be able to have the cake, you got to have

all the ingredients. So, and that made it so clear to me that life wasn't

always going to be a cup of sugar, right? Oh, I love that. It was going to be a little bit of everything and together it's going to be

a great life. So, anyway, I want to thank you so much for being here. I can

talk to you for 10 hours. I want to empower everyone to come and see you and

go into your world and learn from you because you have so much to share. I

look up to you and I learn from you all the time. I also want to encourage everyone to go and get my brighter days

book already made best-selling and the ebook and the paper book is available

want the support. So I thank you for being in the show. I'm thrilled that I

was in yours. I'm thrilled that you're going to share this and until we see again my friend because I enjoy so much

talking to you. I really appreciate you uh so much. when you were on my podcast that you are a

powerhouse woman. And here's the thing. I I I'll say this on your show because I didn't tell you. Someone else made the

exact state the exact same comment about you on on that podcast episode that you

are a powerhouse woman and you really are. And I appreciate the fact that you gave me the opportunity to talk to your

audience, but I appreciate what you do for women on and off the air because you do a lot off the air and you build women

in ways that I wish more people did. and you found your purpose and you're living it out and ain't nobody stopping you and

I freaking love it. My god, I adore you. Thank you, my friend.

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