"Because people like her, they're the ones they're the innovators, they're the ones that blaze pathways for the rest of us. But the problem is that there's more people like her who are not blazing pathways because they're still sitting there believing that they're stupid and not worth anything"  - Fatima Bey

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. Hello, and welcome. Today on today's show, we have teenage girl. Her name is Janiyah.

Tiene 17 años, es de Ámsterdam, Nueva York, y este año cursa su último año de preparatoria. Hablaremos de su trayectoria en los últimos seis meses, porque esta chica ha dado un giro radical. Hablaremos de eso y de cómo sucedió. Estoy muy orgullosa de ella. Conocí a Janiyah en un grupo de chicas adolescentes que yo dirigía, llamado Blossoms, y era específicamente un grupo para que las adolescentes se desahogaran, hablaran de sus problemas y buscaran soluciones entre ellas.

And, that's where I met Janiyah. And that was the first time that she opened up to really anybody, and got to know her from there and, from there ended up coaching her. And and those of you who don't already know, I am a mind shift coach. So as a mind shift coach, I'm a specially niche life coach. And what that means is that I really focused on shifting your thinking.

Before I give you any tools or anything else, I focus on your patterns of thinking and have you say and do things that shift them around. Then we talk about goals and everything else, but I focus on shifting your thinking first. And I've done that with Janiyah. So I'm gonna let you let her tell you, there's her her story just over the past six months. So, Janiyah, how are you doing?

Good. Now I want you to tell the audience listening, how did you feel about yourself and your future about six months ago? Six months ago, honestly, I was a lost soul. I didn't know who I was. I always doubted myself thinking like, yeah.

No. I'm not gonna get this I'm not gonna get through school. I'm not gonna go to college. I'm too dumb for this. Because I also even got told that, you know, other people that I was slow, spilled what's wrong with me, and all those negative comments about other peep what other people have to say about me.

I end up believing it, but now it's different ever since I met miss Bae. Yes. And, honestly, y'all, she's understating it. I'm gonna re I'm gonna resummarize it, Janai. You could correct me if I'm wrong.

But you had very low self esteem. Yes. That's right. Yeah. You didn't know who you were.

No. You didn't know that you had any value. No. You didn't even know that you have gifts. No.

I did not. I did not. And all that was what bullshit. Right? Yes.

Straight up not true. But it it is it is where you were. Also six months ago, how did you see your future? Honestly, I see myself as a teacher. I thought I was gonna be a teacher, but now, I'm not because I realized that I'm not born to be a teacher.

I'm actually born to be a family lawyer. She jumped right to it. So so six months ago, you you mentioned earlier you had you didn't even think you were gonna finish school, much less go to multiple years of college. Yeah. You didn't know that you had gifts.

You didn't know who you were. And I'm saying all of that because I know there's people out there listening right now who are where you were. And so now that it's six months later and the truth is it's six months later right now, but it was really within four months that all of this happened. So how do you see yourself now, and how do you see your future now? Now I can see my future because I have a plan.

Así que ahora, después de la secundaria, iré a la universidad y obtendré mi licenciatura en psicología. Después, estudiaré derecho y cursaré tres años. Y después, empezaré mi carrera, y así es como me veo ahora. No podrías haberlo dicho hace seis meses. Yo no.

No pude. De verdad que no pude porque, en mi juventud, ahora mismo habría pensado: "¿Qué? ¿De verdad haces esto? ¿De verdad? Vas a ir a la universidad cuatro años para sacarte la licenciatura.

Serás abogado. ¿Qué? ¿Hablas en serio? Lo entiendo. ¿Cómo te ves ahora?

Antes dijiste que te considerabas básicamente estúpida. Ahora no valías nada. ¿Cómo te ves ahora? Ahora me doy cuenta, y ni siquiera me había dado cuenta, de que tengo mucho que valorar, y soy muy inteligente. No soy muy lista, pero en cuanto a la vida y a las relaciones sociales, en las relaciones sociales.

I'm very, very smart at that because when I was talking to miss Faye, and she's just saying, like, so what are you good at? Like, oh, she's like, what are you good at? Like, what are like, what do you like to do? And, like, she just asked me lots of questions, and I'm like, why is this woman asking me this? I don't know what's good about me.

Like, I'm just here. Like, I'm just here in this I'm here in this Earth. I don't I don't have no value. Like, I don't know nothing about myself. And then the more I was talking to her, she was like, you see things what other people don't see.

And then I didn't even notice that. So I'm like when I didn't know who I was, I was using special gifts, like, every day, like, every day, and I did not realize that was a special gift until I met miss Pei. So I wanna I wanna talk about that a little bit. And what Janae is talking about is that she was always put down for her way of thinking. She doesn't think like the average person her peers around her.

To be honest with you, she thinks a lot more like an adult, than some adults I know. I'm just being real. And I've shared that with her eventually, but her way Janiah's way of thinking is different than her peers. And what I was able to show her is that her way of thinking is actually a gift. Not a curse, not something to be put down, but a huge blessing that the rest of us need.

Because people like her, they're the ones they're the innovators, they're the ones that blaze pathways for the rest of us. But the problem is that there's more people like her who are not blazing pathways because they're still sitting there believing that they're stupid and not worth anything. And to that, I say that's just not true. So tell us a little bit more about okay. You went from within six months feeling like you're nothing to knowing that you're something and knowing that you have gifts.

¿Cómo descubriste que, además de decirte que tu forma de pensar es un don, descubriste otros dones, talentos y cosas buenas de ti? En resumen, me diste ese empujoncito, porque no lo hiciste porque ya lo sabías todo sobre mí, sino porque querías que descubriera lo que quería para mí. Sí. Me querías, bueno, ya lo vas a descubrir.

Mhmm. So when I so, like, another thing I another thing that I noticed I was a special skill was I talked to myself. And how I figured that out was I'm like, okay. Miss Bay said that I see things with miss Bay said that I see things what other people don't see. So, like, what else?

¿Qué más? ¿Qué más? Y yo digo: ¿Qué más? ¿Qué más? ¿Qué más?

I'm talking. I'm like, holy holy crap. I'm talking to myself right now. That's a special gift. So then I'm like, oh, my God.

Hablo conmigo mismo todo el tiempo. Me pregunto: "¿Es esto raro? ¿Es bueno? ¿Es malo?". Y yo digo: "No".

No lo es. De verdad que no lo es. Y entonces pienso: "Bueno. ¿Qué más hago?".

Me di cuenta de que me gusta explicarle cosas a la gente. Y pensé: "¡Dios mío! ¿Por qué me gusta hablar tanto? ¿Por qué me gusta explicar tantas cosas?". Y cuanto más empecé a identificar cosas sobre mí, más y más me adentré en ellas.

And also I like to argue a lot, and I will not stop an argument until I get an answer. I can ask someone the same question. I'm like, okay. Let me ask them the same question. I'm a switch it up.

Jeez. I'm a like a lawyer. If that don't work, I'm gonna switch it up again until I get an answer. And I I thought I was annoying, but no. That that that's a gift.

So Now I wanna stop you right there because I wanna talk to again, to the audience because I know that there are millions of Janayas out there right now who are listening, and you may be listening to this a year or two after this is being recorded, but you're you're still where she was. Your gifts are not annoying. They might annoy people who don't understand them, But some of those things that are just seem natural about you, they're probably undiscovered gifts that you just haven't mastered yet. And maybe everybody's telling you, stop always arguing. Stop talking so much.

Shut up. Don't nobody wanna hear out on questions. Shut the hell up. And some of you hear people talking to you like that. Right?

Sí. Siempre. Eso es porque no entienden lo que tienes. Así que algunas de esas cosas que ves mal en ti no se aplican a todos, en todas partes ni a todo, pero sí a muchos. Algunas de esas cosas que ves mal en ti podrían ser, de hecho, regalos hermosos que el resto necesitamos.

Ahora Janiyah te dice que pudo ver que estas cosas por las que la gente la menospreciaba eran, de hecho, bienes valiosos que ella posee, que Dios puso allí, con los que fue creada. ¿Verdad? Sí. Sí. Siempre.

¿Te di algo para ayudarte a descubrir eso? ¿Qué me ayudó a que la primera tarea me ayude a descubrir quién soy? Sí. Bueno, volvamos a la otra tarea. ¿Qué fue lo primero que tuve que hacer?

The very first day of blossoms that was all weird that I had to do many? So this was pretty weird, but I got used to it. So she gave me lotion, and she said Homemade lotion. I made it myself. Go ahead.

Yeah. Lotion. So she gave me lotion, and she was like, okay. I want you to I want you to take this lotion, rub it on yourself, and be like, I am beautiful. But then the second session, when I the second time I met the second time I was with her, sorry, she said, okay.

I want you to I want you to also say you are precious. So then I started to do it, do it, and do it. And I started to believe I actually started to believe in my mind, started to believe in now. I say, now I can say I'm precious without feeling weird. I can rub.

Puedo tomar loción y untarme el cuerpo sin sentirme nada rara. Y funciona. Bueno, ya sabes, a algunos familiares les parece raro, pero bueno. Así que cuando te conocí, cuando te pedí que hicieras esa tarea de frotarte el cuerpo y decir estas afirmaciones básicamente positivas, pero mientras lo hacías, también tenía aroma. Todo fue intencional.

Soy muy... Presté mucha atención a los detalles. Y cuando lo hiciste por primera vez, fue muy raro. ¿Verdad? Pensé: «Sí». Pensé: «Ay, soy hermosa».

¿Por qué? ¡Dios mío! Esto no tiene ningún sentido. Pero empezó a tener sentido después de un tiempo. Sí.

Me acostumbré. Así que es como, ¿sabes qué? Sí. Soy preciosa. Soy hermosa.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And now you can't tell her otherwise. But then after you got used to, you know, rubbing your hand and rubbing lotion on your body or whatever and and saying these positive affirmations, what did I have you do next? I started having you do those affirmations, but in a different way.

Wait. Affirmations? Wait. Who did you start talking to? You?

No. El espejo. Ay, yo. Mi mejor amiga. He estado hablando con mi... Hablé con mi... Hablé con ella todos los días.

Y estaba más cerca de mí misma, y ahora es como si me hablara en el espejo. A veces, no me veo reflejada. No voy a entrar en detalles. Pero, de hecho, funciona porque cuando empecé a mirarme al espejo y a decirme todas estas cosas positivas, fue extraño, igual que cuando empecé con la loción. Pero después de eso, es como, oye, tú.

Te hablo de nuevo. ¿Cómo estás hoy? Tanto que tienes que evitar que hable sola. Pero quiero mencionar un detalle que te di en su momento: te pedí específicamente que te miraras al espejo y hablaras contigo misma, que te miraras a los ojos. Fue muy difícil al principio, ¿verdad?

Fue raro porque fue muy difícil, porque siempre hablo conmigo misma. Pero, bueno, hablarme en el espejo era muy raro para mí. Ahora es como sí. Sí. Ahora no me importa nada.

And as you as you begin to talk to yourself in the mirror more and more, was it like the was it like the lotion? Did you begin to feel more comfortable with it? Yeah. It's say it's the same thing, but the difference is I'm just talking to myself, like, in the, in the mirror now. So And just so listeners know, I actually don't even remember what the first thing that I had you say in the mirror was because when I have people do this activity, I customize it.

So it's not always I don't always have give everybody the same thing. I give them whatever saying is effective for them. So, and I also let them come up with some on their own. But as she began to to talk to herself in the mirror, if you are a person with low self esteem, that can be very intimidating. And it it's very, very, very hard at first.

But after a while, she began to believe what she said. So if you notice, I took her from rubbing motion on her hand to look at it in the mirror. I didn't take take her straight to me or talk because that would have been too overwhelming. And sometimes when we're trying to progress and get better in a certain area of life, we can't just jump from a to z. We need to travel the alphabet.

You know? We need to go step by step or do little things at first. And sometimes we're discouraged because we might try to do something, and we didn't go from a to z because we don't realize we need to travel the alphabet. We need to, you know, go step by step. And you as you can hear with with Janiyah that that really worked, you know, for her.

But, in order for you to see that your way of thinking is actually a gift, there was another particular activity that I pushed you to do. What was it? There's there's a few. There's a one the one I'm looking for is when you started talking online. Oh, yeah.

Ah, sí. Una de las actividades que me pidió fue comentar. Y si comentaba, quería que viera todos los comentarios que recibía. Y dijo: "Bueno, ¿qué dice la gente?".

¿Recibes malos comentarios? ¿Recibes buenos comentarios? En fin. ¿Qué hice? De otras personas en los pedidos.

What what is it that you did that to get feedback from? Comment. Commenting and, like, using my thinking. And The audience doesn't know what you're talking about. That's why I'm asking.

Ah, entonces si digo que veo algo, estaba en TikTok. TikTok es una buena aplicación para hacerlo. Así que me desplazo, me desplazo, y si veo algo, lo comento. Lo comento para dar mi opinión. Y a veces hay gente que no está de acuerdo conmigo o que le gusta lo que digo.

Yeah. So I'm gonna tell you what she told me before. When I I gave her that activity so that she could see that her way of thinking was a gift. And I I I saw all this stuff from about her from day one, and she didn't believe me. And and I could see that.

She didn't believe that I saw value in her. She didn't believe that I saw a diamond in the rough. She didn't believe that she had gifts and talents and intelligence. She didn't believe any of that. So I could have just said, you do have it, and I could have just told her that she has it.

But none of that matters. It doesn't matter what we tell people. What matters is what they believe for themselves. Yeah. Because when I was commenting, I noticed, like, why is everyone saying the same thing?

Like, no. We should talk about this. Why is no one talking about this? Like, basically, I'm thinking deeper in the picture, and everyone is, like, somewhere else. And I'm, like, really, like, I'm really, like, really thinking.

Like, I'm seeing I'm worrying about other things what other people is not worried about. The way I would say it is the way Janiah thinks is she she connects the dots where other people just see dots. Yeah. And she's able to see the shape of what's on the page because she knows how to connect the dots and other people just see dots. That's a blessing because people like her are why we have the technology we have today.

Personas como ella son la razón por la que se han aprobado casos judiciales. Personas como ella son la razón por la que se han aprobado algunas de las leyes que tenemos. Sabes, una de las cosas buenas que tenemos es su forma de pensar. Necesitaba que lo viera por sí misma porque puedo decirles a todos que son hermosos, fuertes, inteligentes, bla, bla, bla, sean cuales sean sus detalles. Nada de eso importa si no lo creen por sí mismos. Y a veces solo necesitas hacer algo para darte cuenta, espera un momento, simplemente no estoy al mismo nivel que los demás.

No es que seas tonto, sino porque estabas pensando más profundamente. Diría que la mayoría de la gente nada en la piscina poco profunda mientras ella está en la profunda haciendo volteretas. Una de las cosas en las que Janiyah es excelente es en dar analogías. Un día tu hermana te preguntó: "¿Quién es esta señorita Bay para ti?". Es decirle al público lo que le explicaste: quién soy yo para ti.

So I told her she's a a mind shifter coach, as she said. And she was like, like, what did she do? Like, what did she do for you? So I told her how, you know, I have all these self esteem problems, and I'm thinking something's wrong with me. But then, you know, she fixed that.

And there was times where I felt like there was after miss Faye told me that, there was times where I felt like I'm like, you know what? Yeah. I'm stupid. I'm slow. Blah blah blah.

Y luego me dijo que había hablado con la señorita Bey. Le dije: «Señorita Bey, de verdad creo que soy lenta. De verdad creo que soy así». Y ella dijo: «No. No lo eres».

And she and then she, like, she reminds me of who I am. And what I can compare that to is, like, it's like riding a bike. And you know how when a little kid is trying to ride a bike for the first time, but, you know, and then they have the parent holding them to to to, to to to keep their balance. So then the parent let go. So then, you know, the kid is, like, you know, shaking a bit, but, you know, the kid's getting it.

He's getting it. But there were times where he felt. And then that's when the parent that's when the parent or whoever is teaching the kid the how to ride a bike, the parent will get the get their kid right back up, sit them down on a bike, hold them again, and, like, let them go. And after a while, the kid will ride will have after a while, the kid will end will end up learning how to ride the bike by itself, and that's what it was like for me. Yes.

And I thought and and I had Janiyah share that that, analogy with you because I just think it's a perfect analogy. But let me tell you, I'm really good in analogies. She like, sometimes she blows me away. I'm like, I need to write that down. So I keep telling her I'm a steal some of them.

Es realmente buena con las analogías. Y cuando me lo dijo, pensé: "¡Guau! Me quedé atónito. Es una analogía mejor que cualquier otra que se me hubiera ocurrido, porque como coach, eso es lo que quiero hacer. Parte de la razón por la que empecé este podcast es que lo que he hecho con ustedes lo quiero hacer a mayor escala para los demás. Y si me escuchan lo suficiente, puedo.

But I want you to know the victories and the and the the beautiful things that you see with Janiyah and the changes that you see with Janiyah isn't because she it just isn't because just I'm an awesome coach. It's because it's teamwork. You know, I I'm a coach. I pushed her. I challenged her.

I asked her questions, made her think. I plant thought seeds, I encourage her. I do all of that, but none of that matters if she's not a if she's not willing to receive it at night. And, also, another reason why who I am today, because I also got my support from my go to a after school program that calls the Creative Connections Clubhouse and how it was like Yeah. Amsterdam, New York.

Y son increíbles. Sí, lo son. Para mí fue como si fueran trabajadores: vieron mi valor. Así que lo que hicieron fue que yo era la semilla y ellos los plantadores.

So they decided to, like, take the seed, put it in soil, but miss Bay came and watered me, and I, like, I grew. And that's that's how it was also like. I gotta comment on that. What what she's saying, what I wanna point out about what she just said is that, yes, I coached her. I'm there to encourage her.

I'm there to push her and and and and help her and all of that, but it's not just me alone. She had support outside of me, and that matters. We need the people around us to also be the encouragers. Because even though I was there to help, it wouldn't have been the same if if if the the wonderful people at the creative connection clubhouse didn't also encourage her. I pushed her.

Hicieron un gran esfuerzo para animarla y ayudarla de otras maneras. La ayudaron a obtener su permiso. Han sido geniales. Pero se necesita gente. En su caso, fue gente de Creative Connection Clubhouse.

En el caso de otras personas, podría ser la familia. Podrían ser personas de la escuela. Podría no ser tu familia. Podría ser cualquier persona a tu alrededor que pueda ayudarte. Es importante que, si eres un adulto que escucha, seas ese apoyo para un adolescente.

You don't know what's going on in their head. They might be smiling at you and looking like, yeah. Okay. But on the inside, they might be feeling like a ball of crap. And your encouragement might make the difference on them coming out from that and and feeling better about themselves.

Ahora quiero hablar brevemente sobre tu decisión de ser abogada de familia. ¿Te dije alguna vez que esa es tu vocación? No. No. Dejé que lo descubrieras por ti misma.

And the truth is Janiah is capable of a lot of other things besides just being a lawyer, but that's the one that she's most passionate about. She's capable of quite a few positions. But when you decided that, I I you know, family lawyer is specifically that's exactly what I wanna be, and now you're very stern about it. You're very serious about it. How did you arrive at that conclusion?

Entonces, cómo descubrí que quería ser abogada de familia porque me asignaste una tarea y me dijiste lo que querías hacer cuando eras más joven. Por eso piensas de manera tan diferente, y por eso hablas tanto y explicas muchas cosas. Entonces, una noche, estaba sentada en un sofá y pensé: "¿Qué demonios quería hacer de pequeña?". Así que pensé en todas las cosas que quería hacer en el pasado. Así que lo único en lo que podía pensar era: "Bueno, cuando era pequeña, dije que quería ser gimnasta en los Juegos Olímpicos".

And I'm like, but that has nothing to do with why I that has nothing to do on why I see things that other people don't see in my other special gifts. I'm like, what about an operator? I'm like, no. So then I'm like, so then I remembered when I was 14, I I wanted to be a lawyer. So I remembered I wanted to be a lawyer.

So then I'm like, holy crap. That is that is why I have that that is why I see all these that's why I see things what other people don't see. That is why I explain a lot of stuff. That's why I argue all the time because I'm born to be a lawyer. But then I'm like, okay.

Bueno, hay diferentes tipos de abogados. ¿Qué tipo? Busqué en Google qué tipo de abogados hay. Veo muchos, incluyendo abogados de familia. Y reviso sus puestos, qué tienen que hacer, cuál es su trabajo.

I'm like, oh my God, this is for me because I can help kids. I can also help kids because I wanna be that person. I wanna be that person what my younger self needed. And that's and that and that when I figured that out, that motivated me even more to go to school and go to college. And now I'm just more excited than ever.

And what is it that you're doing right now to prepare for college? Doing scholarships. Yes, y'all. She and why are you looking up scholarships? To help to, spend less money in college.

To not be in debt in college after. Yes. We're gonna do a whole another show on that. But, but that's something that I I had her really, really look into. And what else encouraged you to to stay on the path of looking, of seeking to be a a, family lawyer?

You had a conversation with somebody. Oh, I spoke to another. So miss Bay helped miss Bay, helped me helped me to try to find someone who was a family lawyer to, like, to make sure I really wanna do this. And then I then she found one, and then we spoke we spoke on the phone. And I'm like, aft so she's telling me what comes with being a lawyer, and she's just explaining it, telling me telling me the things, what you have to do, what she recommended.

Y yo dije: "Sí. Esto es para mí". Y ese día lo supe. Dije: "Sí. Nací para ser abogada de familia".

I got this. So for those of you listening, I I I hope that you can get out of what she just said. I connected her with a family lawyer because I wanted her to be sure. I saw that she was making the right choice, but, again, it doesn't matter what I think because I'm not living her life she is. She has to be determined.

She has to to have the drive to do what she needs to do, not me. So I put her in connection with a lawyer so that she can make sure that this is really what the path that she wanted to go on. And once once she did, now her determination is even greater. And, our time is up. But, Janiyah, I just want to say, I am so so proud of you.

I know I've said this off the air, but I'm gonna say it on the air. I am so so so so proud of the person that that you're you've become and who you are becoming because you own you've only just begun. Yeah. And thank you for coming on the show, and you guys are gonna hear a lot from a lot more from Janiyah because she'll be on some upcoming, episodes, with other people. So thank you again, Janiah, and thanks again to listeners.

And now for a mind shifting moment. I'm specifically right now talking to the young women out there who are where Janiah was. You feel stupid, worthless, like you have no talents, and I want you to know that that's not true. If you are listening right now, you do have gifts, you have talents, you have intelligence. Your intelligence just might be where other people can't see it or where it's not expected.

Doesn't mean it's not there. And like Janiyah, you too can turn yourself around. What you have to first do is decide that you are going to discover who you are. What are your gifts and talents? Because I promise you, once you discover that, a whole lot of other things will start looking up.

And if even if I never meet you, I want you to know that you have value and you're cared about. Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.