Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us, well, today we're gonna be talking about losing a parent as a teen, very important subject. And we have with us today, Sunny Lamba.

She is in Toronto, Canada. She's the host of Floodhentic Me podcast. She's a mindset and self love coach and the owner of Authentic Me Coaching. How are you how are you today, Sunny? I am doing well.

And thank you so much for having me. Well, thank you for coming on. I I appreciate your you responding to the reach out. Well, I like to just dive right in. So I will let you tell us what happened when you were 14.

In short, I was 14, and I lost my mom to cancer. She struggled for almost three years and tried everything, everything that she could because she really wanted to be there for her kids. But, yeah, that's what happened when I was 14, and things just I I believe life just changed from that moment. It was never the same. Mhmm.

我突然長大了。我突然要照顧兩個弟弟妹妹。我突然沒人幫我編辮子了。我的頭髮很長。我說的是我一直在想的小事，因為兩天後我就得去上學了，誰來幫我編辮子呢？

So I had my hair braided by my older sister in a very funny way. And I went to school, and half of the hair was sticking out. But, yeah, that's what happened when I was 14 years old. And we are, so I have a older sister, and then I have a younger sister and a youngest brother, so four of us. And we just had to figure figure things out, figure life out.

Okay. Our sorry. Go ahead. No. Go ahead.

把你要說的說完。所以我爸，我本來想稍微聊聊我爸。我爸爸是個典型的，你知道，回到三十五年前或三十年前，典型的男人，不參與教養孩子。他也是一個非常缺席的父親。他確實有點酗酒。

Mhmm. He he we dealt with that a lot. So he wasn't the one who was gonna get us ready for school. He still continued life as it was. He would wake up at 6AM, go to work, expected that food would be cooked, expected that we would be the partner that he lost in terms of taking care of the household and taking care of the kids and everything.

I think he I think it never even occurred to him that he was expecting my older sister was 16 when mom passed away, and he was expecting a 16 year old and a 14 year old to have dinner ready when he comes home, served exactly the way it was served before, warm food, ready to go. And he didn't even maybe he did. I don't know his side, but he never thought that how we would running that house, how the day was going when he was not there. He would leave home at 6AM. He was a business owner, so he had very long days.

他晚上8點回家，期待一切如常。哇。是啊。所以，是啊。是啊。

Well, let's talk about you said everything changed from there. Let's talk about what those changes felt like or what those changes were like. I think, I want people to hear, you know, what's going through the mind of a 14 year old. And I do wanna point out something right now as people are listening so that they can listen, more clearly, I would say. Sunny's from India, so she grew up in India.

So when she was 14, she was in India, which may be a different culture than America or Canada, you know, where some where our listeners primarily are. But I want you to listen to what she's saying because so much of what she's saying applies across cultures, whether you're in the island, whether you're in Guatemala, China, Nigeria, wherever. A lot of what she's going to say applies across cultures. So I want you to listen beyond that. So, Sunny, what are some of those changes?

How did that affect different areas of your life? For example, how did it affect your relationship with your siblings? I think it really changed us at a very, very deep level. So I want you to imagine my older sister who was just two years older than me, and then my sister who's younger than me is six years younger than me. So me and my older sister were closer because we were just two years apart.

We were, like, the best friends. We would play together. We would play dolls, and we would play you know, we would marry our dolls to get you know, marry them. You know, play play play home. Play house.

Right. Right? And then beef I'm gonna rewind a bit. And before mom passed away, she was in and out of the hospital a lot for three years. So my older sister had already taken on a big responsibility of running the household while she while mom was still alive.

And so she kind of that it started shifting even before mom passed away. My older sister was always a very mature one. Like, she would hang out with adults. She was one of those. And I think it's that eldest daughter syndrome that she was the responsible one.

And I was I was the quiet one. And even though I was the quiet one, I was one of those who would watch everything, notice everything. What's happening? What are they hiding from me? So I was the quiet one, but who was always observing things around her, noticing things but not saying anything.

So a week before mom passed away, my older sister already knew that this was going to happen. And I had no idea because they didn't take us to the hospital, the rest of the family. My grandmother who lived in Canada at that time flew back four days before mom passed away because everyone knew that this is this is it. So she flew back, and we were not taken to the hospital because they didn't want us little kids to see how mom was. And then a day before she came to the the the a day before she was discharged, not a day before she passed away, but a day before she was discharged, we were taken to the hospital.

And I still remember when I saw her, she was just not that same person. Like, I I just could tell that, oh my god. There's something really, really, really wrong with her. And I remember just seeing her on a wheelchair, and I'm first thought was, why is she not walking? Why is she in a wheelchair?

然後我就哭了，然後哭泣就成了一件很丟臉的事。每個人都說，別哭。媽媽會難過的。只要和她一起笑，和她一起笑，和她說話就行了。嗯。

But she had lost her voice by then. Oh, wow. So I was, like, trying to talk, but when she would try to make some sound, but she wasn't talking. It was just some sound coming. And not to, like, really go to that place, but I wanna show the difference that we already had before she passed between me and my sister's relationship because she was this person who was already taking on responsibility, and I was this person who was not being exposed to what's coming.

So once mom passed away, my sister right away took on the role of the mother. And I think I felt that day that I lost a friend. I lost my sister. Now I have this new mother because she suddenly she was so good. She was so good at the taking on that role, and I just had to now play with my younger sister who was six years younger than me.

But I somehow had to play with her and my brother more because my sister never played after that day with us. She was always just, oh, you know, you gotta finish your food. You gotta do your homework. In the morning, she's small things. I remember, I think three or four days after mom passed away, finally, the kids were sent to school.

And my older sister I was, like, sitting there. I'm like, who's gonna do my braids? I had long hair. And my older sister said, I'll do it. And I talked about that a bit, and it was just that she had to take that role.

So I think with my siblings, it changed a lot. While she became my mother, I ended up becoming the mother to the younger two. I kind of took on that role. So it's like this this hierarchy kind of came in. Instead of us being siblings, we ended up parenting, not just ourselves, but also our younger siblings.

現在，我最小的弟弟，直到今天，都叫我媽。他至今仍說，你是我的媽媽。生活中的任何事情，任何挑戰，他都會來找我。他會向我伸出援手。但媽媽過世時，他才六歲。

Wow. And you know how universe just knows what's happening? So the day he was born, we were three sisters, and I always used to say, I need a brother. I need a brother. So when mom came back from the hospital, she gave this little baby to me.

She's like, here you go. You know? Here you go. You wanted a brother, here's a brother. And the universe probably just knew that that I will be his mother from day one.

你知道，這挺有趣的，但我覺得我們最終承擔了更多父母的角色。實際上，直到最近我們才成為兄弟姊妹。哇哦。所以我聽到的是，你們的頭銜仍然是兄弟姊妹，但你們的角色，你們的角色，是父母身分的等級。絕對是如此。

And that and her her her, you know, leaving is what that developed into. So when when when we lose our parents as teenagers now I I didn't lose my parents as a teenager, and that's why I have someone else on talking about it because I can't talk about that experience. You know? But as when you're losing your your parents as a teenager, there's there might be role changes. Now for you, the role for your family, the role changes where immediately, okay, we haven't we need to have a new hierarchy of parenting.

所以，你和你的姊妹們每個人扮演這些角色的方式都不同。對於不同家庭和文化背景的人來說，角色轉換的方式也可能不同。絕對是如此。我認為有必要指出，這是一種自然現象。角色轉換，有時我們並不一定意識到它正在發生。

I mean, would you agree? I totally I don't think I recognized it at that time. I did recognize my older sister taking on the role of a parent. I did recognize that, but I didn't recognize that I did that as well. Mhmm.

Until recently, me and my younger sister were talking, and I said, I'm so grateful for my the elder one that she took on that role. But she said she said, no. For me, you were the mom. And I never realized that when my younger sister said that to me. She said no.

You did my hair. You packed my lunch. You were the mom. And I said, but no. It was the older one who used to do it.

And then we realized so there's a little bit of, something that happened, eighteen months after mom passed away, my elder sister ended up coming to Canada, actually. And that's when I took on that mother role. And my younger sister only remembers that part. She's like, no. But you were the one who was doing everything.

And, of course, she was too little, and she just remembers that part because we spent a lot of time after that. After my older sister came to Canada, the three of us spent a lot of time still in India, you know, figuring things out. Mhmm. So it's interesting that I didn't realize that I was doing that. And now when I see myself, and this shows up in every area of your life, even me as a partner to my husband, I feel like that mothering comes in.

Yeah. And I have to step back and tell myself, hold on. I'm not his mother. Can I interject one one thing there? Yeah.

不是對你，而是對觀眾。你剛才說的，我認為很關鍵。你還在發展，因為你14歲。你14歲還在發展，而且發展得比現在好得多。

你知道，你真的在14歲開始真正認識自己，開始探索自己的認同，我們所有人，都一樣。我不在乎你來自哪裡。 14歲，你會培養出這種母性——我喜歡這樣稱呼它——因為你必須這樣做，因為你14歲時經歷了一些創傷。是的。現在在座的許多聽眾，如果你正值青春期，並且在成長過程中經歷了一些創傷，不要以為這不會影響你。

It definitely and it could be good ways. It could be bad ways, but it's definitely having an effect on you. I did wanna ask you something else. We talked about how it affected your relationship with your siblings, and I think that was an important point to to bring up. How did it affect your self esteem and your self worth?

Oh, gosh. Again, I didn't even realize until, like, I became a coach how much it had affected me. Mhmm. Because number one, first of all, my mother is gone. I'm not worthy of love.

So you're blaming yourself at that age. It's it's like you're you're blaming yourself that this happened because I wasn't worthy of that love, or this happened because maybe I did something bad. God took my mother away because I was not a good child. So there's all that stuff. And on top of that, as soon as your mother passes away, you become the center of attention of everyone in terms of the relations, the relatives.

My grandma, who moved back to India after that because someone had to take care of the kids, but she was so old that we ended up taking care of her most of the time. Wow. But my grandma, that everyone expects you to be this perfect child. And this is my experience I'm talking about. It was like you cannot mess up.

因為如果你搞砸了，有人會說，哦，他們不知道。他們沒有媽媽。我不希望任何人這麼說。嗯。我不希望任何人說她成績不好是因為她沒有媽媽。

So I put this huge expectation of myself on myself that I have to be good in school, I have to maintain the same standard, same as I was doing before. And small things like your house is not clean and someone visits, and they make a remark without realizing that there's no mother in this house. And they just make a small remark, oh, you know, the house is not clean. I remember one of my aunts is she's she would come and she would help us. Every weekend, she would come and help us cook a couple of things just to help us get through the week.

但她總是會說，哦，房子好髒。我知道她這麼說，因為「哦，你知道，我姐姐已經不在這棟房子裡了，房子好髒啊。」她就是從那個地方來的。是啊。但我自作自受，因為我不夠好，無法勝任所有這些角色，我的房子也不乾淨。

I'm not good enough. So I gotta do that. And that impacted so much that even today, I struggle with perfectionism because of that. Mhmm. Because I felt that everything has to be perfect because no one can say that she is not doing this well because she doesn't have a mother in the house.

我不想聽到這些。我不想讓人這麼想。這聽起來很有意思，因為事實是，是的，我沒有媽媽。我沒有人告訴我該怎麼做，但我不想聽到這些。我還記得有幾次有人說過，哦，可憐的孩子。

They don't have a mother. They don't know how to do certain things. And then it doesn't make you feel good about yourself. No. Not at all.

And it affects your self esteem so much. So here you are thinking I'm not worthy of love because I lost my mother, but I do need to make sure that no one ever points that out that I'm not good enough. So you're, you know, you're setting really high expectations on yourself. You don't wanna fail, so now you're scared of failure. You want to be perfect.

But because you wanna be perfect, you are questioning yourself the whole time because no one is perfect. And then there was other kids who had their moms who could mess up. They were okay. They messed up. No one said anything or maybe they did, but me as a 14 year old thought that, oh, they're allowed to date.

They're allowed to go out on dates. They're allowed to go clubbing, but I can't because I gotta be home for my six year old brother. So I can't go out clubbing. I can't go out, and I'm talking not at 14, but once I started going to college at 16 and 17. I I never ever remember going out for a late night movie when my college friends were going or going clubbing because I have to be home.

What I'm hearing from you, and I'm I'm again, I'm saying this really for the audience. What I'm hearing out of a lot of what you're saying is the importance of community around all of us. Whether that community is family, whether it's neighbors, whether it's friend, because all of us have different communities. It's important that we all try to help when we see someone is, you know, hurting. But when you do help, don't be condescending about it.

這種事我常看到。再說一次，正如你之前所說，我認為這並不總是出於惡意。我認為人們通常都是出於好意，但有時他們說的話會讓正在經歷困境的人感覺更糟。是的，當你已經很掙扎的時候。你明白嗎？

So I think it's for the audience out there listening, it's just use some wisdom in how you approach. And if you don't know how, try and pay attention to reaction. Just just pay attention. Not trying is is worse, but at least try. You know?

And and and you might make a mistake. It's just that's just a fact. You're human. But at least try because it it matters. I can only imagine how much worse it could have been if you didn't have family to help step in.

哦，是的。是的。我有家人，我有社群。我這麼說，是不想讓任何人覺得身邊沒有人。

My grandmother lived with us after that. She was there, but I think it was the lack of knowing how to talk to a 14 year old or a eight year old, number one. Number two, there is the stigma around talking about death. And I feel it still today. Still today even.

Well, talking about deep emotions, period. Talking exactly. Yeah. Talking about any deep emotion because people think that if I bring this up, I'm going to make her feel sad. But the truth is that talking actually helps you heal.

確實如此。所以我記得從來沒有人提起過這件事。沒有人會提起你媽媽已經不在了。我弟弟當時夜驚，半夜醒來會尖叫著指著媽媽的照片。因為沒人知道該如何處理這件事，或是怎麼做，他們就把媽媽的照片從照片上刪除了。

他們說，哦，我覺得他只是指著照片，所以就別把照片留在這裡了。所以你壓抑了那麼多痛苦，那麼深，那麼深，因為你不談論它，也沒有人談論它。關鍵在於，壓抑並不等於療癒。不。

No. And a lot of times when it comes to not just death, but any other traumatic issue, they think if we don't talk about it and we suppress it, it'll it'll go away. It'll it'll heal. Time will heal it. No.

Time doesn't heal anything. No. It really doesn't. It's just deep deep inside you and it's then starts manifesting in different ways in your life, in your relationships. And the day you become a mother, it starts showing.

I till today so I have 11 year old boy, and I feel that sometimes I do parent as that 14 year old. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had to do so much healing over the last six, seven years to not do that anymore because I was clinging to him. And I know where that was coming from because I lost a mother, so I never wanted him to feel that your mother is not around you.

Yeah. And I had to work on that. I had to go to therapy, and I had to work on that as an adult because it wasn't done back then. And you mentioned suppression, and that brought me one another. It actually brought a memory.

I never cried in front of my younger brother and sister. Oh, wow. When I felt overwhelmed as a 14 year old maintaining my school grade, cooking and packing lunches and doing hair, everything, when I felt overwhelmed or when I missed mom, I would go in the bathroom, lock myself, and cry. Because I saw around me that no one is crying. No one is talking about it.

是的。她過世的頭三、四天，他們都哭了，之後就沒人哭了。沒有人真正坐下來流淚，只是沉浸在自己的情緒中。所以我明白了，我必須壓抑這種情緒，因為我不能把這些情緒告訴我的弟弟妹妹。對。

And today, when I work with other women and I wanna clarify, I don't I'm not I don't work on grief, but anything. Like, when I work with other women, I do tell them, I'm like, it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel your emotions and cry if you have to. Yes. And that's what I would like anyone who's listening to say that if you feel like crying, it's okay.

Crying is not bad. It's a part of your body process. Exactly. And it's it's your body trying to get back into balance. I you you just brought up the exact thing I was gonna say.

Trauma very often produces imbalance. So I'm gonna use what you just said as an example because the balance is something I teach and talk about a lot. You your trauma caused you to parent, and then you recognize that you were overparenting. I'm rewording what you said, and I'm choosing to say overparenting just to simplify it. But that caused an imbalance.

And then you recognize, wait a minute. I'm being imbalanced. I'm overparenting. So let me try to draw back and be balanced because everything in life that works has balance. And everything that's not working, something's out of balance, something's out of whack.

And, and I think it's important to point that out for everybody listening, and not when and, again, that goes beyond just talking about death. Now I do want you to tell the audience, how did you how did you overcome this? How have you been able to like, you're talking about it now. I can hear your emotion, but it's it doesn't you have it. It doesn't have you.

So how did you get from it having you to you having it? So if you talked to me and if we recorded this podcast five years ago, I would have been a mess. I would well, number one, I wouldn't even have said that, yes, I can talk about it because I couldn't. Mhmm. Right.

I would have cried through the whole conversation or totally avoided it and just pretend to be this happy person. And I realized, as I said, when I started over parenting, I realized that I need to heal. And it started with something small. I got a book. It's called motherless daughters.

我不記得作者的名字了，但這本書真的非常非常有名。它被翻譯成多種語言，銷售數百萬冊。故事講的是失去母親的女兒們。當時我還沒準備好接受心理治療。所以我拿到了這本書，開始讀。

And that's when I saw all these stories of little girls who lost their mother or girls at my age, 14, when they lost their mother and how things were happening and how how they were going through it, how they were taking on the role. And I realized that I'm not alone. Yeah. I'm not alone at all, and everyone goes through the same thing. That book made me realize, okay.

我真的需要治癒自己。我做的第二件事就是哭了起來。我在我兒子麵前哭了起來。我記得直到今天，他五歲了。他放學回來了。

那是暑假前的最後一天，他說，哦，我這個朋友在做這個。我這個朋友是這個。然後他說，哦，我朋友要去奶奶家。我為什麼從來不去奶奶家？我根本答不出來。

當時我就哭了。我回答不了這個問題，那時候我正哄他睡覺。我先生聽到了，走了進來，問：「發生什麼事了？」我說：「你得跟他談談。」我就哭了。

Like, I was crying. I could not talk. Mhmm. I left the room, and my husband talked to him and explained it to him that you don't have a grandma. And my husband also doesn't have his mother, actually.

So Oh, wow. Both grandmas are not there. But he was able to talk to him. Being a man, I think he still has a lot of suppressed trauma from that, but let's not go there. And You're probably right.

Yeah. And that day, I actually realized, okay. I really need to heal this. And I started talking about my mother more, which I never used to talk about. Mhmm.

Before that, I started celebrating her birthday. This is one thing we have started doing in our household. We used to always remember on her death anniversary, and we would go to a soup kitchen or food bank, and we would donate on her death anniversary. And I came to this realization, why am I celebrating that day, and why am I not celebrating her birthday? And we started celebrating her birthday.

So now we get a cake, and we do everything that she used to love. We cook her favorite food. We listen to her favorite music. She used to love singing and dancing. So we do that.

And my son has through that, my son has connected to his grandmother a lot. And he started asking me questions then. What did grandma used to do? Like, what did she do? What was her favorite?

在此之前，他以為自己根本不知道「奶奶」這個詞，因為我從來沒提過。我想，就像我之前說的，談論這件事真的能幫你療傷。之後，我開始做的另一件事就是寫信給她。這真的幫我療傷了。好的。

所以我在她生日那天寫了一封信給她。在母親節那天也寫了一封信給她。在我生日那天也給她寫了一封信，這些信我都寫了。大部分信我都留了下來。一開始，有幾封信我燒掉了，只是為了釋放那段創傷。

我接受過的一些心理治療也包括這些，它們對我幫助很大，讓我能夠談論這件事而不會完全崩潰。是的。我想指出的是，你寫信，甚至在心理治療之外談論這件事，也是你心理治療的一部分。我在節目裡總是談論心理治療，因為我認為這非常重要。但我也想讓人明白，看心理醫生只是心理治療的一種。這很有必要，但你不能只每週看一個小時，就以為一切都會好起來。

You've got to do other stuff beyond that. They their their conversation can help you, but you've gotta do stuff beyond that. And some people, it might be running. Some people, it might be dancing while expressing yourself. It could be painting.

And for you, it was letter writing, but you've gotta do something to get it out and express it and and get therapized. That's what I'm saying. Get therapized. Absolutely. And as I said, that's why when I was explaining, like, I did all these things.

And then at the end, I said, okay. Now maybe I need to talk to someone a little bit more to get deeper. But before that and when I had that realization that I'm I need to heal, I just consumed everything I could get my hands on. I was listening to TED Talks about grief, and I was reading books on that. And I because I really felt like this is holding me back as a parent Yes.

As a wife, as a coach, and as a person. And I think after I healed, my relationship with my siblings has changed so much as well. I had to make a very tough call of not being my brother's mother anymore. I felt I had made him dependent on me, not knowing Mhmm. What I was doing.

And any small thing happened, I've jumped in to help. Right. So that so he didn't grow. So I had to make a very harsh decision of stepping out, and I had to tell him, you gotta figure this out yourself. If you wanna talk to someone, I'm here for you.

但你必須親自去做實際工作。這才是關鍵所在。是的。我本來想問你對那些正在經歷這一切的人有什麼建議，但我覺得你剛才已經說了。我想問你對那些身邊有同樣經歷這些事情的人的建議，我想你已經說完了，除非你還有什麼想補充的，因為我覺得你已經說了很多了。

是的。我想我們基本上已經聊過了。你也說過，我會支持他們，但不要居高臨下。如果你不知道，沒關係。你可以學習，但只要說，我會支持你。

And talk about the person who's gone. Talk about that parent. Don't just imagine that parent is suddenly vanished from the face of this earth, and you're never gonna talk about them. Yeah. Talk about them.

Mom used to do this. Remember mom used to do that? Another thing, actually, I really wanna say is one thing that helped me heal was laughter. I agree. I feel that laughter and especially laughing with my siblings has helped me heal a lot.

We laugh about things we did when we were trying to figure things out after mom, and we laugh about it so much that remember how my hair was so stupid, how I went to school, and remember when we burnt the food, and remember this happened, and we just laugh about it today. And but that's today. After so many years of that suppressed pain, we didn't talk about these things for so many years. But someone who's going through it right now, and if it's something really new, you might not laugh. But I have felt that when you think of the memories that you have created with that parent, looking at their pictures and just laughing about things that you did, silly things that you did with that with your parent, it really helps to heal as well.

在我們結束之前，我還想說一件事。我正在和正在經歷這一切的青少年交談。我想說，他們在過去一年裡剛剛失去了父母。請務必確保你得到你需要的幫助。如果你需要，就需要治療。

I don't care who you are, and you don't have to get therapy from, you know, the typical way, but just get some kind of therapy. Because if you don't, what you're gonna end up doing is you're gonna try to therapy get yourself some therapy with drugs, get yourself some therapy with alcohol, get yourself some therapy with having sex with everybody, dating everybody under the sun who you don't need to be dating. And I could go on with a whole list of other stuff that people do to try to Yeah. Deal with it. And all you're doing is throwing dirt on a wound.

你沒有治愈它。所以，處理好你的問題吧。正如我常說的，要嘛處理問題，要嘛問題會來找你麻煩。因為如果你不處理它，它已經在你的生活中顯現出來了。即使你還沒有意識到。

As Sunny just said with give us examples of her own, but please make sure you deal with it. Sunny, I really, really thank you for coming on and being willing to be to be open and honest on the air with us. I know that that's that's a lot, and I I I'm very grateful that you made the choice, and it was a choice to decide to grow, to decide to heal, to decide to do whatever you gotta do so you can get over it instead of it being on instead of being under it. Yes. Absolutely.

Thank you so much. And and, again, thank you. So tell the audience, how a little bit about your your coaching, and there will just so you know, you guys, there will be a link in the show notes or the, podcast description, a link where you can find everything that she does because she does quite a few little things. So I actually work with women. I help, mostly high achieving women who have all these big dreams, but they're not taking action on those dreams.

And it starts with maybe trauma from childhood or self esteem, limiting beliefs, which comes from conditioning, decades and decades of conditioning from their upbringing or the society or the state or the culture that they are in. So I help them overcome those limiting beliefs and really start seeing themselves as this powerful person that they actually are, but they're questioning that. And I help them achieve those dreams that they have by changing their mind, basically. And I strongly, strongly, strongly, strongly believe in what you do. Another thing I wanted to point out about Sunny is I'm not sure if we said it earlier, but she does focus on, helping south Asian women in particular.

That's a big passion. And I absolutely love that she does that. And I I I really just because I've heard her mentality and I see how she thinks and I and I've I've seen her heart. I highly recommend her, not just for South Asian women, but for South American women because y'all are just alike and you just don't know it yet. Yes.

If you are if you are if you really need someone who can understand your particular needs from another culture where misogyny is an issue and feeling like you aren't worth anything as a woman, she understands that. And so, you know, this show is for teens, but for any adults who are listening, because I know a lot of my listeners are adults and you know that that's you or you know someone like that, you might wanna check her out. So her information will be in my show notes. And, again, thank you, Sunny, for for coming on. Thank you so much, Fatima.

很高興。現在，讓我們換個角度思考。如果你正在聽，並且最近幾年或最近你的青少年時期失去了父母，我想讓你知道，你並不孤單。實際上，還有很多青少年和你一樣。請接受心理治療。

Get some help. We don't all mourn the same way. We don't all deal with things the same way, and it is okay that you deal with it differently than I do. But don't run to substances. Don't run into the arms of the wrong person because you're trying to suppress the hurt and the pain and the things that you need to deal with.

Unfortunately, that's what a lot of people do, and it harms their life greatly. Therapy comes in many forms because I promise you, if you don't get some therapy for it now, it will haunt you. It will affect every area of your life. It might take a long time before you see the effects, before I should say, you recognize the effects, but please get the help that you need. If you are looking for help and you don't know where to go, if you go to FatimaBay.com and you go to the other help page, at the bottom of the page, you'll see a little, a big black box with a link in it that'll take you to Unite Us platform where you can find us where you can find someone around you who is a counselor, grief counselor, or therapist, whatever you need.

但請不要只是坐在那裡試圖壓抑它，說「你自己承受不了，我自己承受不了」。這會比任何事情都更傷害你。我希望你從今天的講道中有所收穫。如果你身邊有失去父母的人，請理解他們正在經歷很多事情。請盡量體諒他們。

盡你所能提供幫助，你也知道怎麼做。感謝收聽「思維轉變力量」播客，請按讚並訂閱我的YouTube頻道「思維轉變者」。如果你有任何評論、話題、建議，或想做客本節目，請造訪 fatimobay.com/podcast。記住，轉變思維的力量是無窮的。請收聽下週的節目。