Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome, everyone. Today, we have with us doctor Kimberly Boynton. She is out of Southern California.

She's a licensed marriage and family therapist. She's got twenty plus years of working with teens. And one thing I love about this woman is that she keeps it real, and she's down to earth, and she's balanced. I love her, and I think you all will too. So how are you doing today, doctor Bloom?

我很好。非常感謝你邀請我來這裡。謝謝你的到來。我知道你很忙，所以這次我很感激。今天，我們來聊聊恐懼症。

And I know it's a subject that not a lot of people think about too often, but it's you know, there's a segment of society where it's still a a real big issue. So I I wanna be able to reach out to those who have the phobias and those around them to hopefully gain some understanding. So let me start off by asking you this. What is a phobia? So a phobia is more of an intent and irrational fear of a specific object or situation or activity that poses little to no actual danger.

但患有恐懼症的人在面對他們害怕的事物或情況時，往往會感到過度焦慮，甚至驚恐發作。恐懼症實際上會影響一個人的日常生活，並導致他們竭盡全力地逃避恐懼的根源。說實話，我的恐懼症之一就是蛇。我不在乎別人說蛇看起來很可愛。

我感覺，在我眼裡，根本就不存在什麼可愛的蛇。所以，我有點兒……這算是我的一個「我不知道」吧。我的意思是，恐懼和恐懼症其實差不多，不過，沒錯，這就是我的恐懼症。毫無疑問，就是蛇。所以，是的，它改變了我的人生。

I used to have a phobia of spiders, which we all know is called arachnophobia Arachnophobia. When I was a when I was a teen. Into my teens. I remember my father laughing at me because, you know, it was a old building, and there was always spiders in every old building. I don't care where you are.

And there and there was this and it was spider there was a spider that landed on my hand somehow. And it wasn't even a poisonous spider or anything. It was just landed on my hand. I freaked out so bad that he was laughing at me. Now if a spider comes near me, I would just go after it with murderous venom.

So it's different. Why are you in my space? Right. Yep. Now I I don't I'm not scared of them at all.

I'm the opposite. I I'm a warrior against them. So Yeah. Just since you you were, I wanna dive a little bit deeper into, the difference be between fear and phobia. And the reason I wanna do that is sometimes people think that if they have a fear of something that it's phobia, they are not the same thing.

I know that fear I mean, I'm sorry. Phobia contains fear, but not all fear is phobia. So can you explain to the audience what the difference is between the two? Yeah. Well, fear and phobia, you're right, are related concepts, but they do differ in the terms of intensity and duration.

再說一遍，你知道，契約，對某人或個人生活的影響。抱歉。恐懼可能更短暫。恐懼通常是一種暫時的情緒反應，一旦威脅過去，它實際上就會減弱。換句話說，就像你說的，蜘蛛。

So when you see a spider, it's like, oh, you know, there's that spider, but and you change your mindset, like, I'm gonna be I'm bigger. I'm I'm powerful. Whatever. But sometimes, it's like they either you can remove yourself from the situation or you wait till it passes by. You know, if you're stuck in a car and you see it, you're like, okay.

I'm gonna whatever. But it's not controlling your whole life. So once that spider is gone and out of your mind and out of your, you know, your personal space, you're back to normal where a phobia is more intent. And the fear goes beyond what's considered to be a normal, proportional threat where the fear is just excessive and it just leads to distress, anxiety, it's persistent, it lasts longer than, you know, even if that's if you have a fear, arachnophobia fear, you're gonna stay in that moment for a lot longer. That that spider could be gone out of sight, out of mind.

你可能把它壓扁了，或者有人出來把它壓扁了，但你仍然讓那隻蜘蛛影響你的生活。所以恐懼症也分很多種，有些是特定的恐懼症，像是蜘蛛恐懼症、幽閉恐懼症之類的。但你也會有社交恐懼症，這種恐懼症對社交互動的影響更大，我們現在在學校裡，以及在我們剛擺脫疫情的時候，就看到了這種情況。所以是的。所以，即使它們在某種程度上互相模仿，通常恐懼是暫時的，而恐懼症更強烈，它實際上會讓你的整個生活受到控制，我想，這就是我想說的。

好的。所以我從中得出的結論是，恐懼症和恐懼之間的區別，就像你說的，在於它的強度。是的，在於它控制你生活的程度。沒錯。

And, so when you put it like that, I may have to correct myself because I'm not sure that what I had was a phobia. It may have been just a fear because it didn't control my life after it was done. It was just like, you know, I went moved on about I didn't think about it anymore, and it didn't affect, like, whether or not I went into a house or anything like that. It was just I would be greatly afraid when I saw them. You know, then after that, I'm I'm over it.

But I know there are a lot of different phobias out there. And so you mentioned one that I think is a purse I personally believe is probably one of the biggest phobias out there, but you can correct me if I'm wrong. And that is the the social phobia. Yes. I wanna talk about what are the different common phobias that that people deal with, but especially since you deal with teenagers specifically.

Mhmm. What is the most common phobias that you see with teens? The common phobia is a social anxiety phobia. That's the main, main one right now that I'm dealing with is how to socialize and and be and and come off of, you know, like I said, coming off a pandemic and us not being sociable and not and being, you know, socially distanced, now people are trying to figure out, you know, where they belong. So social the social distancing caused a huge phobia.

And you have to remember too what you're going back to what you said, you may have a fear of spiders and you might have thought it was a phobia, but fears can lead into phobias depending on how much you're focused on this this fear. You know? So whereas, like, we've been in if we're in a fearful situation, let's say, for example, we're walking down the street and out of nowhere we get mugged, you know, and we get held up at gunpoint, that's a fear. You know? And after it's done, it's like, oh my gosh.

就像你經歷過什麼，你知道的，無論如何。但它會一直留在你的腦海裡嗎？會的。比如說，如果某件事再發生，或是你看到了一些可能引發恐懼的東西，它就可能開始引發恐懼症。我現在也見過這種情況，孩子們，不。

I'm I'm just I'm gonna be real. Like, I don't watch the news. Like, I stopped watching the news years ago. My my first degree was journalism. And after being a journalist for so long and reporting and, you know, on the back end of stuff, like reporting facts and what really isn't facts and hearsay, I stopped watching the news.

There was nothing ever positive that came out of the news. You know? Nobody wants to start their day of, oh, let's find out who got shot here and, you know, you got an accident here. So now kids are watching the news more. And that's the first thing I tell them.

別再看新聞了。早上起床就別再看新聞了，因為你會讓一整天充滿恐懼。我有很多病人，就是不敢出門。他們害怕現在的青少年，甚至不敢開車。我當時就想，這是什麼？

Like, you got you have the ability. You got your parents. I have one girl. Her mom bought her a car. It is sitting in her driveway.

她已經20歲了，卻不敢開車，因為她害怕新聞裡報道的那些東西。我還有一個小女兒，他們正準備去搭郵輪，她也不想上船，因為她害怕泰坦尼克號的悲劇發生。所以，他們只是害怕根據已經發生過或聽過的事情來製造這些恐懼症。再說一次，你知道，新聞每天都在改變。有新的消息，有新進展，還有不斷發展的新聞。

So I keep telling them, stop watching the news. Stop watching it. So fears are turning into phobias, and that's what's happening right now. I would consider that, and you correct me if I'm wrong, what you feed will grow. What's the I'm sorry.

問題是什麼？你餵養什麼，它就會生長什麼。哦，是的。哦，不。絕對是如此。

如果你滋養負面情緒，如果你滋養你的恐懼，你的恐懼就會變成恐懼症，就這樣。它們會把你的蟻丘變成山。絕對是如此。毫無疑問，我同意你剛才說的話。而且，嗯，這是我經常教的原則，而且我談論的任何事情都會涉及。

I used to be on the radio, and I did one of my radio episodes. I don't remember what it was titled, but I it might have been called that, but what you feed will grow. But I just talk about the fact that, you know, if you keep feeding your monster, your monster gets bigger. Absolutely. Starve the monster, you know, as a part of the solution.

But it's a true principle in life. What we feed will grow. And if we feed if we feed negativity, then how are you gonna get anything positive out of that? You know? You know?

Yeah. It's like if you feed your body garbage, you ain't running a marathon. Yeah. My my my two biggest slogans are faith over fear and test into testimonies. I actually went and Mhmm.

例如，我有一種恐懼，不是恐懼症，而是害怕針頭。我甚至在手臂上紋了「恐懼戰勝恐懼」的紋身，就是為了記住這一點，因為即使是很小的事情，你知道，無論我們多麼堅強，都會受到恐懼的侵擾。我知道你我都能證明這一點。我們仍然會感到恐懼，但我們知道如何快速地轉移恐懼。但有時，事情突然發生了，你就忘了。所以我現在帶著它，這樣我就可以低頭看著它，然後說，你知道嗎？

Faith over fear. I got this. God got this. You know? Somebody got this.

You know? But I'm not gonna let that fear, you know, control my life. And that's what I teach my, you know, my my clients, my patients that, you know, your faith is bigger than your fear. Like, acknowledge it. Because if you don't acknowledge it, then you're giving it power still.

So acknowledge it so that it knows, like, hey. I see you, but I'm not gonna acknowledge I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stand here and hold a conversation. And the way I I explained that with them is it's like, you know, when you're at work, we all have those coworkers. Like, we see them or, like, you know, whatever they're there, but we don't choose to have a conversation with them. So it's kind of like that.

You're walking by your coworker and you're like, hey. How you doing? And keep walking. But you're not gonna stand and say, hey. How are you doing?

那麼你的周末過得怎麼樣呢？你做了什麼？因為你根本不在乎。你並沒有意識到他們的存在，就像「我想和你好好聊聊」一樣，但你承認他們的存在。所以，你知道，這就是我告訴我的病人的。

I acknowledge it. It's there. I know you're there. I see you, but I'm not gonna talk to you like that. You know?

我要過去跟某個正面積極的人談談。好的。這就引出了我接下來想討論的內容。我們知道了恐懼症是什麼，也知道恐懼是什麼了。我們該如何對抗它們呢？

當然，如果你有某種恐懼或恐懼症，一定要尋求支持。所以你必須找人傾訴，不一定要馬上找專業人士，因為沒人會想，『哦，我要去找心理醫生。 』你應該找一個你信任的人傾訴，像是朋友、家人、老師，或是其他什麼人。夥計們，確實如此。

Somebody that you can share your feelings with, that can provide you with an emotional support and some understanding, and educate yourself. Learn more about what your phobia or your fear is because the more you can understand the nature of your fear or phobia, you can help, demystify and make it more manageable. And then, obviously, like, if you're talking to somebody or you're confiding and, you know, somebody's not understanding or they're just not getting it, then absolutely, hands down, that's where you should go, you know, seek professional, help whether it's with a therapy or a doctor or something so you can kinda get evaluate and see what it is. Positive visualization is huge. And I I use this with all my patients too is you have to use positive visualization to imagine yourself facing, successful managing feared situations and you have to reframe the negative thought.

And I know that's easier said than done, but if you set realistic goals, you know, to face your fears and celebrate the smaller victories and you're not so hard on yourself when you don't hit those bigger ones. So there's a lot of different things we can do, but first starting is almost like a trigger. Like, once you know and identify what your triggers are, then you're able to find the solution and not focus so much on the problem. And that's why I feel a lot of people are doing is they're focusing on the fear and the phobia, but they're not focusing on, okay, well, how do I get over it? So, again, it's like like for me, like for snakes, like, now I'm like, okay.

Now I can look at a snake on, you know, TV or I can see a snake on social media or whatever, and I'm not weirded out about it. So I try to find, something cute. Like I like I said, people are like, oh, but it's a beautiful snake. And I hear that so much. And in my mind, I'm like, there's nothing beautiful about it.

But then I started, you know what? Let me find some beauty in it. So now I found, like, you know, pictures of beautiful snakes and, you know, to me, again, I don't think they're beautiful, but they are beautiful creatures. So I had to take the fear out of what the creature was itself and just look at it as a whole as a different thing. And there are, like, the colors.

所以我開始注意顏色、獨特性，你知道，還有設計。這樣一來，對我來說，就沒那麼重要了。我現在會去買一個嗎？不會。我還沒到那一步。

But again, like, that's what I it's about taking them small steps before I couldn't even do that. I mean, I'm telling you, like, I don't know what it was, but the minute I clicked on something on social media to try and, you know, conquer my own fears of this, all of a sudden, they wanted to start sending me, like, reels with snake videos. I said, okay. Wait. Hold on.

Too much. Like, like, like, too much. You know? I was just taking baby steps, but you do. You find something positive in that negative.

So, again, taking small steps. And like I said, for example, for me is finding the beauty in that particular reptile that, you know, made it more tolerable so that when I see it, I'm not like, I would have an anxiety attack. I'm not even kidding. I see a worm or anything that's I don't know what it is. It's just something that slithers.

我不是開玩笑。我當然可以，但愚蠢的是，我養了一隻鬣蜥？我有兩隻鬣蜥，它們走路的時候我還可以接受。但那種滑行和伸出小舌頭的動作對我來說沒什麼吸引力。所以，就像我說的，我可以找一些可愛的東西，或是其他的東西，這樣就不會那麼刺激了。

所以，這就是你要做的。你只需要轉換思維，你知道，這就是你要做的。例如，把它轉換成某種東西，比如，好吧。例如，我不知道一個東西有沒有美感，或者，你怎麼稱呼它？蜘蛛。

不過，你知道，我能說的一件好事就是那些長腿蜘蛛，想想看，它們是最大的蜘蛛。最大的蜘蛛，不是狼蛛，而是我們家常見的那種長腿蜘蛛。它們是毒性最強的，但對人類來說沒有毒性。對。它們會吃掉所有小蜘蛛。

所以，如果我因為害怕蜘蛛，我會想，你知道嗎？那是一隻好蜘蛛。雖然它是最毒的，但對我來說，它是一隻好蜘蛛。所以我想，走吧。你繼續待在那裡，因為你會把這裡其他的蟲子都吃掉。

So Have your meal. Right. So I'm like, I'm a leave you alone. And so I found the positive in that, like, oh, he's gonna eat everybody but me. I'm good.

I I would I'm laughing because I know that there are so many people out there right now who are listening, who are giggling because they have the same fears of snakes. They're just like, I she's right. I don't know what them crazy people talking about. Mm-mm. But let me tell you, I saw I've never had a fear of snakes.

我也一直不喜歡它們，但我在TikTok上看到一個視頻，視頻裡有個傢伙在拍一種特殊的蛇。我什至不記得它的名字和種類，但它吸引了我的注意。我覺得它很吸引人，我看完了他的整個影片。而且它不短，很長。

So he showed the lifespan of this particular snake from egg to hatchling and how it removed its skin. And I and for the first time in my life, I saw the beauty in a snake because I saw its life cycle. Not its look, but its life cycle, where the organs were, where where the parts of it were, and I began to see the beauty of its creation. So for me, I began to see the snake as beautiful, not because it was physically pretty to look at, but because of its the beauty in its life cycle and how it functions and works. And I just think, god, he did a lot of great things.

所以當他降落到地球和地球上的一切時，我很喜歡它。但我想補充一點，你知道，直到這次談話我才想到這一點，但我認為，思維轉變在應對任何恐懼或恐懼症方面，或者甚至只是不讓你的恐懼變成恐懼症方面，都非常重要。你小時候提到蟲子的時候，我討厭蟲。它們太噁心了。

Ew. And next thing you know, I was digging them off the ground and handling them like nothing. And just like I was scared, people are scared of mice. Yeah. I have killed one.

哦。哦，是的。你別來我家。我以前打死過一隻蝙蝠。哦，不。

I'm crazy. Some people say I'm crazy. But the thing is is that what most what most people fear, and all of those may have been previous fears for me. Mhmm. But I have chosen, and I didn't notice this pattern till now, I have chosen to take whatever I feared and make it fear me.

是的。而且基本上就是讓我操心。所以，是的。是的。是的。

Have to take on that attitude. Correct. And to the listeners, I just wanna plant the seeds. Some of y'all need to take on that attitude with certain people in your life. I was just gonna say that if you talk if you relate that to bullying Yep.

你抱著同樣的心態，然後轉過身，說，哦，不，今天不行。就像我說的，我可以作見證。你知道，我們線下聊過我的經歷，嗯。還有，你知道，因為我的文化背景而被欺負。

I literally went in sixth grade. I don't know if you guys have those, you know, where you're at. The Scholastic Book Fairs where you could go to the cafeteria and buy books, you know, every When I was a kid, I remember those. Yeah. And I remember I bought a book on it was called How to Become Popular because I thought, okay.

Well, if I keep getting beat up, I'm obviously, I'm not popular because it was a popular kid beating me up. So I just may for me, that was my mind shift. Like, okay. I'm not taking this anymore, but I don't know what to do. So I bought this book and I read it and I thought, you know what?

是的。以後不會再這樣了。你知道，我十一二歲的時候就下定決心，不再讓你欺負我了。你知道，這麼多年來，這招一直管用。有趣的是，以前打我的人，那個當群主的女生，我跟他們打起來了，我們打了起來，之後就成了最好的朋友。你不知道我後來怎麼樣了？

You know? You do. And but that yeah. I see that happen in schools a lot where, you know, maybe not so much now. But, I mean, in my time frame, like, growing up, it was like, you could fight and then, you know, whatever you guys squash and you guys are best friends.

Where now, it's like, it just it's gotten worse. But, yeah, I agree with that. Like, you your mind shifts and you turn around like, yep. Nope. And then to top it off, like, we're scared of some spiders that are, like, itty bitty smaller than what we are.

And I'm like, what? I I'm not afraid of you. We're afraid of mice, but they're more afraid of us. Oh, yeah. They they're they're not running up to us trying to fight.

They're running. You know? Yeah. And and and we just don't realize it, and it is a matter of changing perspective. How we view things is how we deal with them, good or bad.

And no matter what subject you're talking about, it's a principle of life. Correct. Sometimes you have to dive into where that fear came from too. And so for me, as a therapist, I do dive into where those fears came from or what started it or what triggered it. And sometimes when you can go back and figure out where it started from, where the root of it was, you can acknowledge it.

You can, you know, nip it at the butt right there and then move forward and then it doesn't become a fear. Or the phobia turns into a fear, which again, the fear can alleviate after time. So those are some of the things, like, for me, like, I know, like, where my snake fear came from. Like, I I never even had an encounter with a snake until after I be got the phobia of it. But the fear of me for snakes came in from hearing stories growing up when I was a little girl.

My grandparents had land in Guam and they had the their houses in Guam. And so my grandfather would always come back telling me stories because their house was in a jungle. So, you know, living in a jungle, you got all sorts of critters and things coming out. There's always snakes. Yeah.

And so I hear these stories that my mom would tell me my tell my god, the snakes used to come through our house. And so I think that's where my fear came from because a lot of the babies were getting strangled because the snakes would get in the crib and they, you know, strangle them. Really? Yeah. And so hearing these stories growing up, like, I never saw a snake until I was a lot older.

但因為聽過這些故事，我本來就怕蛇。你懂嗎？所以我知道，我必須弄清楚這種恐懼從何而來。從那時起，當我第一次看到蛇時，它就變成了一種恐懼症。那時我六年級，穿著旱冰鞋，你知道，我滑著旱冰鞋去朋友家，看到一個女孩脖子上圍著一條小圍巾走來走去。

And I was like, that's that snake thing that everybody's talking about. And seeing it around her neck, you know, put me back into hearing those stories of them they're gonna strangle and kill the babies. And so from there, it led into a phobia. And she was like, no. No.

No. It's not strangling me here. You know, touch it. I was like, uh-uh. And she said, no.

I'll I'll put the head this way. So she turned her back to me. You know, she had the head in front of her, you know, so she's been both facing this way. So I got up the courage to do the, you know, put the hand on the snake and touch it. And then my friend came home and she's like, hey.

And I turned around and looked at her and I felt this on my hand. I turned back around and the face was at me. I freaked out, fell off my skates, got banged up, cut myself up. And so from there, it was where I developed the phobia because it I associated, you know, the pain, the hurt falling down, and, you know, whatever. And from that point on, it just got worse.

So I wanna point out a key factor in everything that you just explained. A big principle. What you feed will grow. You were fed the stories, the negative stories about snakes. So that fed into something that turned into a fear.

Correct. And then that fear turned into a phobia. How often are we doing that to our kids, and how often are we doing that to our friends, Or how often are we having that done to us and don't realize it? When we are and association matters too. So when you associate things with certain things, negative or positive, well, they can be negative or positive, they can really dramatically affect how you perceive those things.

So if you had been told stories like that video that I saw of the guy that talked about the how what a healthy snake egg looks like for this particular, type of snake and what it looks like when they're born and how they should look when they're healthy. Like, if you had gone if somebody had talked to you about that first, promised you that fear, the fear may have still been there because it's still a bad thing. And what you heard about those snakes was true, but it wasn't the only piece it was it wasn't the only truth. It was only a piece of truth about them. And so how often are we doing that other doing that about other things?

So sometimes we're fed a fear of everybody who looks like this is that. Yes. All boys are fuck boys. Yep. All men are turn gonna try to screw you, young woman.

Yep. Young that's what we hear sometimes. It's not true. Yeah. So we hear a lot of things.

I'm just using as an example. We hear a lot of things that are not true. Every woman is gonna be a gold digger and try to steal from you and and take from you, and she don't give a crap about you. Those are also false things that are fed into some minds. All the time.

雖然這部劇是為青少年準備的，但也有一些成年青少年。是的。有些成年的青少年，我們稱之為成年人，他們仍然會這樣想，因為這種想法是被他們談論的對象傷害過的人灌輸給他們的。絕對是如此。當我們在這部劇裡討論恐懼症的時候。

But we're I want you all to understand, listeners, to take a deeper dive into all of it and how it relates to all of us, not just the extremity of phobias. But what do we have in a a fear of that maybe we shouldn't? Maybe we need to learn a little bit more about the okay. For example, the person that you you got you said you threw down with her, and she used to bully you, and then you guys became best friends after that. I'm gonna guess it's because you got to actually know each other.

Correct. Yep. Right. That's exactly how get to know something, it's kind of hard to have unrealistic views about that thing or that person. Yes.

Because sometimes we can have a phobia of a person. For many different reasons, we can, I'm not gonna use the word a phobia, but extreme fear Mhmm. Of people who are like the one that abused us. Yes. And that is dangerous because now we're putting everybody who's like that abuser in the same basket, and you're gonna miss out on so many beautiful opportunities in life if you do that.

你還會誤判別人，甚至可能在他們不該受的時候傷害他們。我再次以男性為例。是的。有很多男性是施虐者。說到性虐待，百分之九十都是男性。

這是事實，但這並不代表90%的男性都是施虐者。這是兩碼事。我常用這個例子，是因為我認為這是最現實、最普遍的觀念之一。我們，尤其是女性，不一定會大聲說出「所有男性都是施虐者」這句話，但我們以各種方式教導這種觀念。我們用言語將這種觀念變成現實。

我們有這種心態和態度，這是錯的。你必須了解一個人，或至少把他們當成個體來看待，這樣你或許就不會有那些不自然的恐懼了。因為有時候你會把侏儒當成巨人，而他們不是。對。你剛剛想說什麼？

So on the flip side of that, on the other end of the spectrum, it's funny that you brought that up because when you're saying, you know, we fear, the people who abuse or, you know, the ones that are like our abusers. On the flip side of that, some people actually go towards the same like minded people that are abused us because we're afraid of finding something better, that we don't deserve better. So and I see that a lot with sexual abusers or sexual predators or DV, people that they find the like minded ones because they fear themselves now. They've lost their self worth. So they fear that they're not good enough to find somebody else.

所以他們總是吸引著同一類人，無論對方是身體虐待還是性虐待。他們之所以選擇應對，是因為這樣比較容易應對。他們更容易控制，因為他們已經知道會發生什麼，所以他們可以控制後果。他們無法控制的是，當有人真的善待他們時。他們無法控制那些恐懼，好吧。

Is it just now that they're treating me good and then they're gonna turn on me? So some people actually gravitate towards the ones that, you know, hurt them versus, you know, seeing the red flags and going the other direction. And I see that more than often than the other. Yes. The fear of the unfamiliar is Yes.

The way I like to call it sometimes. There are many different ways that you could really title it, but the fear of the unfamiliar keeps people in bad situations. And, same principle, learn more about what it would be like to be out of that situation. Get a better understanding of who you are as a person because you will not go for better or accept better if you don't believe better about yourself. Yes.

And, unfortunately, I can't force that on anybody. No. I can't make you see yourself better. I can do the best I can to try to get you to see it for yourself, but I can't make you see the value in yourself. And I see so many beautiful people walking around.

哦，是的。成年人和孩子不明白自己的價值。所以他們接受的更少，因為他們不明白自己的價值。嗯，我告訴他們，也告訴每個人，設定你的標準，設定你的期望，因為你如何看待自己，你如何看待自己，決定了你如何對待他人，你允許他們如何對待你。所以，如果你缺乏自尊，你的期望值也很低，那麼，你知道，如果我遇到你，我有這種感覺，那麼我就允許你把我當成一個缺乏自尊、沒有價值觀的人來對待。

But if you have if you're empowered and you have self esteem and you know your self worth and you self love, now when you meet somebody, those are what you're allowing them to treat you. So I tell everybody, like, what you are with yourself is how you're allowing the other person to treat you. So don't let them you know, if you don't wanna be treated, you know, with disrespect and you don't wanna be treated, you know, less than what you are, then don't think that for yourself. Absolutely true. I'll end that with something I like to say.

Don't don't allow yourself to be treated like a pebble when you're a diamond. There you go. Oh, I like that. I'm a diamond I'm a diamond in the rough. Well, but you know what?

Every diamond was in the rough before it shined. I I agree. I agree. Every diamond was in the rough before it shined. You know?

我們錯誤地認為，每個人在我們眼中都是完美的。你這個大笨蛋。現在正值發展時期。你只看到一塊煤，因為你眼光太狹隘。你必須把眼光放得更大一些。

Do you don't you see that the the coal is in the fire refining itself? Yeah. So, with with that, I I want to, I wanna ask you about something a project that you have coming up. You have a magazine coming out. Tell us about it.

I have Energy Magazine, and we just dropped, the this last issue we just dropped is called Voices Heard, and we just dropped it a week ago. And it's, basically the Gen z and the alphas. And what it was about was, again, since 02/2022, my patients have and I see everything for everybody from, you know, all ages and stages of life. But I used to see individuals and couples more than, you know, the youth and teens and things like that. Since 2022 2021, '20 '20 '2 when the world kinda opened back up and everybody started, you know, being able to socialize again and we got to start seeing patients again in person, it changed to where now I have more youth, more teens, more young adults, which is the Gen Z ers and the Alpha's.

So what I've been hearing, and I'll be honest, like, it it was a period of time in there, I wanna say maybe about, like, a year ago, like, hearing all this stuff that I was like, this is stuff I didn't learn in school. Like, I don't understand what half these teens are coming to me about. And there was everything from gender identity to pronouns to and I'll be honest, like, I thought there was just a rainbow flag. And this little girl, 10 years nine years old, she wasn't even 10 yet. Nine years old broke it down.

Oh, no, doctor Kim. There's this color flag for this. There's this color. Do you want me to write them down for you? I was like, no.

I'm like, please don't. I'm like, yes. This is too much for me, but I literally was still under the impression the rainbow flag stood for, you know, the the different lifestyles. And she and she broke it at nine years old. How do you know this?

You know? So that's when I started, you know, researching and, like, maybe I'm not cut off for this. I don't know what all this stuff is. And then it occurred to me like, you know what? Just listen to them.

Just listen. Like, forget what you learned in school, forget, you know, everything else and listen to them as a person. And so from that, I started understanding. I started seeing the pattern. I started hearing it.

So every single thing that I got out of what I've been hearing for the last couple years is they just want their voices heard. They don't care if you don't understand their pronouns. They don't care if you don't understand what they're identifying as. They just want their feelings validated and they want to be heard. So that's where I came up with the voices heard.

I said, you know what? That's the addition that we're going to do, and that's the piece we're going to do. Young people need to hear from their own peers. They can listen to us and think, okay, well, we're the experts. You know, they'll listen to us, but it's nothing more powerful than hearing somebody their age.

An 11 year old hearing from an 11 year old that says, hey, I relate to you. I went through that, but you know what I did? And they're gonna relate to that more for for, you know, my patients. They they think I'm older. Like, oh, but miss doctor Kimmy, you're old.

所以，你知道，你經歷過，我當時會覺得，哇。我會想，我還沒那麼老，但好吧。但是，你知道，你再把一個15歲的孩子和一個15歲的孩子放在一起，嘿，我做到了。我感覺就是這樣。我認同這一點。

But you know what? I really wasn't that. And this is why I thought I was that. And so that's where I came from voices heard. So we just dropped this issue, and the front cover has, you know, our Gen Z'ers on there, and our alphas, and then inside through the whole, through the magazine.

But with that, we're doing a weekend summit that's coming up February 23 through the twenty fifth in 02/2004, where all the individuals that are in our magazine are gonna get up on stage and be able to speak. So we're trying to reach a bigger platform to where, you know, I I have my patients. I have the magazine. I have, you know, the in person. So I could just reach a broader spectrum and a bigger platform of more people to reach to kinda hear what's going on and identify with, you know, what, you know, the their peers that they're going through.

So this is gonna be a huge theme coming up. We have a lot of different guest speakers coming in, motivational speakers, celebrities, influencers. Because again, like, I've done career fairs where I walk in there and they I tell them what I do and they're like, oh, their first question is, well, who's the biggest, you know, celebrity that you know? And I'm dropping names and they're looking at me like I just said something from, like, the fifties or something. So I'm looking at them, and I asked them, well, like, you know, well, who who's your celebrities?

他們把這些名字都說出來，我覺得自己肯定老了。我不知道他們在說誰，但名字都很像。所以我回去谷歌搜尋他們的TikTok網紅、他們的YouTube主播，還有他們的社群媒體帳號。他們甚至連電影院裡的人都算不上。

And so I'm like, oh my gosh. So it made me realize, like, who they're really getting influenced by is what they're seeing, you know, on social media. What I mean, you would think TikTok is, like, the only channel that exists. Like, I don't even think people even watch your regular channel two, three, or two, four, or five, six, sevens, or whatever they are on TV anymore. Everybody's No.

Social media. So that's where I was like, okay. I need to pull from those influencers, you know, to reach this generation. I need to pull those influencers and bring them in my magazine and bring them onto the stage because those are who they're going to listen to. You know?

And so for me, it was hard because I'm not from that generation. So I had to take my staff and go, okay. Let's look up the top 10, you know, TikTok influencers and let's get them and, you know, let's go after them so we can get them here. Because, again, they're gonna listen to them because they're an influencer for them. So it was a challenge.

Well, how can people find out the information on that? Go to our website. It's energy magazine, and it's inner, like, inner strength, inner child, and then, like, energy. So it's just inner and energy combined. So energymagazine.com.

Okay. Well, thank you, doctor Boynton, for coming on. I really, really appreciate you taking the time. I think we've talked about a whole lot here. Oh, yeah.

You you and I could go on for sixteen hours, but I don't think anybody listened for that long. So we're gonna so we're gonna end it now. And, again, I appreciate you taking the time. Well, thank you so much for having me on here. It was a pleasure.

And now for a mind shifting moment. In today's episode, we talked about phobias. But as you heard, we went a little deeper than just talking about phobias. We talked about mindset and mind shifting because your mindset is a large part of your fears, and shifting that is a large part of getting over it instead of it being over you. But I want you to take a deeper dive into a piece of the conversation that we had today.

What unrealistic fears do you have? How what thinking do you have that doesn't match reality? Who do you fear? What do you fear that is affecting your life? Do you fear failure and it keeps you from succeeding?

你是否害怕成功本身，並因此阻礙你前進？生活中有哪些不切實際的恐懼，需要你克服，而不是被它們吞噬？這只是一些值得思考的問題。感謝收聽「心靈轉換力量」播客。請按讚並訂閱我的YouTube頻道「心靈轉換者」。

如果您有任何評論、主題建議，或想成為本集節目的嘉賓，請造訪 FatimaBay.com/podcast。記住，改變思考的力量是無窮的。請關注下週節目。