00：01.10

fatimabey

And welcome, everyone. Today we have with us someone we're going to call Miss Lulu. And she's going to be anonymous today for for good reason. And she's just somewhere in the US. Her position is she is a sexual assault investigator. And she specifically works with a lot of teens and adolescents. How are you today, Miss Lulu?

00:25.73

Miss Lou Lou

我很好。謝謝你的邀請。

00:28.55

fatimabey

So tell us a little bit about what you do.

00:34.67

Miss Lou Lou

So I am investigating sexual assault on women, um, teens, women, a little bit of all of the above, um, when they come in because something has happened, I'm their, their first point of contact. I'm the one that they tell their story to.

00:50.32

fatimabey

um Okay. Why did we call this episode desperate for a man?

00:58.23

Miss Lou Lou

We called it desperate for a man because in every one of the incidents that I investigate, we find that these women have no self worth. They find their worth in the man that they're with. And they continuously pick these patterns of men who are not good for them, are not the greatest men in the world. And they continue to get victimized by all these different types of men that they choose because they can't be alone.

01:28.57

Miss Lou Lou

They can't not have a man in their life. And because they can't have, or they can't be alone, they always pick the wrong ones.

01：39.94

fatimabey

you said they ah all of these different men in their lives it sounds to me like you're saying they're picking the same man over and over again in a different body now

01:49.07

Miss Lou Lou

這是 100% 準確的。

01:51.83

fatimabey

the reason why i'm talking to the audience now one of the reasons why i had patty on we initially started talking about something completely different and then we went into this topic because We're both very passionate about it, and we just went on and on. um What is something that, as an investigator, you have seen a lot when it comes to children?

02:16.94

Miss Lou Lou

I know you said my real name. Do you want to do that again or do you want me to just pick up right there?

02:20.09

fatimabey

Shit. I did.

02:23.35

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

02:23.33

fatimabey

Fuck.

02:24.38

Miss Lou Lou

But I can just pick up and then you can edit that part.

02:26.70

fatimabey

不，我們重新開始吧。

02：27.80

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

02：27.99

fatimabey

I want it to be, I want it to flow.

02：29.82

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

02：29.94

fatimabey

So, damn it. Thank you for catching that. Thank you for catching that. And I need to, because it says Patty Stewart on the top, so I automatically went through that.

02:34.92

Miss Lou Lou

Of course.

02:37.90

Miss Lou Lou

Oh, see, and I changed my name to say Miss Lulu to try to see if that would help, but yeah.

02：42.70

fatimabey

不，因為我看的是，表格上寫的是露露女士，但面試表上的名字是派蒂。

02：47.88

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

02:49.05

fatimabey

So I have to remember, let me do this. Hold on.

02:57.19

fatimabey

I'm going to do something here.

02:57.53

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

02：58.15

fatimabey

Hold on.

03:09.89

fatimabey

好的，以後就這麼辦。露露小姐現在排在第一位，你的名字排在第二位。

03:14.50

Miss Lou Lou

okay

03:16.48

fatimabey

So we'll start again. when you get when i When I say tell us what you do, um you can you I only have three questions on here because I know there's so much that you can explain.

03:27.74

fatimabey

你可以給出冗長的答案，因為事實上我故意在整個過程中只問了兩三個問題，因為我知道這裡有很多對話。

03:34.60

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

03:36.49

fatimabey

So you yeah and i what you what you technically do go ahead and say that but what you've actually seen I want you to go right into that because that's what prompted this conversation about what you see with uh your children or you can let me ask it but I can ask it actually but just kind of explain ah as much as you want to and remember you're free to say whatever you want as long as it's true all right let's start again

03:46.59

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

03:58.48

Miss Lou Lou

Bye. okay

04:05.31

fatimabey

And welcome everyone. This episode is called Desperate for a Man. You're gonna find out as you listen. So today I have with us an anonymous guest. We're gonna call her Miss Lulu, and she is from somewhere in the US, and she is a sexual assault investigator. on But this is about more than just her position as that. And we're gonna talk about, we're gonna talk about that. So Miss Lulu, how you how you doing today?

04:34.26

Miss Lou Lou

我很好。你好嗎？

04:36.05

fatimabey

I'm good. um As you know, I like to dive right into the topic. So tell us what you do and then tell us why are we calling this episode desperate for a man?

04:46.92

Miss Lou Lou

Definitely. So as you said, I'm a sexual assault investigator. And what that means is I am the first point of contact for these women when they are calling into law enforcement, into medical, into wherever they are going.

05:00.61

Miss Lou Lou

I'm the one that gets all those gruesome details. I'm the one that they tell their entire story to.

05:03.44

fatimabey

who

05:05.93

Miss Lou Lou

我會和他們玩 500 個問題，以找出發生了什麼、為什麼發生、如何發生，以及我們如何幫助他們以及如何與他們一起前進。

05:17.70

Miss Lou Lou

但當然，我們需要這些細節，以便對襲擊他們的人提起刑事訴訟。

05：23.81

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

05:25.98

Miss Lou Lou

And we chose desperate for a man because When we were chatting, we we talked about how these the pattern that we see with these women is that they are continuously picking the wrong men.

05:40.69

Miss Lou Lou

The same man, just in different bodies. However, there is a pattern that they continuously fall into.

05:42.85

fatimabey

Right.

05:46.75

Miss Lou Lou

These women choose not to be alone. They can't be alone. They have to have a man to validate themselves. They have to have a man to prove their worth. They have to have a man in their life because they cannot not have a man.

05:59.86

Miss Lou Lou

And so they continuously pick the wrong men because they're not willing to do the work to better themselves, to pick a better man. They just want a man. Doesn't matter what man, just a man. And we see this pattern, domestic violence, sexual assault, all those different things coming back around and around and around.

06:10.30

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

06:20.30

fatimabey

嗯，你知道，我想要個男人，而且我不想孤單單一人。所以就算他到處打我又怎麼樣？只會影響到我自己，對吧？

06:30.63

Miss Lou Lou

So a lot of women believe that.

06:32.26

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

06:32.64

Miss Lou Lou

And what the research shows is it doesn't. It affects everyone, especially if you have children. ah The effects of domestic violence on children observing it are worse than receiving it yourself.

06:46.18

Miss Lou Lou

And there's long-term studies that show this. It's not just the person that's getting hit. It is the entire family. It is their friends. It affects their job.

06:57.63

Miss Lou Lou

It affects their day-to-day lives. It's not just the man and the woman or man and man, woman and woman. it's i mean ah Statistically, I always say the man against the woman because that's what the higher statistics show.

07:11.47

fatimabey

Right.

07：12.33

Miss Lou Lou

However, domestic violence is across the board.

07:12.19

fatimabey

Yep.

07：14.64

Miss Lou Lou

That one does not hit just one demographic.

07:14.60

fatimabey

Yep.

07:17.41

Miss Lou Lou

That is every single demographic.

07:20.14

fatimabey

Yep. Rich, poor, black, white, fat, skinny, foreigner, American, whatever.

07:23.88

Miss Lou Lou

100%. Yeah, exactly.

07:25.44

fatimabey

Put a, slap a label on there. Um, yeah, you're, you're a hundred percent right. And this is something I'm extremely, extremely passionate about. And I just really think that more people need to really think about this topic.

07：43.92

fatimabey

It is uncomfortable, it is very sensitive, and that's exactly why we're talking about it because it needs to be talked about.

07：51.34

Miss Lou Lou

Exactly. And yes, it needs to be talked about. It has been a taboo subject for so many decades and something that, you know, as children, we were told you don't discuss outside of the house.

08:02.93

Miss Lou Lou

And it seems like those statistics are going through the roof now, but it's only because we are starting to finally realize that domestic violence hits one in three women. One in three women will experience it in their lifetime.

08:14.16

fatimabey

一比三，哇，哇。

08:16.16

Miss Lou Lou

Yes. And one in four women will be sexually assaulted. That is a horrendous statistic and it's only getting worse.

08:23.07

fatimabey

That is.

08:27.31

fatimabey

And let me add something to this for the audience. The numbers that she's mentioning are only including the stuff that's reported.

08:36.19

Miss Lou Lou

Correct.

08:37.13

fatimabey

Keep that in mind.

08:38.69

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

08:38.54

fatimabey

The numbers are actually higher because y'all know half that stuff ain't reported.

08:43.65

Miss Lou Lou

More than half, yeah.

08:43.65

fatimabey

Look around you because you all, every single person listening to me knows that a lot of that stuff is not reported. So keep that in mind when you look at those numbers and the numbers she's saying is completely accurate because I have seen them myself.

08:58.68

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah, rainnetwork.org or rain dot.org is what it is now.

08:58.99

fatimabey

I'm called dead on.

09:02.19

Miss Lou Lou

They can pull up those different groups themselves.

09:02.29

fatimabey

Yeah, yeah, I got I looked at some of those numbers on that organization as well But someone who actually literally works in the system you see things that other people don't You see the patterns up front and that's why as you're saying research says i'm like screw to research What are your eyeballs see damn it, you know, what are our eyeballs?

09:12.28

Miss Lou Lou

one hundred percent 100%. Yeah.

09:22.06

fatimabey

See, what are you what are you experiencing?

09:22.50

Miss Lou Lou

Mm-hmm.

09:23.86

fatimabey

你周圍看到了什麼？讓研究來證實這一點，但你已經知道了

09:28.53

Miss Lou Lou

Right. Mhm.

09:30.45

fatimabey

你知道，你周圍看到的一切。所以我真的很想聊聊，我想聊聊這方面的幾個不同方面，但我們先來談談孩子們。

09：42.61

Miss Lou Lou

好的。

09:44.09

fatimabey

Let me back up for a second before we get to the children. Let's talk about teenagers. So if if the domestic violence starts off at 16,

09:57.78

fatimabey

What's the likelihood that they're gonna have a healthy relationship at 22?

10:01.24

Miss Lou Lou

0% 的可能性。如果從 16 歲開始，關係就變得暴力，那麼我通常看到的是，孩子也是在暴力中長大的。

10:05.32

fatimabey

這是為什麼？

10:13.98

Miss Lou Lou

That's the only thing that 16-year-old girl knows. So that is her baseline normal. Now she's picking men who mimic what she sees and feels at home, which is this violence, and it only gets worse because that's all she knows.

10：31.78

Miss Lou Lou

正因如此，16歲時你還年輕愚笨。 20多歲時你也同樣年輕愚笨。直到你的前額葉皮質發育完全，也就是25歲左右，我們才會長大，思考才會更敏捷。然而，那時你的大腦已經被家庭暴力、性侵犯以及你所經歷的一切弄得亂七八糟了。尤其是如果你有過童年創傷，你的大腦就已經亂成一團了。

11時01分21秒

Miss Lou Lou

Like you already need to reconnect to those patterns in your brain to create something better. However, you're choosing the same vi cycle you grew up in and you're just continuing that pattern so you won't know any better. By 22, this child will not have a healthy relationship unless she's able to get out of her system, get out of that pattern that she's in. And that takes an outside party coming in and and basically taking over, teaching this kid what real love is.

11：30.41

Miss Lou Lou

教導這個孩子什麼是健康的關係。我們大多數人十幾歲的時候都不知道什麼是健康的關係，更不用說二十幾歲了。我們直到三、四十歲才明白這些。到那時，她已經經歷了10到15種不同的家庭暴力關係。

11：46.06

fatimabey

有些人在 16 歲時就知道什麼是健康的關係，但前提是他們親眼看過。

11:50.41

Miss Lou Lou

Correct.

11:50.95

fatimabey

And 90% of America has not seen it.

11:53.97

Miss Lou Lou

Correct.

11：54.80

fatimabey

maybe 80%, I'm not sure the real number, but it's it's it's high up there. most of Most Americans have not seen what a healthy relationship actually looks like, and which is sad, but true.

12:03.85

Miss Lou Lou

Bye.

12:06.39

fatimabey

And so I had an episode recently, ah ah specifically about that, relationship modeling and and how that matters for us. So if if a teenage girl is in a domestic violence situation,

12：25.37

fatimabey

先別管家暴的事兒。就算他沒對她動手動腳，他只是不停地跟她說她有多蠢多醜多胖多配不上他。這才是健康的關係，對吧？

12:37.84

Miss Lou Lou

Not at all.

12:40.75

fatimabey

But that's another form of abuse.

12：41.17

Miss Lou Lou

i mean

12:42.39

fatimabey

He doesn't have to put his hands on you in order to make you feel like a piece of shit or to treat you like one.

12:42.99

Miss Lou Lou

right Correct.

12:48.66

Miss Lou Lou

Exactly. Right. Threats are powerful. People do not realize how much people can get away with things by a threat. And the threat of violence is just as effective as the real violence because we know what that pain feels like.

12：58.51

fatimabey

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

13:05.12

Miss Lou Lou

We're afraid of that pain. And so that threat of violence will work.

13：11.02

fatimabey

There's threats and there's also just the simple mental manipulation which which has longer lasting effects than any bruise.

13：14.79

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

13:19.20

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

13：20.72

fatimabey

And when we are desperate for a man, we take it.

13:25.23

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

13:25.38

fatimabey

因為我們會想，我需要那種愛。但事實是，那根本不是愛，不是嗎？

13:30.97

Miss Lou Lou

No, it's manipulation and control.

13:35.70

fatimabey

Absolutely. Let's fast forward to go back to what I was talking about before with children. So this is something that you've seen in your line of work personally.

13：46.92

Miss Lou Lou

Mm hmm.

13:48.12

fatimabey

Children of mothers who are desperate for a man and keep that loser in their house, bring them home, don't have conversations with the kids, that loser is abusive to the mother and or abusive to the child.

14:07.57

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

14：08.26

fatimabey

這種情況多久發生一次？

14:10.53

Miss Lou Lou

No, I see a minimum of 150 cases a day.

14:16.37

Miss Lou Lou

Minimum.

14：17.39

fatimabey

What?

14:17.73

Miss Lou Lou

where Where that's the reported cases.

14:22.08

fatimabey

You're right. That's that's a key fact that you just said, Ms. Lulu. Reported.

14:27.24

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

14:27.49

fatimabey

And I want to go back to what I said earlier.

14:28.74

Miss Lou Lou

150 children a day are seeing and or experiencing this where I am.

14:36.71

fatimabey

哇！好多啊。

14:39.30

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

14:39.36

fatimabey

這簡直太瘋狂了。我知道你說的是實話，但這仍然太瘋狂了。這不應該。

14:47.71

Miss Lou Lou

Correct.

14:49.33

fatimabey

So what should these mothers with these men that are not good to them and they have children, what should they do?

14：58.52

Miss Lou Lou

我們總是說離開。但說來容易做來難。

15:02.73

fatimabey

It is.

15:03.33

Miss Lou Lou

我們都明白這一點。我們都經歷過那種你根本無法離開的情況。問題是，如果你有孩子，你需要決定誰比較重要：那個男人還是你的孩子。

15:13.41

fatimabey

Bingo. Bingo.

00:30.45

Miss Lou Lou

Okay. So everybody always asks, you know, what's the next step for a woman in this situation? Or what do I need to do? And we always say leave him, leave your abuser. However, that is easier said than done.

00:43.76

fatimabey

Mm-hmm.

00:44.39

Miss Lou Lou

You may have a child with this man. You may be financially dependent on this man. He may have moved you somewhere where you have no resources. But at the end of the day, you need to pick what's more important, this man or your children.

01:00.65

fatimabey

That is key. You said it very big. Can you say that again?

01:05.16

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah, what's more important, the man or your children?

01:10.60

fatimabey

And if you're wondering, if we're talking about you, that choice right there is an answer. Have you chosen the abusive man over your children?

01:23.89

Miss Lou Lou

確切地。

01:23.83

fatimabey

如果答案是肯定的，那你就做了一個自私的決定。這真的非常誠實。

01:29.06

Miss Lou Lou

100%.

01:30.99

fatimabey

But if they have made that selfish decision, is it too late for them to change?

01:37.07

Miss Lou Lou

Never. You can always change.

01:38.81

fatimabey

同意。

01：40.28

Miss Lou Lou

You have to want to change. You have to be willing to make the changes.

01:42.57

fatimabey

Right?

01:45.06

Miss Lou Lou

You have to go through the motions and get those resources and support and everything else you need in order to make that change. But it's never too late. It's not too late until you're in a body bag.

01：58.50

fatimabey

There you go. And and Ms. Lulu just said it. It's not too late to make that those changes. if If that's you and you recognize that we're talking about you, we're specifically talking about you, it is not too late to to make some changes. Because I can tell you, I was debating on whether or not to share this, but I think it's extremely relevant, so I will. I too was a a a child of a mother that was domestically abused for many years.

02：27.96

fatimabey

She finally got us out of there, but we had to leave everything behind and escape him.

02：35.63

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

02:37.14

fatimabey

And I'm grateful that she did. It completely changed our lives, but I was traumatized for over that abuse for many, many, many years.

02:49.66

fatimabey

I could not talk about it without welling up with all kinds of emotions. I had built up anger. I had just, there were so many things that I had no idea were affecting me at that time.

03:06.51

fatimabey

So I know firsthand what you were talking about.

03:07.08

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

03:10.16

fatimabey

I know firsthand what it's like to to just, to have those images and sounds come back to your head randomly. The the sounds of her head banging on the wall, the screaming, the the trauma that comes from that.

03：19.97

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

03：25.22

fatimabey

如果你正遭受虐待，我希望你知道，你的孩子現在也正在遭受虐待。我這麼說，並非想讓你感到內疚，但如果你感到內疚，這能讓你有所行動，那就太好了。

03:37.96

fatimabey

I have been in this situation, so I have seen it personally. Ms. Lulu has seen it over and over and over again. And let me tell you, does it also traumatize you, Ms. Lulu, seeing this over and over again?

03:48.66

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah. 100%.

03:52.47

fatimabey

這很令人痛苦。

03:53.56

Miss Lou Lou

Mm

03:53.92

fatimabey

It's not just traumatizing for you as the abused, but it's traumatizing for everybody around you that has to deal with it, including the police officer, the lawyer in the court who has to know the details of what your man did to your child.

04:04.46

Miss Lou Lou

-hmm.

04:10.56

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

04:11.34

fatimabey

How often is sexual molestation a part of that?

04：14.67

Miss Lou Lou

Oh.

04:17.27

Miss Lou Lou

I mean, I see a hundred cases a day and it's not getting any better. It's getting worse.

04:27.60

fatimabey

我相信你。我相信你。現在，我不再處於你那樣的境地。所以我無法親眼目睹你親眼所見的一切。但我得說，我親眼目睹了這些虐待行為。

04:41.72

fatimabey

I've experienced the nightmares and the trauma that come from it. But I've also been on the receiving end, like you, of people confessing for the first time the molestations, the rapes, or whatever that have happened to them, their trauma.

04:55.35

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

04:56.45

fatimabey

身為一個普通人，我很難聽懂這些話。

05:03.36

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah. it's It's not easy to listen to.

05:04.58

fatimabey

Now they don't know that I'm feeling that way because because I listen to it and I let them cry and i i I do whatever I can for them and I'm there and and I comfort them, but it's difficult. It's very difficult to to listen to. And I'm saying that because for the audience out there, if you were listening and if you were that woman who is in the abusive situation,

05:31.38

fatimabey

Please, I'm begging you for the sake of your children. If nothing else, get out.

05:38.76

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

05:39.56

fatimabey

Please, get out. Who is more important? Your desperate need for a man? Your desperate need for false love? Or the health, wealth, insanity of your child?

05:54.83

fatimabey

I'm talking to you right now.

05:58.02

fatimabey

I need you to think about that. And for those that aren't in that situation, just sit by and listen. I'm talking to that woman right now who needs to hear this.

06:10.53

fatimabey

Now I'm gonna turn back to you, Miss Lulu. What do you have to say to the women out there who are in the situations we're talking about?

06：21.20

Miss Lou Lou

get that help, you leave. At the end of the day, your safety and your children's safety is the most important part. And you can't have safety and security and well-being if you're in this type of a relationship. Get the resources. You may feel like you are alone and that there is nobody there to help you. I guarantee you there are people in your community, in your city, township, wherever you are. There is shelters. There are, uh,

06:50.95

Miss Lou Lou

各位倡議者，各行各業都有人願意成為你需要幫助的人，幫助你逃離困境。你只需要伸出援手。如果他們不知道你是誰，就找不到你。

07：04.97

fatimabey

Right. Exactly. you You said it exactly right. There are people everywhere who care. I am not the only person who cares. I just have a microphone and a platform right now. But there are so many other people like me and like Ms. Lulu who actually care. We we care and we'll we'll do whatever we can for you. But we have to foresee you. We have to first know that it's really happening. And if you are in

07:31.16

fatimabey

不僅是家庭虐待，不僅是身體虐待，還有精神虐待，正如我之前所說，精神虐待比身體虐待持續時間要長得多。

07:39.05

Miss Lou Lou

Mm hmm. Oh, yeah.

07:40.31

fatimabey

Do you want to get out of that too?

07:43.05

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

07：43.21

fatimabey

因為他們對你施加的操縱正在影響你如何對待孩子。你現在可能沒注意到，但露露小姐，你難道沒注意到嗎？

07:49.39

Miss Lou Lou

Oh, yeah.

07:52.26

Miss Lou Lou

Oh, I have.

07：53.68

fatimabey

您能給我們舉一些您所看過的例子嗎？

07:56.98

Miss Lou Lou

是的，關於剛才我們討論的心理方面，我最近遇到一個案例

08:02.38

fatimabey

yeah

08:10.32

Miss Lou Lou

The child had seen that growing up. That's all the child knew was the threat of harm. And if you don't if you don't follow through with what the man was saying, that he will hurt you.

08:21.08

Miss Lou Lou

And when the child lashed out or didn't do exactly what that man said, ah the child would be physically beaten.

08:25.12

fatimabey

Yeah.

08:30.32

Miss Lou Lou

如果母親沒有照男人說的去做，她就會遭到毆打。

08:31.06

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

08:35.13

Miss Lou Lou

To the point where it turned into a sexual assault the child The man came in the room and told the child, you will do this.

08:38.95

fatimabey

毫米。

08:43.25

Miss Lou Lou

And the child was not able to fight back because the child did not know the child could fight back. All the child has seen is that if you don't do what I say, I will hurt you.

08:54.63

Miss Lou Lou

I will hurt your mom. I will take away this. I will do this. And that verbal threat and psychological aspect of knowing you're going to get hurt was just as powerful.

09:09.58

Miss Lou Lou

as actually getting hurt to the point where that turned into a sexual assault.

09:20.32

fatimabey

I had an episode a couple months ago, earlier this year, for those of you who are listening in the future, it's 2024 right now. And i the the episode is called, my children were molested right under my nose. And one of the key things that we talked about was the fact that the husband, and it was her husband at the time, was abusive to her. And then he became sexual abusive to all of the children.

09:49.57

fatimabey

她真的一無所知。但我們能夠指出，這其中存在著聯繫，從虐待她到虐待孩子有一個過程。

10:03.85

fatimabey

I personally believe, and you can correct me if I'm wrong because you are in a position where you literally at your job to do this. So I personally believe that when someone is abusive to the mother, when you, in the situation where there's a man abusive to the to the woman.

10:22.19

fatimabey

我指的是男人和女人，因為我最熟悉這段關係。我知道這種情況在其他性別、其他情況下也會發生。

10:27.93

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

10:28.44

fatimabey

But I'm not as familiar with those, so I don't talk about what I don't know. But when a man is abusive to the woman, eight times out of 10, he will soon follow to the children, whether it's sexual or physical.

10:42.71

Miss Lou Lou

100%。是的。

10：43.09

fatimabey

或者是精神上的。

10:44.66

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

10:44.52

fatimabey

或者是精神上的。

10:45.54

Miss Lou Lou

哦，從精神層面來說，他們已經在這麼做了。

10:45.74

fatimabey

sir

10:47.54

Miss Lou Lou

只是你還沒意識到而已。

10：47.89

fatimabey

是的，他們已經在操縱你了。

10:50.63

Miss Lou Lou

100%. Yeah.

10：51.40

fatimabey

是的。所以，如果你正在聽，而且你有孩子，而且你正處於這種情況，那就要知道你的孩子是下一個受害者。這聽起來很殘酷，也很刻薄，但該死，這是事實。

11:05.08

Miss Lou Lou

Mm-hmm.

11:04.81

fatimabey

所以我不在乎這聽起來是否刺耳刻薄。我希望你知道真相。我關心的是你能擺脫它。

11：11.02

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

11：10.78

fatimabey

and Now, I want to switch back over and talk to but talk to the teens for a moment because I think it's important, one of the reasons I had you come on is, you know, this is a show for teens.

11:15.60

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

11:18.46

fatimabey

I think it's important to get this message in the ears of teens as much as we can before it's too late instead of waiting till they're in an abusive relationship to try to get them out.

11:27.37

Miss Lou Lou

正確的

11:27.62

fatimabey

如果你是青少年，你想對現在的青少年說些什麼？

11:32.27

Miss Lou Lou

青少年們，你們需要找到自己的價值。你們不需要男人或女人來滿足你們，讓你們變得完整。你們需要自己找到它。這樣，當你們遇到那些操縱你們或虐待你們的人時，你們就能在它們發生在你們身上之前，甚至發生在你們身上的那一刻就意識到這一點。但如果你還沒找到自己的價值，你們就會認為這很正常。

12:00.82

Miss Lou Lou

you You'll find the the instant validation super nice, even though that instant validation comes with them telling you you're a worthless piece of crap two seconds later. But don't worry, it's because you're really pretty.

12:12.80

Miss Lou Lou

You'll accept things like that.

12：13.95

fatimabey

你說得完全正確，因為她們就是這麼做的。哦，不過別擔心，你真的很漂亮，然後我會用這樣一句愚蠢的評論來收拾它，這就是它本來的樣子。

12：20.46

Miss Lou Lou

Mm-hmm. Exactly. But if you have that worth in yourself, you'll recognize that abuse. Because right there, that's just manipulation. That's just psychological stuff. They haven't hit you. But at that time, we we need to stop it before then. And if you have the worth, you'll recognize it.

12：41.02

fatimabey

No self-worth makes you an easy target for a lot of things. It makes you an easy target for trafficking, for prostitution, for ah for being abused physically, mentally, or sexually.

12:48.32

Miss Lou Lou

100%.

12:54.65

fatimabey

You're just an easy target when you don't know who you are.

12:56.54

Miss Lou Lou

Oh, yeah. Exactly.

12：58.54

fatimabey

And they want you to stay that way, which is why they'll try to separate you from people, but they want you to stay that way. So knowing your self-worth, young women, grown women, it's really important. When we know our self-worth, we don't allow things to happen to us. And if you're listening right now, you're starting to recognize that there's a tear forming in your face right now because you know we're talking about you.

13：22.94

fatimabey

身體上的虐待或許還沒開始，但精神上的虐待已經存在。無論你的情況如何，現在做出改變還不算太晚。現在去尋找自我價值也為時不晚。

13：35.14

fatimabey

You just have to reach out to the right people and say, look, I know I need help with this. I don't know what to do. There's so many of us that want to help you.

13:41.70

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

13:42.47

fatimabey

我們很多人都願意幫助你。

13：45.74

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah.

13:46.00

fatimabey

It's my greatest joy to help people like that because I understand how it feels.

13:49.10

Miss Lou Lou

Oh yeah. Go to the school resource guide, go to the school, uh, nurse, talk to your teachers that you trust, talk to friends that you trust, uh, friends, parents, as long as they are safe people and they're not grooming you.

14:02.46

fatimabey

Yes, right.

14:04.73

Miss Lou Lou

去找他們。

14:05.72

fatimabey

I wanna add something on top of that. Sometimes there's people who won't go to systems. So school systems and and ah social work systems, any of those systems, a good portion of society who needs to hear who need to go to them won't because they don't trust them.

14：21.48

Miss Lou Lou

對。是的。

14:22.56

fatimabey

所以如果你正在聽的話，那就是你，Facebook 上有群組

14:27.80

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

14:28.42

fatimabey

There are groups of social media. There are groups of people that will look for them, that will help you. And if you don't know where to go, I have a page on my website called Other Help Go to the Bottom. You can find groups near you. Go somewhere. Because I promise you, if you seek us, you will find us. But if you we but if you don't seek us, we don't know you're there. You won't find us. And you'll sit in the same misery you're in.

14:53.05

Miss Lou Lou

確切地。

14:55.16

fatimabey

我不想看到任何人每天忍受露露小姐不得不面對的那些東西。我討厭這種事。真的。

15:04.03

Miss Lou Lou

Right.

15:04.49

fatimabey

我討厭她的職位甚至是必要的。

15:06.51

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah, exactly. And growing.

15:08.08

fatimabey

I would love for her to not have a job because because ah because it's not necessary, right?

15:11.25

Miss Lou Lou

阿門。那才是，那才是，那不會是我的新目標。我要靠自己的努力擺脫這份工作。

15:17.20

fatimabey

Yes, I would love for that to be, I would love for your job to not be necessary.

15：21.45

Miss Lou Lou

100%.

15:21.88

fatimabey

but As long as there are evil people in this world and messed up people who like to mess up other people, we're gonna need you because children are gonna be involved.

15:29.98

Miss Lou Lou

Exactly Yes.

15：32.33

fatimabey

And my biggest my biggest message to you out there, if you're listening and we're talking about you, Do something. It's time to to make a change. And if you're a teenager and you know you're in a relationship that just started, it's starting to look like that, but you want to give it a chance. You really like that. Johnny's been buying you flowers and buying you burgers and taking you to the movies and texting you at night, you up and all that stuff. That's that feels good in the moment and it does. It feels real good. I get it.

16:08.72

fatimabey

But it's not worth it. If you know that you see little hints of manipulation coming, move. Get out. Because he's going to leave you more damaged than when you came in.

16：17.62

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

16:20.38

Miss Lou Lou

Very much so.

16:20.03

fatimabey

就像我可以向你保證的那樣。

16:23.96

fatimabey

哦，露露小姐，我可以整天滔滔不絕地談論這個話題。因為我覺得它非常重要，而且我很高興你抽出時間和我一起做這期節目。

16:37.01

fatimabey

um And even though we started off with a completely different conversation, we quickly dove into this once we started talking about your job and it's like, okay.

16:39.94

Miss Lou Lou

Yes.

16：46.67

fatimabey

嗯，我真的很感激你的坦誠，我希望今天有人能聽到你的話，並能改變自己的人生。就算只有一個人，也值得你付出所有努力去改變。

17:01.19

Miss Lou Lou

100%. We just need to change that one person's life.

17:02.92

fatimabey

So thank you. Yes. One person is worth it. And anybody who doesn't like it, they can just go somewhere. I don't care. i i'm more I'm interested in who I'm reaching, not who I'm not. So ah for those of you who are listening, I'm hoping that you take this message. And even if it's not you, but you know it's somebody around you, that you try to do something. Try to have a conversation. Just try.

17:32.55

fatimabey

嘗試一下，因為有時努力可能就是他們所需要的動力。

17:37.46

Miss Lou Lou

確切地。

17:37.30

fatimabey

You'd be surprised what's going on in people's heads.

17:40.11

Miss Lou Lou

Yeah.

17:42.37

fatimabey

All right, Miss Lulu, do you have any final words?

17:46.86

Miss Lou Lou

Ladies, reach out. get Get that support system. Get that help. Go to the website if you don't and and get those other resources on the bottom of the page. Just make that change.

17:58.52

Miss Lou Lou

Make the but effort to put yourself and or your children first. Men are replaceable.

18:04.48

fatimabey

I.

18:04.99

Miss Lou Lou

Your children are not.

18:07.37

fatimabey

Yes, yes, yes, well said. I will also add that I will actually put a link to the other help page um in the podcast description so that you guys can, if you if you're that person and you need help, then go ahead and click on it and get the help that's near you. That's if you are in the US. I don't have a link for Canada, unfortunately, but I do have one for the US. So thank you.

18:36.05

Miss Lou Lou

Thank you.