00:04.88

fatimabey

And welcome everyone. Today we have with us Stephanie Jane. She is from Texas. She's a musical artist. She's an author and she's worked with rape victims in the Dallas Fort Worth area of Texas for over eight years.

00:19.65

fatimabey

She is also the owner of Sharing Hope and Healing and she is now an advocate for sexual assault survivors. So how are you doing today, Jane?

00:29.66

Stefanie Jane

I'm doing very well. Thank you.

00:31.64

fatimabey

Stephanie Jane, forgive me.

00：33.91

Stefanie Jane

That's okay.

00:34.83

fatimabey

All right, so tell us about why you are so passionate about this topic.

00:41.02

Stefanie Jane

嗯，我是一個兒童性虐待和強暴的倖存者。我三歲時就開始遭受性虐待了。所以我實際上是在那樣的環境中長大的，而且，

00：52.83

Stefanie Jane

我小時候真的非常孤獨，感覺被孤立。我根本無法跟任何人傾訴我所遭受的虐待。我的繼父曾經告訴我，如果我告訴任何人，他真的會殺了我。而我們在家裡遭受的虐待，並沒有讓我們懷疑他是否真的有能力殺死我們。

01:16.50

Stefanie Jane

嗯，因為我感覺很孤獨，所以長大後我真的很想接觸其他人。我了解到的統計數據越多，從統計學角度來看，在美國，25%的女性會遭受性侵犯。如果加上兒童性侵犯，這個數字就會上升到44%。

01：46.12

Stefanie Jane

So it's such an isolating trauma event that happens in our lives, but the reality is we're not alone. There are so many other women and men in America that have been through such similar experiences.

01：56.02

fatimabey

嗯。

02:01.86

Stefanie Jane

So I guess I'm kind of an example for people to say, you know what? She's gone through such terrible traumatic experiences year after year. And I was able to find my healing. And because I was able to find my healing, I want other women who have gone through similar situations to be able to find their healing also.

02：27.97

fatimabey

是的，我想插一句，回到你剛才說的那些數字，各位觀眾請記住，雖然這些數字是準確的，但它們只是根據報道而準確的

02:33.43

Stefanie Jane

Mm-hmm.

02:43.78

fatimabey

So the real numbers are probably doubled. I'm gonna go out to say doubled. I really believe that. And we're not talking about men so much today, but this subject applies to men too because they almost never report it, but their numbers are actually quite high.

03:00.92

fatimabey

if we were if they were reported. So I want you to keep in mind when you hear numbers, think about i think about what goes with those numbers. you know it's always Stuff like this is always higher than what's reported. And Stephanie, I love the fact that you are ah truly, truly, really an advocate ah for sexual assault survivors. And I love that you do that, and there needs to be more of it because I think we're going to see those numbers go up, not because of there's an increase in incidents, but I think there's going to be an increase in reporting. And I think we're going to see male numbers go up too, because we are changing as a society. And hopefully this will be a part of that. Now, when it comes to rape, I find that one of the biggest issues and as a advocate for sexual assault survivors, I know that you see this too.

03:52.68

fatimabey

How can someone recognize that they have been raped?

03:56.95

Stefanie Jane

嗯，你知道，這很有趣，因為如果你不太熟悉性虐待，我肯定能理解為什麼有人會感到困惑。

04:08.14

Stefanie Jane

嗯，你知道，酒精是排名第一的約會強暴藥物。

04:08.17

fatimabey

i mean

04:12.66

Stefanie Jane

And so, you alcohol is the number one date rape drug.

04:13.14

fatimabey

I'm sorry, can you repeat that again?

04:19.25

fatimabey

College students, can you repeat that again?

04：23.45

Stefanie Jane

Drinking alcohol is the number one date rape drug.

04:27.62

fatimabey

And it happens a lot on college campuses and most of those numbers are not reported either. And the number one way they do it, people think is roofies. They don't even need to go that far. You just need to get your ass drunk and then they could take advantage of you because it's real easy.

04:38.51

Stefanie Jane

Yep.

04:40.99

Stefanie Jane

It is.

04:40.90

fatimabey

That's a fact.

04:42.03

Stefanie Jane

It is. And you know, I mean, I think a lot of us have been there where we've taken one too many shots and we just can't remember what happened the night before. Um, and that's just a reality of going out in party and partying sometimes with people, but you know, there, there's evidence, there's evidence.

04:50.14

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

05:00.39

Stefanie Jane

Um, you know, I've, I've had crisis calls where women have called me and said, you know, I woke up, I went drinking last night and I woke up and just my thighs are killing me and my vagina don't feel right.

05:12.21

fatimabey

Mhm.

05:13.85

Stefanie Jane

And I don't know what happened last night or, you know, I woke up in a strange place and nobody was there.

05：14.01

fatimabey

Mhm.

05:20.81

Stefanie Jane

And I don't know how in the world I got there. So there are certain things that people don't have memory of. And of course, roofie,

05:28.76

fatimabey

Yeah.

05:31.32

Stefanie Jane

I'll tell you what, date rape drugs are almost impossible to dieest detect. Within 12 to 72 hours, those drugs can be completely out of your system.

05:43.10

Stefanie Jane

它沒有氣味，也沒有味道。所以有人可能把它放進你的飲料裡，而你卻渾然不知。

05:46.02

fatimabey

Mm-hmm.

05:49.34

Stefanie Jane

I've known women that have gone out and had a drink or two and they know that that's all they've had to drink.

05:49.00

fatimabey

Yeah.

05:56.29

Stefanie Jane

他們說，天哪，我感覺自己喝了四、五、六杯酒，然後就失憶了，我不明白自己是怎麼失憶的。

06:06.86

Stefanie Jane

But that's what predators are hoping for. They're hoping for the confusion because they've taken advantage of you and you don't even have memory of that. So I honestly believe that if you're questioning whether you had unconsensual sex the night before,

06：27.73

Stefanie Jane

You should probably get checked out because honestly, um I don't know what the rules are across the board in all states. Here in the state of Texas, it is now required that every hospital have a Sains nurse, which is a sexual assault nurse examiner.

06:36.67

fatimabey

Mm-hmm.

06:45.68

fatimabey

Ah, yeah.

06:47.16

Stefanie Jane

And so in the state of Texas, you can go to any hospital. And you have to collect that evidence within 12 to 24 hours after being assaulted. If you take a shower, unfortunately, I mean, your body is, ah unfortunately, your body is the Why am I not being able to say the word?

07：12.80

Stefanie Jane

Your body is the evidence that they need to be able to collect.

07：15.91

fatimabey

Yeah.

07:17.76

Stefanie Jane

And I know that it's not the most wonderful thought to think, I don't know if I was sexually assaulted. Now I got to go sit in an emergency room. But honestly, if you want to seek justice,

07:30.75

Stefanie Jane

if you want to see um If you want confirmation as to whether this help ah you know had happened to you or not, um most states have funding for rate exams to be done at no cost to you. So if you're worried about the financial side of things, um You really don't need to worry about that because the federal government comes in and pays those medical bills for you.

08:01.27

Stefanie Jane

如果你仍然感到不舒服，如果你來到急診室說“我認為我被強姦了”，那麼全縣每個縣醫院都必須對你進行 Sains 檢查。

08:11.39

fatimabey

Mm hmm. And even small clinics sometimes and in different states, a lot of your small clinics that are typically in lower income areas, I find that I've never heard of anyone that doesn't do rape exams.

08:29.23

fatimabey

嗯，他們通常也有這方面的資金，嗯，大醫院顯然是這樣的，但如果你在小鎮上，附近有一家小診所，那就試試吧，這對你來說可能是一種可能性，嗯，所以我們談到了，你知道，事實上，一旦你喝醉了，人們就會知道，你很容易成為強姦你的目標，但你知道

08:38.75

Stefanie Jane

yep

08:59.04

fatimabey

說到「roofies」（迷姦藥）這個詞，老掉牙了，但形容「daybreak drug」（破曉毒品）的詞兒可真多。這些詞兒都行，但如果有人跟我發生性關係，然後他們說，呃，嗯，他強行把我推到我身上，但我沒……我說過一次“不”，但我沒一直說“不”。所以我讓他乾了。我們再聊聊這個吧。

09:24.75

Stefanie Jane

Well, consent is extremely important. Two people need to agree whether they want to have sex or not. So if you're in a place and you feel like you're being pushed to do something you don't want to do, then that is sexual abuse.

09:32.52

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

09：40.71

Stefanie Jane

That is right. If you're uncomfortable having sex, then if you can leave the situation, leave the situation, but You know, there's, you know, I remember just to get real personal, I remember being in junior high school and being raped by Mr. Popularity. And he didn't have to force himself on me.

10:09.37

Stefanie Jane

我對這種情況感到不舒服。我說過幾次“不”，但他卻用各種方式操縱我。啊，你知道的，就是這樣，掠食者知道該攻擊誰。

10:21.87

fatimabey

They do.

10：23.33

Stefanie Jane

And so they know who has low self-esteem.

10：26.02

fatimabey

Mm-hmm.

10:28.26

Stefanie Jane

They know who has an uncomfortable home life. They just have a way of picking out the person that they you know know how to take advantage of.

10:33.27

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

10:42.80

Stefanie Jane

you know Rape isn't about sex. Rape is about power and them taking

10:45.73

fatimabey

No, it isn't. Yep.

10：50.28

Stefanie Jane

power and control over you and so if somebody's manipulated you to have sex that's still rape because you did not consent which is why alcohol is such a ah major component because when you're under the influence it's really hard to consent it's really easy to just go with the flow um So consent, you know, if you didn't agree to have these sexual activities, then it's still right. Just like when Mr. Popularity, you know, he didn't have to hit me.

11：30.96

Stefanie Jane

He didn't have to do any physical harm to me because I did have low self-esteem. And by that age, I had been sexually abused for so long by so many different people at that point. He was number five for me. He was the fifth person, and I was only in junior high at that point in time. So he was the fifth person that had sexually abused me. And in my mind, that's kind of where what I thought.

11:59.39

Stefanie Jane

我當時就想，好吧，上帝創造我就是為了讓我成為男人利用的工具。我的心態就是這樣的。正因為如此，這個男人很容易就能掌控局面，並以某種方式操縱我，嗯，

12：16.75

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

12:20.95

Stefanie Jane

你知道，他說過他要做的所有事。嗯，他說他要在學校裡散播關於我的謠言。他要毀了我的人格。他甚至要，你知道，我當時還在音樂界，嗯，哦，好吧，我要去散播關於你和你的身份的謠言。可悲的是，現實最終還是發生了這些事。

12:51.63

fatimabey

Wow.

12:52.57

Stefanie Jane

他還是去了，而且，你知道，不幸的是，我的主要名字是摩爾。所以，啊，不幸的是，學校裡太多人叫我史蒂芬妮·摩爾這個婊子。作為一名強姦和兒童性虐待的受害者，這深深地打擊了我，

13:18.06

Stefanie Jane

People can manipulate you by so they watch you and they see what affects you negatively. You know that bully in school knows that they're bothering you. So they're going to keep bothering you because to them they're low self-esteem that seems to build their esteem up.

13:35.60

Stefanie Jane

但掠食者也常常會遇到同樣的情況：他們知道要尋找那些自尊心低的人，那些了解他們煩惱的人，他們知道自己能夠掌控並控制他們。所以對我來說，我就像個活靶子，因為我非常沮喪。不幸的是，

14:04.23

Stefanie Jane

That's a reality and um it's a sad reality because you know somebody's in a low spot and you're taking advantage of them.

14:12.15

fatimabey

是的。

14:13.39

Stefanie Jane

我不認為我們應該到處假裝自己不是我們原本的樣子。如果我們處境悲傷，那麼說實話，對我們來說最好的方法就是去體會這些情緒，並且允許自己去體會這些情緒。

14:25.27

fatimabey

Yeah.

14:28.78

Stefanie Jane

Because if we stuff those emotions down, then yeah they're going to pop back up at some other time. you know We're either going to heal from it or we're gonna get worse from it.

14:40.91

Stefanie Jane

所以，嗯，我不是說要公開露面，做些不同的事情，但我認為我們需要意識到我們如何融入這個世界，如果我們融入這個世界，並且我們一直很沮喪，這就是我，我們把這一點掛在袖子上讓每個人都看到，

15:05.56

fatimabey

嗯嗯。嗯嗯。

15：08.72

Stefanie Jane

we become a bigger target.

15:10.61

fatimabey

Absolutely.

15:11.86

Stefanie Jane

You know, it's sad, but it's true.

15:13.52

fatimabey

I. I will say this, i I'm going to take what everything you just said and dive a little bit deeper into the concept because you're 100 percent right, you're 1000 percent right, really.

15：27.08

fatimabey

我說這是打擊強暴、販賣和性騷擾的最佳方法之一，因為歸根結底，當你從更大的角度來看待它們時，它們都是一樣的。

15:41.95

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

15:42.01

fatimabey

They produce the same results. They do the same things. They just do them in different ways. The best way to combat against that is to reduce the victim pool.

15:53.01

fatimabey

The best way to reduce the victim pool is by building up women and making sure they know who they are, which is young girls, not just women, forgive me,

16：03.65

fatimabey

young girls because those young girls become women who rule the world and change the world because we they know who they are.

16:11.61

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

16:11.58

fatimabey

當我們不知道自己是誰的時候，我們就是所有操縱者、所有想要控制你的混蛋的最佳目標。順便說一句，那些混蛋並不總是男人。

16:24.50

fatimabey

Sometimes they're women.

16：26.14

Stefanie Jane

Yeah. Oh, yes.

16：26.92

fatimabey

That's not just down on men because it's not always men.

16:30.31

Stefanie Jane

不。

16:30.14

fatimabey

ah The women don't get reported as much, but they do stuff.

16:32.82

Stefanie Jane

不，但我想說的是，就兒童性虐待而言，對吧？因為在美國，每10個孩子中，就有1個，無論男女，每10個孩子中，就有1個在童年時期遭受性虐待。

16：40.53

fatimabey

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:45.68

Stefanie Jane

And the reality is it's often the babysitter, it's often the coach.

16：51.64

fatimabey

是家裡的某個人，叔叔。是的，家裡的某個人。有很多很多的數字反映了這一點，因為我以前做這類節目的時候，出於好奇，查過這些數據。

17:00.58

Stefanie Jane

Mm-hmm.

17:03.34

Stefanie Jane

Yeah.

17:06.08

fatimabey

And yeah, you're a hundred percent right. Um, I want to talk about something else that I know that some of our listeners who maybe haven't been raped and they haven't been listed or sexual assault in any kind of way, but.

17:08.96

Stefanie Jane

Mm-hmm.

17:19.24

fatimabey

how I want them to walk away with something that they can use in their own lives. So how what are the telltale signs, what are just a few of the signs anyway, of someone who has been raped?

17:32.50

fatimabey

也許我們有一個表親、一個朋友、一個姪女、一個街區的某個人，等等。

17：36.87

Stefanie Jane

Right.

17:36.71

fatimabey

What are some of the signs we can look at?

17：38.01

Stefanie Jane

Well, if you're really close with somebody and I mean, you're going to notice subtle changes with that person because, you know, when somebody has overpowered you, that leaves you in such a traumatic state that there will be definite signs.

17:55.97

Stefanie Jane

Um, you know, is that person losing weight or is that person gaining weight? That's a huge one. Are there eating habits normal anymore? Um, I would say, you know, are there bruises on that person?

18:06.16

fatimabey

Hmm.

18：10.23

Stefanie Jane

你知道，這是值得思考的事情，特別是如果他們還年輕的話。嗯，憂鬱症怎麼辦？

18:15.93

fatimabey

那麼恐懼呢？

18:18.27

Stefanie Jane

就是恐懼、焦慮、擔憂，所有這些。當然，憂鬱症通常會發生，嗯，你不會知道為什麼那個人會改變這麼多。一個曾經非常積極的人，一個曾經上學並且熱愛上學的人，突然間他們不再上學了，他們不再那麼在乎學校了，他們不再在乎自己的外表了。你知道，一個曾經喜歡打扮得漂漂亮亮去上學的人，現在他們就像…我不想再化妝了，不想再做頭髮了，也不想再扮可愛了，我只想去上學，喜歡我的慢跑褲和…

18:28.49

fatimabey

Yeah. Yeah.

19:03.64

fatimabey

Yeah.

19:04.83

Stefanie Jane

You know, so it's it's little subtle things that you're gonna notice. Another big one is if somebody used to be a hugger, you still like physical contact with you, and all of a sudden they they're standoffish. They don't want you to touch them anymore. That's a huge sign. A lot of women that have been sexually assaulted no longer want anybody to touch them.

19:31.91

Stefanie Jane

每當我遇到剛剛遭受攻擊的倖存者時，我都會問你，我可以擁抱你嗎？

19:43.70

Stefanie Jane

如果您認為某人遭受了性侵犯，那麼詢問這個問題是很好的。

19:43.29

fatimabey

是啊是啊

19：50.55

Stefanie Jane

我可以擁抱你嗎？我可以進入你的私人空間嗎？因為他們的私人空間被偷走了。所以，你能做些什麼小事來幫助他們重拾生活中的主動權？所以，要留意他們曾經擁有力量的領域，那些他們曾經渴望追求的東西。如果他們現在不去追求這些東西，那麼開始問一些小問題會是個好主意，例如，嘿，我注意到你對事情的態度有點不一樣了。我現在很擔心你。

20:29.41

Stefanie Jane

Is there anything I can do to come alongside you right now? Is there anything that's happened that has caused you to change in any way?

20:40.25

fatimabey

When it comes to fear, I just want to go back to that particular one.

20:43.83

Stefanie Jane

sir

20:43.73

fatimabey

我之所以這麼說，是因為我認為我們說到「恐懼」這個詞，我們都理解字典裡「恐懼」的定義。但當有人……我要重新表達你所說的部分內容，因為你所說的部分內容其實就是恐懼。

20:58.11

fatimabey

You are standoffish from hugging anyone. that is rooted in a fear so when people have new fears that pop up or where there was one's joy has been replaced with a fear and that fear can be of different things depending on the details of the person's life that's an indicator that something traumatic has happened look for fears new fears

21:23.05

Stefanie Jane

是的，是的。

21：25.76

fatimabey

或增加的恐懼或不合邏輯的恐懼，它們的出現是有原因的，而以前是沒有的。

21：33.00

Stefanie Jane

Right.

21：33.07

fatimabey

And this goes beyond just the subject of rape, it just in all trauma, something that's common, fear, fear, fear.

21:36.45

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

21:40.38

fatimabey

And I have just something I've learned through talking, counseling a lot of people, but also talking to a lot of therapists and and and people in positions like yours. Um, you know, for the listeners that fear is such, that's such a big deal.

21:55.37

fatimabey

Um, which good.

22:00.75

Stefanie Jane

Fear is interesting. Fear is interesting. you know As you know, I wrote a book, Fear Not For You Redeemed, and I've studied fear for many years.

22：07.12

fatimabey

Mm-hmm.

22:11.67

Stefanie Jane

I used to be controlled by fear. and In so many areas, I didn't even realize I was being controlled by fear.

22:17.41

fatimabey

Yeah.

22：20.58

Stefanie Jane

還有嗯

22:25.08

Stefanie Jane

I wasn't, you know, i I could, I was an extremist, right? I could go from one end of the spectrum to the other. There was this part of me that would put out this like really happy persona of this is who I am. And I love being creative. And so I would love being able to be on stage and and do those sort sorts of things. And so if I was involved in those sorts of things in that timeframe,

22：53.86

Stefanie Jane

我會為此感到無比高興。我會過度分享，以此掩飾我的恐懼。

23時01分22秒

fatimabey

Overcompensate.

23：02.47

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

23：02.06

fatimabey

Yeah.

23：02.87

Stefanie Jane

所以這很有趣。

23:03.26

fatimabey

Yeah.

23:05.03

Stefanie Jane

所以有時候恐懼是可以被識別為恐懼的，但其他時候，就像你說的，它是過度補償，你知道，所以如果在另一端，如果你注意到你的朋友就像啦啦隊長一樣，

23：14.39

fatimabey

Good point. Very good point. Yeah, very good point.

23:23.86

Stefanie Jane

Because just that's just a thing, right? And so is your friend a cheerleader? And they were in it for whatever reasons. And maybe it was the guy on the football team that had taken control and had raped her. And now she's going to go out and she's going to go be a cheerleader. And now she's going to do over and above whatever she's done before because now she wants to pretend it never happened and she wants to overcompensate and I'm gonna be the best at this and this is what's gonna make me feel so good inside that I forget what happened to me. So it's kind of interesting. You can look at somebody and say, okay, this person's gone down the tubes in this way or you can say,

24:17.20

Stefanie Jane

I've noticed you really trying to put yourself out there and make yourself acceptable to everybody and try to make everybody love you and try to make everybody um come alongside you in a different way.

24:37.30

Stefanie Jane

Do you know what I mean?

24:38.48

fatimabey

absolutely most masking most masking no matter what topic we're talking about actually most masking is rooted in an insecurity of some sort we don't put ah yeah and very very valid point because sometimes we don't recognize people because they do put on a mask

24：40.50

Stefanie Jane

這很有趣。

24:50.75

Stefanie Jane

So it's not always that person that's going into depression.

25：01.75

fatimabey

but you have to know someone to recognize what is or isn't a mask.

25:05.76

Stefanie Jane

確切地。

25:05.72

fatimabey

So sometimes you're not gonna know it if you don't know the person, you're not gonna be able to recognize it, but if you do know the person, these are the things you can look for.