fatimabey

我們應該做什麼或不做什麼，尤其是當我們認為有人被強姦時我們不應該做什麼？

25：25.43

Stefanie Jane

Well, like we stated, you know, power has been, that that's the whole point but behind rape is somebody having control of you and being, you know, taking your power.

25:33.89

fatimabey

Right.

25：37.36

Stefanie Jane

所以，幫助這個人重新獲得力量非常重要。一些小事

25：43.06

fatimabey

Good.

25：46.53

Stefanie Jane

You know, don't tell them, hey, you need to call the the national rape hotline over at rain. You need to, don't don't use words like you need to.

25:57.99

Stefanie Jane

You can make suggestions. you know I happen to come across Raines National Hotline, and they have advocates that answer the phone all day long, and they could help you in this place right now. Or give them ideas for, um you know I notice things are a little different right now. We're not communicating the way we used to.

26:27.60

Stefanie Jane

I miss that help them feel loved again help them feel connected with who they are because you know a lot of people become very fragmented when rape occurs you know it is a soul shattering experience and it is as a as a close friend that's what they need they need a close friend to hear them

26:32.32

fatimabey

Mhm.

26:41.66

fatimabey

Mhm. Mhm.

26：57.70

Stefanie Jane

They don't need you to necessarily fix it. If you're the first person they've ever told that they've been raped or assaulted, honestly, the best thing that they need in that moment is somebody to listen to them and love them and not judge them.

27:15.17

Stefanie Jane

And so can you come alongside them and let them know that you're a safe place? And so if they find that you're a safe place,

27：21.97

fatimabey

Yeah.

27:25.48

Stefanie Jane

然後他們就會更頻繁地來找你。如果他們發現你給他們的是好的建議，而不是要求，如果你給他們好的建議，他們就會回來找你，繼續和你一起走出去，得到一些治癒。然後你就可以慢慢地提出建議了。所以，你知道，

27:50.88

Stefanie Jane

this seems to be affecting you, have you thought about seeking counseling? I honestly believe that anybody that has been sexually assaulted needs counseling. It there it it is something, and but nobody, most nobody is like, I was raped yesterday and I'm gonna go into counseling today.

28:01.17

fatimabey

Oh, 100%, 100%.

28:09.56

Stefanie Jane

but

28:10.18

fatimabey

Yeah,

28:10.70

Stefanie Jane

doesn't normally happen.

28:10.85

fatimabey

right.

28:12.10

Stefanie Jane

there's There's some things that need to take place for that person.

28：11.74

fatimabey

不，不是這樣的。

28:16.36

Stefanie Jane

But, you know, RAIN, Rape Abuse Incest National Network has, if you go on to their website, you can put your zip code in there and they will tell you what rape crisis center is in your area and they will give you the phone number so that can get you connected with an advocate in the area.

28：35.13

fatimabey

That's good.

28:36.25

Stefanie Jane

美國各地都有強暴危機中心，提供免費諮詢，這些諮商師都接受過專門針對強暴創傷的培訓，他們會幫助你經歷這個過程，解開創傷。所以，作為朋友，你應該提出建議。不要要求他們做任何事。你這樣做只會讓他們再次受創。

29:02.13

Stefanie Jane

如果她們不願意談論某個特定領域的事情，即使她們把整個故事都告訴你了，然後就閉嘴不說了，也沒關係。身為她們的好朋友，在那一刻放下一切，因為她們已經走到了那一步，在那一刻已經盡力了，在那一刻，就做個朋友，說一聲，謝謝你與我分享。最糟糕的是，你永遠不能對強暴受害者說「我理解」。你幾乎永遠不能對強暴受害者說「我理解」。

29:40.16

fatimabey

Why not?

29：41.57

Stefanie Jane

You can relate with that person, but nobody has the exact mental capacity that you went through. Nobody was traumatized exactly the way you were. Nobody's events that happened are exactly the same. You can relate with them, but you do not understand. Nobody can get inside your brain.

30：04.67

Stefanie Jane

我完全理解你的感受，也完全理解當時發生的情景。德州反性侵協會，在德州意義重大。

30:18.45

Stefanie Jane

他們把這些話牢牢地灌輸到你的腦海裡。千萬別說你理解，因為這樣會冒犯別人。不，你真的不明白。

30:26.26

fatimabey

Mmm.

30:27.59

Stefanie Jane

No, you don't.

30:27.40

fatimabey

Bye.

30：28.47

Stefanie Jane

You don't understand. You might relate with some parts of what had happened, but you don't understand. To say you understand is a blanket statement.

30:38.51

Stefanie Jane

所以你理解他們當時的想法。你理解他們的情緒，你理解他們的身體。你做不到，你做不到。假設一個諮商師已經和這個人相處了兩年，他們或許會說，我理解，因為你已經和這個人在精神上、身體上和情感上表達了自己。所以他們或許能理解。但如果有人是第一次跟我說他們的故事，我肯定無法理解。

31:10.84

Stefanie Jane

我能理解你的感受，但我不明白。理解意味著你能夠理解他們所經歷的一切，無論是精神上、身體上或靈魂上。

31:13.80

fatimabey

Very, very good point.

31:23.66

fatimabey

I think that is a very good point in that what you just said applies to a lot of other topics too. You know, stop saying that you understand someone else's trauma that you haven't been through. You can, you can, there are other ways, but it just comes across as insincere and fake and airheaded.

31:42.01

fatimabey

And when that happens, those of us who are trying to explain our trauma, we now want to clam up because we just see you as ridiculous. And that's just a fact.

31:51.12

Stefanie Jane

是的。是的。

31:52.89

fatimabey

Now, something that often occurs when someone ah confesses a rape. for the first time, it takes a lot for someone to open up and actually admit that it happened to them. One of the worst things you can do is be like, you lying ho. And that we might not say those exact words, but we say those words with our actions sometimes. So I get angry. Um, I get very, very, very, very angry when

32:30.78

fatimabey

人們不被相信，但我有時理解為什麼人們不被相信，所以斯蒂芬妮簡讓我問你有什麼危害，假設我和這個傢伙發生了性關係，我現在真的非常尷尬，所以現在我想指控他強姦，因為那種糟糕的事情發生了，那有什麼危害

32:54.16

Stefanie Jane

Oh, yes. Well, that discredits all the people that have gone through that abuse. Anybody who's been raped, it's, you know, so few people choose to go get a Sains exam.

33:01.19

fatimabey

Yes.

33：08.65

Stefanie Jane

So it's his word against her word or his word against his word. However, it happened. It's one person's word against the other. And you, when you lie about being sexually assaulted, you're taking credibility away from the people who have been sexually assaulted because the reality is you, in most police departments, and I mean, I live in the Dallas area, these cities around here are giant, but we still only have one police officer per town that specifically works on sexual abuse cases.

33:30.10

fatimabey

yes

33:48.61

Stefanie Jane

當他們覺得聽到的是謊言，然後發現是謊言時，在下一個案子中，在他們面前的下一個女人或男人，他們就會清楚地記得，他們經歷了這一切，說過同樣的話，結果發現他們在撒謊，所以那個警官很難相信你，即使你說的是實話。所以你正在剝奪那些真正經歷過這種事情的人的信譽。這很可悲，因為我在達拉斯-沃斯堡地區見過這種情況。我不會透露那個警官是誰。不幸的是，他們幾年前剛被解僱。嗯，

34:39.89

Stefanie Jane

But there were survivors I knew of that was in his office telling him their story. And it was a very hard thing to get them to go report the abuse.

34:50.44

fatimabey

Yeah, it really is.

34:52.53

Stefanie Jane

And then to have a police officer look them in the eyes and say, well, I don't really believe you. In fact, I don't believe most of the women that come in here. That's hard.

35:04.39

Stefanie Jane

That's a hard thing for somebody

35：07.07

fatimabey

這會讓我想對他做一些違法的事情，但因為我知道，當女性誣告任何人強姦或猥褻時，我會非常生氣，因為她們所做的就是再次傷害受害者。

35:26.27

fatimabey

because then then then it is true it's not just police officers it's other people who might be on the fence who might actually believe you but they've only seen women use it as a tool and and it re-victimizes the victim because now if they now they're just like it takes a lot for them to come out so much for them to come out and and

35:43.97

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

35：46.48

fatimabey

be vulnerable like that to admit it.

35：49.26

Stefanie Jane

Yep.

35:48.94

fatimabey

And then it's like punching you in the face, you know, when you're just not believed and you're like, well, forget it. I'm just never going to say anything again. And that produces so many bad things for them.

36：00.66

Stefanie Jane

Well, you know, my mother didn't believe me. I remember being in kindergarten and telling my mom that Big Jimmy was fondling me and touching me and doing all of these things. And she said, Stephanie, I know he's a bad man, but he's not that bad. That crushed me.

36：24.27

Stefanie Jane

So you don't believe me. That just left me feeling so much more shame. That left me feeling more depressed. That left me feeling like I don't matter. Like, you know, okay. um Where can you go if your own mom doesn't believe you?

36:43.64

fatimabey

So if a woman is not, ah let me just not just say women, cause it does happen to men a lot more than people realize.

36:50.77

Stefanie Jane

Yeah.

36：51.92

fatimabey

If a person is not believed, what should they do? What can they do?

36:58.74

Stefanie Jane

Honestly, if you want to seek help and even if your family doesn't want to seek, you know, help for you, there are, I mean, like we said, there's rape crisis centers all across the United States. There are ways for you to, you know, even rain. I mean, you could call there the national hotline.

37:21.16

Stefanie Jane

你可以說，你知道，這些都是發生在我身上的事。如果你像我五歲的時候那樣，那是不可能的。你知道，我跟我媽說了，我媽不相信，我忍了，根本無法接受。但如果你12歲、14歲、16歲，不管你多大，你跟父母說了，你父母也不相信你，你知道，

37:50.99

Stefanie Jane

We need to be our own advocate. We need to know that what happened to us it wasn't o okay. And there is a way to go seek healing.

38:03.45

Stefanie Jane

你知道，老實說，我想不出美國還有哪起真正的創傷事件需要認真對待，因為有太多的服務了。

38：12.82

fatimabey

sometimes.

38:14.71

Stefanie Jane

There are so many resources for people, but you know not everybody wants resources.

38:21.38

fatimabey

I was just going to say, not everybody trusts resources. We have become so systematic and systemized in how we treat our mental health care in this country that a lot of people who need it the most won't go get what they need.

38:35.10

Stefanie Jane

Right.

38:34.94

fatimabey

And that is a problem. That's a problem for all of us. It's a problem for all of us, because if you are messed up, you're going to go out and you're going to mess up more of us. So it's a problem.

38:45.42

fatimabey

這就是我們所有人都面臨的問題。

38:47.08

Stefanie Jane

Yes.

38:46.77

fatimabey

So it's a problem for all of us. and I want to add to that if you are listening and you're one of those people, because I know that somebody listening is one of those people. If you don't feel like you can go to a system, then at least go to a person because holding it in and blaming yourself will solve nothing.

39:04.55

fatimabey

In fact, it'll cause more problems for you. It'll give you ulcers and other physical health issues because they almost always come along with it, right?

39:10.16

Stefanie Jane

是的，是的。沒錯。我的意思是，我們已經討論過統計數據了。你認識另一個倖存者的機率比你想像的要高得多。

39:22.91

Stefanie Jane

所以現實就是遵循你的直覺。

39:22.94

fatimabey

Yeah.

39:26.64

Stefanie Jane

We have an intuition. If you get used to following your intuition, think about your friends. Think about, you have safe friends. You have unsafe friends too.

39:38.95

Stefanie Jane

So think about who your safe friends are and and reach out to them a little bit and say, you know, this happened to me and I'm,

39:44.24

fatimabey

Yeah, exactly.

39:49.75

Stefanie Jane

not feeling comfortable about it or i'm I'm having a hard time forgetting about it. It's coming up in my memory. You know, there's so much. I tell my girls this all the time. I like to go into ah safe houses and lead Bible studies throughout the DFW and always tell my girls you cannot heal what you do not reveal.

40:12.11

Stefanie Jane

對我們來說，用語言描述發生在我們身上的事情非常重要。

40:12.26

fatimabey

Mhmm.

40：20.85

Stefanie Jane

Put the words to, you know, the actions already happened. So now put words to what has happened to you in a safe environment.

40:30.86

fatimabey

Yes.

40：31.89

Stefanie Jane

because a lot of people who have been raped don't have good boundaries anymore. Some people go on one extreme and want to tell the whole world what had happened to them and then they get the whole world giving them information and it's information overload and it doesn't always help. It just puts you in a bad place and some people are going to now make, you know,

40:54.78

Stefanie Jane

Not everybody's safe. They can do negative things with that information.

40：56.53

fatimabey

Right. man I'm so glad you said that.

40:59.51

Stefanie Jane

um So that's why you need to go back to your intuition. Is my intuition telling me that this person is a safe person so that I can say something to them.

41:10.53

Stefanie Jane

And once you, I mean, I've had hundreds of women come up to me and tell me, I've never told anyone this, but, and then they tell me their story.

41:21.20

fatimabey

Mm hmm.

41:24.85

Stefanie Jane

obviously I'm a safe person and so people feel comfortable being able to say that but I will also say that I go onto a platform all the time and within 30 seconds somebody in the audience knows that I'm a survivor of rape and sexual abuse and so that they feel comfortable coming over to me you know it's so important you know that

41:45.41

fatimabey

Right.

41:49.00

Stefanie Jane

The sexual abuse movement that's happened in the last 10 years is all about shining the light on this, breaking the silence. I hear it from every organization and every realm in America right now from the big, the big organizations, all of the little ones, break the silence.

42:08.07

Stefanie Jane

break the silence, say it happened to you, admit that to the people, to the safe people around you, because I bet you you will be surprised at who comes back and says it happened to me too.

42：22.04

fatimabey

Yep.

42：22.77

Stefanie Jane

I relate with you.

42:24.19

fatimabey

Yes.

42:24.82

Stefanie Jane

This is what I have found has helped me, and this is what I have found hasn't helped me. So when we're willing to, and it is a little uncomfortable, you know, it was a little uncomfortable uncomfortable for me to be like,

42：37.96

Stefanie Jane

Okay, here in the DFW, I feel like everybody knows my story. I feel like I can walk into a restaurant and somebody's gonna be like, oh, there's Stephanie Jane. She's a survivor of child sexual abuse and rape.

42:50.84

Stefanie Jane

我已經痊癒了，不再感到羞恥。

42:55.64

fatimabey

right they do

42:56.54

Stefanie Jane

That wasn't my fault. And I think a lot of people that have been raped think it's their fault. Well, what if I didn't go there? What if I wasn't wearing that outfit? What if I wasn't hanging out with these people? And they questioned so much of what they had done. How could I have done it different? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened to you. But honestly, you have to accept what's happened to you.

43：26.00

Stefanie Jane

女性很難接受自己遭受強暴的事實。但我覺得，當你接受它的時候，你更有可能跟你最好的朋友簡說，嘿，我很難受。我很難接受，因為這就是發生的事情。我敢打賭。

43:48.66

Stefanie Jane

If you talk to enough safe people, when you get to that place, you'll be amazed at who says, you know what? It happened to me too, and I can relate with you.

43：59.69

Stefanie Jane

And there's so much healing when we come together in that place and say, oh my goodness, you've been there too.

44：02.16

fatimabey

There is.

44:07.41

Stefanie Jane

I'm not alone. That loneliness lifts. and you start to be able to connect with people in a way that you never could before. So it can bring you closer to people and it can give you a love for people in a way that you never understood before.

44：26.82

fatimabey

Do you have any um words, just anything that we haven't already said ah that you could speak to rape victims if they're in the audience right now.

44:41.20

Stefanie Jane

I would honestly say if you're a victim and you've been carrying around the weight of that for far too long and you're confused right now, as far as even if it happened to you, I honestly think that you're not alone. Unfortunately, 25% of us in America have walked through the same thing and that you you can find your healing where you are right now, whether it happened to you three days ago or 30 years ago, there is healing for you out there but you have to come to a place that you say, I want something different. I don't want to live in my depression. I don't want to live in my fear. And if you don't want to live in your depression and in your fear, then please go seek help because it is such a deep soul wounding trauma that has happened to you that it is valid.

45:42.48

Stefanie Jane

And it is important that you go find people that can come alongside you to help you heal. And if you're confused as far as where to start, start with your local rape crisis center or don't even start there. Start with RAIN or start with Stop It Now. Stop It Now organization. They are a national organization and they specifically work with children under the age of 14.

46：10.06

Stefanie Jane

and RAIN, Rape Abuse Incest National um Network. they work with children, or excuse me, from 14 and above. So those two organizations in my mind are the most pivotal organizations that you can be involved with, and they will lead you onto your path of healing. They are an amazing first step, and you are worth your first step. Trust me, healing is not easy, but living in a life of depression and suicidal thoughts

46：43.05

Stefanie Jane

That's so much harder. It's so much harder. You are worth your healing. I promise you.

46:50.61

fatimabey

I know that was probably hard for some of you to hear, i'm mostly for those whom it's for. For those whom it's not for, that wasn't hard to hear. But if it's really for you, that was hard to hear. But everything that she has said is absolutely true. So, Stephanie Jane, tell people what you do and how they can find you.

47:13.18

Stefanie Jane

Yes. So I've been a rape crisis center advocate for 15 years now in the Texas area. And I love to connect people to resources. So if you're not sure where to go or you heard of a website today and you're like, where did she get that from?

47：33.73

Stefanie Jane

You can always go to my website, Stephanie under or Stephanie Jane at why am I all messed up? Stephanie Jane.com and there's a tab there.

47:46.16

Stefanie Jane

for seeking help and all of the resources that I said today and many, many more are right there. there's If you're not in a safe place right now, if it's your parents that are assaulting you, I guarantee you there is a safe place for you to be.

48：06.94

Stefanie Jane

如果你在德州，或下雨，我知道很多不同的中途之家和庇護所願意收留強暴受害者，讓他們進入安全的生活環境。你值得住在一個安全的地方，所以如果你需要這些資源，請造訪我的網站。

48:28.13

Stefanie Jane

um So other things that I do is I created an album, See Me Change. It's a rock and roll album. It's not a Christian album. It's just good old rock and roll.

48：40.23

Stefanie Jane

I love it.

48：40.87

fatimabey

Mhmm.

48:41.61

Stefanie Jane

And it walks people through my path of healing. And I also wrote my book, Fear Not For Your Redeemed. It's a 365 day devotional.

48:52.97

Stefanie Jane

walking through your healing with Jesus Christ because I firmly believe that when we turn to Jesus Christ for our healing, He is faithful and He will heal us from the inside out.

49:08.55

fatimabey

嗯，謝謝你，簡，謝謝你來參加。嗯，我真的很喜歡這次談話。這真是太棒了。嗯，我真的很感謝你，不僅僅是因為你來參加這個播客，也感謝你為這麼多受害者所做的一切。我相信你所做的比人們意識到的還要多。謝謝你。

49:32.02

Stefanie Jane

你。