FOR PARENTS: Relationship Modeling & The Realities Of Sex for This Generation (Episode 7)

Listen or Read: The Choice is Yours

轉發一下——今天可能有人會需要。分享這集。


為這一代塑造關係和性現實

我是「心靈轉換者」法蒂瑪‧貝 (Fatima Bey),很高興能分享最近一期「心靈轉換力量播客」的見解。在本集節目中,我與來自北卡羅來納州的兩性關係教練兼教育家克里斯蒂娜·莫雷利 (Christina Morelli) 進行了一次坦誠的對話。我們探討了兩性關係塑造的重要性以及當代人對性的看法,並為家長和青少年提供了寶貴的建議。


關係模式:以身作則

Christina 強調了人際關係塑造的重要性,並強調孩子們透過觀察周圍的成年人來學習人際關係。她強調了正直生活的重要性,並以你希望孩子效仿的方式建立人際關係。 Christina 也分享了人際關係塑造的例子,例如珍惜人際關係、公平競爭、坦誠相待和展現脆弱。


這一代人的性現實

我們深入探討了這一代人的性現實,承認兒童在年幼時就接觸了性內容和錯誤訊息。克里斯蒂娜強調了就性、同意和健康關係進行公開坦誠對話的重要性。她也強調,有必要解決色情和社群媒體對年輕人對性和身體認知的影響。


給家長的建議

我和克莉絲蒂娜為家長們提供了一些建議,告訴他們如何與孩子進行這些具有挑戰性的對話。我們強調了儘早開始、誠實透明、不帶評判地傾聽以及尊重界限的重要性。我們也分享了一些資源,例如書籍和網站,可以幫助家長在不同年齡進行此類對話。


行動呼籲

我們鼓勵父母成為孩子在人際關係和性方面獲取資訊和指導的主要來源。我們敦促他們營造一個安全開放的溝通空間,讓孩子們能夠自在地提問並分享自己的想法和感受。我們也強調了樹立健康人際關係和行為榜樣的重要性,為孩子樹立正面的榜樣。


思維轉變時刻

與克里斯蒂娜的這次談話有力地提醒了我們作為父母的影響力,以及開放溝通和樹立健康行為榜樣的重要性。透過誠實、透明並願意進行艱難的對話,我們可以讓孩子做出明智的決定,並駕馭複雜的人際關係和性。


要了解有關 Christina Morelli 的更多信息,請點擊下面的連結。

https://www.christinamorellicoaching.com/

  • 我可以閱讀本集的完整文字記錄嗎?

    Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. So to on today's episode, we have with us Christina Morelli. Christina from Christina Morelli Coaching.


    She is out of North Carolina, and she is a very passionate certified relationship coach and educator. And today, we're gonna talk about relationship modeling and the realities of sex for this generation. Now we're gonna do something a little different today because today, we are actually going to talk specifically to parents. So parents, listen up. And if you're a teenager listening, you probably just gonna you're probably just gonna yell at this the, audio and say, preach your own sister.


    So, Christina, how are you doing today? I'm awesome. Fatima, how are you? I'm I'm pretty awesome. I'm really happy about doing this episode.


    We had a lot of conversation, like, really long conversation about doing this episode, and and I'm really excited to to, to do it. So, Christine, let's start off by telling us more about what you do. Yeah. I am a relationship coach and educator, and I like to throw the word educator in there because there are a lot of aspects of relationships that are skills that can be developed. Mhmm.


    然而,我們從未正式學習如何掌握這些特定的技能。我們學習的是技能,才能為職場做出貢獻,卻沒有學習如何真正建立有效、有意義的人際關係。人際關係中可以學習的不同面向包括溝通,以及積極傾聽。雖然這些面向很廣泛,但我把它們分解成不同的方法,為人們提供框架,讓他們逐步完善,讓每一步都變得更容易,因為人際關係本身就很複雜。而人性則更加複雜。


    So when you combine two people with different backgrounds, different values, it's really important to have those skills available to actually create a really strong bond between two people. Well, isn't a relationship supposed to be just about falling in love and great sex and that's it? I wish it was that easy, Fatima. I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, no.


    If you want to actually have a healthy relationship that lasts a long time and you enjoy for a long time. Right? There's there's one aspect of relationships where you're in a relationship but aren't really happy for it in that in that relationship. And that often is because we don't have the self awareness or the training around the skills of what it means to actually be able to sustain Mhmm. A really passionate long term relationship.


    The trope and idea that after so much time, we fall out of love or we lose interest in each other or we grow apart, all of that can actually be corrected at any point early on or even in a deep long term relationship to foster and nurture a more intentional mindful relationship. Very, very true. I I just wanna add a little sidebar there. I think sometimes people, when it comes to relationships, because they don't understand themselves or the purpose of a relationship, they're making the wrong choices with a mate in the first place. Absolutely.


    Picking somebody just because they're nice or sexy or have money, and those are all those are all things, and they do matter. But, but they're not enough, and they don't it doesn't mean that they match you. Yeah. Absolutely. And the compatibility aspect is so often overlooked.


    Oftentimes, people confuse the initial chemistry between people as compatibility, and that is not true. I I completely agree. Yeah. Let's dive into what we really wanna talk about. I can't wait.


    Tell the audience and, again, we're talking to parents specifically in this episode. So what is relationship modeling? What do we mean when we say that? What I think about when I think of relationship modeling is living with integrity in the sense of I'm going to participate in my relationships in the way that I would want my children to engage in relationships. I'm sorry.


    Can you repeat that again for the people in the back? Yes. It's living with integrity. It is you live it's it's you engaging in relationships the way you would want your child to engage in relationships. So it starts with looking at yourself as a parent and looking at the actions that you're doing.


    What are you living? What are your children seeing? What are your children experiencing? Even if it's not being seen, they are still experiencing the reverberations of what's happening within a relationship. And when you can live with the integrity of doing what you say you're going to do or what you're going to preach to your child to do, you can have more meaningful conversations with your children and avoid the, well, you don't do that, or why do I have to do that, but you don't have to do that.


    Right? And we fall into this trap of, like, well, I'm an adult. I can do what I want, or things are different because I know more. That's not necessarily true. And your children are way more sensitive and attuned and observant than we give them time before.


    它太聰明了。太聰明了。我們知道你很聰明。你只是個孩子。你什麼都不知道。


    They're soaking up everything that we do. Everything we do. Everything we do and everything we say, and they're learning from it. Can you let's talk about some examples of of what of what relationship modeling looks like. Absolutely.


    One thing that you talked about when we were preparing for this call was if you're bringing people home all of the time, different people. For why don't you why don't you share that, and then I'll add my 2¢. Sometimes we don't again, as parents don't realize, our children are learning about relationships from us, period, good or bad, whatever we're doing. They're learning about what a healthy relationship does or does not look like. And sometimes they're learning about what relationship doesn't look like.


    So we teach them what the value of relationship by how we value them. So if we are just being a hoe and bringing home somebody every two weeks, and that's not a gendered word because there's some men hoes too. So Yes. We are just and I'm exaggerating a little bit. But if we are just bringing home, you know, a a different mate every couple of weeks or every other month we have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, that's bad.


    We're teaching them that relationships are shallow. We're teaching them that relationships aren't to be valued. I completely understand you can date whoever you want, and it is your prerogative to go out with as many people as you want, and you just want a whole bunch of friends with benefits. Hey. You're an adult.


    That's your prerogative. But it's you take it to another level when you bring them home in front of your kids. It teaches them. You know? It teaches them bad things.


    我來告訴你。你所說的這些模式,我們成年後也會帶著它們走。我們不會責怪父母,因為身為父母,你透過行動和言語表達的,很可能就是你小時候被灌輸的。所以,這可以追溯到代際訓練,或者你可以稱之為代際創傷。所以這不是你的錯。


    Right? But you can break that cycle and start setting the new example. Another example I like to talk about is how do you fight with your partner. Oh my god. Yes.


    好好談談。如果你大發雷霆、辱罵、威脅、無視他人的感受和經歷,或是忍受不該自己忍受的糟糕經歷,那你就是在做榜樣。你做的每一件事,你的孩子都會注意到。你這樣做很可能是因為你的榜樣是如此。而阻止這種情況的唯一方法就是保持清醒的頭腦,意識到正在發生的事情,並決定做出不同的選擇,決定以不同的方式參與,並學習如何以不同的方式參與。


    The it's it's not as easy, I guess, as just deciding. The important aspect is I don't want to keep acting like this, or this isn't what I want my child to to do. So I need to make different decisions, but I don't know how to make different decisions because I never had the opportunity to witness a different option. Right. So that is where, you know, therapists come in, coaches come in, or, ultimately, something as simple as Google searching.


    You know, what is the best way to talk about sex with my child? What age should I start talking about sex with my child? Because it starts so young from as early as playing with very sexualized Barbie dolls Mhmm. To TV shows. Porn is so accessible now.


    我們越能和孩子進行坦誠、無所顧忌的對話,我們作為成年人就越有責任以誠信的態度生活,為孩子創造一個安全的空間,讓他們可以來和你談論性。談論性並不意味著鼓勵他們發生性關係。當你能夠就性和兩性關係進行坦誠開放的對話時,這是一個很好的方式,可以確保你的孩子掌握足夠的信息,讓他們自己做出正確的決定。我想稍微借用一下克里斯蒂娜剛才說的話,換一種方式和各位聽眾說。身為父母,你知道,正如她剛才所說,我們是在成長過程中遇到的各種情況中長大的,有時我們的父母自己也很糟糕。


    I mean, let's just be real. They weren't perfect. They were yelling all the time, and we we you know, sometimes we we are expected to have healthy relationships when we've never actually seen a healthy relationship. It's like expecting someone to drive who's never been taught how to drive. And, you know, as parents, all we can do is to do our best.


    And sometimes your best may be coming from a place where of of ignorance. You don't know. You're but you're still doing your best. So, you know, as Christina said, it's not like, oh, let's meet up the parents. You're doing a terrible job.


    You're making a bad example. And maybe some of you are making bad examples, and maybe some of you are really good. But for if you if you know that I just described you, okay. So now you know so you can make a change. Even if you don't know how to have a healthy relationship, you do know how to not to have an unhealthy relationship in front of your kids.


    如果你是,那你就得改變,現在就可以做出決定。如果你是,你知道,一個家長,你會想,哦,天哪。我太不完美了。你知道,我每年都會和不同的人約會。好吧。


    每年都不一樣。嗯。如果你一生中有過不同的男朋友或女朋友,那也沒什麼不正常的。明白嗎?所以別覺得這只是為了責備你,因為事實並非如此。


    That's not abnormal, and you're not teaching them to to devalue relationships. But if it's too frequent, I I brought that up because it's a real freaking issue. I see kids all the time. They're just like, oh, well, my mom was had a different boyfriend every other week, or my dad sleeps with 10 women. You're you're teaching we're teaching our kids, period, no matter what we're doing, good or bad.


    Yeah. You're normalizing certain behaviors and activities that we wouldn't necessarily want our children to replicate. If you don't want your children to replicate it, don't do it. And you can't and and, again, you can't do anything. I wanna add this.


    You can't do anything about the past. Like I said, if if we're talking about you, okay. We're talking about you right now. So what can you do about it? You can make a change from now.


    And that change can be have a huge positive impact on your child. When they see that you used to do x y z, but now you're doing a b c, they learn from that too. So as parents, you're not expected to be perfect. Anybody who thinks a parent's supposed to be perfect needs to wake up because they're only living in a dream. Yeah.


    Okay. Part of being a parent is also learning, from your parenting because we make mistakes. Yes. And you don't know what you don't know until you are a parent. Right?


    You can have all these ideals around being a parent. I mean, I'm I'm a great example of, like, oh, I would never do that with my child. And then once you become a parent, you're like, oh, I understand what it means. I wanna murder this kid right now. Well Right?


    So the realities are different than what we what we imagine parenting to be, and you're right. We all do the best that we can. And what I really appreciate about what you said is, like, we can make a new decision at every at any moment in our life to to move forward in a better way that that shows value. I I love the quote. Like, today is gonna be the first day of the rest of my life, so I'm going to make better decisions every single day.


    And we will falter. We will fall back into old patterns. It is inevitable. But the Right. What the great, example that you can show is, like, yes, I started faltering, but I'm getting better.


    我變得越來越堅持。這對孩子們來說非常寶貴,對吧?我可以告訴我的孩子,例如,我知道我以前約會過的人對我不好,現在我決定改變這個做法。我會用我的行動,而不是言語,來告訴你。


    Yes. And and showing that you can make a shift in your life for the better to be a better person, to live a better life because you start to value yourself so much more. And then you get to then show your children what it means to value yourself as a human being and know that you deserve certain aspects of life. Right? You deserve respect.


    You it is a human right for love. It is a human right for pleasure. It is a human right to to engage with other people in a way that feels good to us. And you don't have to engage in unhealthy ways, like having people scream at you, calling you names, or leaving you and then coming back, leaving you and coming back. Right?


    Or you doing the other one, the other you being on the reverse aspect of that. So every day is is the first day of the rest of your life, and you get to make that choice to live it differently. I wanna add something and speak to a very specific audience in this moment. If you are a woman that has that has a boyfriend right now that beats on you, you're dealing with domestic violence. Mhmm.


    This especially applies to you. I have been the child of watching that. And let me tell you, it it does traumatize your children. And I'm not saying that to give you a guilt trip. I'm saying that to give you a reality check.


    請你走出去。如果你真的走出去,就像她剛才說的,向他們證明,你可以走出去,而且改變是可能的。這比所有其他不好的事情給你的孩子帶來的教訓要深刻得多。是的。我只是想補充這一點。


    謝謝。好了,雖然沒有過渡,但我們還是要進入下一部分。是的。我們要討論這一代的性。是的。


    And and what the realities of sex are for this generation. And I'm gonna say this bluntly, and then I will let Christina take it from there. But something that we talked that I said to her in in in our conversation before this is for parents listening, have a seat. Brace yourself because this is reality. The average 10 year old right now could tell you how to suck a dick.


    是的。我剛才就這麼說了。這絕對是真的。這不是什麼好事。我同意你的觀點,這真的很糟糕,不應該如此,但事實就是如此。


    We are so electronically connected that you can't chill shield your children unless you live like the Amish. You cannot shield your children from the realities that are out there. That's so true. And speaking of things better teaching children, when you have access, when porn is so easily accessible, when bodies are so highly sexualized on social media with AI nowadays taking celebrities' faces and putting them on different bodies, and you can't even tell that it's not the celebrity because the AI is so good Mhmm. Creates such a dysmorphia around the ideas we have of what sexy is, what beautiful is, what sex is in general, especially when we think about porn.


    Porn is such a a look. I'm a fan of porn, I'll be honest. I don't really watch porn, but I'm not a shame I'm not a porn shamer by any means. I think porn can add value to people's lives in the sense of, like, giving people permission to do some naughty things that maybe they're ashamed of and an opportunity to be like, okay. Maybe this is something I'm into.


    But I the the important aspect of teaching children is, like, this isn't reality. Okay? Your body's not always gonna your body's not gonna look like this, most likely. And having really rough sex that you see in porn doesn't probably feel good for most women if we're if we're being honest. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.


    So we need to have really honest conversations with children at young ages around, you know, just even, like, as young as, like, one or two. Like, these are the body parts and using proper names for them. And you can't shield your children from this. They're going to get their hands on it either way. Yeah.


    Yeah. We cannot shield our children from it. So the younger you can actually start talking about these conversations and topics, the more likely they're going to be able to make informed decisions for themselves based off of somebody that they trust, rely on, and feel safe with, which is you, their parent, their caregiver. And there's so many influences. You were talking about pimps and hoes when we were when we were You took my line.


    聊天。不行。去吧。對不起。不行。


    Go for it. What I was saying what I was saying to Christina, I was gonna bring up here is that this is one of the reason we had such a long conversation. As as parents, I'm I'm I'm saying gonna say a few shocking things because you need to understand the reality that our kids are living in. The tradition of talking about the birds and the bees when they're older can't be that that can't happen anymore. They if you think your kids haven't seen porn, you're wrong.


    Unless they have lived under a rock or you like I said, you live like the Amish, they have seen porn. I promise you they have. They're not gonna share it with you because they know it's not okay, but they have. And that's the reality that they're living in right now. I mean, I I know eight year olds that could tell you a lot of sexual stuff that I haven't even done.


    And that sounds crazy, but it's reality. And here's what I have to say about like, I wanna, you know, go on with what Christina said about, you know, you gotta talk to you gotta talk to these kids when they're younger about sex. When, for me, I say, and I have said it for years, as soon as they're curious about sex or where babies come from, you need to be the one to answer that. If you brush it off, they're going to answer it because they're curious. They're gonna satisfy that curiosity one way or the other.


    And if it's not from you, it's gonna be from Johnny Nasty Boy down the street, uncle from up the block, or pimps and hoes that are all around them at school. And when I say pimps and hoes, I'm talking about mentality. I'm not necessarily talking about actual pimps and hoes. But I'm I'm just giving that that, the the personalities or the mentalities a name. So they're going to get this information.


    他們總是會以某種方式學習性知識。如果他們能從你這裡學習,那不是最好?嗯。如果他們從你這個家長那裡學習,那就意味著他們可以來找你談談。如果他們能和你談談,你就能減少別人在他們大腦或身體上留下的不良影響。


    Right? Exactly. There's no way to avoid the social influence of sex, but there are ways to provide wisdom and insight as their number one person in their life. And it starts as something as, like you said, asking like, when your child asks where do babies come from, I I believe one of the best approaches is asking them, like, what do you know about it so far? Yes.


    And seeing what they do know about it. If there's misinformation, now is an opportunity to correct any misinformation and be a reliable, credible person that they can talk to and count on to be honest with you. The sex education we have nowadays that is happening too late, in my opinion, is what celibacy, wear protection. Nobody's actually talking about the realities of sex. Right.


    Consent is huge. Right? Consent is way more than just sex. You should ask for consent to even touch another human being because some people aren't comfortable with touch. Some people who have been abused or molested don't feel comfortable giving hugs.


    And that's another way you can actually model consent with just family members, your children. If your child doesn't wanna be touched, don't touch them. Respect their boundaries. Show them that what it means to be to have boundaries and have them respected. So in the future or even in the present, when those boundaries aren't respected, they get to be able to recognize, like, my boundary is being crossed, and now I have a chance to voice like, that's a violation of my boundary, obviously, probably in different terms.


    Right? But you understand the idea. Mhmm. But it doesn't matter because no matter whether it's you, school, TV, social media, the Internet, we have so many influences, those pimp and hoe influences, like Fatima was saying, that will will curb their curiosity or give them wrong information or information we don't want them to base their decisions off of. So you have to be willing to have these conversations with them early and young and what that looks like, what it looks like to have consent, what it looks like to engage in sex.


    Does sex always mean penis and vaginal penetration? Right? No. It doesn't. And they're Not nowadays.


    現在不行了。確實如此。我讀過一篇文章,讓我很難過,說很多小孩甚至不再接吻了。他們只是因為看了A片就直接發生性關係。這就是他們被灌輸的模式。


    So people are already even engaging in, like, those hot make out sessions that I Yeah. You know, you had when you were a teenager in the back seat of your car. And it's just oral sex for some reason. Yes. Oral sex is huge amongst elementary school kids.


    And I know y'all don't wanna hear that, but it's true. It is actually true. It really is true, and it's it's heartbreaking, but there are things we can do. Right. Exactly.


    我們無法阻止,但我們可以告知他們,給予他們知識,讓他們變得更強大。克里斯蒂娜,我認為你用的最有力的詞是「誤導訊息」。嗯。身為父母,如果我們不回應孩子好奇的事情,我的意思是,除了性之外,實際上,你幾乎肯定會讓他們從別人那裡得到誤導性的信息。這對我來說更可怕。


    I would much rather see parents you know? And it's an uncomfortable conversation. Let's not pretend like it's oh, yeah. Let's just easily talk about that. And maybe in some households, you can easily talk about that, but, in a lot of households because there are parents out there who already do this, then they do you know, they're very sexually open with their kids from from the get go.


    But there's a you know, I think the greater portion of parents are not comfortable with this because they they probably weren't raised like that. Mhmm. But we have to keep in mind, our kids are growing up in a completely, totally, and utterly different world than we did. Some of those traditional ways don't work anymore. Mhmm.


    And one of them is ignoring or pretending, you know, ignoring the conversation about sex or pretending like they're not curious, and it doesn't matter. If you haven't had a conversation about about sex with your child and they're 13, trust me. They they're already going there. Mhmm. And I know y'all don't wanna hear that, but it's true.


    嗯。我認為這是一場重要的對話,你知道,需要人們去理解。是的。我認為關鍵在於誰先到達那裡。對吧?


    Yeah. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. You're right. Who who gets there first?


    在我們討論的這些話題上,誰先引起你孩子的注意?你肯定希望自己是第一個參與這些對話的人。你肯定不想等他們主動提起。這樣做是可以的,尤其是當你對性話題感到羞恥,或者有很多偏見或信念,這些偏見或信念可能對你或你孩子的需要都不利時。對吧?


    嗯。但如果我們能先一步到達那裡,進行那些無恥的對話,那就很難了,因為出於某種原因,性仍然是禁忌,我認為它應該被正常化。我認為性應該像天氣一樣被談論,因為它是我們人類最重要的生物學驅動力。就好像我們天生就應該從大腦中最爬蟲類的部分開始繁衍。所以性將成為我們生活的一部分,僅此而已。


    And if you can start if you can start engaging in those conversations now, I would suggest doing that. Just yeah. To add, I think that because we're gonna wrap it up. But I think that these two subjects, relationship modeling and, and sex, are probably the two hardest discussions to have with kids without kids. And but they are the strongest points of discussions you can have with your kids if you really wanna bond with them.


    And you really want them you really want them to see you as a resource for information. Because if they see you as a resource, if they see you as someone they can trust with information, you can make a big giant difference in their lives instead of letting all these other outside influences do it because they're just pimps and hoes. You you want you want you wanna be the answer influence and not the pimps and hoes. Hoes. Yeah.


    And Fatima, I'd like to ask a question that I think might be helpful. So what advice would you give parents on how to engage in the sexual conversation? It's really hard for parents to be able to see their children, their babies, as, like, their own individual autonomous human being that at some point is inevitably going to have sexual desires. Those conversations are super uncomfortable for a lot of parents because they want to maintain that, like, purity and innocence. So how do you how would you suggest, you know, being able to objectively put yourself in a position to have that conversation and remove any of that discomfort or at least lessen the discomfort around having those sexual conversations with your with your, quote, unquote, babies.


    因為當孩子是你的孩子時,你會很難過。就像,那是你的寶貝。你在保護他們。你愛他們的天真。你愛他們的純真。


    當你開始敞開心扉,就能消除那種錯覺,例如「我的孩子是一個獨立的個體,是的,有自己的慾望。隨著他們長大,這些慾望不可避免地會發生。」 那麼,當你很難接受你的孩子已經長大到可能真的想要開始發生性行為的時候,你有什麼建議來應對這些對話呢?首先,我很高興你問了這個問題。


    It's first, it is not easy. You want we want our babies to stay babies. They're precious. We love them. Remember when they used to cling to us when they were four?


    They ain't four no more. Mhmm. I think the bigger the the what can help mentally because I'm a mind shifter, so I I help people to shift their thinking to accomplish whatever they need to accomplish. For for me, not just with childbearing, but with anything, look at the bigger picture. Believe in the value that that conversation will have for them.


    And if you really look at that and see it as bigger than the discomfort that you will have from having that conversation, It's easier to have that conversation. I'm not saying that it's easy. So, let me let me rephrase that because I I I don't think it's easy. But being willing you have to be willing to admit that your child's gonna your child's growing up. And as simple as that sounds, it is not easy.


    But at the same time, if you take too long to realize that, there are repercussions that they will pay for if you don't. Mhmm. They're gonna make mistakes that you could have helped them to avoid. Yeah. And and if you if your child is a teenager and you haven't had those conversations, it may be too late to go back to adolescence and take back what they've done, but start to ease into those conversations now.


    You can still do that. You can start now. You can always start now on any subject, just about any, actually. You can always start now from where you are because you can't start from where you aren't. Yes.


    Start now from where you are and try to ease into those conversations. Don't just come at them all at once and try to go from a to a to z all at once because that's just gonna make them run away. Yeah. Ease into the conversations bit by bit, subject by subject, talk about things little by little. And even if you just say, look.


    I know I didn't have these conversations with you, and I should have. You know, I just wanna make sure that I'm not being ignorant as a parent. What do you think about this and that? Sometimes just being that transparent can be mind blowing to a teenager. Like, oh my god.


    I can actually I can actually talk to anyone. And and the other key thing is when they say something you don't, like, don't cut them off and start yelling at them. That is the absolute worst thing you can do. Even as an adult, if somebody starts doing that to you, how do you react? Mhmm.


    Teenagers are no different. The worst thing you could do is tell them how stupid their ideas are or how wrong they are. And even if they're wrong even if their ideas are stupid and wrong Yeah. Listen first. Yeah.


    At least listen first. And then, like, I don't think that's a good idea, but here's why. You can still have that conversation because you're right. If you're if you're right, you're right. But don't immediately cut them off and start yelling because what you're telling them is they can't talk to you, and they need to go to the pimps and holes instead.


    Yes. And I'm putting it that bluntly because it really is that extreme. Yes. And there's some really good resources. I can if you wanna put them in the show notes, Fatima, of some awesome books that can help with starting the conversation or even informing you as a parent, how to have these conversations at different stages, different ages.


    Like, there's one that's called sex is a funny word for really young people. There's a a sex education for teens book. Right? And it goes throughout this list goes through, like, the different age stages and some really awesome supporting books that talk about boundaries, consent, LGBTQ plus community, puberty, what's happening to the body, and how this is going to impact their lives in the sense of how they're gonna start interacting with other other people from a relational and sexual perspective. So I think maybe it would be helpful to provide some of these resources, because, you know, in this twenty twenty, thirty minute podcast, we're not gonna be able to give you all the details, but there are the resources out there to support that change moving forward.


    我還想補充你剛才提到的,例如,當你能夠坦誠地對待你的孩子時,這也是一個很棒的榜樣。對吧?是的,是的,是的。


    Awesome way to model to your child. Like, I'm gonna be vulnerable and transparent. This isn't an easy conversation for me because I love you, and I wanna I want to keep that innocence. You're my baby, but the reality is x. And I want us to be able to have a an honest conversation.


    你當時教給他們的是如何以一種健康、坦誠的方式與彼此溝通,這樣你才能感到安全和信任。是的。坦誠地說,你看。這場對話對我來說很難,但我想進行,因為我認為這很重要。即使他們當時看著你就像你瘋了一樣,他們可能會「嗯」。


    It's not about reactions. It's about results. Mhmm. All of parenting is. It's not about reactions.


    It's about results. The result that you're gonna get from that is more openness to you. I love that. A big deal. I love that.


    說到這兒,我想我們得結束了。克里斯蒂娜,如果有人對您的關係指導服務感興趣,他們該如何找到您?是的。您可以在我的網站 ChristinaMorellicoaching.com 上找到我。我的 Instagram 和 Facebook 帳號是 Christina Morelli coaching。


    歡迎隨時私訊我或郵件給我。我很樂意聽取您的意見。如果您有任何成功案例,或有任何疑問,我很樂意有機會與您聯繫。好的。好的,感謝克里斯蒂娜的到來,感謝她與我們進行了這場艱難而深入的對話。


    I love these conversations. Me too. And you all can reach out to Christina, if you're looking for her coaching services. Thank you, Fatima. I appreciate the work that you do and being able to provide these conversations and opportunity to listen in to other teens and helping the parents out, it it is not an easy road.


    所以我很欣賞你的作品。哦,沒問題。謝謝你。當然。現在讓我們換個思路。


    For you parents that are listening today, I truly hope that you got something out of today's episode, even if it's just one small thing. I know that facing realities that we don't like can be difficult. Hearing things that we don't like can be uncomfortable, but it's necessary for you to move ahead. You can't change the past. You can't go back and change how you've done things before now, but you can do something about moving forward.


    And my hopes are that you heard some things today that help you move better forward one way or the other. And if you're a teenager listening, just understand this is not easy for your parents. And even if you think they're old and out of touch and they should just leave you alone, Let if they're trying, meet them halfway. Please do that. Meet them halfway.


    Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.