Fattima Bey: 0:10

Welcome to MindShift Power Podcast, the world's only podcast built to empower the next generation. I'm your host, Fatima Bey the MindShifter, because shaping tomorrow's world starts with conversations we have today and welcome, welcome everyone. Today we have with us Claudia Noriega Bernstein. She is out of Nevada in the United States. She's a life coach and the host of Don't Shrink to Fit podcast. She is originally from Peru and a powerhouse woman who I can't wait to talk to you. How are you today, Claudia?

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：0:48

I am so happy to be here with you because I know this conversation is going to be juicy.

Fattima Bey: 0:54

It will be Absolutely so. I'd like to dive right into it. So tell the listeners something. Tell the listeners about you.

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：1:02

I am originally from Peru. You're correct. I was born there and raised there. When I was very young somebody very close to my family, not very young like a child, but when I was a young teenager, I was very much in love with somebody and I thought my life was going to be like the fairy tales that we watch or read about. And somebody close to my family had something with this person and broke my heart and after that I really lost every desire to fall in love, follow love and I kind of was pushed into a marriage that was extremely abusive for five years. I got pregnant and after that he was very violent with me. I lost the baby and I ran away and I came to the United States to start over. I didn't want that life for me anymore. I didn't really have anything left in me as far as self-esteem or love for myself, but somehow there was a little light in my soul that was telling me there is more for you you can't stay here.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 2:08

於是我來到美國，重新開始。我遇到了我孩子的父親。四個月後，我和他結婚了，我想我真的結婚了。大部分時間我並不愛他，他也知道，但我非常需要被愛，需要善良，需要歡笑，需要陪伴，這就夠了。愛情不在考慮範圍之內，這沒關係。

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：2:32

I ended up falling in love with him. We had a happy marriage for almost six years, have three daughters. But then, you know, he made some choices that were not aligned with me and he kind of brought me back to that place where I was before you know, that place.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 2:49

That not enough, not worthy of. And so I left him. And it was very hard because at that moment, you know, you look around and you see the house, the cars, the clothes, the purses and everything and you're like I mean, I can look the other way, nobody's going to know. But I knew, I knew and I had to look at myself in the mirror and I have three little girls and I have to love myself, or at least learn to love myself, so I can teach those girls to do the same and not follow my footsteps at that point of my life, but create a different narrative, a different story, a different happy ending. And that's what I did. I put my big girl shoes and started working and started creating what I believed was meant for me. And at the beginning I didn't believe it, but I trusted that there was something more for me and I kept on going and little by little, I created the life that I have now.

法蒂瑪先生：3:55

從「我不相信自己」到「我要嘗試」之間的橋樑是什麼？

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 4:00

I think it was more the reason, not the bridge. I didn't want my girls to have my story. I didn't want my girls to grow up thinking they have to be a work for love. Be somebody. I grew up being the good girl. My mom wanted me to be Whatever in her head that was. I believe that in order for me to receive that love, I needed to be that person.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 4:30

當我意識到自己非常不快樂，感到心碎，甚至感覺自己沒有目標時，我轉過身看著我的女兒們，她們就是我的動力。是她們支撐著我日復一日地堅持下去，即使我覺得自己不夠格。我看著她們，然後說，好吧，我這樣做不是為了我自己，而是為了她們。現在我這樣做是為了我自己。現在我知道，先給我戴上氧氣面罩並不自私。現在我知道，我值得擁有我所能擁有的一切。

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：5:04

Now I know my enoughness and I truly believe that when you know your value, you stop giving discounts. You just stop. You say no, I am going to set my boundaries and this is not going to happen to me again. I am not going to allow it and I am meant for more. And you really have to have that belief and even the days that you have doubt, you got to trust the process and know that God has your agenda and he didn't bring us here to suffer. He didn't bring us to allow people to hurt us. So if you're in that situation, you need to really look at yourself in the mirror and say is this the life that I'm supposed to live? No, okay, am I scared? Yes, shedless scared, but I'm going to keep on going because I know that at the end of the tunnel there's going to be the light.

Fattima Bey: 5:54

What I just heard, what I grabbed from what you said. One of the things I grabbed from what you just said is that it wasn't a feeling, it was a decision. It wasn't a feeling. Feelings will follow your decision and what you just explained that's one of the biggest things I heard out of it, because people feel scared, they feel unworthy and that's not going to go away overnight, but the decision to overcome it and the decision to move on beyond it is what the feelings will follow later.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 6:44

You agree, yes, and you know what, excuse me. You start collecting evidence. You start collecting evidence that you are in the right path. Even if they are tiny little steps forward. You collect evidence and that evidence becomes that fuel, that bridge that will bring you to the other side.

Fattima Bey: 7:05

So we're here today to talk about women who are shrinking themselves or silenced, not speaking up. There are many different ways we could word it. What does a silenced woman look like? What are the signs?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 7:30

I think a silent woman, and I'm just going to describe myself because I was very much. What are the signs? Think that she has something to bring to the table.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 7:43

She thinks that nobody's going to believe her, nobody's going to listen. What would I try? Are you kidding me what everybody's going to think of me? I just better be quiet. I should withdraw and listen and obey and just be what other people want me to be, because if I don't make waves, if I don't show up big, if I don't make noise, then people are going to like me better and I'm not going to have any conflict. That's a silent woman, but behind all that, that, you see, is a belief that she's not enough and that she's not worthy of more.

Fattima Bey: 8:24

Yes. So why is the silent woman a bad thing? The woman you just described? What's wrong with that? So she's obedient, she falls in place, she conforms to what society says she's supposed to be, what her parents taught her that you don't speak up and you fall into place. What's wrong with that?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 8:46

嗯，我認為我們之所以如此，主要原因是南美洲有很多這樣的人。我來自秘魯，從小看著我的母親、祖母和姑姑們長大。她們覺得就應該吃烤焦的麵包。她們繼承著自己的角色。她們認為這些期望代代相傳，而你所能追求的也不過如此。我們學習如何去愛，如何犧牲，如何保持沉默。這些我們都是從其他世代學到的。所以，我們為什麼要吵鬧？為什麼要表現得與眾不同？這本來就該如此。所以，保持安靜，照著吩咐去做就好，僅此而已。而我，身為一個男人，我會養活你，我會給你一棟房子，你會得到照顧，而你的工作就是照顧我，生兒育女，保持安靜。

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：9:47

當然，在過去的幾年裡，當然，在過去的幾十年裡，很多事情都改變了。但和我同齡、和我一起上學的人，仍然抱持著同樣的信念，同樣的狹隘信念，他們覺得自己沒有權利擁有事業，追逐夢想，實現自己一直渴望的事物，因為他們被灌輸了這樣的觀念：這些不適合他們，僅此而已。問題在於，他們把這種觀念傳給了孩子。於是，又一代人帶著同樣的狹隘信念生活。現在，我們可以尊重祖先的足跡，從他們的錯誤中學習教訓，過著不同的生活，但我們不認為這是一種選擇。如果你看到你的表親、姑姑、鄰居過著同樣的生活方式，你怎麼能讓自己成為改變現狀的人呢？只能原地踏步，因為這就是人們的期望。這正是悲哀之處。你沒有足夠的力量去打破這些模式，或是你覺得這樣並不好。你覺得自己還不夠強大，無法打破這些模式。

Fattima Bey: 11:00

But what's wrong with staying there? What damage does that mindset do to the woman who holds it?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 11:08

You shrink into fit, you will never know your potential, you will never achieve those dreams and you will never really know what being happy and joyful and fulfilled and accomplished feels like. You don't have that. You won't get that evidence because you're afraid. That's the problem. They're afraid, they're afraid to show up, oh my goodness. And you know what. And society also labels you. Because if you are that woman that is a go-getter, that wants to have a business, that wants to be successful, then it's like, oh, I wonder what she did to get there.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 11:48

Sometimes, we women are our worst enemies because we cannot do it. So then, instead of empowering that other woman that is breaking the glass ceiling, we judge her. Why is she doing that? I wonder who helped her. I wonder what she had to do to get there. Instead of saying good for you, girl, I'm following your footsteps. I want that too. Thank you for giving me the courage. Thank you for showing me what's possible for me.

法蒂瑪先生：12:17

Yes.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 12:18

So that's exactly what the mind shift happens when you understand that that is also possible for you. You just need to want it bad enough.

法蒂瑪先生：12:29

I'm going to piggyback off of some of what you said One of the other things that is harmful. Well, I asked you specifically how is it harmful to the woman? But I'm going to add to it how it's harmful to the society that they're in. When you have women who are silent, who are full of potential, full of intelligence, full of life, full of ideas, full of innovations, when they shut up, our whole society suffers because now the cure for cancer is not being found. The next invention is going to have to wait another hundred years because we shut up Maria, and Maria had the answer. When women shrink to fit, we all suffer because now that great potential in them has been stuffed into a tiny little box that they don't really fit in. It hurts all of us, not just the woman.

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：13:23

但我們允許這樣做，而這正是令人悲傷的部分。讓我很快告訴你一些事情。當我 21 歲的時候，我寫了我的第一本書，那本書是由別人出版的，因為他是個男人，他讓我相信沒有人會讀這本書。我的意思是，你是個女孩，你太年輕了，你知道這是你的，你應該感到自豪，但沒有人會買這本書。我的意思是，你是個女孩，你太年輕了，你知道這是你的，你應該感到自豪，但沒有人會買這本書。如果你出版了它，而他出版了我的作品。但事情是這樣的，我允許這樣做。是的，我允許那個人這樣做。你知道我有多少次要把行李箱裝進去。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 14:04

我的節目名叫《別為了合身而縮小》，因為我不得不一遍又一遍地提醒自己，我再也不會為了合身而縮小，我再也不會把別人的信念當成自己的信念，我要創造自己的信念，我有能力創造我想要的生活，我想要信念，我有能力創造我想要的生活。我不需要別人替我創作。我不需要別人告訴我能不能。我知道我相信我能。就在那時，我的人生發生了翻天覆地的變化。

Fattima Bey: 14:36

Yes. So if a young woman is listening to you right now and she's currently living that shrinking to fit life, how can she get out of?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 14:44

that shrinking to fit life. How can she get out of that?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 14:48

I think it's very important who you hang out with Having a tribe that empower you, not to push you down. That empower you. Go and get resources, educate yourself, learn, be a sponge, encourage your community to embrace that, create sisterhoods that can empower you. Every time you find a wall in the middle of the road and you feel, okay, this is it, this is where I stop. No, no, no, you can do it. Keep on going. When we lead by example, we show the other women what's possible for them, and I think one of the most important thing that we can do as women is listen. Listen to other women, allow them to express themselves, get curious about what they want, because, you don't know, maybe you have an advice for them or maybe that story is going to empower you. So listen to the women in your life. Go talk to your grandma. Find out what dreams she had, how come she didn't make them true.

法蒂瑪先生：15:53

How come?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 15:54

她沒有追隨他們。是什麼阻止了她？學習。別只是在你生命中的那些角色身上打個叉，然後說，不，我不想成為像她那樣的人，就這樣。不，好奇心要強。去弄清楚她為什麼沒有這麼做。因為她和你擁有同樣的工具。那麼，是什麼阻止了她？你的工具箱裡還有多少工具可以讓你避免像她一樣？

Fattima Bey: 16:18

這很有力量。是的，找出他們為什麼沒有實現夢想，這樣你才能學到東西。你可以從別人的錯誤中學習。我們所有人都可以。我們所有人都可以，如果你可以觀察別人，什麼對他們有用？但我認為最有力的事情，我不確定你是否能說出更有力量的事情，是觀察你和誰在一起。這是我一直在宣揚的一種觀點。我們的環境非常重要。找到你的部落，你的支持部落，你的支持方式，因為很難擺脫這個模式。如果你的阿姨和母親過著萎縮的生活，她們也希望你萎縮，因為這是她們所知道的一切，你想擺脫這種模式。但你的阿姨和你的母親是你最親近的人。那時你需要拓展視野，讓其他人在你身邊，他們可以為你指明更好的道路，幫助你振作起來。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 17:10

And what do you know? Maybe you're going to inspire them. Maybe there is no age to create a dream or to fulfill a dream. Maybe you're going to inspire them. Maybe you're going to inspire them. Maybe your mom at 50-something watches you breaking those rules and say, hey, I want that too. I'm going to go to school, I'm going to open my little shop in the corner, I'm going to do things that I wanted to do. She can do it, I can do it.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 17:42

我們激勵他人。我們無法強迫任何人做任何事，但我們可以激勵他們，是的，我們可以展現出強大的力量，讓他們看到可能性，而不是機率，看到他們擁有的無限可能。這樣你才能展現強大的力量，展現出安全感，並讓他們融入你的願景，因為這個願景不只屬於你自己。這個願景屬於你身邊的每一個人，尤其是下一代。這樣你才能打破這個循環。它隨著你而終結，就此終結。不再如此。當你在家中遭受虐待時，你不再保持沉默。當他們說你愚蠢時，你不再保持沉默。當他們讓你相信你不配擁有你想要的一切時，你不再保持沉默。它隨著你而終結，但你必須相信它。

Fattima Bey: 18:30

So I want you to take a moment to talk to. Actually, I'm going to back up a little bit because I think we should address this and make sure that we're giving people realistic advice for the reality they're going to deal with. When a woman who has been shrunken, who's been told to be shrunken, the expectations of everybody around her is her silence and obedience, Will it make waves when she tries to climb out the box?

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 18:55

Yes, that's exactly what happened and that's what we, when we are in that place, we're afraid of.

法蒂瑪先生：19:02

我們不想製造噪音，我們不想成為吱吱作響的車輪。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 19:05

We want to be the good girls we are taught to be. You see, when you're little, as a little girl, you're watching, right, you're watching how your mom is, how your grandma is, how your dad is. And let me tell you something about the men. There is some men that are so caught up in the way they think they should be that they're not open for anything else.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 19:29

但也會有一些男人看到你的潛力，對你產生好奇，想多了解你一些。所以我不想把南美洲所有男人都歸類為大男子主義者。你知道，不是每個人都是大男人主義者。你知道，不是每個人都是。但我認為這也跟他們繼承的角色有關。你看，父親把權力傳給兒子，母親把權力傳給女兒。所以他們從小就認為事情就該如此。需要村裡有人說不，我不這樣做，我不17歲結婚。我不會生完孩子就待在家裡。我想要一些不同的東西，讓同一個圈子裡的其他人開始好奇，開始想要一樣的東西。

法蒂瑪先生：20:17

Yes.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 20:18

But one person had to start. You know, and as I said before, not everybody is going to embrace it, but that's okay.

法蒂瑪先生：20:24

Exactly, exactly, yeah, what I'm saying is it's going to make waves. It's going to make some people uncomfortable, because people would rather be uncomfortable than make room for change. And this is true with a lot of things, not just what we're talking about. So when you decide to unbox yourself, you know, woman, and you decide to rise up and allow your voice to be heard, there are going to be people who are absolutely going to tell you to shut the hell up and sit down, don't. You're making them uncomfortable. That's not your fault and that's not your problem. That's theirs. They're unwilling to move.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 21:01

你知道，我曾經有個客戶來找我，因為我指導媽媽們。我是一位內在豐盛教練，我指導媽媽們，因為我對此充滿熱情，我也經歷過她們的處境，我知道自己為了適應環境需要付出了多少努力，我想幫助她們。後來，有個女人打電話給我，抱怨她生活中發生的一切。她覺得不可能成功，因為有時候你會想告訴他們，聽著，上帝給你發了很多預兆。你只是拒絕見他，懂嗎？於是她來找我，把一切都告訴了我。我先生就是這樣，孩子不跟我說話，不尊重我，還那樣對待我。我說，我聽到了，你該怎麼辦？哦，我無能為力。所以你不想跟我合作，因為你想讓我幫你。你想和我一起工作，這樣我就可以聽你抱怨你的生活，因為不幸的是，當我們生活在垃圾堆裡時，它不再發臭了。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 22:11

我們已經習慣了。我們已經習慣了，是的，他總是那樣對我，是的，我的孩子不尊重我，我們不懂得設定界限，所以我們接受了它。然後事情是這樣的，因為一年後她又打電話給我，她的情況和以前一模一樣。你知道嗎，她對我說，我不想和你一起改變我的行為方式，因為別人很好，我不想在他好的時候抱怨，所以他可以來把你當成一坨屎，對吧？然後他回來對我說，嘿，我想請你吃飯，你得吃他給你的剩菜，因為你不相信你配得上這頓飯。你想要剩菜。就這樣一年過去了，她的情況和以前一模一樣，因為除非我們開始療癒自己，否則什麼都不會改變。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 23:15

And the first thing that we got to heal is that little girl, that little girl that we let down so many times because we adopted those beliefs that were inherited from other generations. That's how you start by healing your inner child, by start talking to you nice, instead of looking at yourself in the mirror and say I'm fat and ugly, I'm this or that. Start being kind to yourself. Start by loving yourself, but before that, start by knowing getting to know yourself, because you cannot love anything that you don't know. So get to know yourself, accept yourself, embrace yourself, and if you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, I'm sorry, I let you down, I'm sorry, I didn't value you, I'm sorry I didn't love you enough to say no and to set my boundaries, because your soul knows that you're meant for more. You're just shutting your soul off. You're shutting it off Like don't tell me, because I don't want to have a fight, I don't want to have an argument, I don't want to confront anyone. This is fine, I'm fine. You're an argument. I don't want to confront anyone. This is fine, I'm fine, you're not fine, you're not fine. Crying in the shower is not fine. Screaming in a pillow is not fine. Sitting in your car five minutes longer because you just don't want to get home is not fine. So recognize those signs. Home is not fine. So recognize those signs, recognize what your inner child is asking you and start healing her.

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：24:52

你知道，我告訴我的客戶，不要壓抑你的感受。你的感受會讓你生病。它們會在你的身體裡積蓄。然後突然間你得了癌症或疾病，而你不知道這些疾病是從何而來。你知道，我曾經三次罹患癌症，分別發生在甲狀腺、心臟和肺部之間以及子宮。由於我的三個脈輪，這對我來說應該是一個危險信號。為什麼？因為我一直壓抑著一切。我不想發出任何聲音，所以這些跡象就出現了。你想稱之為宇宙。稱之為宇宙。你想稱之為宇宙。稱之為宇宙。你想稱之為上帝，稱之為上帝。不管它是什麼。它們在向你發出信號，而你選擇不去傾聽。開始傾聽，開始從內到外療癒。不要試圖去修復。這也是我們對待女兒們的方式。我們試圖修復她們。

Fattima Bey: 25:43

讓他們談談。

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：25:44

Yes, your feelings Mm-hmm, yes, mm-hmm. It's usable, but it's disposable. So, girls, nowadays they want to be usable, they want to show up pretty, but then they're disposable, because we teach people how we want to be treated.

Fattima Bey: 26:16

如果。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 26:16

I show up like a crystal glass, nobody's going to throw me in the garbage because I'm a crystal glass. But if I show up as a styrofoam cup, I mean, how long are you going to keep that around? So it's how you show up. What boundaries are you setting? What are your non-negotiables? What are you allowed to have in your life? What you're not? And if you saying no makes you unpopular, so be it.

Fattima Bey: 26:45

I have nothing to follow that with, because you said it all so perfectly, but I am going to ask you to do something a little different. I want you to take a moment and speak specifically to young women in Central and South America, give them some advice, but I want you to do it in Spanish.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 27:02

Are you sure you want me to say it first in English and then in Spanish?

法蒂瑪先生：27:07

You can say it in English first, but I want them to hear it in Spanish.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 27:12

I am actually going to read something that I have in my desk and I give it to my clients every day, and then I will translate it in Spanish Never forget how worthy you are, exactly as you are right now. Believe deeply in your potential, even on the days you doubted. Celebrate what makes you you your quirks, your dreams, your voice. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Don't chase your goals. Attract them and to let go of what doesn't serve you. You need to set those boundaries. Surround yourself with people who lift you higher and be that person for others too. You have a strength inside that can change the life of everyone around you and inspire others. So go after your dreams with courage and remember you don't have to do it alone. Keep shining, keep growing and always remember you are enough. Now I'm going to do it in Spanish for you¿ Cómo Nunca olvides cuánto vales, simplemente como eres en este momento.

克勞蒂亞·諾列加-伯恩斯坦：28:30

即使在懷疑自己的日子裡，也要相信自己的潛能。慶祝你是誰，包括你的缺點、你的優點、你的夢想和你的聲音。你的缺點、你的優點、你的夢想和你的聲音。愛你自己，愛自己到足以設定界限，讓你的目標和夢想得以實現。吸引它們，這樣你才能服務他人。讓身邊的人鼓舞你、激勵你，就像你也能激勵他人一樣。你擁有改變世界、激勵他人的力量。追逐你的夢想，勇敢地實現它們，記住：你並不孤單。繼續閃耀，繼續成長，繼續努力，因為你就是孤單的。

Fattima Bey: 29:32

那真是太美了。我從中得到的最大感悟是，我喜歡「不要追逐你的目標，要吸引它們」。這真是徹底的思維轉變。是的，確實如此。這真的很重要，而且用西班牙語說出來比較美。人們要怎麼找到你呢？

克勞蒂亞·諾列加·伯恩斯坦：29:53

我在Instagram上的名字是Claudia Noriega Bernstein。我的網站也叫這個名字。我負責管理我的Instagram Messenger，所以你會收到我的回复，而不是來自我的助手、人工智慧或其他什麼。我喜歡與人交流，但我更樂於賦能年輕女性和媽媽。我認為我們很強大，我們可以改變世界。

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 30:19

We just need to make that decision and we can manifest anything that we want. We just need to be in the right vibration so we start attracting, so we become a magnet to everything that is available for us. Imagine it like if it's a radio If you move the dial and you don't get to that frequency where everything that is available for you is, then you're going to get static. So lift yourself up, believe in yourself, be in touch with your enoughness. It's in you. Just gotta look deep inside and find it so for everyone listening.

法蒂瑪先生：30:54

Um, her information is going to be in the show notes so you'll be able to go to her website and I'm gonna say that I strongly urge every listener to go listen to her podcast. Don't shrink, shrink to fit is chock full of really really, really, really good quality conversations. You, you won't listen to it and not be changed at least a little bit. So go listen to her podcast. I'll put a link in the show notes for that as well. And, claudia, thank you so so, so much for coming on. You really are a powerhouse woman and I hope everybody listening sees why.

Claudia Noriega-Bernstein: 31:32

Thank you so much for having me. I enjoy this very much, and I think that women like you and I can embrace each other and start flying, because that's the only way we can do this.

Fattima Bey: 31:50

And now for a mind-shifting moment. Young woman, young, quiet woman, subdued woman, the one who doesn't speak up, the one who stays in her place. I'm talking to you right now. We need you. We need you to speak up. We need what's inside of you. When you sit down and shrink yourself and you don't speak up and you don't let out what's in that big, beautiful mind of yours, you're like buried treasure and we need your gems. You need to discover what gems are in you and go on a treasure hunt to find what's in you, instead of holding it back. This world would turn upside down if all of you quiet women would stand up and speak your mind. It's time for a treasure hunt. Thank you for listening. Be sure to follow and subscribe to MindShift Power Podcast on any of our worldwide platforms and be a part of the conversations shaping tomorrow's world. This podcast is just one branch of the MindShift universe. Explore more at FatimaBaycom and always remember there's power in shifting your thinking. See you next week.