FatimaBey: 0:02

MindShift PowerPoint. This is Mind Shift Power Podcast, the number one critically acclaimed podcast where we have raw, unfiltered conversations that shape tomorrow. I'm your host, Fatima Bay, the Mind Shifter. And welcome everyone. Today we have with us Trisha E. Parrito. She's an emotional agility strategist and she's out of the U.S. And I want to give you some facts on why this topic is important today and why I have her here. So approximately 28.8 million Americans, or 9% of the population, will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. Anorexia nervosa specifically has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. This isn't a phase. It's a life-threatening condition. It's a global issue also because it transcends culture and geography. Studies show that rapidly increasing studies show rapidly increasing rates for anorexia in Asia, especially in Japan, Hong Kong, and Singapore, and in the Middle East, the UAE, United Uh Emirates, United Arab Emirates, and Iran. And even in Latin America. So the idea that this is a Western disease is dangerous and really outdated myth. So I have our guest here today. I have Trisha here today for a particular reason. How are you doing today, Trisha?

TriciaE.Parido: 1:42

I'm doing wonderful today. Thanks so much for asking. And I'm very I'm very honored to be here. I'm happy to have you on.

FatimaBey: 1:52

Let me ask you this. How do you relate to this topic? Why did I have you on here today?

TriciaE.Parido: 1:59

Well, I actually, you know, have lived with anorexia as well as body dysmorphia and um other food-related emotional disorders for quite a long time. It was a significant part of my life from early adolescence until about, well, I'm gonna say my mid-20s, mid to late 20s. And and quite honestly, it's something that um, although not active in my life, is still something that you know is part of my life, meaning I have, you know, this continuous need to be aware and in touch with how I was able to remove, overcome, and come to terms with um the things that uh, you know, really just fueled the relationship with anorexia to begin with.

FatimaBey: 3:15

Let me ask you this. I like to dive right into the topic. So you talk about quote unquote reclaiming who you are without losing what you've built. How did you how did you begin to uh to build a new foundation of self-worth that had nothing to do with your body or what you ate?

TriciaE.Parido: 3:39

So I think before we dive into the re the reclaiming, we want to look at the multi levels that that actually go into it. Um and that, you know, for me uh as a as a young athlete, I was a child athlete, um, staying lean, low body fat, um, physically fit, what you know was super important, but also as a swimmer, right? Like you're walking around on a bathing suit and and so right, like people are looking at your physical body.

FatimaBey: 4:12

Right.

TriciaE.Parido: 4:13

And so, you know, it was it was something that was important, but also, you know, family input and um, you know, hearing stories of other people in the family who who were super petite and had tiny little 19-inches inch waists, and you know, how that was was viewed as something as being beautiful, that played a part. And then, you know, there were other things that happened along, you know, in my life that added other complexities to it. Um, and you know, if I'm being real raw and honest, you know, there was um I I endured numerous sexual assaults um in in my childhood and adolescence, and even early in my young adulthood that that played a part. And so, you know, I really just developed this this relationship where it was, you know, from an athlete standpoint, it was always amazing to people that I could put away so many pancakes yet stay super thin. Um, although what they didn't see was, you know, how I restricted when I was away from a social space to make up that difference. And, you know, um then there was, I would be unlovable if I didn't stay the same size and shape as I was there. So as I was growing and, you know, my body was changing, I felt as though I needed to stay in some space where somebody told me I was beautiful. And then, you know, there were all of the the adorations for being so skinny and so thin and perfect and all of those things all played a part. And it was all outside noise. It was all other people's views and opinions, it was all other people's things. And and and I, you know, just really developed, you know, kind of a weird relationship with how I saw food. So things, you know, different things visually um would gross me out, um, you know, whether it was a vein in the chicken or, you know, whatever. And and so, you know, like the whole thing was very it was almost incognito, um, if you will. And except for, you know, at one point, which was my low point, which ended up needing to be, of course, my turning point when I hit like a really low body weight and um I was restricting at a really high level and um, you know, eating very little, if anything, at all. So what I ended up doing for myself was taking a look at, you know, how much did I value living? Because I could feel, I could feel my my physical being deteriorating. I could feel my brain not functioning as well as it could, and that and that I knew it could as a highly intellectual person. And you know, so I started looking at how did I want how did I want to to actually feel living. And then I started looking at the things I valued. I valued being strong and and I I I wasn't I wasn't strong anymore. I valued being fit, I wasn't fit. I valued being confident and I wasn't confident. So I I looked at what I needed to do to make that happen. And the first thing was obvious to me at in that time and space, that I needed, you know, to to give my body the fuel it needed to function properly. Um starting with, you know, my brain and and having the ability um to function there. And and then I went into, you know, the emotional aspects. Um, you know, emotionally, I didn't want, you know, to feel I didn't want to feel a lot of things. I I I didn't want to feel ashamed and I didn't want to feel like I had to hide. I I didn't want to feel like I wasn't, you know, living up to my full potential. I wanted, you know, I wanted to feel okay being me. And so I started looking at, well, okay, what does that, what does being mean? And, you know, what did I value? And what, you know, my my beliefs between right and wrong. And um, I just really started honoring myself and and focusing on what was important to me. So again, you know, I keep leaning into this, but you know, that intellectual space, that cognitive ability, I think really is something that people don't associate when it when it comes to an eating disorder. And they don't think about when emotionally they're feeling anxious or depressed. They don't think like, oh, wait, my brain isn't functioning properly. And how am I fueling it? And and what am I feeding it from external noise like social media and the things that, you know, cause and and when I was a kid, there was no social media, but you know, that's more of a today uh, you know, real relation. But, you know, so I leaned into that and then I decided, you know what, huh? What's what's causing these issues? And I realized how much of it was noise from other people, but also that I was relying on my relationship with food, my control over it, and and my ability to go long times without it, um, as a coping mechanism. So then I was able to look at that like, hey, this is no different than you know my relationship with alcohol, which is a whole different story, right? Um and and it's something that I'm I'm using to cope and deal with something that I can I can look at from a cognitive emotional level and really process through. So I developed some distress tolerance and some emotion regulation, and um, I did it, you know, in a lot of different layers, but it it's it was a really long journey. And then I started working on my visual, right? Like what I saw on the plate and what I saw in the mirror after eating, which you know can be a pretty long journey.

FatimaBey: 11:25

Something I want to point out or extract from a lot of what you you just said a lot right now. And I want to point something out to the audience that you and I know very clearly, but sometimes people tend to think of you know issues like this as, oh, well, there's one reason why it happens, and we just need to attack that one reason. And you just clearly demonstrated it was a multiplicity of reasons or factors, I would say, because there's really one main reason, but factors that led to that being what you went to. You know, to autopsia being what you went to to try to control. And I just want to point that out because you just mentioned like that it was there is you know negative reinforcement by so overly emphasizing someone else's positive reinforcement. So you had reinforcement from the family, you had you know relating it to sports was one thing. You just named several reasons, and it was not just one. So to the audience listening, I want you to remember this when pe when you see people have issues, and the issue we're talking about is anorexia today, and body dysmorphia, which does come in many forms, anorexia is just one of them. Um always keep in mind it's never ever ever ever never never never never ever just one reason or one reason only, or just one thing changes and everything changes, that is never true, correct?

TriciaE.Parido: 13:00

I in my experience and and the many years that I've been um on the journey, whether it's personal or professional, is absolutely it's not connected to just one thing. Um that would that would be wonderful if we could say that it was. Um, but no, um and and depending upon, you know, it's one of the one of the reasons, you know, I I I unfolded my program to begin with was I found I found some things, some standardized things to be quite singularly focused, if you will. And and I think it's important to allow all the layers to breathe. That is a good way to word it.

FatimaBey: 13:50

Yeah, you're right. So speaking of of the things that you had to dismantle in your mind, uh what's the single most important belief that you had to dismantle or take apart or undo the the core lie, if you will, of this disorder? What new belief did you install in its place?

TriciaE.Parido: 14:13

Well, I'm gonna go with, and it's kind of a broad answer, again, because it's very complex. But if I was to lean into the one thing that I decided was that I'm I'm good just the way I am. And and in that right, I got to decide that, you know, this is my life too. It gets to look, feel, be however I want it to. I get to choose. And and so the the the one thing I had to let go to back up to your in the first part of your question, since I kind of skipped over it there, and it was the external noise that I had to tune out. Um I I no longer needed to live up to the expectations that I perceived others had for me. And the reason I say that I I perceived others had for me is because I was also debunked quite a few times by people on my journey when I'd have the conversation and say, you know, like I felt like I wasn't measuring up to your needs from me, right? Yeah. And and I had misconstrued what that person, you know, um was saying or needing from me, or thought about me, or believed about me. I had put my own spin on it. And um, that's all part of that disease, disorder, whatever you want to, whatever you want to refer to it as. Um I'm not a big label person. So either, I get you. Um, you know, so it's it's more about realizing that, especially in today's day, guys, you know, like if I was to say, you know, when you're reading a text message or you're reading, you know, a social post or a comment on social media, you're you're assigning the the tone and inflection or you know, the demeanor of the words. You're choosing right how you're going to internalize that or perceive it or quote unquote hear it. And and sometimes if it's negative, you're better served to ask, you know, for clarification.

FatimaBey: 16:50

Yeah.

TriciaE.Parido: 16:50

Could be, did you mean for that to be so hurtful? Could be, you know, wow. Um, can you can you help me understand, you know, emotionally where you're at with that statement? Something. Anyway, you know, I had to learn how to identify when it was my dialogue being assigned to somebody else.

FatimaBey: 17:18

You know, you bring up a really, really important point, and that goes way beyond body dysmorphia. It it hits at a root issue with what we believe about ourselves. And I I too, I've never gone through, you know, anorexia, but I understand what what you mean by assigning what people say to mean something else. And, you know, oh well, they didn't respond to my text. They hate me. They everybody hates me. You know, there's there's people who who really have that sort of response to basic things. And I love what you just said. The key word you said in that was conversation. And this is why we need to have conversations, because they can be debunked. And, you know, if you think we're not worth, if we believe we're not worth anything, then we assume that everybody else is responding to that lack of self-worth. Um, you know, we don't, we're not even aware that we're doing it most of the time, right?

TriciaE.Parido: 18:17

Absolutely. Um, and and you know, to to your point that we're not aware we're doing it, you know, when we're talking about body dysmorphia, you know, that's that's a you know, a really big, a big issue, and and a lot plays in part, uh, you know, it highlights for us the tricks that our our brains can play on us because you know it's it's more that translation between our eyes and our brain that distorts the reflection. And and so the you know, the the brain is is you know creating um that dialogue, if you will, of what of what that reflection is and looks like. And I'm not trying to, you know, oversimplify a really big issue because I mean it's it's one thing that you know you know I have to be aware of. And and so I had to change my relationship with the mirror. Um, I don't spend very much time in front of it. Um and you know, I I I have very specific things, right? Like I don't turn sideways because if I turned sideways, I know I'm gonna focus on X, Y, or Z, you know, my my lower abdomen and or, you know, whatever it is. And so I have I have little ways that I've you know conditioned my relationship with the mirror. Um I don't get real close, I don't spend a lot of time there. You know, I put my makeup on and and get out. I don't, I don't use one of those close-up mirrors, you know, just different things. So when when we're looking at, you know, how we see ourselves, we want to do what we need to do to feel good about ourselves. So we have to learn how to, I don't know, not um be married to the sizes um that somebody else has created, right? Like some designer somewhere decided what a you know a double zero was. And and some some, I don't know, I'm just gonna say this, right? Like some man somewhere decided what was, you know, what was curvy and what was what was wasty. I don't know, right? Like we don't have to buy into somebody else's definition of anything. Nope. And and so long as we're healthy and and you know doing things in a in a good way for ourselves cognitively, emotionally, physically, then we're good.

FatimaBey: 21:08

So when so much of your view of yourself was wrapped up in this disorder at the time, and you were able to transition out of it. But was there a fear of the unknown, a fear of what's next if you let this go?

TriciaE.Parido: 21:25

So much fear. So much fear. And I had to, I had to really work on if you if you you know rewind, go back, right? Like I had to decide how much I loved living, right? So that fear was I know, I don't know what to expect when I let go of this. What I do know, what I had to decide, and this is important that you guys hear this, is that I knew that it was gonna be big and scary to let go of my control needs around food. And because what that control need around food meant is that I wanted to control things that were unnatural, right? Like it was unnatural for me to want to control my body to remain a size that perhaps, as I grew out of adolescence into young adulthood, needed to change. And I and I needed to control not moving into some adult body figure, and I needed to control what other people saw me as. And so when I realized that those control needs, if I let those go, all I had to do was control how I saw myself, how I thought about myself, how I felt about myself, and emotionally could care for myself, it allowed me to say I can face this big scary thing because I know that I'm gonna get to live longer if I stay in this state of control need, but using that coping mechanism of an eating disorder, I already know because I could feel it, right? Like I could feel my physical body deteriorating. I knew that things weren't functioning right. I wasn't well physically, I wasn't well emotionally, and I wasn't well intellectually, cognitively in my brain. So I knew I had two choices, and it was really deteriorate a long, slow, hard right direction towards my my demise, or go forward and live and figure out a healthy relationship, a new way of experiencing food. So I I began looking at food as fuel because that's all it is. It's fuel for your organs, it's fuel for your blood, it's fuel for your brain, it's fuel for right, whatever. So, and you know, a lot of the work that we do is we take a look at that because you don't you wouldn't put sugar in your gas tank, you're not gonna put paint in your windshield wipers, you're not gonna, you know, put bacon fat in your coolant system of your car, not if you want it to keep running.

FatimaBey: 24:48

Right.

TriciaE.Parido: 24:49

So, you know, I really just started looking at what I put in and and becoming very um, very interested in the things that went in that allowed me to perform at my highest level. And I became just in love with that process. And I became in love with the process of figuring out my physical body, or what I refer to as loving my physical body.

FatimaBey: 25:17

What I'm hearing from what I'm extracting from what you just said is you made a choice. It wasn't about a feeling, it was about a choice. You made a choice to choose to change your perspective. And it was a conscious choice, it was effort, it took discipline to do that as well. But it was it started with a choice, and then you trained yourself to think differently. Am I accurate in saying that?

TriciaE.Parido: 25:44

100%. And I I love that you brought that out because I think something that people don't realize is we choose how we experience living.

FatimaBey: 25:55

Yes, we do. We absolutely do. And I'm really glad that you made the choice to come out of it and that you're not just another sad news story that we hear about on the news later. You know, you you chose to come out of it and now you are a com well, I didn't know you back then, but I'm assuming a completely different person. Um you're one that helps people now, and you've made it your career to help other people. And I think that that's admirable, and we need more people like you that do that. Um who can who can also be honest and you know, it's not um I don't think stuff like this is easy to talk about when you've been through it. I think it's easy to be the receiver of the conversation or be a part of the conversation, but I don't think it's easy to talk about when it's been your lived experience. So and I know this is not your first time talking about it, but I still know that it's just when it's your experience, it's not easy. So I thank you for for giving us the chance to listen to your perspective and your experience, and I hope that this message really I hope that this this episode really gets out there and reaches the young Trisha today, the one who is where you were. So uh with that I want to ask you this one last question. What advice do you have for the youth today who are where you were?

TriciaE.Parido: 27:26

I say focus on yourself, right? And and or live for yourself first and do so without feeling guilty, selfish, punished, or restricted. And and and what I mean by that is turn off all the noise, turn off all the external noise, and ask yourself, how do I want to experience living and focus on that? How do I want to see myself living and focus on that?

FatimaBey: 28:03

Yes, I couldn't agree more. Um so Trisha, thank you so much for coming on today and for having this really good raw conversation. And um, before we go, tell people where they can find you.

TriciaE.Parido: 28:19

Well, I'm pretty easy to find. Um, I have two websites. The first one is turningleavesrecovery.com. That's L-E-A-V-E-S. And the other one is TrishaParado.com.

FatimaBey: 28:33

And they'll both be in the in the show notes.

TriciaE.Parido: 28:36

Yeah, super easy. You can click and grab time on my calendar. Super simple.

FatimaBey: 28:42

And one thing I like about Trisha, which is one of the reasons she's on the show, is she's really honest. So when you have when you have a conversation with her, you're not gonna get it fit a bunch of politically correct BS. You're just gonna have a real honest conversation. Um, and I like that. So once again, thank you, Trisha, for coming on. Thank you. And now for a mind-shifting moment. I want to point out something that Trisha touched on in today's episode. In talking about how she ended up with anorexia, she also talked about the multiple layers of trauma that were piled on top of, or I should say underneath that. When we have undealt with trauma, it always manifests itself 100% of the time. Some of those ways are alcoholism, drug addiction, overachieving, going to extremes with money, chasing sex, chasing being overly educated, there are chasing food, overeating, there are so cutting yourself, there are so many. Ways that undealt with trauma manifests itself with all of us. It does not look the same, but much of it comes from the same roots. My question to you is do you have undealt with trauma? And I want you to examine yourself before you answer. How is that manifesting in your life? How is it already dealing with you? Cause see, anytime we have trauma that we don't deal with, I promise you, it is already dealing with you. I want you to think about that. You've been listening to Mind Shift Power Podcast for complete show notes on this episode, and to join our global movement, find us at fatimabay.com. Until next time, always remember there's power in shifting your thinking.