Fatima Bey: 0:02

MindShift PowerPod This is Mind Shift Power Podcast, the number one critically acclaimed podcast where we have raw, unfiltered conversations that shape tomorrow. I'm your host, Fatima Bay, the Mind Shifter. Welcome. Today's episode is a little bit different. If you're between the ages of 13 and 24, I'm talking to you today. Parents, you can listen, but quietly. This message isn't for you today. I'm about to talk about something that most people tiptoe around and try to avoid. So as the cover says, what do gaming, sleeping sleeping, getting high and drinking all have in common? Well the answer is these are all the top forms of escapism for your generation. You see, my generation, I'm older. I'm like the age of your parents. We had escapism too, but it was very different. We escaped in soap operas and different kinds of games and different kinds of highs. Some alcohol too. But for your generation, I see this. And because I care, it bothers me. Gaming for hours, sleeping the day away, getting high and drinking in an effort to avoid. So I'm going to take a deep dive into that today. And I also want you to know, I am not here to judge you. I have zero interest in judging you and telling you what to do. I'm here to have a real, raw, and honest conversation with you. And I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm not here to preach at you. I'm here to let you know that I see you. So it really hurts me to see so many of you drowning silently. And I can see it. So let's look at what these escapes actually look like. So what am I talking about? Gaming for hours on a regular basis. You are disappearing into an alternate world because the one, the real one that you're supposed to be living in feels too heavy. It's too hard. It's much easier to escape into a game where you can control things a little bit better, or at least you know the odds. Sleeping as much as possible. And I mean you really try to not be awake as much as possible. Shutting down so the thoughts stop. So you don't have to feel anything. Maybe even taking some pills to help you stay down. Getting high on whatever weed, you name it, any kind of drugs, because just there's so many out there that people are taking for their high. So whatever substance you're taking for a high, that's what I'm talking about. And you do that in your creating a temporary world without pain, without stress, without pressure. Drinking frequently or drinking to get drunk. You are numbing yourself because being drunk feels easier than facing what hurts. Every one of these are different. But their why is the same. And that is what I'm going to take a deep dive into. Escapism, all of these can feel like protection, numbing, a break from pressure, temporary relief. That you just don't have to deal with what you don't want to deal with. But the key word in that is temporary relief. I want you to know, like I said, I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to I'm here to let you know that I see you and I understand. You're not broken, you're coping. These are coping mechanisms for you. You're not escaping because you're weak or stupid or just a dumb little teenager, as some of the adults would say. You're escaping because you're overwhelmed, you're exhausted, and you're hurting, and the pain hurts too much. So you're trying to find a way to pacify it, to escape from it, to survive. Now I only think I'm only talking about these four versions of escapism, but there are a ton more. But I s but I personally feel like these are the top four that I see in your generation. So that's why I'm focusing on them. You can let me know if there's a different version for you and you want me to talk about it. I'm willing to. But let's go a little deeper. Let's talk about what you're really escaping from. And these are just some of them. But loneliness. Being surrounded by people yet truly connected to no one. Do some of you just feel that? Because I see it all the time. You could be a room full of people, but you're still alone because you're really not actually connected to anyone. Because being connected to anyone is foreign or unsafe. I get that. And you're not weird for feeling that way. The pressure to be perfect. Everyone telling you who you should be, and then you trying to live up to that. It's not even realistic, but you try and it puts undue pressure on you. And that pressure can be very it can be strong and heavy. Fear of disappointing the people that you care about. That is for some of you, that's a big one. Trauma you've never spoken about. The abuse that happened, or is still happening, that you're too embarrassed to talk about, that hurts too much to say out loud. And trust me, if it hurts too much to say out loud, you are probably pacifying it in one form or another. Feeling like you're not good enough. And never will be. Like you're already being like you're already behind and can't catch up. Like you don't matter. There are many different ways that that manifests itself. Not feeling like you're good enough. I was there too, and I understand. Carrying emotions people around you ignore or minimize. And having no one who listens to you without judgment or without belittling your feelings or telling you how you should think. That's frustrating. It's extremely frustrating. I get it. Feeling unseen, misunderstood, and hopeless, that anyone will ever really understand you. That's a big one. It's always a lie, but the lie is what you're feeling right now. I want you to know. Again, I'm not here for judgment. I'm here to let you know that as an adult who's your parents' age, I see you, and I understand. But I also want you to understand this. This is the truth about what happens with escapism. You escape. You feel better temporarily. You're high, you're drunk, you're in your game, you're asleep, so you're just not awake to feel. But all of that's temporary. Then you wake up, reality hits, then you crash. Not all of you, but some of you. Then you sometimes shame shows up. And then you escape again. And then you just go through the whole cycle over and over again. And here's the thing you probably don't realize. Each cycle makes you feel worse, not better. It really does. You're stuck in a loop. But I want you to know this. Getting high doesn't need to define you. Sleeping all day or popping pills doesn't need to define you. Gaming for eight or ten hours a day doesn't need to define you. Drinking doesn't need to define you. See, the thing about this is these are all reactions to some sort of pain. They're not your identity. And I don't care who in your family told you that it is your identity, they lied to you. Doesn't have to be your identity. Escape gives you fast relief. At least that's what it feels like. These escapes, they create emotional distance. Honestly, what they create is a fake reality, a temporary, fake reality. Because when you're in that game, man, and gaming is fun. I understand why people like it. And gaming by itself, nothing wrong with gaming. Nothing wrong with sleeping. But I'm not talking about when they're used in a normal way. I'm talking about when they're used to escape, when it's overdone as a form of escapism. It's a fake reality. They let you temporarily avoid what you don't want to feel. That doesn't make you weak. That doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you stupid. And it's really not just because you're young, because there's some adults that need this conversation too. What it makes you is human. And he and and the world that we've given you, us adults have handed you, that you're living in right now that we never had to live in is a hard one. I see you. I get it. It's a very hard one because you're dealing with stuff and pressures and on levels that we never had to. And I know most adults don't understand that, but I want you to know, I see you, I get it. But here's the thing I also want you to understand. Whatever you're running from is running with you. It's attached to your hip. It follows you into your escape. That's why it's still there. When you wake up, it's still there when you come down from your high. It's still there when you sober up. It's still there when you stop playing the game. Basically, it's still there when reality comes back. Avoidance keep uh here's the thing, avoidance actually keeps the pain alive longer. And this is why it makes it worse every time you go through the cycle. You think you're numbing the pain, but what you're doing is you're letting an infection grow. And that's why you feel stuck. Well, that's part of why you feel stuck. But I want you to know that you can actually change this. You can change your relationship with pain. Not me telling you that you can change your relationship with pain. Not an adult telling you that you need to do such and such, you need to stop drinking, you need to get high, do better in school, and all the stuff that we tell you. All of it's true, but it doesn't really help you preaching at you like that. But I'm letting you know it's not me or the adults around you or your friends that can change your relationship with pain. That is you. That's your choice. It starts anyway with a choice. You can face what hurts you one step at a time. I will say this. You it's so important that you allow somebody to help you through it. And I know that's the hard part. I know it is, I get it. It is hard to open up and say the thing out loud that's been hurting you for so long. It is hard to know who to trust with that information that they're not gonna stupidly throw it in your face later. I get that. And that's not just a teenage thing, because a lot of adults struggle with the same thing. So I want you to know this is not just because of your age. It's because you're human. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Is it possible? Absolutely yes. If you want it. If you want that change, if you want to face the pain, there are plenty of us. And believe it or not, there really are plenty of us that would love to be willing to help you through it. Without judgment, without preaching at you all day, but simply to listen and guide you on your own journey. I'm one of those people, but I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that. Just because I'm not your age doesn't mean I don't understand. And I know that that's hard to believe sometimes with the way some of the adults act towards you, but there are those of us who do understand or at least willing to unlisten first. That's where I stand. I am always willing to listen first. So I want you to know this. You're not alone, and it's not too late. But let me back up for a second to that first statement. You're not alone. I think that's what most of you don't actually realize. You're truly not alone. I don't care what your pain is. I really don't care what your pain is. You are not alone. All this stuff I mentioned before is more common than not. Whatever's going on in your household is happening in somebody else's household, even if you think it's not. You gotta remember, most of us are not gonna walk up to you and reveal all of our true lives to you. We're not gonna reveal all of the downfalls. We're not gonna reveal all of the abuse that we're going through in our homes. That's too embarrassing to talk about. We're not going to reveal how inadequate we feel or think we are. We're not gonna reveal all of our pain points to you. So we show up, we play games with you, we go hang out with you, we watch movies with you, we go on trips with you, we smile, we laugh. Doesn't mean that we're not feeling the same thing you are. The problem is you're not talking to each other to realize that you really are dealing with the same thing. If you find somebody to open up to, it doesn't have to be an adult, it could be a peer. It could be your auntie, it could be a neighbor down the street, could be your pastor, your emom. I don't care who it is. I really don't. But find somebody who's willing to at least let you express what you've been holding in. You'd be surprised how much that can help you. By itself, is it enough? No, but it is a huge start. And it it is a bigger relief, actually, than everything you're using to cover it up. And again, I want you to hear me. You know, I'm coming from my heart. I really care about you guys. I see you. I don't like what I see, but I'm not here to judge you for it. I'm here to let you know that I understand. So what I do know, there's something in you that wants to heal. That's why you're still listening right now. So today I'm not gonna end this with giving you a bunch of empty positivity. You've already heard it and ignored it all anyway. Instead, I'm gonna leave you with this. First, I want you to imagine a life you don't need to escape from. Just imagine it. What does that look like? Have you ever thought about it? Imagine it. And then answer this. Not for me, but for you. What is one small step you can take today to start walking toward that life? You've been listening to Mind Shift Power Podcast for complete show notes on this episode, and to join our global movement, find us at fatimabay.com. Until next time, always remember there's power in shifting your thinking.