Welcome And Guest Introduction

Fatima Bey 0:02

MindShift Power Podcast. This is Mind Shift Power Podcast, the number one critically acclaimed podcast where we have raw, unfiltered conversations that shape tomorrow. I'm your host, Fatima Bay, the Mind Shifter. And welcome everyone. Today we have with us Adrienne Caldwell. She is out of Texas, and she's the author of Unbroken, Life Outside the Lines. Today is going to be a very, very rich conversation. How are you doing today, Adrian? I'm doing great. Thank you for asking. How are you? I'm good. I'm I'm looking forward to this conversation. Um let's dive, let's dive right into it. So tell us a little bit about your story and what led you to write Unbroken, Life Outside the Line. Sure. And why does it bring you on this podcast?

Posting CPS Records For Proof

Adriene Caldwell 0:57

So it's a story of my life from early childhood to early 20s. And during this time, I was either the witness to or the victim of the sexual assault of a young girl, the drowning death of a child, emotional and physical abuse, extreme poverty, mental illness, homelessness, horrifically abusive foster care, bulimia, drug and alcohol addiction, pedophilia, death, suicide, and even incest. So writing Unbroken, Life Outside the Lines, was my way of getting validation and justice for all the wrongs that I had endured during my life. It actually started with the foster mother who I do not name. Um her official name is The Bitch from Hell, TBFH. That's that's how I refer to her in the book. And I am on this podcast because I wish I had somebody to listen to when I was a teenager, when I was going through all of these things. I wish I had had somebody like Fatima helping me out, giving me guidance.

Fatima Bey 2:17

You know what? You're gonna make me start to cry. You gotta stop it. Now, on your website, you've done something most people never do. And I'm gonna tell you, audience, this is one of the reasons she's actually on the show. I was blown away when I saw this. You've shared, Adrian has shared her actual case records on her website, y'all. Go to her website. Her real actual case records are on her website on a page. Now, Adrian, why was it important for you to put those files out there for the world to see?

Adriene Caldwell 2:52

Well, um, so for me to explain a little more, they're they're my children's protective services case files. Um, they include monthly reports, counselor reports, therapist reports, psychological evaluations, and um social services, my my caseworkers reports as well. Every document that was ever written about me, um, including how I came into foster care, the the story behind it. Um for me, it it was proof that what I was writing about was factual. And um I hope that my book will one day be used in a classroom setting. And it's the clinical component of um it's a clinical component uh that balances out the first hand account of all of the trauma that I witnessed. So you get my first hand account of everything that I went through and that I share with you, and then you also get all of this documentation that proves that backs it up. Basically, I've got the receipts saying yes, I went through this and I shared it. Um, and some of it's not very positive about me. Right. Um, and I included that as well. Um, I I wanted to to have that information, that that truth out there, even the dirty, ugly truth.

When The Files Call You Manipulative

Fatima Bey 4:39

I and I absolutely love you. And I love you for doing this, but I applaud you for doing it because that takes guts. Most people wouldn't dare do something like that. And I love the fact that you want to use it as an example for others to learn from. I think that is one of the most noble things that you can do with what you've been through. Um, so let's take a deeper dive into that. Those records were written about you, but they don't really tell your whole story. What is the biggest difference between what was on those papers and who you really were inside at the time?

Adriene Caldwell 5:10

Well, um, you know, a lot of some of the records said really ugly things about me that I was manipulative, that I was conniving, that I was colluding, that I was playing people off of each other. And I'm gonna be real with you, they were right. I was doing those things. So it's not that the records are wrong, they're really freaking hard for me to admit to, but they were right, they were honest, and I I really did do those things. So I'm gonna own it. Why? We Because I'm not here to lie, I'm not here to sugarcoat. Uh no, that's not what I mean. Why do you think you were that way at the time? I had to cope. Right. I was the only one taking care of me. And if that meant that I had to manipulate to to get my needs met or to collude with another person uh against someone else in my life, I did whatever I had to do, and I continued doing that. I uh I I my grandmother died when I was seven years old, and my childhood effectively ended. My schizophrenic, physically abusive mother could not take care of me. And then when I was nine, my brother was born, so I was taking care of him uh as well. So yeah.

Trauma Responses Mistaken As Character

Fatima Bey 6:59

I the reason I asked you that question is it goes to the heart of what a lot of people deal with. And I'm gonna talk to the audience right now for a second, and then you can come in and comment on it. But very often we look at kids, we're like, oh, they're just a manipulative brat. We look at even if they're an older teenager or they're just a liar, they're just that sometimes, like Adrian, it's the only thing they know to do to cope. I think sometimes we need to take a deeper look at people instead of just judging them and going, well, they're just bad next. It's never that simple. There's always a reason. Now, some some are just bad. That is definitely true. But I find that a lot of times when we put that label on people, there's something more going on. And quite frankly, uh those that are abused get that label the most. And they're just merely reacting to their environment and sometimes don't know how else to react. Would you agree?

Adriene Caldwell 7:59

You're exactly right. Um, if I had grown up in a normal family with a mother-father, traditional, then I would have learned social skills and behavior and and how to how to behave and interact with with a a quote unquote normal childhood and adolescence, teenage years. I didn't have any of that. So what I was doing was uh, you know, while it's frowned on, it's what I had to do to survive. And as I've gotten older, I've learned different coping mechanisms. I've learned communication strategies. I've I've really worked on myself so that I no longer rely on on those coping mechanisms. But I made those when when I was that age. I didn't have anything else because no one else taught me it.

Fatima Bey 9:07

Right. So you don't know what you don't know. And that's the thing is sometimes people are like, well, don't you know this and that? Not if you weren't taught. I've had I've I've seen people that don't know what most of us consider basic, and then I find out that they literally raised themselves and weren't taught anything. So how are they supposed to magically know you don't?

Adriene Caldwell 9:28

There's a line in my psychological evaluation, which I include at the end of my book, that says Adrian is unfamiliar in almost every single environment she encounters. Adrian does not know how to interact in almost every environment she encounters. I went with my best friend Sunday lunch uh after church, and it was the first time I had ever been to a restaurant where a waiter came and took your order. The only thing I had ever been to, my highest experience was Luby's, uh a buffet-style cafeteria restaurant. Okay. So I mean, I had just being put on the spot in front of a group of, you know, 10 other people, I I panicked. I froze. My best friend ended up ordering for me. And I mean, there were so much. I I ended up going to to live with my best friend. My brother and I both did. And after about a year, they kicked me out and they kept my brother. But what they didn't what they didn't understand about me, it wasn't that I was bad or that I was ungrateful. In fact, their sons had a nickname for me. They called me the ice queen. Because I was so insecure, because I did not know how to interact in a normal family environment. I just I stayed I stayed back, uh, aloof. And and they took that as me being ungrateful and and basically just colds. And it it was so hurtful, but I didn't know how to behave with them. I had never been in a family situation like that. My family situations when my mom and I would live with one aunt and uncle or another aunt and uncle, you know, it was cockroaches and, you know, watching my aunt and uncle get high on marijuana and, you know, selling drugs and and, you know, opening my my backpack at school, taking out a notebook and cockroaches crawling across the desk. Um that that was one normal. Uh and then my other aunt and uncle, they were they were blue-collar uh working class. So when it what when it was time for me to go to college, they had no input. They they didn't have any advice or any guidance. In fact, I got the distinct impression that they weren't supportive of me, that they somehow thought that I thought I was better than them because I was going to college. Wow. That's how I was treated. They didn't even bother to show up for my graduation.

Taking Back Your Narrative

Fatima Bey 12:42

Wow. And here's the thing: there are a lot of other young people out there right now. Some of the listeners think that situations like that are unusual, or there's no way. I have talked to so many human beings who have grown up in similar type of situations. And and I'm talking to the audience right now, we really need to spend more trying, more time trying to understand people instead of making assumptions. Um, everybody's not as bad as we think they are. Sometimes they're reacting to trauma and don't even realize that's what they're doing. Um by posting, Adrian, by posting those records, and this goes to the heart of why I'm talking about those records on your website, by posting those records and then writing your book Unbroken, Life Outside the Line, you've taken control of your story. What can teens learn from uh what can teens learn from that about taking back their own power when the world or other people in authority try to define them, like you were just saying?

Adriene Caldwell 13:51

Well my my book is my proof. It is my rebuttal to everybody who has ever criticized me or judged me or or given me shit. And it's it's me putting it out there for the record. All the people that you know, the family members that should have been there, that should have shown up for me and didn't, and the people who were talking negatively about me and didn't. And I I hope it it's my hope that teens can can look at it and and value their own opinion more than the opinion of someone else. Don't don't let someone else dictate your value or or your validity or your truth. Define your own life. Yes. That's what I would say.

Fatima Bey 15:04

That's how you take back your power. Write your own narrative, uh, which you've done with your book. But the fact that you included those records online uh to me makes it more powerful because it's not just an idea or concept. It's it's living proof, and like you said, something that people can learn from if they want to study um a lot of different a lot of different elements uh about kids in the system and and how they're viewed, and yeah, take back your narrative. What would you say to teens to a teen who feels judged or invisible right now?

Adriene Caldwell 15:38

Judged or invisible. It gets better. Just hold on, just just hold on, you know, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do not give up because it changes. Pretty soon, you're gonna be in a different environment. You're not always gonna be in the same home, the same situation. Your life is gonna change. And once you start having the power to make those decisions for your life, for yourself, you get to decide what you go through and what you allow. And just do not, do not give up. Do not assume that where you're at right now is permanent, because it's not. You're you are growing, your life is going to change, and if that's all you have to cling to, just know that there is you have a future, and it does not have to be the same as your current situation or your past situation.

Fatima Bey 16:54

Yes, yes, yes. What what do you want the young people listening, especially the ones who are hurting right now? What do you want them to remember? Do not give up hope.

Adriene Caldwell 17:08

I tried to kill myself so many times. I even tried to kill myself in a blackout drunken state where I wanted to die so badly that I tried to kill myself. I downed a bottle of pills, blackout drunk. That that's how desperate I was for my situation, for what I was going through. And I would say just know in your heart, just just listen to to me, to Fatima. The the what you're going through right now is temporary. It's temporary. And very soon you're gonna be old enough to make changes to your life, and you'll be the one dictating the terms, and you'll be choosing whether you want to continue to wallow in self-pity, or if you want to stand up, take control of your life, make those decisions that put you in a better place, that's up to you. And it's coming around the corner, it's not far off at all. And just hang on, hang on, do whatever you have to do, but just hang on, do not give up because it is so close, it's closer than you realize. And um, yeah, once you get there, oh, go ahead.

Escape Routes And Future Choices

Fatima Bey 18:51

How do they not give up when they don't see anything around them? When when you have a young woman who's being abused in one form or another, everybody around her is not giving her support or saying anything positive, saying negative things to her, or thinking that she's just a bad kid or a liar, and nobody at school likes her, she doesn't have any friends. How does that person have hope?

Adriene Caldwell 19:16

Because in a few short years, she's gonna be out of school. School doesn't matter. High school, middle school, it doesn't matter at all. You you are there temporarily, and in a few short years, you're gonna be the one making the decisions on where you go, what you do. And those decisions can be positive. You know, are you gonna go to a trade school? Are you gonna join the military? Are you gonna go to college? Are you gonna do something so that you can make something of yourself? Or are you going to allow the the doubters, the haters to keep you down and uh force you to continue living in in the pain and and the the drama that you're in. Again, it's temporary. It's it it's a few years, and I know it's hell when you're going through it. Trust me, I I've been through it. Um my my foster mother, we weren't allowed to sit on the furniture. We had to sit on the floor like dogs. We didn't use the same dishes or utensils, we didn't even get the same food. We had to clean the tub after the foster kids were done bathing because the foster family wouldn't use it until we did. I went through fucking hell. And I've had nightmares about that woman. That's why I call her the bitch from hell. Um, up until a year ago. But I got out. Um I I applied for a scholarship. I ended up getting a congressional scholarship and I did a one-year foreign exchange to Germany. Wow. So look for those opportunities to get out of your situation because they're coming. I mean, 18, you can join the military and and you bounce. You're out. You're out of your environment, you're away from the people who are telling you that you're no good. Fuck them. They're not important anymore. And that's right around the corner. And I know two or three years sounds like a long time, but it's really not. It's really not. And just have faith in yourself that you are good enough, that you deserve it, and that you're capable of it.

Where To Find The Book

Fatima Bey 22:00

So what I'm hearing what I'm extracting uh from a lot of you just said a lot. So what I'm extracting from it, as far as giving someone hope who maybe feels hopeless right now, look at the bigger picture and understand that you're in a temporary situation. I think that's probably the most powerful thing that you said. And a lot of times when you're in those difficult situations, difficult is a very soft word for it. When you're in those really horrible, shitty situations, it's hard to see beyond the next five minutes. But if you are young, that means that you're you're gonna become an adult and you can eventually get out. And you're like you said, mil military actually is one of the ways that some people do get out. There are lots of different ways that they get out of their situation. But know that you can get out and be determined that you will, because that's what will start you on the pathway. But I think also if people actually read or listen to your story, they will get hope too. Because you've been through a truckload of crap. And if you can make it out, then I don't think that you have special powers that flow down from heaven. So if you can get if you can make it out, that means that the rest of us can too. Um for those of you that are listening. So tell us a little bit. Your your book is tells your story. Um, we can already hear that it's chock full of a whole lot of stuff. Um where can people find you? Where can they find their book?

Adriene Caldwell 23:30

So Unbroken Caldwell is my website. It's also my social handle. So, but um I would encourage people go to my website. Um I've got photographs, I've got those case files, I've got those psychavals. Um, yeah.

Fatima Bey 23:49

Just uh spend a little time there. You're doing an audio version as well? That's correct. That's awesome because a lot of people, let's be real, this is teens, a lot of them aren't gonna read, but they will listen. They should, but they there's some who still like to read, but a lot of people will listen before they read. So I'm love I love the fact that you're doing an audio version and uh and that that'll be available as well. Um, well, Adrian, it has been awesome to talk to you. Um there's so, so, so, so much we did not cover today, y'all. Let me tell you, there's a lot we didn't cover today because we can't, we'd be here to the year 2130. Um, but I I think that her story is something, and talk to the audience right now. I think Adrian is some a story that everybody should listen to, really. Because I think we it's important that we understand other people and other perspectives and some of the stuff that other people go through. And if you listen to her story, you might start to recognize some stuff that's around you because her story is unique to her, but a lot of the bits and pieces she went to, went through is not unique to her. Some of it's happening around you. And I think sometimes the best way to do that isn't to go to a class, it's to listen to those who've been there. Well, Adrienne, thank you very much so much. I I really love talking to you. I'm excited to help you promote your book, and I hope that it changes lives. Thank you.

Adriene Caldwell 25:12

That's why I wrote it. I wrote it to change lives.

Fatima Bey 25:17

And now for a mind-shifting moment. I want to take a moment to focus on something that she talked about in today's episode. Adrian displayed some what we call bad behaviors when she was younger. It's documented on our website. How many other children around you, young adults around you, are also displaying quote-unquote bad behaviors? Instead of just quickly labeling them and being just frustrated, has it ever occurred to you that maybe they're reacting to something? Maybe they're responding to abuse, maybe they're responding to fear, maybe they're responding to trauma, maybe they've never been taught the things that you've been taught, and they're dealing with trauma without knowing where to put it and responding to that. There's always a root reason behind every behavior, and most of the time it's never just one thing, it's often a plethora of things. Instead of looking at the people that are around you through the lens of judgment, I want you to make an effort this week to try to look at everyone around you, even the ones you can't stand and are annoying. Try to look at them through the lens of understanding. Just try, it can make a big difference. You've been listening to Mind Shift Power Podcast for complete show notes on this episode, and to join our global movement, find us at fatimabay.com. Until next time, always remember there's power in shifting your thinking.