Welcome to Mindshift Power Podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us Tamika Carlton. She is from Georgia.

She's the founder and CEO of Tamika Carlton LLC. She is a relationship coach and communications expert. She has a lot of accolades. She's been on the Oprah Winfrey Show multiple times. She's a speaker.

She's been on several podcasts and in several magazines. But actually, we're not here to talk about her accolades. We are here to talk about her journey to them. So how are you doing today, Tanika? I am doing good.

How are you? I'm good. I'm I'm really glad to hear be here, and I'm really looking forward to this conversation. So Me too. For sure.

There are, you know, there are a lot more accolades that I could read about you that I didn't because it would take, you know, too long. But you seem very you seem very accomplished. Do you consider yourself successful? Yeah. That's a great question.

I think for sure. I I I do believe that I'm successful. I also feel like I have so much more to do. So it's like, although I'm grateful for all that I have accomplished and I try to celebrate those wins, I'm also like, I have a lot to do in the world. So I'm excited to see what else comes from my life.

I love that. You you are accomplished. You're definitely accomplished because there's, you know, at the end, we'll we'll tell people where to go on your website and look at all the other accolades. But, you've you've been in on some pretty big stages and in some pretty big places, and I love to hear that you you still don't feel like you've arrived. And I think that's an important point.

No. I feel like yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like it's like as long as I'm alive, I don't think that I'll ever be done with whatever it is that I wanna continue to do and just impact people. So I feel like, thank goodness, that I have been blessed with these great opportunities.

But at the end of the day, those were just small snippets in my life, and I wanna continue to do and pursue more. So that's a little bit about what I've been thinking. No. That's great and that's but that's also a part of what makes you great and it's part of what keeps anyone and and any kind of a leadership role or even a business leader. That's that's really what keeps us great.

Yeah is never believing that we've arrived. Yeah Yeah. And I love that you brought that up right away. So we we wanna talk about your journey. So you're obviously, you're an entrepreneur.

So tell us when did you become an entrepreneur? I became an entrepreneur officially in 02/2018. That was when I felt like I was kind of fed up with having to work for other people and and answer to other people. And, also, I felt like I wasn't able to, like, offer like, I would try to offer my opinions and input and provide feedback, but I just wasn't I didn't feel like I was being heard enough in all of the workplaces that I was in. And I was just like, it's time to do something different.

And, you know, 02/2018 was we were actually living in Chicago at the time, and it was like, we I need a change. Like, I need something just more compelling in my life because I was kinda bored. You know how you just get stagnant and just bored with with whatever you're doing? And that was where I was in 02/2018. So yeah.

So you decided to get out of the mon what's what's the The rat race. It's just this it's the the blah of working for someone else. Yeah. I think I'm a better word right now. Yes.

It's the blah. It's the blah. And it's it's also it's like so many people have so many ex when you work for someone else, people have expectations of you and you know I just felt like a) my expectations were higher than what I thought, you know, these people wanted me to do, but also I felt like I was giving too much energy to, you know, create someone else's dream. I've heard of that saying before, like, you you are basically living someone else's dream. Why don't you live your own when you work for someone else versus working for yourself?

So I was just, like, it's time for me to embark on something for myself and something that I was really connected to versus just kinda going through the motions on a day to day basis. Also, and I'm sure you can I'm sure you can agree with this, very often in the workplace, you're expected to fit into their idea of what a position is supposed to be Yep. Instead of maximizing what your gifts actually are. Yeah. That's Yep.

That's And I think there's very few places where that's not true. I agree a % and I think a lot of times, like, people see things in you, like, when you work for people, people see great things in you or even if whomever you're around, but, like, you know yourself the best. And I just felt like I wasn't being able to utilize or I wasn't able to utilize all of my gifts and all of the things that I really love to do. So entrepreneurship seemed like the better route for me at that time and please believe I really don't think I think I thought I was ready to pursue entrepreneurship before then, but I don't really think I was prepared, You know? Yeah.

Because entrepreneurship is not easy. But Yeah. It definitely is worth it when when you do it right and when you do something that you love. Absolutely. And as an entrepreneur myself, I I get every single thing that you're saying.

And there are many other entrepreneurs who who will say the same thing. They get tired of working for somebody else and fitting into someone else's box. Do you create your own? Yes. Yes.

Now what made you get into this particular line of work that you're in? I mean, another great question. Okay. So when 02/2018 well, I got with my husband. Well, my I was dating my husband in 02/2016 and, we were in this predicament where it was like we were having this amazing relationship and everyone thought, you know, they looked at us and they were like, oh, you guys are like the relationship to follow, you know.

And everyone just had this idea that we were doing so fantastic and we were, but like the reality was was that we were really struggling through real life situations. And I don't at the time, like, no one was really like people don't talk about the stress and the struggles on a relationship. People just talk about how great they're living their best lives, right? Or they like put all these pictures on social media and no one talks about how you get on each other's nerves, you know? And like you're having real disagreements, especially when you're getting into a fresh relationship to like merge two lives.

And there were times where I would just be like, man, I wish I could talk to somebody. Like who outside of like a therapist, right? I was just like, I wish I could I didn't really want to share with my friends because low key sometimes your friends are a little bit of a hater, right? I didn't really want to share with my family because I'm like, right? Because I'm like the family may they think that they know exactly and they know a certain side of me.

They don't know the relationship, Tamika. Right? So they're gonna be on a whole different opinion. So I was like, why don't we create the space where people can share their experiences and why don't I become a relationship coach? Right?

And it just spawned into this whole whirlwind of now we do couples retreats. And now we just create a space for transparency to occur so people can talk about the headaches of relationships and their struggles and, you know, what they really want and need in a relationship. And it's been very rewarding to see how people can feel better about sharing and growing together as a couple versus being on the struggle bus by themselves. Yeah. So what I'm hearing is you you saw a need and Yep.

So you decided to figure out a way to fill it. And and a lot of entrepreneurs Pretty much. A lot of, businesses start that way, and a lot of entrepreneurship comes out that way. You know, sometimes people see a need and they're like, I don't know. I wish I could do something.

You don't have to wish. You can do something. You can create something that doesn't exist. Yes. You don't.

You know? You don't have to wish. You don't have to wish. You can create. And I think a lot of a lot of entrepreneurship things come out of what do I need and what do I wish was out there for me?

Yes yes and let me create that that I wish was there for me to use. So yeah, I think it it was I didn't know what it was gonna look like. You know, you start off in the entrepreneurial space, and you have an idea of what it's gonna look like, and the universe just kind of pans out a different way with every action that you take, which is probably a lot better because had I planned it myself, I probably would have been doing something that that wasn't that shouldn't have been done the way that I that it that it could be done. I think that, you know, we basically went off of what we needed, and then we start getting more clients and customers, and we are doing things that they need and we need, if that makes sense. Absolutely.

Tell us about what because I wanna make sure we talk about this because sometimes people you know, this this show is for teens, and I really wanna encourage Yes. Teenagers to become entrepreneurs. But I like to give them reality. I don't wanna give them sugar coated crap and and tell them it's chocolate because that's what Mhmm. A lot of people do in society in general, but especially when it comes to teens.

You know? They're they're Yes. Yes. Yep. They just and and the teens know this, and they're just like, okay.

They're tuning right out because you're just giving them frilly frilly frum, frum, frum, and not reality. Right. What tell us about some of the struggles that you've had as an entrepreneur because I know it hasn't been all roses and and butterflies. Look. How many struggles have I not had?

Okay. Just just tell us about one because I I want to make sure that they have realistic expectations for whatever they're gonna deal with. I think the the main thing for me and I you know obviously making money in entrepreneurial and being an entrepreneur is hard. Like, it it doesn't it's not hard, but it's like you have to put in the work. Right?

And I think that more than anything, you don't realize how much time and energy you're going to put into a business until you have to. So it's like I agree. I agree. Long nights, long like especially at the beginning, it's a lot of you have to sacrifice, you know, entertainment. You have to sacrifice friends.

You have to sacrifice time that you normally spend doing other great fun things to create this business that you feel is gonna be fruitful for you and your family or whomever. And I think that, you know, for me, one of the biggest challenges with being an entrepreneur entrepreneur is, burnout. Like I have been burnt out of my head. Okay. Right?

Like exhausted and you don't have anybody else to pick up the slack a lot of times. So it's like you have to do it all and I think that there has to be a reason for you to want to continue to live that life. So it's very important as a person and as an entrepreneur to really want to do what you're doing. Because if you don't really want to do it and you don't really have a strong why or passion for it, it's gonna be very easy for you to be like, hit the road, Jack. I'm over it.

I'm like, very For real. For real. I mean, it's yes. For real. You gotta you you've gotta get into something for the right reason.

If you get into it for just money alone, you're gonna quit. Because entrepreneurship I don't care what field you're talking about. I don't care what field you're talking about. It you gotta work before you see the money. And and Yes.

You gotta have that passion there because that's what'll drive you. And if you're only driven by money, go work for somebody. Don't do It's true. Go work for somebody instead. And the money isn't gonna come easy, but it's like once it starts slowing, it's much better.

But the money does not come easy. The money comes easy when you when you put in the work and when you are aligned with your passion and your why. That's what I like to say. Then the money will flow to you. But you have to there I talk to so many young people, and I'm just like, I don't think there's a true understanding of how much work it takes to be successful, period.

Like, it does not happen overnight. Yep. Right? It does Right. It does not you have to acquire skill sets.

You have to be resourceful, like, meaning Google and whatever, like, talking to other entrepreneurs has to be your best time to how you spend your time. Yeah. It's just you have to be willing to do more all the time. And it's worth it, but it's tiring. Yeah.

So it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. And and and that's why we're having this conversation exactly what you just said. And I do see that sometimes they want quick results. Microwaves don't exist in nature for a reason, and success does not Hello.

In a microwave. You can't just get it heated up Hello. And done. It doesn't work like that. I don't care what field you're talking about.

Even a basketball player has to do a lot of practicing, a lot of foul balls, a lot of years. You know, before they become successful. I don't care how talented they are. They still gotta work at it. And I like you said, it's rewarding.

Now how did you get from you started in 02/2018. So how did you get from, you know, starting off as an entrepreneur to, you know, being, showcased on on big platforms like Oprah, for example? You've been in you've been in magazines and other platforms, but I'm saying Oprah because that's someone that's a name everybody knows. I know, right? I know.

Yes, good old Oprah. I you know, this is very funny actually. I have this conversation with my friends and closer friends and, my husband all the time. I realized the reason I got on Oprah was because I reached out to the show several times with, like, I wrote in several times and it was all of my real feelings. Like, I wrote in about my father passing away and just the grief of that and my experience and how it changed my life for the better and and it was almost like it was this space of like venting for me because I used to love Oprah too and I was like I'm getting on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

I don't care what you got to do. I love you. Who's thinking like I'm gonna make this happen. I'm like, I am going to make this happen. Okay and that's another thing.

It's like dedication, you know, dedication. Yeah. That makes work and I've learned, you know, over the over the course of my life with being becoming more successful, getting features on different shows and platforms and things. I can hire, like, a PR company, but guess when I get the best results and outcomes is when I reach out to people by myself. Because you're real.

I reach out to all of yes. Isn't that crazy? That's one of the reasons you're on my show right now because you were real. Hello. Thank you.

No really. I have people I have a lot of people apply to be on my show who I don't I don't accept, who are experts, but they're not they're not real. Right. Like they don't, you know, they're a little bit savvy. And that's what's gotten me where I am.

Like it's me being me. Like just being truthful, honest, weird, sometimes me, you know. It's like, it's like that's carried me. So I've been able to be myself and reach out to these different platforms and say this is why I want to be there, not just for me, but for the impact that I can make for your guests or for your viewers or whomever because I think that's another thing I've learned. It's not always about me.

It's about how you can impact and influence someone else with your gift, right, or with your experience. So that's where I am, and I'm grateful. And listen. It was my husband was always like, you better tell people. For a long time, I did not wanna share that I was on the Oprah show.

I was like, I just don't want to be that person. I was just like, I don't want to be that person. And then it's like, oh that's your that's who you are. That's your accomplishment, you know. And it got me to where I am here now.

So yeah. I understand that. With with my bridal business, I when I first won, some national awards for it, I didn't really average that. I didn't it just I just didn't. Because I because, again, like, you know, I don't wanna be one of those people that's like, look at me.

Look at me. I'm not You know? But then Right. Do other do other people talking to me, you know, came to realize that it's actually it's good to do that. You know, it's an accolade that I I put my butt off.

So why shouldn't I be Right. That, you know, and help people. And it doesn't make people pay attention. You know? So, yeah, it is it is okay to to to do that.

It's it's different if you're just like, this defines me. I am now better than you. Yeah. When you act like when you act like that, that's when we're like, yeah. Shut up.

Shut up. You're being annoying. And I think yeah exactly. You know with you talking right super annoying with you talking about your accomplishments too and your honors. It's like why I think we're always thinking about sharing it and it we're like trying to brag, but like it really is gonna create like oh maybe people are gonna take a look and be like oh my gosh if she can do it then I can do it too.

Yes. And I think that's my biggest thing. That's a better way to look at it, you know? Like it's like oh well she doesn't even look like she would be on Oprah. She doesn't you know what I mean?

People may be like she doesn't even look like she would be on Oprah. She doesn't look like she would win this wonderful award for her gowns like but you put in the work, you put in the time, you put in the effort, and guess what? You can do this too. So Yes. And that is a big message.

If especially if you look at my social media, it's something I'm constantly saying. I'm like, anytime I get an award or anytime I get an accolade of whatever kind it is and I post it almost, like, at least 90% of the time. There's some little message in there saying, if I can do this, you can't too. Because trust me, I am Oh, see. I am not better than you.

No. No. Not at all. Like, you just kinda put yourself out there and you put in more work and you get accolades. Now I wanna ask you this.

We you've you've already actually given some advice, but what other advice if you give one more advice for teens that are considering entrepreneurship. And, again, they're teens, so that which means they likely haven't run a business before. Yeah. What advice would you would you give them? Yeah.

I think it's important to, like, there's one thing there's one thing that I feel is important, but it may be kind of confusing, but it's not. But I think that it's very important to be able to kind of see someone, like watch someone that could be potentially be like an, a mentor or an admirer, like you admire someone and you just and you admire them because of their work ethic, what they've accomplished, who they are, how they move in the world, and just pick little pieces of, like, what can I take on that is going to get me to the next level too? Because I think a lot of things I've learned so much from people that I've listened to, whether it be on podcast or watching Oprah and paying attention to how she how they move in the world and how they got to where they are. And a lot of times, you can not emulate, but just recognize that there's certain characteristics that you can pick up on that can help you get to the next level too. And always be willing to learn.

You know, as long as everything that I do, I learn something new practically every day. And every all the small things I've learned every day have helped me with my entrepreneurial journey. So know that you will never be the smartest person in the room or you shouldn't be the smartest person in the room. I love being around people that are smarter than me because I'm like, please teach me something. You know?

For real. For real. And it's like, yes. Like you don't want to always have to teach other people. It's nice to be taught sometimes.

So just be willing to learn. Just be willing to learn or understand that you're always gonna be growing, and that's the best thing that you can do as an entrepreneur. And that and, you know, you can start entrepreneurship young. Like Yes. If you're willing and you sort of put in the work, start I wish yeah, I wish I would have been Actually 13.

More apt. Right. I mean, I watch Shark Tank and stuff, and there's, like, young kids on Shark Tank creating businesses. And I'm, like Right. If only I had the mindset to do that because that is amazing.

So, like, put forth the effort and the energy and your belief and time, and something fruitful will come out of it. It may not be instant, but something fruitful will come out of it. I wanna add to that. And I'm talking to the teen audience right now. If you're if you're a teenager and you're considering entrepreneurship and you're like, I don't have any support because there's a that's my that's reality for some out there.

A lot of find your support. I'm a big advocate for people seeking out what they need, and don't wait for it to fall on your lap. Yes. If as a teenager, if you're gonna start a business and you can literally become an entrepreneur at 13, but everybody you look at that starts Yep. Some kind of business at 13 has help.

So you you are gonna need help. The younger you are or the more inexperienced you are Yes. Regardless of age, you're gonna need help. Seek that help out. As as Tamika was saying earlier, observe someone who look at someone who is where you are.

What are they doing? Can you can you shadow them? Can you ask them to mentor you? And if they can't mentor you Mhmm. Stalk them.

Find out what they're doing. Yes. Stalk them. Like, do y'all on Instagram? Like, yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Find out I don't mean literally stop stalk them y'all. So get what I'm saying? Right.

I'm like, no, please. No. Please don't end up in jail and say, I'm doing my shit. You told me. Don't don't do that.

But but for real, follow follow them and find out what they're doing. And if you can get close to them and get a little bit more information from them and spend a little time with them, do what you can, but make sure you have that support. Don't try to do it all by yourself because that's a recipe for failure. Mhmm. It really, really is.

We all need help. We all need help of different kinds, but some kind of help. I I love this I love this conversation. I love this conversation and Me too. And talking to you about entrepreneurship and and the realities of it.

And it's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing when we get into it, but you gotta do that work first. Yeah. Oh my god. What you it's kinda like it's kinda like cooking a big delicious meal. You don't wanna cut up the onions and cut up the onion and cook the meat and fry this and bake that and stir in this and measure that.

But at the end, oh, is it so good? Yes. It's thebomb.com. Okay. I heard that.

Wow. All right. Let me ask you this. Okay. So we're gonna switch gears a little bit and we we know that okay.

You you're you have this business with all these accolades, but tell us a little bit more about your business itself. Yeah. So Tamika Carlton LLC is, where I do the majority of my relationship coaching, and that is both for, like, romantic relationships or, like, friendships, people that are going experiencing hectic all kinds of romantic or platonic relationships. And then I also have couples experience, which is the inclusive relationship company that I mentioned earlier. And that with that company, we host luxury retreats.

We have a subscription gift box that we do every quarter, and then we we have relationship resources as well. So there's tons of opportunity. My main goal is to ensure that we all have quality relationships, whether that's romantic or platonic relationships. So everything I do is surrounding that topic, and both businesses do that. And let me I just wanna add to what Tamika is saying.

Y'all don't I low key stalked her before I invite her on the show. See, it wasn't gonna be outside your window, I promise. But her. Popping up behind the bushes. I love it.

But I I I I love she really is good at what she does. So I I'm not just saying that because, she's on my show. If that if I thought she was mediocre, then I wouldn't be saying what I'm saying now, because I'm honest. Well, thank you. So she she's she's really good, and I wanna point out something that she said a minute ago.

When we hear relationship coach, we typically only think about romantic relationships. But the fact of the matter is all of your other relationships are just as important and sometimes even more important. I agree. And if we don't look at how we view relationships, how we handle our relationships of all kind, it it can mess up or build your life. And so it's important to talk to her or someone like her who can actually help you to navigate how you handle your relationships and how to have better ones.

Because your relationships are the key to your failures to success in most ways. Yes. Yes. Preach. Okay.

I don't even have to say it. You said it for me. Well, it's it's the it's the truth and I like that you you you state that it's not just romantic relationships because we have to. It's a misnomer. You know we it's a myth that we only need help with romantic relationships.

No some of your friendships are messed up because of the fact that you don't understand yes what you're doing. You don't understand, you know, what you're doing in terms of how Family relationships. Everything. Mhmm. Yes.

Yes. I mean, everything that we do is relationship based. I feel like everything that we do. Whatever we're whether we're a customer, whether we're an employee, whether we are a student, whether we're a teacher. I mean, everyone and every interaction and connection is relationship based.

So I'm on a mission to make sure that we are all the best that we can be for ourselves and for all of our relationship types. And we're as human beings, we're built for relationships, whether we like it or not. Yes. Yes. We are literally built for relationships.

That's why we need each other. And so if we don't understand it, we are already disconnected from half of what we need in life. I never put it down before, but that's Yes. It's true. Right?

I mean, it is Yeah. Great. So, real quick, how can people find you? What's your website? Yes.

Couplesexperience.com or tamikacarleton.com. And then, of course, on Instagram, tamika underscore carleton j b p. Alright. Well, it's been awesome talking to you, on and off air. Y'all don't know we had a whole big laugh fest before we even started this.

I love I love talking to this woman. I I I mean, it's been great. Oh, my gosh. It it really has been. And I'm really, hoping we we talk a lot more.

So, thank you again for coming on the show and taking your time, to talk to our teens. And, thanks. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Can't wait to connect again.

And now for a mind shifting moment. If you are considering entrepreneurship, and I hope you are, I want you to take in the principles that you heard us talk about today, the principles that you heard Tamika talk about today. Entrepreneurship can be a beautiful, beautiful thing, But you need two major things, support and determination. And there's more support out there than people realize. The support is actually much easier to find than the upkeep with the determination.

But this goes beyond entrepreneurship. Anything you really want to do, learn about it, get the support, be determined, and go for it. I don't care what your past was. Your future can be better. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast.

Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.