They Don't Know You

Fatima Bey • March 9, 2026

If this made you think, it could do the same for someone else. Pass it on.

The Opinion That Ruined Your Week

Your aunt sees you twice a year at family gatherings. She makes a comment about your life choices. And you spend the next week upset.

Someone at church who knows your Sunday face and nothing else decides who you are based on one conversation. They make a pronouncement about your character. And it sits in your chest for days.

A coworker who has worked alongside you for six months but has never had a real conversation with you forms an opinion about your work ethic. And suddenly you are questioning yourself.

Here is the question you need to ask. Why does their opinion matter? They do not know you. They do not know your full story. They do not know what you have been through, what you are working on, or who you actually are when nobody is watching.

They are just a human with thoughts in their head. And somehow, you gave them the remote control to your emotions.

The Handover You Did Not Notice

Here’s the thing: Nobody took your remote control. You handed it over.

That aunt who sees you twice a year? You gave her access to your self-worth. That person at church with a title who barely knows your name? You let them define your value. That coworker who only sees you in one context? You allowed them to shape how you see yourself.

Let me tell you how this is dangerous. Just because someone has a title does not mean they know what they are talking about when it comes to you. A pastor is still a human with thoughts in their head. A manager is still a human with thoughts in their head. A family member is still a human with thoughts in their head. It doesn’t mean those thoughts are right.

Having a title does not grant them authority over your identity, unless you give it to them.

What Their Opinions Are Actually Based On

Most opinions are not based on knowledge. They are based on assumptions, projections, limited data, or their own issues.

The family member who sees you at holidays does not know what you are building in private. The church member who knows your Sunday face does not know what you are walking through during the week. The coworker who sees you in meetings does not know what you are handling outside of work.

They are forming opinions with incomplete information. And you are taking those opinions seriously as if they have the full picture. They do not. But you are letting their ignorance define you anyway.

The Real Cost of Handing Over the Remote

This matters more than you think.

Your belief about yourself dictates your behavior. If you believe you are not good enough because someone who barely knows you said so, you will behave like someone who is not good enough. If you believe you are failing because someone with a title made that assessment based on limited interaction, you will act like someone who is failing.

And your behavior? Your behavior determines the direction of your life.

So when you hand the remote control to someone who does not know you, you are not just letting them affect your emotions for a day or a week. You are letting them steer your entire existence.

You are building your identity from the outside in. And the people on the outside do not have enough information to build anything accurate.

Taking Back the Remote

Not every opinion deserves your attention. Not every person who has a thought about you has earned the right to shape how you see yourself.

The person who does not know your story does not get to write your ending. The person who has not walked your road does not get to judge your progress. The person who sees you in one context does not get to define you in all contexts.

You have been handing the remote control to people who are not qualified to hold it. People who are operating on assumptions, not understanding. People who have their own unresolved issues that they are projecting onto you.

People who quite frankly do not know what they are talking about when it comes to who you actually are.

And you have been treating their opinions like they are facts. They are not facts. They are thoughts. Thoughts from someone who does not really know the whole you.

The Question You Need to Ask

So, the next time someone who does not personally know you has an opinion about your life, your choices, your character, or your worth, ask yourself this.

Why am I giving the remote control to someone who doesn't even know what channel I'm on?