Fatima Bey: 0:01

Welcome to MindShift Power Podcast, the only international podcast focused on teens, connecting young voices and perspectives from around the world. Get ready to explore the issues that matter to today's youth and shape tomorrow's world. I'm your host, fatima Bey, the MindShifter, and welcome everyone. Today's going to be a little bit different. I'm pretty sure you saw the title of this episode. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to tell my story. I've never done this publicly and I'm going to be really raw and blunt, the same thing I expect from everyone else.

Fatima Bey: 0:42

So I was born in Minneapolis, minneapolis, minnesota. Currently live in upstate New York, and when I moved to from Minneapolis to upstate New York when I was about 12 years old and I'm about to tell you why people ask me all the time oh, what brought you to New York? My response is usually, oh, family. Because I'm not going to tell them the real, full story. But you're about to hear it now.

法蒂瑪先生：1:06

在明尼阿波利斯的時候，我媽媽有個男朋友，他以前常常打她，打得非常厲害。她後來住院過幾次。有一天，我媽媽突然醒悟過來，意識到他會殺了我或我的孩子。所以她決定是時候逃離了。我們在明尼阿波利斯有一棟房子，不是公寓，不是那種可以把整棟房子連同抵押貸款一起留下的房子。那是一棟漂亮的房子，有院子，還有一棵黑莓樹、一叢丁香花，所有那些好東西，我們把一切都拋在了身後。她決定我們必須拋棄一切，逃離。於是我們真的這麼做了。我們只帶著能背的東西逃走了。有一天早上，我醒來準備去上學。我媽媽要我拿些衣服，你知道的，拿些這個，拿些那個。我把能背的東西都塞滿了背包，這就是我們能帶走的全部。所以我不得不把我認識的每一樣東西，我擁有的每一樣東西都拋在了身後。我們都和我的莉齊阿姨在一起，她不是我的親姑姑，但大家都叫她莉齊阿姨，她是我們的救星。那天我媽媽打電話給她說，在這種情況下，我們需要逃離。你能幫我們嗎？莉齊做到了。她開車送我們去了灰狗巴士站。我們開車，她開車送我們到灰狗巴士站，我們躲在後座上，因為我們不想讓任何人知道我們要去。我們不想讓任何認識他的人告訴他我們要去，我們要逃跑，我們坐上了灰狗巴士。我們來到了紐約州北部。最後，花了幾天時間。你知道，搭公車從中西部到這裡東部需要幾天時間。

Fatima Bey: 2:58

For the most part, when we got here we stayed with my grant. We stayed with my grandmother, but we only stayed with her for about two weeks because she had a very small one-bedroom apartment and that was kind of a lot of people. Now I have two younger sisters, so it was the three of us and my mother, and that's it. And the one thing I want you to understand is my mother literally had not one single human being outside of Aunt Lizzie, who really did all that she could for us. She had not one single human being that she could rely on, depend on and call upon. So she was doing this all by herself, outside of the help she got from Aunt Lizzie and my grandmother. For a couple of weeks After that she was surprisingly able to find a job real quick because she was determined.

法蒂瑪先生：3:38

她找到工作後，我們搬進了一家汽車旅館，我是說那種妓女住的那種，不是那種我們稱之為妓女住的那種好酒店，但那是你能找到的最好的酒店了。所以我們搬進了這家酒店，在那裡住了九個月。這從來都不在我們的計劃中。但是你知道，當你付那麼多錢的時候，你是按週支付的，而且你要付這麼多錢。很難擺脫這個循環，因為你賺的所有錢，很難擺脫這個循環，因為你花掉的所有錢都會回去。你賺的所有錢都會用來支付生活費。你們很多人都明白，你們賺的所有錢都會用來支付生活費，只是為了生存。所以我們在那裡住了大約九個月。最後，我母親終於在九個月後拿到了一間公寓。但是我們搬進去的時候沒有家具。我們睡在地板上。我們過去常常把衣服塞進枕頭套裡，這樣我們就可以有一個枕頭。我們就是這麼窮。

Fatima Bey: 4:30

What I want to talk to you about today was the trauma that comes from being a child of domestic violence. He never hit me, but being a child of a mother who's constantly beaten, I'm letting you know right now. It messes you up Don't want to use the word permanent because that's not true, but it does mess you up in a great way, a big way. So for years and I'm only giving you the summary right now because I'm trying to keep this podcast episode within a certain timeframe but for many years, for many years, I would relive the trauma from hearing her getting beaten, hearing the screams and the banging on the wall, waking up and hearing it when it wasn't happening. I akin it to a rape victim. No, I wasn't raped, but the trauma on this in this context is the same. You're reliving a traumatic moment. Someone who was raped and sees the house they were raped in relives that moment. When they see that house, I wake up and hear a bang that has nothing to do with anything and it brings me back to that moment. It was many, many, many years Now, mind you, I was 12 years old, I wasn't into my 20s. Until I could actually talk about it Barely came out of my mouth before then. It took a long time for me to actually be able to really talk about it, because it was traumatic. It was so it ran so deep.

Fatima Bey: 5:59

Now that I've explained that, let me take you back to Minneapolis for a moment. I am 12 years old, my sisters are probably 10 and 8. I really don't remember, but roughly maybe 10 and 7, roughly around there at the time I'm the oldest. Before we left, we were planning his murder. You heard me right, I didn't mince my words. We were at 12, 10, and seven or eight. We were planning his murder. Let me explain what I mean. I was the ringleader, obviously, because I'm the oldest, and me and my sisters were getting together, even though we're sisters. So of course we fought here and there, but we were still a tight unit and, trust me, this is still true to this day. Me and my sisters get together and we decide something's happening, it's going to happen, and it's going to happen with precision. And then we well planned out, well thought out and thoroughly analyzed because that's how we are. So at 12 years old, we were planning his murder. And what I want you to know and I'm saying this as a full grown adult when I look back at it, I realized, oh, it would have happened. We would have absolutely killed that little bitch. Absolutely, he would have been absolutely dead. Now, imagine what would have happened if we had done that. I'm very grateful that my mother left when she did because she was protecting us in more ways than one. Now, my mother did not know this at the time. I only told her this, like maybe last year or the year before. I said, oh yeah, we were planning his murder and knowing what I know now, it would have happened because we would have stuck with it, because we had had enough, and we were at the point where we were tired of being scared. We were just going to kill you and I want you to know that, because that is a big deal.

Fatima Bey: 7:47

Sometimes we think children are ineffective by what happens around them. That is never freaking true. I mean, that is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever true. We are affected by everything around us, everything you allow in your household. It affects us. We may not say something, we might not understand how it's affecting us until we get old enough, mature enough and, honestly, that has nothing to do with age. That has to do with maturity and those two are not the same thing. It affects us.

Fatima Bey: 8:19

It affected me. I could not talk about it for years. You've heard me talk about before how I had low self-esteem most of my life. This was not the only reason why, but this was definitely a part of it. Not only that, but I had a different experience than my younger sisters because I was much older. I had much more understanding of the world around me than they did. I remember a lot more than they did.

Fatima Bey: 8:39

I know because we've talked about it a lot, lot more, and the reason I'm sharing the story with you and this is I went through a lot of tears just to prepare for this episode. That's why I'm able to talk about it now, without the tears, because they happened before the microphone got turned on. But the tears actually weren't for me. They were for you teenage girl who's in an abusive relationship right now, because this is probably your future. If you don't get the fuck out right now, this is your future. You're going to have kids that have been drawn and led to murder because you kept them in an abusive relationship. You needed to keep that man, that so-called man who was abusing you. Don't turn your child into a murderer by staying in a situation that you shouldn't be in. You might be a teenage girl right now. You're not even pregnant yet by this little bitch, and that's what they are. By the way, when you hear me say little bitch.

Fatima Bey: 9:34

I'm not talking about women ever. I'm always talking about these little boys in men's bodies who beat women because they're little bitches. They're not men. Let me make that clear Now. If you're a teenage girl, get out. You're in an abusive relationship. You know I'm right. You know I'm talking to you right now and you're listening. You know it's you. I want you to know what your future looks like. Your future looks like you visiting your kids in jail because they murdered the little bitch you stayed with. Get out now. In a minute I'm gonna give you some hope about getting out. Mothers who are in these and I'm talking to mothers right now. Yes, it happens to men, but I'm not talking to them right now. I'm talking to the mothers because those are the ones I know and can relate to, the mothers who are in these abusive relationships right now. And you're listening to me right now.

法蒂瑪先生：10:21

我知道你不夠愛自己，不願離開，你找盡各種藉口想留下來，又或許你只是太害怕了，因為有時候害怕是有原因的。我母親就是這樣的。她並非想和這個失敗者待在一起。她想離開，但他確實很危險。我們不得不離開，確實有一些原因。當時我並不完全理解這些。多年後我們談過之後，我終於明白了。但也許你覺得自己走不出來。我向你保證，你真的可以。我們身邊有很多人可以幫助你走出來。

Fatima Bey: 10:57

But, mothers, if you don't love yourself enough to get out, love your children enough to get out, because they're victims too. We are victims too. Because they're victims too, we are victims too. The memories, the trauma from watching you or listening to you get beaten is not of none effect. It affects us. And then you wonder why they're violent. You wonder why they're skipping school, why they seem to self-sabotage. It's because of all the shit they're watching. It's affecting them too. Love them enough to get out.

Fatima Bey: 11:27

Don't turn your child into the next six o'clock news murderer, because I promise you that would have been me Now had I done that. Imagine the extra trauma I would have incurred on myself by committing that murder which I was totally unaware of at the time, of course, because I was 12. Imagine that. Imagine the trauma I would have inflicted on my little sisters by having them participate in it. I didn't have to make them because we were a team. We were a team, but imagine how our lives would have turned out if we had stayed, if she didn't get out when she did. Imagine that.

Fatima Bey: 12:01

Now I want you to turn around and replace my story with your kids. Imagine visiting your son, your daughter, in jail because they killed that motherfucker, because they couldn't take it anymore. See, even the kids who you think won't push the envelope won't budge, the kids that you think are scared, the kids that you think won't do anything, they'll be the very ones that'll pick up a knife and stab his ass 45 times in a row and you can't even see him for all the blood. Yes, I'm being that graphic. I want you to see that, that trauma in your head right now. What I just said. It's much better than the real trauma of visiting them in jail and having their entire lives ruined because they wanted to protect you, because they couldn't take it anymore. We all have our breaking points and I was a scared little girl, but I was getting past that. I was getting past the point of being a scared little girl to a pissed off murderer. Don't push your kids to that edge. Get the fuck out. Get out for your kid's sake.

Fatima Bey: 13:01

Now I want to tell you something else. I want to give you a little hope. I know I'm telling you to get out and it seems hopeless, but trust me, there's somebody around who wants to help you. There's so many people that want to help people like you. I know them, I see them, I talk to them. I'm one of them. I want you to know that there's hope them. I'm one of them. I want you to know that there's hope.

Fatima Bey: 13:25

My mother is now married to a phenomenal husband. She's married to a great man full of integrity, and we all love him. We consider him our second father. When he introduces us, he doesn't call me his stepdaughter, he just calls me his daughter, and Father's Day is all about him. He's a wonderful man.

Fatima Bey: 13:40

My point in saying that to you ladies is, when you finally decide to get out, you free yourself up for a real man instead of the loser, instead of the little bitch who can't do anything but beat a woman because he doesn't have a dick. There's hope for you and I'm letting you know there's hope for you. My mother is not special. She's a beautiful person, but she doesn't have superpowers. She's no better than the rest of you. If she can do it, so can you. You just have to get out first.

法蒂瑪先生：14:11

現在你明白為什麼家庭暴力是我如此熱衷的話題之一了吧？我首先想到的就是孩子們，因為我自己也曾經是其中之一。你知道在不安全的環境下長大是什麼感覺嗎？我知道，在家裡永遠感覺不到安全。我知道，當你感到不安全時，很難感覺到自己有任何價值。順便說一句，當你感到不安全時，它會極大地影響你的思想、你的思維方式、你的生活、你的思維方式，以及你在生活其他方面的行為。你的孩子在這種情況下也不會感到安全。我這麼說，不是要打擊你，而是要讓你認清現實，為了你的孩子，趕緊離開，並以一個孩子的角度告訴你，這會帶來什麼後果。

法蒂瑪先生：14:51

And it was man for a while if there was somebody walking down the street hitting his girlfriend, it took every ounce in me not to murder him. I'm not kidding. I remember telling my stepfather one day after you know, before they got married and they were dating, we were all living together. I don't know what I said to my stepfather. But I said something to the effect of you put your hands on her and I will kill you. And he was a police officer, by the way, but I don't care Now, I didn't use that. I don't remember what I said to him and I don't think I used that phrase, but I remember he got upset because I was coming at him like that. Well gee, why was I coming at him like that? Because I was determined that that was never going to happen to my mother again. I was determined that that is not happening this time, because I will kill you first. I was already there. Now I soon calmed down because I came to realize that this was a good man and he cared for my mother.

Fatima Bey: 15:40

他非常愛我媽媽，我媽媽也非常尊敬他。這真是太美好了。事實上，如果我結婚了，我希望擁有像他們那樣的感情，真正的感情。看著他們在一起真是太棒了。不，他們並不完美。他們偶爾也會有小爭吵，但總的來說，他們彼此的愛和尊重是如此美好。但如果她一直跟那個廢物在一起，她就不可能擁有這些了。

Fatima Bey: 16:00

And, ladies, you need to take the garbage out. You need to take the garbage out too. You're worth it, but more importantly or just as importantly, your kids are worth it. We matter, we matter. You're really messing up their mental health when you stay in that situation, like really badly.

Fatima Bey: 16:18

So I wanted to say all of that today because I just want to see you win. I want to see women get out, and that's why I'm so determined in all that I do. A lot of what I do focuses on young women, and this is a big issue with a lot of young women, not just in America, but across the world. This is part one of this episode and there is a part two. So stay tuned, take a breather, because I know this was heavy, and listen to part two, because that's going to be just as impactful, but in a different way. And thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe to MindShift Power Podcast on any of our worldwide platforms so you, too, can be a part of the conversation that's changing young lives everywhere, and always remember there's power in shifting your thinking.