Are You Drowning People Who Are Trying To Swim? The Hidden Way You're Sabotaging Success at Work and Home
If this made you think, it could do the same for someone else. Pass it on.
Take a look at the quote pictured here: "If someone is trying to change and get their head above water, don't hold them down so they can drown. Your words have power!"
We do this. All of us. We watch someone struggle to improve themselves, to climb out of whatever hole they've been in, and instead of throwing them a rope, we remind them of how deep the hole is.
The Drowning Business Culture
In business, I see this everywhere. An employee makes a mistake, learns from it, and starts showing real improvement. Instead of acknowledging their growth, we keep bringing up their past failures in meetings. We use their history as a weapon instead of their progress as proof that people can change.
I've watched managers destroy promising team members by constantly referencing old mistakes. "Well, you know how Sarah is with deadlines..." or "Remember what happened last time Mike handled a big client?"
You think you're being cautious. You think you're managing risk. But what you're actually doing is programming failure back into someone who was programming success into themselves.
The Personal Relationships That Suffocate Growth
This hits even harder in our personal lives. Your partner starts going to therapy and working on themselves. Instead of celebrating their effort, you keep score of every time they fell short before. Your friend quits drinking and you're the one who keeps saying, "Yeah, but remember when you said that last time?"
Your words become their internal voice. When they're fighting to stay afloat, your doubts become the current that pulls them back under.
I'm not talking about being naive. I'm not saying ignore red flags or pretend patterns don't exist. But there's a difference between healthy boundaries and active sabotage. There's a difference between protecting yourself and destroying someone else's chance at redemption.
The Truth About Second Chances (And Third, And Fourth...)
Here's what I've learned: People can change. Not everyone will, but the ones who are genuinely trying deserve more than our skepticism. They deserve our words to match their effort.
When someone is doing the hard work of transformation - going to therapy, getting sober, changing careers, learning new skills, rebuilding relationships - they're already fighting the hardest battle of their lives. The battle against their own history, their own patterns, their own brain telling them they can't do it.
The last thing they need is you confirming what their inner critic is already screaming.
Your Words Are Programming Code
Every word you speak to someone who's trying to change is code being written into their mental software. Are you coding success or failure? Are you reinforcing their new identity or dragging them back to their old one?
"You're really doing great with this new approach" programs differently than "I hope this works out better than last time."
"I can see how hard you're working on yourself" hits differently than "Let's see how long this lasts."
Your words don't just describe reality - they create it.
The Business Case for Believing in Change
From a purely practical standpoint, in business, betting against someone's ability to grow is a losing strategy. The employee who learns from their mistakes often becomes your most reliable performer. They know what failure costs.
They know what success requires. But only if you give them the psychological space to become that person.
The companies that master this - the ones that separate past performance from future potential while still maintaining standards - they're the ones that turn around struggling employees into champions. They're the ones that build loyalty that goes beyond paychecks.
Stop Being the Current That Pulls People Under
I'm not asking you to be naive. I'm asking you to be conscious. Conscious of the difference between protecting yourself and sabotaging someone else. Conscious of whether your words are life preservers or anchors.
When someone is swimming toward shore, don't remind them how far they are from land. Don't tell them about all the other times they tried to swim. Point toward the shore and tell them they're making progress.
Because here's the thing that will make you think differently about every interaction you have with someone who's trying to change: The person you refuse to let rise might have been the one meant to lift you up later. The employee you keep drowning in their past mistakes might have been your next great leader. The friend you can't stop doubting might have been your strongest supporter when you needed it most.
Your words don't just shape their future - they shape yours too.
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