When Criticism Means You're Doing It Right

Real Change Makes Waves

I am about to make some of you uncomfortable: if you're making real change and nobody's criticizing you, you're probably not making real change.

You're making noise. You're making gestures. You're making people feel good about themselves while nothing actually shifts.

Real change? Real change pisses people off. It makes them squirm. It forces them to confront things they'd rather ignore. It disrupts the comfortable lies we tell ourselves about how things are "fine the way they are."

And when you're the one creating that disruption, you're going to hear about it.

The question is: which criticism matters, and which criticism is just confirmation that you're on the right path?

The Criticism That Means You're Making Waves

There are certain phrases people use when they're uncomfortable with the truth you're speaking. Learn to recognize them:

"You're being too aggressive." "This isn't the time or place." "You're being divisive." "You're making people uncomfortable." "Can't you be more diplomatic about this?" "You're too bold." "You need to tone it down." Blah. Blah. Blah.

Here's what all of these actually mean: Stop making me face things I don't want to face.

When someone tells you you're "being divisive," what they're really saying is: "You're exposing a division that already exists, and I was comfortable pretending it wasn't there."

When someone says "you're making people uncomfortable," what they mean is: "I'm uncomfortable, and I want you to stop so I can go back to my comfortable ignorance."

When they say "this isn't the time or place," what they're actually saying is: "There will never be a time or place where I want to deal with this."

These criticisms? They're not warnings that you're doing something wrong. They're confirmation that you're doing something right. You're creating discomfort around things that should be uncomfortable.

Bad things need to be uncomfortable. Injustice should make people squirm. Harmful systems should make people angry. If you're exposing something that needs to change and nobody's uncomfortable, you haven't exposed it clearly enough.

History Proves This Point

Let's talk about the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s and 70s in the United States. You know what white people said to Black Americans who were demanding basic human rights?

"You're being too aggressive." "This isn't the time." "You're being divisive." "Why can't you be more patient?"

And you know what some white people actually said, the thing we sanitize out of history books now? They said: "Niggers should stay in their place."

That wasn't criticism of truth. That was a reaction to discomfort. That was people being confronted with their own complicity in a system of oppression, and instead of examining themselves, they lashed out at the people forcing them to look.

The discomfort those white people felt? That was necessary. That discomfort was the sound of a conscience being activated after years of being numbed by convenience and privilege.

Martin Luther King Jr. was criticized constantly. Called divisive. Called too aggressive. Told he was moving too fast, asking for too much, making white people uncomfortable.

And he kept going. Because he understood that the criticism wasn't proof he was wrong. It was proof he was disrupting a system that needed to be disrupted.

This is true in business. This is true in personal life. This is true in churches, organizations, families, and every other structure where change is needed.

Making people uncomfortable is not a bug. It's a feature of real change.

My Story: The Girls Nobody Wanted to Make Uncomfortable

Over ten years ago, I was working with a group of teenage girls. I was supposed to be teaching them "life skills"—the safe, sanitized, check-the-box kind of content that makes administrators happy and changes nothing.

But when I looked at these girls, I knew that bullshit wasn't going to help them. Some of them were street tough. Some were in gangs. All of them were carrying trauma they'd never been given permission to acknowledge.

So I made a choice. I cut through the bullshit. I said the quiet things out loud. I addressed the real issues—self-worth, trauma, the root causes of behaviors nobody wanted to talk about.

I made everyone uncomfortable. Including the girls themselves.

But here's what happened: by the time I was done, every single one of them was in tears. Not because I'd hurt them. Because someone had finally given them permission to be honest about what they were carrying. Many of them confessed things they had never said out loud before.

That release? That honesty? THAT was a really really big deal.

I got out of them in one hour what would take a standard therapist six months. Not because I'm better than therapists—I'm not. But because my attitude was this: "Fuck formality and harmful rules! I'm going to give these girls what they really need because they matter!"

The ripples I was making didn't prioritize bureaucratic bullshit over the actual betterment of my students. And to this day, some of those girls are still friends with me on social media. They still reach out. Because that uncomfortable hour mattered more than all the comfortable, useless sessions they'd sat through before.

Was I supposed to do it that way? No.

Would I change it for anything in the world? Absolutely not.

Those precious young women needed that. And the discomfort was the price of their healing.

The Criticism You Should Actually Listen To

Now here's the part where we get reflective, because not all criticism means you're on the right path. Some criticism is legitimate. And you need to know the difference.

"You're too bold" usually means the truth is making someone uncomfortable. That's a good thing. Keep going.

"You're being reckless" is sometimes legitimate. That's the criticism you need to research and pay attention to.

The difference? Ask yourself why.

Why are people bothered by what you're saying or doing? Is it because of exposure—because you're revealing something bad that needs to be revealed? Or is it because what you're doing is actually yielding bad results, not just discomfort?

If people are uncomfortable because you're exposing injustice, inequality, harm, or broken systems—that's confirmation you're on the right path.

If people are uncomfortable because what you're doing is genuinely causing harm, not just disruption—then pause. Reflect. Course-correct if needed.

The key is this: discomfort is not the same as harm. Making someone face an uncomfortable truth is not the same as being reckless or wrong.

Learn to tell the difference. And when you know you're creating the right kind of discomfort, don't back down.

This Applies to Your Personal Life Too

Maybe you're not leading a social movement or disrupting an industry. Maybe you're just trying to change your own life, and the people around you are resisting.

You're setting boundaries with family, and they're calling you "selfish." You're leaving a toxic relationship, and people are saying "you're giving up too easily." You're changing careers, and they're telling you "you're being irresponsible." You're speaking up about something that hurt you, and they're saying "you're being too sensitive."

Those aren't warnings. Those are confirmations.

People resist change—especially when your change forces them to examine their own choices. Your boundary makes them uncomfortable because they don't have boundaries. Your honesty makes them uncomfortable because they've been lying to themselves. Your courage makes them uncomfortable because they're afraid.

That discomfort is not your problem. That's theirs.

And if making waves in your own life means some people get splashed, so be it. Real change requires disruption. Even on a personal level.

The Bottom Line

Certain types of criticism are a clear indication that you're on the right path. When people tell you you're too aggressive, too bold, too divisive, too uncomfortable—that's not a sign to stop. That's a sign you're making the kind of waves that actually change things.

Real change makes waves. Always has. Always will.

The question is: are you willing to keep swimming when the water gets rough?

Because the people who change the world—the ones who actually shift things—are the ones who hear "you're making me uncomfortable" and think, Good. That means it's working.

So keep going. Keep speaking the uncomfortable truths. Keep disrupting the systems that need disrupting. Keep making the waves.

The criticism isn't proof you're wrong. It's proof you're dangerous to the things that need to die.

Fatima Bey The MindShifter