Don't Let Jerks Turn You Into One: Taking Back Your Power

Let's be honest - some people are jerks! You know exactly who I'm talking about. That person who makes your jaw clench, your fists ball up, and has you wanting to curse them out or fantasizing about doing things to them that are um.......illegal.

We've all been there.

"Someone else being a jerk doesn't mean you have to be. You're not responsible for their behavior. You are responsible for yours."

Your Emotional Garden Gets Trampled

Think of your emotions like a garden you work hard to maintain. You're out there every day, trying to grow patience when you want to scream, planting kindness when the world is harsh, and cultivating calm when everything feels chaotic.

Then some jerk comes stomping through, crushing everything under their feet.

Your gut reaction? Grab a handful of dirt and chuck it right at their smug face. Maybe add a rock or two for good measure. They ruined your day, so why not return the favor?

I get it. God, do I get it. The urge to go nuclear on someone who's pushing your buttons is so primal it feels like it's hardwired into your DNA.

Handing Over Your Remote Control

Here's what took me way too long to figure out: when I lose my cool because someone else is being an ass, I'm basically handing them the remote control to my behavior.

It goes something like this: They act like a jerk → I feel rage → I act like a jerk back → They've successfully programmed my actions.

In what universe does that make sense? Why would I give someone I don't even respect the power to determine how I behave? That's messed up when you really think about it.

Breaking the Stupid Cycle

Back to our garden. When someone tramples through your emotional space, you've got options that don't involve becoming a human wrecking ball yourself:

1. Put up a fence (set boundaries that say "your toxic crap stops here")
2. Fix what they damaged (process that anger instead of weaponizing it)
3. Keep tending your own stuff (focus on what matters to you, not their drama)

Someone has to break the cycle of trash behavior. It might as well be you.

The Real Strength Move

There's this bizarre idea floating around that restraint equals weakness. Like if you don't match someone's nastiness, you're somehow letting them "win." That's complete garbage.

Any hothead can fly off the handle. Any toddler can throw a tantrum when provoked. The real power move? Choosing your response when every cell in your body is screaming for revenge.

It's the difference between hurling insults because you can't control yourself versus standing firm in who you are regardless of what's being thrown at you. One of these approaches actually requires backbone.

Setting the Example Nobody Asked For

When you refuse to stoop to someone else's level, you're showing everyone watching (including yourself) that there's another way to handle conflict.

I'm not talking about being some saintly doormat who smiles while taking abuse. Hell no. Standing your ground with dignity isn't passive - it's powerful.

It means saying what needs to be said without becoming what you despise. It means protecting your peace without sacrificing your principles.

How to Not Lose Your Crap When You Really Want To

Let's get practical. When someone's pushing all your buttons and you feel like smacking the crap out of them (emotionally or otherwise), try these instead:

1. Buy yourself time: Literally say "I need a minute" and walk away if you can. Take a breath that goes all the way down to your toes.
2. Call out the emotion to kick it out: "This rage isn't controlling me" - naming it strips it of power and puts you back in charge.
3. Hit yourself with brutal honesty: "Will this reaction solve anything, or just create a bigger mess I'll have to clean up later?"
4. Remember who you are: Are you someone whose behavior is dictated by others, or someone who decides for yourself?
5. Focus on what you want to create, not what you want to destroy: Direct that energy toward a solution that actually improves your situation instead of just satisfying a temporary urge.

The Freedom That Comes With Ownership

Taking ownership of your reactions—even when someone deserves your wrath—isn't some burden. It's actually freedom in its purest form.

When you get that you control your responses (no matter how justified your anger might be), you stop feeling like a victim of difficult people. Their behavior might be trash, but it doesn't have the power to make you behave like trash too.

Your garden is yours. Some fool trampling through doesn't mean you have to set the whole thing on fire.

The choice of what grows there? That's always yours. And nobody—no matter how much of a jerk they are—gets to take that away from you.

Fatima Bey The MindShifter