Welcome And The Core Question

Fatima Bey 0:02

MindShift Power Podcast This is Mind Shift Power Podcast, the number one critically acclaimed podcast where we have raw, unfiltered conversations that shape tomorrow. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the Mind Shifter. And welcome everyone. Today we have with us Aisha Berry. She is in Maryland in the USA. She is a prophetess, an author, a coach, and a speaker. And I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been looking forward, I've been looking to have this conversation for a while, and I finally found the right guest for it. So today's conversation is for every young person out there who's ever felt unwanted in their own home. How are you doing today, Aisha? I'm doing excellent, Fatima. Thank you for having me. How are you? Hey, thank you. Good. Thank you for agreeing to come on. Well, I like to dive right into the conversation. So you grew up feeling unwanted in your own family. What does that do to a child?

Aïcha Barry 1:07

It brings on a lot of trauma and a lot of compensating because you wonder why they don't like you and you try to win their approval like love and acceptance at any cost. And for me, it turned into overperformance in school. I always I was addicted to straight A's. I was addicted to being the best student, to being my best in hopes that that maybe they will be kinder to me, maybe they will be more humane towards me, maybe they will show me respect, affection, and love.

Fatima Bey 1:45

And you know what? You're so right. In your it's see, that lack of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted, it manifests itself in many different ways. But for you're saying for you, it was addiction to success and being noticed. Unfortunately, for some people, it's addiction to other things uh or they try to fill in that void with other things. Um, but yeah, that's what it produces. So tell me, how did that rejection follow you into adulthood, into every room that you walked into?

Aïcha Barry 2:20

So when entreated and healed, it will manifest in other ways. In adulthood, it manifested as me in relationships, let's dive into that, accepting less than what I knew was worth. Even knowing inside that that's not what just going, you know, oh that's

Childhood Rejection And Overachieving

Aïcha Barry 2:40

what I can get, let me take that. Because I was still in that mode where I wanted to please. I was in the people pleaser. So I found myself with projects in relationship, it met that I needed to build up. Can you give us some examples?

Fatima Bey 2:58

Some examples. I'm asking you that because I want the audience to see what that actually looks like, not just understand the concept.

Aïcha Barry 3:05

Okay, an example. So I was married for six years, and to be honest, I should have gotten separated and eventually divorced way earlier. So I got married to somebody, and as soon as I got my footing into the corporate world, they decided I didn't no longer wanted to work. And I was the one looking for jobs for them, and they never wanted to take it. It was either they were overqualified or underqualified. And um, I kept making excuses for it until I got pregnant with baby number two, and finally I was like, no, this is too much. I can't be raising three kids, and one of them being older than me. Oh. So he had a child older than you on top of that? I'm talking about him, my ex-husband.

Fatima Bey 3:53

Oh, I got you. Okay. I'm not even gonna edit that out.

Aïcha Barry 4:01

So I couldn't be raising a men's child, and those were my words before I got separated. I cannot date and raise you. I'm not your mom. Mom is not sexy.

Fatima Bey 4:10

You know what? You're right. And that is one of the things that happens when we don't take care of that issue. Um, we end up making decisions that are lifelong decisions that really affect us, trying to be accepted. So, do you think that if you had been wanted, um, if you felt wanted or loved, you do you think you would have accepted staying with him?

Aïcha Barry 4:33

No, because I saw him again as a project. You know, it I was addicted to success. So I'm like, for me, it was like I can build him up, I can break him down, I can Ah, okay. Mm-hmm. You're saying you saw so you saw him as a project. Yeah. So if I were healed, I would see all the baggages of because I have, you know, I had my own childhood trauma, but he had his trauma too. So trauma with trauma together is not good. And I was trying to get away from the trauma, whereas he had not even acknowledged his pain. When we don't acknowledge part of healing, the first step to healing is acknowledging that there's a problem. Yes, it is.

Fatima Bey 5:12

And sometimes that's the hardest, actually, honestly, sometimes that's the hardest part, is just admitting that there's an issue. I don't need nobody, I don't need nothing, I'm just fine. And that's what we tell ourselves, right? Especially men.

Aïcha Barry 5:26

Yes.

Fatima Bey 5:27

Um, so let me ask you this. So we got the general background, but I really want to focus on this part of the conversation. What did healing actually look like for you on an emotional level?

Aïcha Barry 5:40

And when did that make it look like walking it from a family that never approved of me, that never accepted me, and no longer having to cry myself to sleep because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I learned and found that I was different. I understood that I was the black sheep of the family. And the black sheep is the one who goes against the grind, the one who rewrites tradition, rewrites bloodlines, because that's the one who understands that there's a different way to do things. And I understood that they could not only give me what they knew, they lacked the capacity to love me in the first place.

Fatima Bey 6:20

So you you understood that on an emotional level. Take us through the journey of what did that look like for you? Like when did that process start? What create what made that process happen inside you on an emotional level?

Aïcha Barry 6:33

On an emotional level, it's when I graduated with my associates because I moved to the US for college and I called my father, I was so excited and proud of myself. And he's like, oh, okay, you you have to talk to my wife. That's the stepmom who wanted me dead from the day she met me. Um so, and I was like, okay, you know what? That's fine.

People Pleasing In Adult Relationships

Aïcha Barry 6:55

He that's his reality. He has chosen to live in fear and not freedom. And that's fine. This is this was the moment where I realized that they really don't care about me. And I was like, you know what, that's fine. I'm walking away, not in anger, not in bitterness, but with understanding that we are not on the same page and we want different things, which is absolutely fine. That was the first step. The next step was um later on, you know, I went through another healing because healing, I believe healing is continual. We have not healed. You are healing from something, but we are always healing. Should we do the work? So I went to the stage. For me, it was that prompting in my heart to just cut my hair off and start over. And do you know we carry a lot of stress in our hair? I'll look back, I'm like, all those decades from childhood trauma, from uh to adolescence, looking for myself, finding myself, being married, and getting divorced, it's too much. So I understood why I had that prompting to just go for the big shop and start over.

Fatima Bey 8:03

So what I'm hearing from you is you had to go through the process of accepting that you would never be accepted.

Aïcha Barry 8:16

Yes. Yes. It didn't make it any less painful, but it gave me peace, knowing that I was not the problem because I was made to be the problem all the time. And now one, and also I think in my case, what really helped me is moving away from that family, not being there, you know, they're all the way in another continent. I'm here in the US. So that space really helped me, you know. And I believe I was brought here to to drown. Let's see, the US is a sea, I'm at the sea and I don't know how to drive. Uh, I was thrown here without them knowing that I superior, superior uh swimming skills. It's here that I found myself, that I uncovered the truth of my identity. And uh I just exposed the lies.

Fatima Bey 9:03

So did you, when you said you exposed the lies, you just fell into that, or did you intentionally seek out a way to heal from it?

Aïcha Barry 9:12

Uh I intentionally I saw that. You know, when the when the teacher student is ready, the teacher shows up, right? For me. Yes, yes, yes. It was uh an invitation to church. And I took that invitation and it just started opening the door. And as I accepted that invitation to go to church, I was riding the bus from college home. The bus driver happened to be a pastor. And one day, every we every every day he would talk to me, minister to me. He gave me a Bible. And the last time I saw him, I'm like, I know that usually you start a book from the beginning to the end, but where do I start in this book? He's like, great question. Start with the book of John. And he told me, my assignment is over. Fatima, I didn't know what he meant. I never saw that man again.

Fatima Bey 9:58

Ah, his assignment was to get you started. So let's let's go jump into my next question that I was going to ask you anyway. So we talked about a little bit, you gave us a little bit of background about what it actually looked like at an emotional level for you to heal. And I think the biggest thing, part of that, is the acceptance because I think a lot of times people, and I have counseled people and seen this personally, so I know what you mean. The hardest part is accepting that the person will not admit that they mistreated you. They will not accept that you are who you are. They won't accept, and you have to be okay with not being accepted. But let's talk about what made you feel accepted because a large part of your story is the spiritual healing that took place. So take us into that. You just started it with the Bible, with him giving you the Bibles, but tell us more about your experience with that.

Aïcha Barry 10:50

So, my experience after that, on my way to the church, I was invited to it, was a bigger church. I stumbled. I was pushed. That's beyond my explanation. At the time, I didn't know it was the Holy Spirit. I was pushed into a smaller church. And as I got into that church, the pastor was talking about a 40 days fast. I'm like, 40 days? I grew up Muslim. So we would fast during Ramadan, which is um one month, and also from sundown to sun up, 12 hours. But this man went 40 days without food, without water, and he told me it's in the Bible. And after that, he started to pray. And I saw with my own eyes the manifestation of evil spirits. My shoes that were tied flew off on their own, off my feet. I felt fire. And this guy proceeded to talk to me in privacy, revealing the deepest secrets of my life, and I felt naked. I was really intrigued and impressed. And to be honest with you, it doesn't happen a lot. I grew up the father, the daughter of a diplomat. We traveled a lot. I lived all over the world, speak a few languages,

Accepting They May Never Change

Aïcha Barry 11:55

but I was really impressed. I was intrigued, but I was scared. I went with what was comfortable. I hurried up and went to that church where I was invited. And I saw that it was a bigger church. I'm like, here, at least I can fit in, you know. You learn to, you learn those survival habits. I can just hide myself without taking up space. Nobody's gonna notice me. I was getting, I was choosing comfort over growth.

Fatima Bey 12:21

Mmm. You were choosing comfort over growth. And what made you make uh a decision to start working towards growth?

Aïcha Barry 12:29

What made me, it's just that that small church, that's the thing. Don't be deceived. The Bible tells us that even the very elect shall be deceived because it's all glamorous, it's a mega church, but there was no power. At the other place, I saw healing. I saw healing, I saw miracle signs and wonders, you know. And I got deeper because I heard about Prophet Muhammad growing up and I was questioning. I was 10 years old then, back in Libya, which is a Muslim country in North Africa, and I was asking, uh-because my name is Muslim name Aisha, I was forced into a class called Quran. I'll bring my red mat and pray. Do all my five prayers. Up to today, I know the surat by heart because it never leaves you somewhere in your back of your head. So I asked my teacher, Miss Muslim, I'm like, what am I saying? Why am I doing that? She said, Aisha, Muslim ladies and girls are doing, are doing what they're told. They don't ask questions. You're being defiant. So it was revelation then. And here I have freedom and I just put the Bible to test. If I do X, Y, and Z, I'm gonna get these results. It was tested and proven. And I've seen the manifestation, the tangible proof in my own life.

Fatima Bey 13:42

Okay, so what you're saying is what you experienced is you experienced some actual spiritual results and a difference, and you saw a difference in yourself and not just a bunch of rules and religion. Yes. And that helped you to heal.

Aïcha Barry 13:59

How did that help you to heal? It helped me to heal on a deeper level. First, I accepted that there was nothing wrong with me. But back in 2020, the Lord took me through a 30-day fast by his grace and for his glory. And at the end of that fast, I was um, I was what is the word? I was uh ordered to go and ask for forgiveness to my offenders. I'm like, why, Lord? I'm the one here who was mistreated and saying, no, this is nothing to do with you. We fight not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. So there's no loophole, there's no way the enemy can attack you. Because the Bibles tells you to respect your parents. Parent figure. Any anyone who is a parent figure in your life, you still have to respect and honor them for you to reach the fullness of all the blessings that he has in store for you. Again, through that fast, also, I was saw that my dad was held in bondage through witchcraft, and I could see clearly what was going on. Another dream that I got also, I was in a room without a window or a door, and uh, my childhood best friend, again from Libya, was telling me, get on this red mat, you're a Muslim, you will never be a Christian, come back. So the Lord opened my eye. What it looked like physically as asthma was spiritual bondage from my Muslim background holding me back.

Fatima Bey 15:25

Oh, let's talk about that right now. So let's take a deeper dive because there are people whose details may be different than yours, but they can relate. Um, there's some Muslim people out there right now who can actually relate to a lot of what you're saying. So what you're saying, what there's a couple different things I'm hearing that I want to talk about. Number one, forgiveness. You you said it real quick, but it's not a minor detail. Forgiveness, and I'm saying this for the audience, not to you really, forgiveness is not about the jerk who hurt you. It's not about the person who did you wrong. Forgiveness is about releasing it for yourself so that you don't build ulcers and stress and other spiritual things within yourself. But the other thing is, people kept putting you in a box. You are Aisha, you are a Muslim, so you must do this. And many listeners right now, and it might not be about religion, it might be about something else, but they keep being put in a box because there's a label on them. I mean, you could say the same thing about me. My name is my name is one of the most famous Muslim names in the

A Spiritual Turning Point Begins

Fatima Bey 16:35

world. I'm a Christian now, but I have one of some people could do that. I don't let anybody put in a box. I'm real quick to let you know I'm climbing out. So, you know, but but uh, but there are there are young people out there right now, and even some adults listening right now, who people keep putting them inside a box saying, you have to be this because you're a label. You have to act this way because you're autistic, you must be this way because you're black, you must be this way because you're Muslim, you must be blah, blah, name a detail. And it's and you you have to fight past that. And what I'm hearing from you, Aisha, is that is a part of your journey, is your journey, your story as well, is you made a decision, not a feeling, but a decision that you weren't gonna let that hold you back. No, I don't belong in that box, and that's not where I'm sitting, right?

Aïcha Barry 17:24

Yes.

Fatima Bey 17:25

And I think that is awesome and a really awesome message. Um, everybody's story is gonna be different on how they healed, and yours is different than anybody else I've had on here, mostly anyway. Um, and that is that the spiritual aspect combining with actual healing. And I want to point that out for a couple different reasons. A lot of times, as we're both Christians, so as Christians, a lot of times people say, Jesus is all you need, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And they don't deal with the actual healing part or dealing with the spiritual healing and the spiritual and the emotional healing because both of those work together. It's not one or the other. You really honestly need both. And I love the fact that you bring, um, that you're bringing together the fact that you need both, because there's too many people in in in religious settings who say, well, you you just need, you just need the religion. That's all you need. You just need Jesus, you just need Allah, you just need religion. No, you don't. You need actual spiritual healing and then the emotional healing. When they're coupled together, you now have a superpower person who can get on here and talk about this stuff without crying, like Aisha is right now. There's many of you listening right now who cannot talk about it without crying because you haven't arrived there yet. Now we both want to see you get there. But I just want to point that out because I I just, it's just so important to point out that there's it's never just one thing alone. You have to have both. You can't just say all you need is religion and never go see a therapist or get some kind of therapy. Therapy comes in many forms, but you you've got to deal with the emotional aspect or it will still eat away at you. Say, let's say, let's say, Aisha, let's say you just kept going to church and going to Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, but you never actually forgave. How do you think that would have affected you?

Aïcha Barry 19:17

Oh no, it's a poison I was dying slowly inside because when you hold on to resentment and forgiveness, people are living in your head of entry. They've moved on from their wicked ways to other people. They have new targets and you know, they're preying on new people. They don't even think about you anymore. Meanwhile, you're rotting inside, and that shows up as anger. When the Lord showed me that I had anger in me, I'm like, how could I, Lord? And he showed me that what my anger could do. And that brought me to my knees and to tears because I'm like, this is not who I am. But life had hardened my heart. And I made that decision. I refuse to be what I have been through. I refuse to be defined by that. And the Lord told me, Aisha, because again, the perfectionist, I was always putting up that perfect persona, perfect marriage until it ended in divorce, person, perfect mom wearing my six inch eels, and people, you know, the problem when you put yourself on the pedestal, people keep you there. People would tell me, uh, I get my hair done that often. I'm like, what? Well, we went from that to the hair being completely shopped off. So you have to really be naked with yourself. You don't have to do that for the word, with yourself. Sit down with yourself and ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? What is triggering me? Why does what they're saying mean so much to me?

Fatima Bey 20:40

And those are questions that a healing person asks.

Aïcha Barry 20:43

Yes.

Fatima Bey 20:43

And those are good, healthy questions. And healing doesn't take place in five minutes in in like a seminar or a ceremony or uh a session, right?

Aïcha Barry 20:57

Yes.

Fatima Bey 20:58

Now, let me ask you this. Did you have anybody um that pastor handed you a Bible, but did you have other people around you that helped support your journey? Like, did you have people around you that um that helped to praise you when you're doing good, to help you feel good about yourself, to build your self-esteem and confidence?

Aïcha Barry 21:17

Yes, I would, the Lord would always send one or two men, two of his people, men or women of God, to confirm his word over my life. We'd be like, oh, you're on the bright path, you know, you are doing good. This is gonna bring fruit here and there, but there's not been anybody like consistently. My teacher is and will always remain the Holy Spirit, that nudging inside.

Fatima Bey 21:40

So, what I'm hearing from that, and the reason I'm asking you that is for the young Ayas that are out there right now, who are where you were.

Aïcha Barry 21:47

Yes.

Fatima Bey 21:48

And maybe they don't have people around them that they can confide in and trust. And what I like actually about your answer is that it wasn't just one person. And that's actually okay. Everybody's not gonna have the one person. That was consistently there their whole life. I mean, it's great if you can have that. But everybody's experience is not going to be like that. And the fact that you're able to heal and we can hear the healthier talking from you now, um, the fact that you're able to heal and you didn't have one consistent person that was your partner the whole time, that means that other people out there can do that too.

Aïcha Barry 22:22

You can do that too. So I put God to the test. When I went to that church where I was invited to, I heard somebody talking about an internship in my field of study. And I just said in my heart, you know, innocently, in my adolescent self, but I always believed, you know, before even before I was a Christian. I said, Lord, if you give me that internship, I will never stop serving you because I was working three jobs to put myself to college. And with the income of that internship, I was able to quit one job and only work two jobs. I'm like, Lord, if you make this happen, I will never ever stop serving you. I put him to the test early on in my faith, and that's when I found out I'm like, you know what? You're my friend. I'm gonna stick with you.

Fatima Bey 23:05

You know what? I I gotta be honest with you. I have heard so many stories

Forgiveness And Breaking Out Of Boxes

Fatima Bey 23:10

like that from people on this podcast, um, a few people on this podcast, actually, a few people in person, and a lot of famous people, quite a few famous people, who are just like, I made this promise to God, and then I got everything I'd asked for, and I'm still keeping my promise. I'm re-rewording all of it. But um, I absolutely love that. So, Aisha, what would you say to teens who feel like there's a problem, the problem child or the black sheep in their family, their own home? Everything we've been talking about. I want you to speak to the young Aishas who are where you were right now.

Aïcha Barry 23:44

You are so much uh you are you are so much worth what you're leaving behind because you cannot heal in the place that wounded you. You need this distance, whether it means emotional or physical, get away from that. You are not accepted, you are not valued because they have recognized something in you that you yourself might not recognize or acknowledge yet. For me, I have always had my gift of the prophetic, is the ability to see things past, present, or future. In dreams, I would see things, I would see things before they come to pass. And when I would bring that up to uh grown-ups, they would tell me, no, I don't think so. I think your mind is playing tricks on you. But behind my back, they would be like, How does she know these things? So I learned at the young age, make myself small, and kind of suffocated my gift. I kind of pushed my gift away because I'm like, no, I don't want to get in any more trouble, you know? But they see your light. You were born into that dark family, into that toxic family to be a beacon of light. Don't you stop shining because you are the one who's trusted to bring your whole lineage and bloodline out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Fatima Bey 24:53

Girl, I love you. I'm just saying. So I you that I just I don't even have anything to put on top of what you just said. I just think it was so incredibly power powerful what you just said. Um, and uh, they do have value. And I would love to see every single one of them get to a point where they actually believe it for themselves. Not just us telling them that, but for them to believe it for themselves. But unfortunately, we can't just like reach into everybody's home and magically make that happen. I try, but it doesn't work. So we all have to go on our own journeys to arrive, you know, where you are. And I just want to reiterate to the audience, to those listening, and especially if we're talking about you, Aisha's story is her version of how she did it. You'll hear other people's story, and it might not be like yours, and that's okay, but listen to the principles behind everything that she's saying. If she can do it, so can you. And there are those of us out there who actually do care. We want to help you, and some of you don't let us, and some of you just need to reach out to us once you see that we're a person who honors our word and we care. I mean, those are the things you need to look for. And when you see that, uh you know, reach out to us. We're willing to help you, even if it's only for a season. I mean, listen to what Aisha just said. It's only she had different people in different seasons of her life, but that works for a lot of us. It doesn't have to be one consistent person. So there are different ways for all of us to heal. And I don't always talk about the spiritual aspect on here a lot because everybody's got different beliefs, but it's important. Even if you're not a Christian, spirituality is a major part of who you are as a human. I don't care who you are. And so ignoring things doesn't make them better. And you know, it's like if you want to bake a cake, you need several ingredients. You can't just put flour and water together and call it cake. It'll be dough, but it won't be cake. You're gonna need sugar, you're gonna need bacon powder, you're gonna need uh flavor, you're gonna need eggs, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And when we only do one part of our healing, we can't wonder why we don't get a cake. We didn't add all the ingredients yet. I'm off my soapbox because I'll go on.

Aïcha Barry 27:24

I would like to add something else, Fatima. You know, it's not about us. We go through these the law, uh, we go through these experiences so that we can teach and lead the way and make it easier for others. So you have to say yes to your healing because people are always watching you for good or for bad. And they'll be the first one. The nonsayers, the critics will be the first to say, Yes, I knew him, I knew her when she was back. And then so you you owe it to yourself and the people that you are called to reach.

Fatima Bey 27:56

And we're not always excellent.

Aïcha Barry 27:59

Yeah, when we heal, we give others the permission to heal.

Fatima Bey 28:04

Yes, yes, so true. When people watch us, they people watch us and they are encouraged. And here's the thing: they may not say a word to you, but they're watching you and they see that you're dealing with it, they see the hurt and pain that you're still fighting through, that you're still working through, and that you're trying. And you have no idea how much that might mean to somebody around you who is this quietly discouraged, but quietly encouraged by watching you overcome. That is that is an excellent point, Aisha.

Advice For Teens And Closing Questions

Fatima Bey 28:35

So, Aisha, tell people uh more about what you do and where they can find you.

Aïcha Barry 28:40

So you can find me on my website, AishaBerrycoaching.com. My book is 2020 Vision, the perfect with fruitful dry fast. It's about the fast the Lord took me over to. And out of this fast, uh, the gift of healing was bestowed upon me. I would pray for people virtually and in person, and they will receive healing right away. So now I help born-again Christians just reconnect with God and find their true identity so they can let go of the lies and live in purpose.

Fatima Bey 29:11

I love it. So her information will be in the um description in the show notes, and all of you can find her there. Well, Aisha, thank you so so much for coming on. I really enjoy talking to you on and off air. Thank you. Thank you. And now for a mind-shifting moment. I want you to take a moment and ask yourself some questions. What is the narrative that you believe about yourself? Were you different growing up? Are you different now? You think there's something wrong with you or you're weird? Chances are there's a lot right with you that someone else just didn't get. I want you to take a moment and I want you to question the narrative that you have about yourself, meaning what you believe about yourself, how you see yourself. And for those listening who feel unworthy, it came from somewhere. You were not born unworthy, but somewhere along the way, you were made to feel that way, and eventually you believed it. So, what I want you to do is to question why do I believe that? Where did that come from? Because once you begin to answer that question, you can begin the journey of changing your narrative, changing how you see yourself, and dispensing or dismantling, dissolving, breaking apart the lies that you have been repeatedly told over and over again. Maybe you're not weird, maybe you're gifted, and those around you didn't recognize your gift. Maybe there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe there's something wrong with them. I really want you to think about it. You've been listening Mind Shift Power Podcast for complete show notes on this episode, and to join our global movement, find us at fatimabay.com. Until next time, always remember there's power in shifting your thinking.