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Fatima Bey. The MindShifter shifting minds all over the world.

Fatima Bey (00:12.046)

In this episode, I'm sitting down with doctor Kate Lund on the Resilient Parenting Podcast. We're pulling back the curtain on why our teens are actually shutting us out and why the perfect parent is a myth. Listen up.

Professional Male Voice Over (00:33.56)

Are you experiencing parenting burnout? Join Dr. Kate Lund on the Resilient Parenting Podcast. Discover how prioritizing your own well-being as a parent sets a raising resilient children. Dr. Kate provides expert advice and shares real life stories to help you find what works best within your unique parenting situation and rediscover self-love. Tune in and transform your parenting approach today.

Dr. Kate Lund (01:07.118)

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Resilient Parenting with Dr. Kate. I'm so glad you're here. So today we're super fortunate to have Fatima Bay, the mind shifter, with us. And I want to welcome you to the show, Fatima, and just ask you to give a bit of an overview of who you are and the work that you do, and then we'll jump into it.

Fatima Bey (01:29.614)

Well, hello everyone. I am, as she said, Fatima Bay, the mind shifter, and I'm a mind shift coach. what that means is I am not a life coach. I am not a therapist. I'm right in between. So there's a big gap between those two things that needs to be filled, and I'm here to fill it. And I one of the things that I focus on in all of the mind shifting that I do is teenagers and bridging the gaps between teens and the adults who work with them.

It's something that I'm very passionate about and understand a lot of. I have a lot of experience working with teens and children in general and working with schools, doing workshops, doing case management of teens, career development, anything having to do with youth, I've mostly done. And a lot of what I do, not everything I do is focused on teens, but a a lot of what I do, they have my heart. So a lot of what I do does tend to gravitate towards.

Dr. Kate Lund (02:24.47)

Amazing and I think such important work but I think the domain working with teens in this space is so vital because we have to help teenagers out there to see the possibilities on the other side of the challenges they're inevitably gonna face. I mean I have eighteen year old twin boys myself and so challenges come up here, right? And you know we

Fatima Bey (02:49.422)

That's a nice way to say it.

Dr. Kate Lund (02:52.942)

And we do spend time trying to, you know, navigate those challenges or help them to navigate those challenges, which let's face it, they need to navigate on their own at this point, right? Eighteen, moving into college, all of it. But things come up. So talk a little bit about a little bit more about that mind shift with teens who who are facing challenges.

Fatima Bey (03:15.054)

Well, let me start off with one of the things that I do as a mind shifter with any age, one of the first things I do, because I do individual coaching as well. I didn't mention my entire resume because you'd still be listening. So when I started, but when it comes to humans, regardless of any age, one of the first things we have to do is unlock are this generation that we're now that are teenagers now and young adults, and I would even say middle school, they are

facing challenges that those of us over 40 never had to face. In ways we never had to deal with. Sure they deal with peer pressure. All humans have dealt with peer pressure. Sure they deal with bullying. All most humans have dealt with bullying. Sure they do with people, adults trying to tell them what to do. We've all dealt with that, but not on the level that they are. We grew up on Earth with humans. They're growing up on another planet with robots. They're not the same.

And that affects how you develop your thinking, how you develop your mind. And I want to say this before you even ask because I think it's just vital and I wanna put it out there. One of the number one things that we need to do as adults when working with teens is to stop talking at them and start listening. Shut your trap and listen. Yes. We need to listen more. And it doesn't mean that we need to let them be disrespectful. And I'm saying all of that because some people will take it to the extreme when I say that. So I like to say it out loud.

We it doesn't mean that we need to le let them be disrespectful. It doesn't mean that we need to let them go on and on for 25 years. But we do need to take the time and actually listen to what we don't understand. And if you're over 40 and you think you understand the teenagers, unless you work directly with them like me, you're wrong. You don't. Take the time to listen to what you don't understand because you can't help them and you can't be there for them. And they're not going to listen to you until you listen first.

So as they're navigating all these challenges, as you said, Kate, they're going to college or trade school or gap year or going into entrepreneurship, whatever they are doing, they're doing it differently than we did for the most part. But it's not just that they're doing it differently as far as programs, but they're doing it differently culturally. They are more confused than we ever were on about 50 different levels. They have more information shoved down their throat and in their face.

Fatima Bey (05:39.648)

Than we did. And we already had a lot, but because no generation is perfect. But our teens today are not navigating the world the same way we did. And we need to listen to that to them to actually understand what they're going through. You know, I'm gonna use this as an example because I I know that most parents can relate to this. When it comes to teens who shut down, we don't always see it as shutting down, they get quiet.

They stop responding. They just go, mm, they don't say the word whatever because they want to be respectful, but they act like whatever. And that's because that's not always that's usually bad. It's not always because they're accepting what you're saying. It's because they're shutting you down and shutting you out. And that's the worst place for any of us to be.

Dr. Kate Lund (06:28.098)

Hundred percent. So really engaging with them in that authentic human way by listening first, which then creates that authentic connection.

Fatima Bey (06:38.348)

And listening first doesn't mean that you're not gonna end up telling them off. Listening first doesn't mean that you're not gonna be like, look, little girl, it doesn't mean any of that. Listening first means just what I said. Listening first. It doesn't mean that a speech doesn't come second. It doesn't mean because sometimes they're necessary. Most of the time they're actually not. It doesn't mean that, you know, other things aren't gonna be said because a lot of times what parents are saying, they're often right. You know, they're often right about what the kid should or shouldn't be doing. However,

What you say to them does not matter. Okay, I'll put it this way. If I shut the door and I can't hear you, it really doesn't matter what you're saying outside of it, does it? And this is what happens when we talk at our kids. We talk at our young adults or teenagers or adolescents. When we're talking at them, we have to listen to them and have a conversation. Just because what they're thinking is mad crazy and stupid, maybe they're just out of their mind and and what they're thinking is totally wrong. So it doesn't matter if it is.

You're not going to get them to see your side of things unless you have a conversation first. And having a conversation first doesn't mean that they're going to presto change you overnight because you didn't. Nobody most people don't, right? Most of us, I know I didn't. Most of us don't, you know, but and and I do understand it's difficult as a parent because some parents do realize that they don't understand the youth of today. That's a good thing because if you realize that you don't understand it, then you have the opportunity to try to understand.

Don't need to be perfect to do it. You just need to try. And some some kids will actually meet you halfway if you do that.

Dr. Kate Lund (08:10.976)

That is such a good point. This idea of slowing down, not trying to be perfect, just trying to understand. I think that's really important. And I think it's all very much complicated. You mentioned, you know, robots, AI, all of that. But this social media situation is really intensifying, I think, so much, the comparison trap for teenagers and how they view themselves in relation to others. What's your thought on that?

Fatima Bey (08:38.732)

Well, this is something I've actually talked about on Mind Shift Power Podcast on many episodes. When we use the term social media, we give out our age right then and there. You'll never hear a teenager say social media. Because to them it's not social media. It's like the blood running through their veins. It's the air they're breathing. It's part of their existence. They've grown up in an era where that's all they know is digital connection. We grew up human connection first. We learned digital later, you know?

So although I try to tell people I'm 25, I'm actually Gen X. I'm I'm I'm Gen X. So for us, we were the last generation of human contact before digital contact. So for us, you know, we learned social media later. I'm very well tuned to social media now. And honestly, the only reason I'm on social media now is because of my business. If it wasn't for that, the rest of y'all can just do I don't care.

But I am I just don't. I I'm on there because it's it's the best way to get your information out, to connect with people. It is today. But you know, when I was younger, it was the mall. I just gave away my age. But when it comes to social media, as adults, I mean as adults right now, we have to stop thinking of it as a separate thing. They don't think of it as a separate thing. We do.

That's adults talking. That's not the people who grew up with all that that's all they know. And they're like, What's wrong with these kids? They're so connected. What's wrong with them? You grown up, who taught them to be that way, duh? Like for real. We we want to blame the younger people for being the way they are, but they were born into what we created. They didn't create this world. They're only reacting to it. I mean, put that in your hat for a mind shift. Yeah.

Dr. Kate Lund (10:30.162)

That's a very, very good point. And they're reacting to it, but still that modulation has to come into play somewhere, right? Such that

Fatima Bey (10:40.45)

I totally agree. And hath here's the thing that's where us adults can help to take a turn. And I'll be honest with you, there are even some teenager young adults who agree with us that they're too digitally connected. But some of them actually literally don't know how to undo that. And that's where we have to come in and help them with that. And that's where we have to come in and help them with that. Not tell them what to do. That doesn't do anything. Partner with them.

Dr. Kate Lund (11:07.31)

Precisely partner with them. I love that because that's the thing. We lecture, and that's rarely, if ever, effective. So partner with them, think about other angles, other directions to still have social media be a piece of. Because of course, I mean, you know, again, I gave away my age by using that word social media, but the digital connection, it is a part of life. And that's that's my thought on the whole thing, really from

or an early age helping kids to modulate their use because it's gonna be a piece of their life and experience. Of course, it's a piece of our life and experience, but we also have to modulate, such that it doesn't overtake our life and experience.

Fatima Bey (11:50.328)

Wanna add something to that that I think is important, just as important to say. Absolutely, we do need to modulate, we do need to help them to have some balance. However, that does not mean we need to go to the extreme of saying you can't ever be on Instagram, you can't ever do this, you can't when you take things to the extreme, you now have an imbalance and everything's gonna tip over. Think about a teeter tatter.

A teeter totter has a balance. And the reason why it can go like this a little bit, it's still balanced, still good. But once you put too much weight on this side, the other side goes flying off, right? And sometimes our kids go flying off because we go to the extremes. I want to, for example, this is a big one. I want to protect my kids from everything. And loving, good parents will say that and they mean it. But the problem is I want to over shelter them. What happens when you overshelter a kid? The second they get out the house, they become the biggest hoe.

They become the biggest bully. They become the biggest jerk. Don't know how to handle money. They don't know how to do anything because you've babied them and sheltered them too much.

Dr. Kate Lund (12:56.236)

That is an extremely good point. And yes, we can't do that, right? We have to let our kids again from an early age learn to problem solve, grapple in a developmentally appropriate way with things that come up so that what you just said doesn't happen.

Fatima Bey (13:13.366)

add to that because I think this is an important next piece to to this part of the conversation. And I actually have I should mention I I also do an audio blog. It's called the Mind Shifter Audio Blog. And I have like 60 something of them so far, but I'll have a hundred soon. I'm not exaggerating. And they are all for me, except for two guest contributors that I had.

And I have one of them on I write them all myself and then I narrate them. So it with music, it's a whole audio experience. But one of them I have is called something about perfect, there's no such thing as a perfect parent or something like that. Parenting is something that is hard, but what a lot of parents don't realize is that when we're parents, and I this is somewhere in that article, we're not just there to develop our child, they're also there to develop.

Us and if we see things that way, it's a lot easier to not beat ourselves up. And I say that because I know there are so many parents who are listening right now that beat themselves up when they really shouldn't. They beat themselves up because they weren't perfect. They beat themselves up because they messed up with the first one, are doing better with the second. Welcome to being human. That is normal. That is normal.

Dr. Kate Lund (14:28.802)

To being he human because w there is no perfection. In parenting, in life, there's no perfection. So I I I think that's an excellent point. Very important.

Fatima Bey (14:32.758)

No there's

Fatima Bey (14:38.828)

Also, I was that was leading into this key point. One of the best ways to teach our children is to be honest about our own faults. You see, the child that respects their parent the most isn't the one who got everything that they wanted and was spoiled. Those kids end up disrespecting their parents nine times out of ten, actually. The one the parent who gets the most respect when the child hits maturity and recognizes what they're seeing is the mother who would not quit.

Regardless of what hit her in life. And she was honest and the kids watched her suffer. The kids watched her challenges, but they also watched her overcome it. The father who was beat down every day and still kept working hard and still kept teaching his kids and still kept providing and still kept whatever the challenges were, because we all have different challenges. When we do that as parents, it builds a respect for from our kids that may not we may not see it until later. And that actually matters because once maturity hits,

Their thinking changes. That's true with all of us because we're human. Once maturity hits, our our thinking changes. So some of the parents who try to hide, I don't want the kids to see me suffer. I want them to see me strong. I don't want them to worry. And 99% of the parents who say that are well intended and wholeheartedly mean it. However, it's one of the worst things you can do. Because when they don't see your struggles, then they don't know how to handle their struggles. Because guess what? No matter how much you try to shield and protect them, they're gonna have some.

Dr. Kate Lund (16:06.014)

Did you read my book Step Away that the resilient parenting? Because 'cause I

Fatima Bey (16:07.886)

Yeah, kill.

I I heard some of you talking, but no I didn't mean to

Dr. Kate Lund (16:13.678)

To tell you, that's that's I mean, spot on, like exactly what I believe and what I write about is this idea of not being afraid as parents to share the places that we've struggled with our kids in a developmentally appropriate way, of course. You know, our challenges, all of it, because if we don't, if our kids see us as some sort of perfect being who's never had a challenge, who's never fallen down, they're they're not gonna be well equipped to handle their own challenges.

They're not gonna understand the challenge is inevitable and that we need to be able to navigate it, get back up when we're knocked down and move forward. So I absolutely love that. Love that point.

Fatima Bey (16:55.906)

I wanna I wanna go a little deeper on what you just said, a little bit deeper into that. Part of being ready, because you said being ready to handle challenges. The other f side of the coin to that, when we don't teach when we don't let our kids see our weaknesses, but also see our how we overcame and how we overcome and how we're able to meet the challenges, what it also teaches our kids unintentionally is that they're not good enough. Well, mom didn't have this problem.

So it must be me. No. Mom had that problem. She just hid it from you. She she had those conversations while you were at school. She yelled around the house screaming like a maniac when nobody was there. Those are the things that they didn't see. They didn't know about those challenges. They didn't know that she just merely escaped her life from a date that she was on. But she's not gonna tell you about it. Because she doesn't want you to be scared of going on dates. But at the on at the same time, if you tell your child about it, they might be more cautious going on dates, which is not a bad thing. But they'll also see, wow, my mom is strong.

Wait, if she can overcome it, so this is how you overcome when this happens. And if they're not, if we're not doing that, when those challenges hit, because I don't care who you are, what you do, they will hit as long as they're living on earth. When those challenges hit, they won't be prepared to handle them. But they will know how to handle it because they watch you handle it. And that is such a big deal. And again, going back to the self esteem piece, a lot of parents unintentionally, because they're trying to protect their child.

actually produce low self-esteem for their children. That's an old-fashioned word. We say self-worth now, but I still say low self-esteem because I'm from the 80s. So but we accidentally produce that by not showing our weaknesses and therefore unintentionally telling them that their weaknesses are bad and that they're wrong and there's something wrong with them. And if they see they go through a struggle and they know that auntie went through this, brother went through this.

grandfather with it this whoever, then they know that they're not alone in their struggle. And all of this perfection that we try to, this goes beyond parenting, but all of these perfect images that we try to present, they're doing more damage than we realize. You know, we're going back to social media, the the highlight reel, so to speak. It's a term I use a lot. The highlight reel of, we went to Disney World and everything was so great. And

Fatima Bey (19:16.928)

I got the love of my life and he buys me flowers. But you don't tell him about all the crap you went through before those pictures and all the crap you went through after the pictures. They don't tell you all that. Who's gonna tell you that? Because that doesn't look good.

Dr. Kate Lund (19:28.692)

Hugely important point, right? Because it is. It's on social media. It's a lot of the the highlight reels that we're seeing and we're not seeing all the chaos and all of what's going on beneath the surface. Yeah. All of us, I can promise you, there's plenty beneath the surface that's not appearing in those highlight reels. So helping our kids, helping our teens to understand that reality, I think is very, very important.

Fatima Bey (19:53.922)

Yes. Helping them to understand that and how you understand that is isn't lectures. It's conversations. Conversations. And don't tell them don't smoke weed. I was a perfect little child. I would I didn't screw anybody or do we lie and tell the truth. Because you know what? That truth will help develop them and help actually to mature them. Not to go out and do the same thing that you did if it was bad or wrong, because we've all done that, right? But

Dr. Kate Lund (19:59.896)

It's not

Fatima Bey (20:22.912)

Just be just that honesty allows for dialogue. But here's the other key why key reason why the honesty is so important. When we're not honest with our kids, they know you're lying. You could try to pretend all day and night they are not stupid. Unless you know they're stupid. Okay. But most are not stupid. They know they know you're lying. They know you're avoiding something. They also know your personality. So they know when you're avoiding something. You're also teaching them to not come to you when there's a problem. Number one reason why.

Molestation and incest goes on is that reason right there. Secrets and the feeling like they can't come to you because you're going to dismiss it, because you're not going to believe them, or most importantly, they can't talk to you. When they can't talk to you as a parent, there are a plethora of problems you will never know about. Because and the problem with that, if they're not talking to you, who are they talking to? If they're not talking to anybody, they're cutting themselves, they're cut they're

having suicidal audiation, they're doing other sleeping around with many women or many men to damage themselves. They're doing other things that are self damaging. But also if they're not talking to you, who are they talking to? The pimps and hoes down the street. That's who they're talking to. They're not talking to you. They're talking to Uncle Bobo down the street who molests every child that comes near him. That's who they're talking to. Is that what the influence you want? And I know that sounds harsh.

Dr. Kate Lund (21:46.494)

So starting early with that authentic human connection, building the dialogue, building the openness such that your child and and sharing your own challenges so that your child will come to you. And that builds over time. Because as you say, I mean it's it's vital that we have that open line of communication without lecturing, without the prescription of how things should happen. How we want to really understand their experience.

such that they can build from there. Just curious what your advice, what your thought is on how we can help our teens to really optimize their own sense of well being within their own unique context, sort of from the inside out.

Fatima Bey (22:28.014)

Well, first of all, that's the real response is an entire book, but because I can say a lot of things. But I'll just focus on two main things. The one thing I already said, number one thing first, listen. Because you could be talking to them over here when in fact mentally they're over here. Don't assume you know where they are. Talk listen first and then meet them where they are. Don't meet them

In a concept or an idea you read in a book. If that's not where they are, it really doesn't matter. I can get a map from here to California, but if you are in Florida, that map is not very useful. So stop reading all the books and listen to all the lectures and experts without the context of where your your your child actually is. So listen first. Get them to a point where they're actually willing to be open with you. That's the hardest challenge.

And that comes with you have to really honestly start when they're young. And maybe they're older now and it's it's like too late. You can't go back to when they're four. They've already developed this relationship where they know they can't talk to you. I will tell you that it's not too late to start that. I experienced it myself. I understand it. It's not too late to start it. It is harder the older they get, but you have to be as persistent to get the as persistent to get there as you were to lecture them.

The it starts with a conversation. So it starts with being able to have real conversations. Let me re-reword that. It starts with them being able to have real conversations, but the number one piece of that is listening first. And number two is get them to the point where they're willing to be open to you because you're not going to immediately react. One of the worst things you could do, and this is what a lot of parents do, and and it's it's understandable as parents, especially when you care about your child, which you know, every good parent does. So well, I did XYZ. What?

When we react that way, why would anybody come back and tell you anything? Exactly.

Dr. Kate Lund (24:26.27)

So we would work to respond, take a step back, gain a little bit of space and perspective such that you can respond, as opposed to react when perhaps they present something that might not be might not have been the best choice, but we're all gonna make choices which aren't perhaps the best at some point.

Fatima Bey (24:45.23)

Yes. But that's the thing, we all are. And the hardest part is sometimes you want to be like, little girl, I told you. You want to smack some sense into their head. Like if I hit you hard enough, will the brain start working? Like that's how I'm not saying that you should do that, but I'm saying that's how people feel sometimes as parents. And it's totally understandable. It's totally reasonable to feel that way. But at the end of the day, what's more important? Your emotions in the moment? And expressing those emotions? Or is it more important to actually reach your child? That

Is the what the question you have to ask yourself when you're in that moment and you want to give the lectures like how many times have I told you? If you find yourself saying how many times have I told you, that means that the listening wasn't happening. Sometimes the listening wasn't happening because you're lecturing too much. Sometimes you're not you're not doing anything wrong. Listening wasn't happening because they ain't ready to listen yet. And unfortunately, and this is not something people want to hear, the stronger willed the child, the stronger willed you have to be to get them in the right direction.

Because they're not going to just listen. Some of us need to have experiences before we believe. We want ki we want perfect kids that just listen to what we say and follow. But that's not what most humans do. There are people that like that are like that. And those are the easy kids. And they do exist. But the stronger the will of the child, the stronger the will of the parent has to be to override that, to get them to learn the right lesson, to get them to number actually, let me say this. Listen first.

But this is a key element that most people just kind of glaze over. Do your kids respect you? Because here's the thing. If they respect you, I don't mean are they perfect. I don't mean do they never get an attitude. Because even if you respect your parent, you're gonna get attitude. I don't I don't mean that. I mean do they actually respect you? Because if they respect you, that has more power than any of your words alone. And this is not just true with parenting, it's true with humans. Respect isn't one of most powerful tools that you can use.

to affect people. And this is why listening to them is important because it shows that you respect their opinions. When you act like their thoughts are stupid, well now you're stupid and I'm not listening to you. That's the attitude that you're going to get. They may not say those words out their mouth because they want to be respectful, but that's what they're thinking. And and the the thing is is that do they respect you? Because if the answer is no, let's work on that. It's not impossible to reverse that. It really isn't.

Fatima Bey (27:10.38)

But do they not respect you because they watch your mom and they watched every man you're with disrespect you? Do they not respect you because you say you're gonna do things you don't do them? Do they not respect you because you're constantly lying to people on the phone and gossiping? Do they not respect you before because of XYZ and I can go on and on and on? Do they respect you? Because if you work on that, everything else is less hard. I didn't say it's easy, but everything else is less hard. Yes.

Dr. Kate Lund (27:35.086)

That is an excellent point. Less hard, right? Because it's never gonna be easy. No. It's really never gonna be easy in life, but we want to give our teenagers, give us as parents the best possible chance to maximize our potential within our own unique context, see the possibilities on the other ch side of challenges and move forward to the best of our ability. That's really, really what I'm hearing here. And I think

Your insight into all of this is is really gold. and I think gonna help a lot of my my listeners sort of frame I hope so what's happening out there with themselves as well as their kids and particularly within the context of that relationship, 'cause that's really where the power is, right? Our relationship that we're having with our kids and how we're building that over time.

Fatima Bey (28:24.28)

And I will add one of the reasons why I know some of the stuff is because I directly work with teens and I actually listen. So I hear some of the frustrations. I just hear a lot, but I also understand when you're a parent and you love your kid more than life itself and you want the best for them. And maybe you didn't have the right upbringing. And that's something that's hard to admit sometimes. Maybe you weren't taught some of the right things. But I have also learned that even if you weren't taught everything, there's no such thing as a perfect parent. So

Maybe you had great parents, but they weren't perfect. So they didn't teach you how to say, I love you. They didn't teach you how to communicate better. They didn't teach you how to whatever the issues are. Doesn't mean that you can't learn. And it doesn't mean that you can't start to implement them now. But don't ex and I want to emphasize this again. Do not expect perfection from yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself because you tried to do things right and you still messed up. That makes you a normal human being.

The ones we have to worry about are the ones who don't care whether they mess up their children. Those are the ones that we need to be smacking upside the head. No, no violence. I'm just kidding. But but you know, the ones that we want to do that to. but I also I want to really, really emphasize to parents listening, for those of you who are probably listening to this because you are a caring parent, you wouldn't be listening to parent podcasts if you didn't care. You're listening to this right now because you actually care. Do not beat yourself up because you're not perfect. Learn.

From the things that work, the things that don't work, and move on and do better next season, next incident, next whatever. But the last thing I want any of you to do is beat yourselves up for not being a perfect parent because you're grasping at air. You're never gonna be perfect. But what you can be is strong and good, and your kids can still learn from you. The ones when you go to church and you look at let's say a speech at the White House or a college.

The ones who are like, I remember my mom taught me this, my uncle taught me that, but blah, blah, blah. It's always something that they did wrong and they could there was a shift in that moment, whatever the incident was, they learned. And it's never because the parent was perfect. Exactly. You never hear a story of a parent that was perfect and they're Mike Miller was just so perfect. And I learned they learned some words of wisdom from their mother, their father, their grandma, whoever. But it's usually because they went through something to learn that lesson. That's the imperfect part. Right. So

Dr. Kate Lund (30:43.182)

Precisely because imperfection, I mean, that's what it is. I mean, there's no such thing as perfect and we need to really just be focused on doing the best we can and helping our kids to do the same and seeing that as okay, normal. You know, normalizing the fact that there is no perfection, I think is really, really important.

Fatima Bey (31:03.072)

Normalizing it but giving it some balance where to the point where and I have to say this because of how imbalanced people are. Normalizing it does not mean that I tried for thirty seconds, so now I'm done, I'm gonna eat some pizza now. That's not normalizing it and that's not what Kate means. Normalizing means like it's okay that you're not perfect. But it doesn't it also doesn't mean that you don't keep trying. Trying effort has to continue.

Dr. Kate Lund (31:23.694)

Exactly. You gotta keep a hundred percent. So Fatima, this is just amazing stuff and unfortunately we need to think about wrapping it up here. How can my listeners get in touch with you, learn more, all that good stuff?

Fatima Bey (31:34.413)

No.

Fatima Bey (31:41.036)

Well, it's just simply my name, Fatima Bey.com, F-A-T-I-M-A-B-E-Y dot com. I have Mind Shift Power Podcast, which you'll find on there, which is the international podcast for teens, the only one like it in the world, literally. the mind shifter audio blog is on there as well. and they're all between two and eleven or thirteen minutes, I think is the longest one. They're mostly between five and seven minutes. So they're just quick things that you can list to that give you a mind shift.

That is not focused on teens, although there's some teen stuff in there. It's focused on mostly adults. And then I have a couple there for parents. And I'll I'm gonna have some more coming up for parents as well. Cause, you know, parents need that refreshing too. And then I have Fatima Bay, the mind shifter guesting, which this episode will be on. So every time I'm gonna guest on someone else's show, television, speech, whatever, it gets put into one podcast so you can hear me speak all in one place. because this content is actually different than my own content. I find myself saying things here that I don't say in my own content.

So there's that. You can follow me on social media and all the other stuff that I do. I also speak at high schools and do workshops and I'll get in be getting into colleges soon as well.

Dr. Kate Lund (32:49.998)

Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you so much again for joining us. This has been great.

Professional Male Voice Over (32:54.402)

Thank you for joining Dr. Kate Lund on Resilient Parenting. We hope you found valuable insights and tools to help you on your parenting journey. Remember, you can find more resources and connect with Dr. Kate at Katelundspeaks.com. We appreciate you listening and look forward to having you back for the next episode.

Fatima Bey (33:20.448)

And now for a mind shifting moment.

I want to reiterate something. Parents, one of the most important things that you can do for your child, for your relationship with them, and for their betterment is to listen. As I record this, it's twenty twenty six. Our kids, and yes the teenagers too, are living in a world that we never had to grow up in.

They are dealing with stuff that you don't even understand. You think you understand, but you don't. The only way you can understand is if you listen. Even if you think they're crazy, even if you think what they have to say makes no sense whatsoever, and you might be right, but you still need to meet them at their crazy. You can't get them to sing if you can't even meet them at their crazy.

Our kids are hurting and they need someone that they can talk to. And why shouldn't it be you? Because I promise you, if they're not talking to you, they're talking to someone who does not care like you do, and who's gonna make all the wrong deposits into their minds and their souls. So please, before you scold, before you lecture, before you tell them how stupid they are, and blah blah blah.

Take the time to listen first. A parent who listens first has a greater chance of actually reaching their teen. Something to think about.

Music (35:08.99)

The MindShifter, shifting minds all over the world.