Tolerance

The Trash Can Principle: When Tolerance Goes Too Far

Understanding the Tolerance Triangle

In this article I'm going to talk about this subject from different perspectives. This will help to give you some balanced thinking the next time you hear this word so that you can rightly apply it and make wise decisions.

The definition for tolerance is: the ability, willingness or capacity to endure continued subjection to something.

Conflating Concepts: A Modern Misunderstanding

Let's talk about the different ways in which this word is applied in our society. In today's American culture, this word is often used interchangeably with acceptance and inclusion. We should be accepting of people who are different from us. This is a good thing when traditionally marginalized communities are accepted or included in areas that they have been, in practice, excluded.

Words Matter: Defining Our Terms

Now, let's take a look at the definition of tolerance again. When you tolerate something you are enduring something that you are choosing to subject yourself to. Endure means to suffer, something painful or difficult, patiently. In other words, it means to stay on course no matter how difficult it is.

The definition of acceptance: the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.

The definition of inclusion: the practice or policy of providing equal access to opportunities and resources for people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized.

Wisdom Before Openness: Finding Balance

As you can see, tolerance, acceptance, and inclusion are three different things. While being accepting and inclusive can be a good thing, it can also be a bad thing when there is no wisdom applied. It must be looked at from a balanced perspective. Sometimes in an effort to be accepting and inclusive, we tolerate things that we shouldn't.

Only Trash Cans Accept Everything

Think about it this way: only a trash can accepts everything. You are not built to be a trash can. You should not just allow people to dump in your life. Let's say you have a friend named Sally. She is a negative gossip. 90% of what comes out of her mouth is negative or gossip. You try to be accepting of other people so you allow her in your ear and try to include her in personal activities. What you are really doing is allowing her to dump in your ear and on your spirit. Don't think for one second that this does not have an effect on you. It definitely does! When we allow others to dump in our lives, we end up enduring what we should not and become too weighed down to function at our best. How in the world are you supposed to be your best self when you are carrying around trash that's not yours? Are you allowing others to dump their garbage in your life? Are you letting someone use you instead of taking care of their issues themselves? What are you tolerating in your life that is holding you back? Yes, I just ask a bunch of questions in a row. I want you to take these questions and begin to examine different parts of your life, in both personal and professional areas. As you do, you may start to recognize where you need to practice some exclusion in order to not be a trash receptacle.